I know I said two weeks between updates, but I wanted to put this short one together for a bit of fun. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Special Agent Seeley Booth mentally groaned as he pulled into the parking lot of the Jeffersonian and saw the entire Squint Squad, minus Cam, right there looking as if they'd been there for a couple of hours already. Leave it to the Squints to believe that 0700 in fact meant 0500. As it was it was 0600 and Bones had called him at 0500 on the freaking dot asking him why he wasn't there to pick them up. As a result, Seeley Boy was not in a good mood. He slammed on the brakes and got out, rounding the side of the SUV and faced the Squints. He looked at the damn mountain of luggage that Bones and Angela had and groaned. At least the two numb nuts beside them knew the meaning of packing light. Hodgins had one small suitcase and a suit bag, obviously for something appropriate to wear on Christmas Day for Church. Zack had a couple of reasonable sized duffel bags with him.
"You two," he said pointing to Hodgins and Zack. "Don't just stand there. Get all the luggage in the back of the SUV." He paused. "NOW!" he bellowed when they didn't move.
"You don't have to shout, Booth," Bones said with a smirk.
"Bones, I was planning on getting out of bed like a good little boy, tossing my stuff in the SUV and after a quick shower and shave get over here fashionably late by, oh, let's say thirty minutes," he deadpanned. "Imagine my surprise when I get woken up at 0500 in the freaking morning wondering what the Hell is going on when we aren't even scheduled to leave until Oh SEVEN Hundred. So forgive me if I'm not in the best of moods."
"We just wanted an early start, Agent Booth," Zack said, though a bit nervous at the angry glare that was shot his way.
"And 0700 isn't early?" Booth asked incredulously.
"I'm with you, Dude," Hodgins interjected, hoping to score some points. "Zackman woke me up at 3AM!"
"Enough!" Booth said finally. "Now. Here are the rules. One, and only one, Christmas song, or any song, for that matter, per hour. Two, if you annoy me, I will not be pleased. Three, look at the guy next to you Hodgins and Zack. See this?" he asked as he pulled out an issue stun gun, the kind that shoots out the two electrodes. "If either of you two annoys me, the other one gets a few thousand volts right in the family jewels."
Hodgins turned to Zack. "If I end this trip unable to have kids I will castrate you with a rusty blade," he said with some real vehemence. He knew full well who would be writhing and convulsing in excruciating pain in the SUV given Zack's penchant for annoying Booth.
"And Angela, no talk about sex or anything sexual in any way shape or form," he told the very extroverted artist.
"Or you'll what?" Angela taunted, a wicked gleam of mischief in her eyes.
"I'll make sure you room with Zack at his parents home," Booth said smugly. The look of horror on her face was reward enough.
"Are there any rules for me I should know about?" Bones asked curiously.
"No talk about urges, biological imperatives, or anything related to sex, Bones, just like Angela," Booth decreed. "Now let's load up and hit the road, people!"
Four hours later Booth was ready to kill someone, anyone. They had followed his rules on the songs. The only thing was they chose that old favorite, one that he now hated with a passion, "One Hundred Bottles of Beer On The Wall". That left about 5-10 minutes, if he was very lucky, between each rendition. The Booze Hound Trio, as he now called the three in the back, were winding up for the next rendition and his knuckles were clenching the steering wheel tightly.
"Is it really that bad, Booth," Bones asked quietly
"I'm about to pull out the stun gun and use it on all three, Bones," he replied through clenched teeth. "Does that answer the question?"
Bones did the only thing she could, though she wasn't really minding it at all given her views about how she wanted this trip to go with him. She calmly, and discreetly, moved her left hand onto his right thigh and began to lightly caress his strong muscular leg, letting her hand get closer and closer to the increasing bulge in his pants that formed when she put her hand on his leg.
Booth about had a heart attack. Bones could not be doing this now. No way. With all of the Squints in the back seat?
"Bones!" he hissed quietly. "Remember the rules!" He looked in the rear view mirror and was pleased no one seemed to know what was going on.
"Have I said anything sexual?" Bones asked innocently, though she let her hand brush against the bulge for a second and enjoyed the look on Booth's face, a single bead of sweat forming on his forehead.
"No," he allowed, but began reciting the names of every Saint who ever lived for help. It was a lost cause, though. The Saints had nothing on the power of Bones.
"Then just enjoy it," Bones smiled, still looking out the front windshield at the passing scenery. It was right then that the three in the back began a new rendition of what had to be their favorite song. When they did, she let her hand close on the bulge, which she began lightly massaging with her hand, loving the feel of him in her palm. If nothing else, this would send blatant signals as to how she expected to spend at last part of their holiday vacation.
Booth silently ground his teeth while the Booze Hound Trio sang their song. He had only one hope. That was that he wouldn't embarrass himself by exploding in his pants like some horn dog teenage who was finally getting some action. For that, either Hodgins or Addy, possibly both, would be getting the old stun gun in the nads for sure!
A/N: Like I said, a short one to have some fun. It will be a few days or so until the next update on this story, but the next chapter is still in the car when Zack hands out room assignments for when they get to his parents house. Needless to say, Booth won't be too pleased. Gregg.