Title: Dismantle/Repair
Author: WtUnite [Chedders/Jess]
Rating: T
Pairing: Gibbs/Ziva
Status: 2/13
Category/Warnings: Established Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Spoilers: General Spoilers for all 7 seasons, roughly.
Summary: Ziva and Gibbs deal with a traumatic incident, only to rebuild a life together.
A/N: Something other than RI, aren't you guys surprised? We're been working on this since we last posted an update to The Unwinding Cable Car. We wanted a break from Rizzoli & Isles and decided to branch out into other couples. Slightly OOC at times because we've never written this couple, and because the whole concept is somewhat AU. Please enjoy.

It was not the first time since returning to Gibbs' house that Ziva extricated herself from a cocoon of blankets. But it was the first time without the goal being the bathroom or kitchen. Her movements were more careful than usual but she was too proud and too stubborn to ask for help. It did not take her too long to reach the door to the basement, where she leaned, content to watch Gibbs in his sanctuary.

He wasn't working on another boat. Instead, he was throwing himself into making a dresser which was almost halfway done. After the first night back home with Ziva, he hadn't been able to sleep. Gibbs was caught up in thinking about babies and the miscarriage and Kelly and Ziva. His mind wouldn't shut down, and so he came to the basement to work for hours, using his hands to distract his mind. Not even glancing away from his project, he reached for his coffee cup full of bourbon.

"You feelin' okay?" he asked after taking a drink, wanting to look up at her, but forcing himself not to.

Making a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat Ziva shrugged. In all honesty she didn't know what she felt. She had never thought about having children, most of her life it had never been a possibility, but now it almost felt like a personal failure. "I think I want to go back to work…on Monday," she said, sitting on the top step. Ziva could not be bothered to remember what day it was but Monday seemed like a good goal.

Putting down the bourbon, and the sand paper, Gibbs walked up the stairs until he could sit on the one right below hers. He didn't touch her or invade her space, he just kept close. "You sure you're ready?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. Gibbs was concerned about more than just her health. He knew that Tony would ask questions, but the rest were smart enough not too. He was pretty sure that Ducky and Abby already knew, and he wouldn't be surprise if both Vance and Tim had the right idea.

"Better than the alternative." She felt…better. But at least she was feeling something. The past few days Ziva had felt numb. It was not the remnants of the surgery, just all encompassing numbness. Now that the numbness was fading Ziva was feeling angry and sad and disappointed. It would be best to push the feelings away and move on.

Ziva had never talked children with Gibbs. He knew she took birth control. They used a condom, most of the time. And now that the perfect opportunity to talk about it was there neither one knew what to say.

"Ziva." It was the same no nonsense voice he used at work on Tony when the younger agent got out of hand. With Ziva, it was different. He knew what she was doing. Hell, it was the same thing he had done for years before anyone found out about Shannon and Kelly. Glancing up and over, he looked at her for a moment. His eyes were darker than normal, the same color they had been almost continuously since the moment he heard the word 'miscarriage'.

"Do you want to tell them?"

It wasn't what he had planned to say, but it was something. Maybe she would be able to deal with this better if she had other people to talk to. People besides him.

"Are you sure they do not already know? I would doubt their skill at investigating if they did not have a clue." That was probably the most words she had strung together since being in the hospital. It felt almost normal. Ziva might not feel much of anything at the moment but she was a consummate actress and could certainly seem normal. Without preamble Ziva slid down a step to sit next to Gibbs and leaned her head on his shoulder, taking strength from him to make up for her own deficit.

Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, Gibbs relaxed slightly as he looked down at her. It was good to hear her talking so much. The almost silence had been driving him a little crazy, which was odd. He usually didn't mind the almost silent nature of their relationship sometimes, but this was different. It had been almost painfully uncomfortable the last few days.

"Duck and Abs probably know. McGee and Vance will have their ideas. Tony will ask stupid questions," he stated it all without pause, knowing that it would probably be just that way. He knew his entire team well. Glancing down at Ziva again, he pulled her closer to his side.

"And you'll pretend that you're fine, even when you're not."

'When are Tony's questions not stupid?' Ziva wanted to ask, but could not find it in herself to make even a lame joke at her partner's expense. Dinozzo would be worried, they all would. The sooner she went back to work, even if she left their colleagues in the dark about the situation, the sooner they would stop worrying. Then it would only be Gibbs worrying, but he would always worry.

"If I pretend to be fine and no one believes, why do I pretend? Very much like 'does a tree fall when no one can see it.'"

