This is the sequel to Guided Missile, because I know you all wanted one so badly.
Steve signs himself out of hospital
Danny cares for him. They get closer
H50H50h50
Danny woke with a gasp, uncomfortable and disorientated. He'd been dreaming, he knew he had been, but the details completely disappeared with waking, leaving him with only a feeling of dreadful loss and emptiness. He woke with eyes full of tears and a sob in his throat.
Shit.
He took a minute to orientate himself. He wasn't in his bed. He'd fallen asleep on McGarrett's lumpy sofa, the TV still flickering away in front of him. He huffed a sigh and sat up, stretching out, trying to get rid of the kinks, trying to chase down what had happened in his dream, even as he didn't really want to know. He felt like he'd lost everything he held dear and he actually took a moment to remember that everyone he loved was actually alive and most of them were well. He pressed his hands into the small of his back and groaned. Damn it. He had actually intended to sleep in the spare bed but somehow he'd never actually got there.
A small sound caught his ear and he realised that it wasn't the dream that had woken him. 'Steve?' He heard it again, a whimper, barely audible, upstairs.
'Shit.'
He was up the stairs and at Steve's bedroom door before he even thought about it. If he had stopped to think about it he might have taken a more cautious approach because, after all, this was Steve and suddenly appearing in his bedroom doorway in the middle of the night was likely to end up with guns or knives or Ninja throwing stars involved.
'I need more sleep,' Danny muttered as his mind went bizarre places.
Steve was lying on his side, curled around the dressing low on his belly restless but out cold. The tangle of sheets around his legs suggested he'd been restless for a while. He made a distressed noise; his head tossing on the pillow, tightening more into the pretzel shape Danny had last seen him doing on Hesse's super yacht when he collapsed.
'Oh babe,' Danny sighed, moving instinctively towards the bed. The glowing numerals on the clock radio showed 3:11. 'Steve?' Damn, Danny had intended to wake him at 1am to give him another pain pill. He hadn't meant to fall asleep himself. He screwed the heels of his hands into his eyes. If he'd known Steve was going to sign himself out of hospital AMA he wouldn't have agreed to doing the stake out he'd been on till 5 this morning. Or was that yesterday morning now?
Steve had been in hospital for three days by then. The doctors weren't even talking about discharge. Danny should have been fine to be getting on with work as usual. He'd been home and in bed for less than three hours when a nurse rang him. She thought he ought to know, and when had the world decided that Danny Williams was in charge of care and maintenance of Steve McGarrett, that Steve had removed himself from their care. The doctor had decided his partner no longer needed IV antibiotics and Steve, who was still actually very ill, had decided he'd no longer needed to stay. He'd had enough of hospitals and signed himself out. The fact that he was still spiking a fever every afternoon, and that he couldn't hold down solid food didn't seem to matter at all.
Exhaustion ratcheted up Danny's fury. He was going to ream the stupid, dumb-ass, hero-complex, asshole a new one. He found his partner at the hospital cab stand, the pieces of paper with his prescription and discharge instructions clutched in his hand. 'Jesus Christ McGarrett.'
Puppy dog eyes turned on Danny, 'I need to go home.' Those eyes were sunk into a grey face that had never looked more in need of hospital care. 'Danno. Please.' He sounded absolutely desperate. There was only one thing Danny could do.
He helped him into the car, buckled him in and drove as gently as possible back to Steve's house with a brief stop to fill the script. Steve leaned his head back against the seat and shut his eyes. He was sound asleep when they arrived. Danny parked and sat there and just looked at him. His heart hurt. 'Why me?' he asked whatever deity had thrown this fruitcake of a partner at him. 'Wakey wakey sunshine,' he gave the fruitcake a little shake. 'I've seen better looking corpses.'
'Huh?'
'Come on zombie features. Let's get you inside.'
Steve shuffled through the house, silent and gaunt, giving every room a slow once-over penetrating gaze. Danny followed at his elbow just in case a small breeze should come up and knock him down. Steve checked the piles of paper and old mail on his desk, opened and closed the gun safe and climbed laboriously up to his bedroom before ending up in the kitchen where he flicked through the mail on the bench and opened the empty fridge. 'You cleaned.'
'Yeah, well it's been three weeks. There was stuff in there evolving into intelligent life forms.' Steve was hanging onto the fridge door like it was the only thing holding him up. To Danny's surprise his partner's eyes filled with tears. 'Yeah,' he whispered.
'Hey.' Danny reached for him. 'Come on. Come and get your ass on the couch.' Steve started to comply and then shrugged him off. Without a word he staggered out onto the beach and lowered himself incredibly carefully into one of the beach chairs. Danny watched him with a lump in his throat as he turned his face towards the sun and closed his eyes.
Now he got it. Steve had been in prison for two weeks and then in hospital for days. He couldn't stand being confined. And as Danny had discovered when he tried to tell him what to do, he needed to feel in control of himself again. Danny would do his best to help with that. He went back into the kitchen and collected two bottles of water.