"Does a tree make a sound when no one can hear it, Ziva," he corrected lightly, not really caring, but doing it anyways. His free hand grabbed one of hers in the silence that followed his statement. He wondered when things would go back to normal. He wondered when Ziva would be able to smile and actually mean it.

"I should've been more careful." he offered after a moment. The same words he had been thinking since watching the doctor sedate her for a procedure that she shouldn't have to have had. Gibbs wondered if it had happened on a day where he didn't push the issue of a condom, or if it happened when they were busy and he hadn't asked about her birth control.

Ziva shrugged. She was not very interested in learning the correct English colloquialisms at the moment. She very much wanted to absolve Gibbs of the guilt he was feeling. The right sentimental words escaped her but facts were well within her grasp. "Did you know that birth control is only 99% effective when taken at a regular time of day? With variation effectiveness becomes only about 50%."

Shifting around, being careful not to cause her any pain, Gibbs moved until he was on the top step with Ziva situated between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her, keeping her body against his. Pressing his lips to the top of her head, he stayed like that for a moment. Just breathing her in and trying to relax. "That what the doctor tell ya?" he asked after a moment, tightening his arms around her a little.

For the first time in about a week Ziva allowed herself to fully relax. There was no one else that Ziva would want to help her pick up the pieces of their shattered complacency. "He did. Though I should have known. I should know every detail about a medicine I put in to my body every day." She was not angry at the oversight but at discovering a new want just as it is being taken away.

"It won't happen again," he stated firmly, pulling her closer. Gibbs was determined to make sure that she never had to go through anything like that again. Their job was painful enough sometimes without the added ups and downs of a personal life. Leroy Jethro Gibbs would do everything to make sure he did not get Ziva David pregnant again. Even if it meant no more unplanned sex while on trips or always using a condom even while she was on birth control.

This, then, was why they had never talked children. Gibbs didn't want children. Ziva understood, what with the loss of Shannon and Kelly it was not surprising. He wanted to honor the family he had. It was understandable and commendable but it also made a small part of Ziva hurt. Hurt for the child she had not known she wanted and now would not have. "It will not happen," she repeated, sounding sadder than she meant to.

"Hey," he said softly, shifting until he could tilt her head back just a little. The expression on her face almost matched the voice he had heard just a second ago, and it made his heart clench for just a moment. Even though he had married three times after losing Shannon and Kelly, he had never approached the topic of kids. He had been very careful with all of his wives, and all of his girlfriends. Then there was Ziva David. The one that could make him smile more often than anyone else. The woman that was so much apart of him after only a year together that he didn't really want anything else. Ziva was different.

Ziva was like Shannon.

Kissing her forehead, he tightened his arm around her shoulders. "Talk to me," he commanded gruffly.

This was out of Ziva's comfort zone. She was raised around men and primarily by a man whose approval she sought. With a gun or knife or even her bare hands Ziva was a lethal weapon, she could banter with Tony until he blushed, but talking was not within her plethora of skills. But the tone of voice Gibbs used spurred her in to action. With a deep sigh Ziva attempted an explanation. "It was never an option in Mossad but I am not Mossad. I never considered it an option."

For a moment Ziva collected her thoughts and emotions before continuing. "To then realize the option as it is being taken away…"

"… do you want a baby, Ziva?"

If he was honest, Gibbs had never thought of children with Ziva. Not until she informed him that she was having a miscarriage. Not until the doctor sedated her. Not until he laid beside her at night and wondered what could have been. Now, if he closed his eyes, he could see them with a little girl or boy. A child with the same dark skin as her. Perhaps with his blue eyes. He could see it now, but he didn't know if he wanted it. He didn't know if he could do it, but for Ziva… if she wanted it then he would want it to. Or at least, he would try.

Did she want a baby? At the moment yes, more than anything. But that could be hormones and the current situation. She hadn't grown up playing with dolls or playing pretend about a future family. She grew up with battleship and toys that geared her towards the life that her father planned for her. Right now she might want a baby but would she be at all prepared to care for one?

"I cannot be sure."

Sighing, he rested his chin on the top of her head, wishing that they didn't have to have this conversation. Wishing that the last few days had been different. He should've known that she was pregnant. He should've seen the difference, as he had the first time. He should have, but hadn't. Now, they were sitting on the cold stairs leading down to his basement with nothing between them but uncertainty and silence.

"It doesn't have to be now- hell, it doesn't have to be anytime in the near future, but if this is what you want, Ziva… if you want a kid and a white fence and a porch swing… we'll do something about it."

Even when Ziva did not understand her own feelings Gibbs somehow did. "We will talk about it again. I love you."