'Okay partner,' he settled into the seat next to Steve. 'I get it.'
Blearily Steve cracked his eyes open. Danny broke the seal on the bottle and handed it to him. 'I will help keep you out of hospital but there are two conditions.' Steve's pupils were blown but he nodded, listening. 'Non-negotiable Steven.'
Steve made a, so tell me, motion.
'You will stay hydrated,' he nodded towards the bottle. 'Small sips. That's fine if that's all you can manage. But you're going to keep that up.' He lifted the bottle in Steve's hand up towards his mouth. 'Come on. Start with that now. I want that bottle empty by dinner time.'
A little reluctantly Steve lifted the bottle to his mouth and took a sip, swallowing carefully. Danny held the bottle there, tipped it again. Steve took another careful swallow.
'Good.' It wasn't nearly enough, but it would do for now. 'Okay, second thing, also non-negotiable. Got that?'
Steve gave a brief nod.
'You take your meds. Antibiotics, four times a day until they're all gone. That's what it says on the bottle. Pain pills, one or two, every six hours as needed. And for the next couple of days, I'm going to be making the call about whether you need them.' He pulled the packet of Percocet out of his pocket. 'What do you think? Do you need some now?' Steve's reluctance was written on his face. Danny reached for his hand. 'I won't let you get addicted. I promise.'
Steve swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. He nodded. Danny squeezed his hand. 'One or two?'
'Two.' Steve's voice was husky.
Danny popped two out of the slide. He laughed quietly when Steve gave an amused smile and opened his mouth like a baby bird. He dropped the pills in the open mouth and offered the water. Steve gagged slightly as he swallowed, shutting his eyes and taking some shaky breaths. 'Nauseous?' Danny asked quietly, stroking his clammy cheek. 'You've got pills for that too if you need them?'
Steve gasped. 'No,' he got his breathing under control. 'It's okay.'
'All right. So if you're only managing little bits, we need to be making them count. What would be easy to drink? Something with a bit more guts to it than water?'
'Fucking hate Gatorade,' Steve mumbled.
Danny sighed. 'Not helpful.' With his hand is on Steve's shoulder he could feel the heat of him through his tee shirt. He wasn't sure if it was the sun or if he was feverish again. 'What did your mother use to make you drink when you were a kid and you were sick?'
Pain flicked momentarily across the other man's face before it was replaced by a small smile. 'Pineapple juice,' he said cracking an eye open and looking at Danny. They both grinned.
'Pineapple juice? Oh you are shitting me. What is it with this place and fucking pineapples?'
'Watered down to start with. Building up to full strength as we got better.'
'And that's what you'd like?'
Steve chewed at his lip and nodded, squeezing his eyes shut against tears suddenly wetting his lashes. Danny felt an inexplicable urge to lean forward and kiss them away.
'Okay.' His stomach was doing strange flippy things at Steve's distress. 'I'll call Kono. Get her to do a grocery run. Anything else?'
'Iced tea?'
'Right. And I suppose that comes in pineapple flavour too does it?'
Steve didn't move.
'Oh it does. It fucking does. I knew it. So this house is going to be overrun with pineapple flavoured beverages. I suppose you'll want pineapple beer next.' God sometimes he couldn't believe the ridiculous stuff that came out of his mouth. 'You know you could start a new business. Pineapple Enterprises. Think of all the other stuff you could make taste pineapple. Bourbon, champagne, chocolates, fucking marshmallows. I know. How about bath salts? Condoms?'
Steve's eyes stayed shut. His breathing evened out. Danny stopped talking, sat there holding Steve's hand and wondering what the hell he was doing and what this breathless feeling in his chest really was, because, oh god, he shouldn't be feeling like this, he really shouldn't.
'So is that it?' Steve suddenly asked.
'What?'
'Drink my water. Take my pills. That's it?'
Danny thought about it. There were loads of other things he could have added such as, don't leave the property, don't go swimming, have a shower, eat something, get plenty of rest, but he figured he could work his way around those when they came up. 'Yeah. That's it.'
'You're not going to tell me to go inside, rest on my bed?'
'Nope.'
'Why are you here?'
'What?'
Steve waved his spare hand around vaguely, turned to face him. 'Weren't you supposed to be flying off to happy ever after with Rachel by now?' Danny didn't want to read what he thought he could see in his eyes. 'Why are you still here?'
'Well it's not because of your good looks and charm.' He tried to keep it light and ignore the quickly hidden hurt on Steve's face. His fingers tightened on Steve's hand. 'Turns out it's not my baby,' he said sourly, the hurt suddenly biting so hard he could hardly breathe. 'Rachel's decided to make a go with Stan again.' His mouth worked but he couldn't force any more words out.
Steve's thumb stroked the back of his hand. 'I'm sorry.'
'Yeah.'
Steve's grip on his hand tightened and there were tears in his eyes again. Goddamn. Steve was crying for him.
Danny held his hand and watched him slide into sleep suddenly insanely pleased he hadn't had to choose between his family and his friend. He wrestled his phone out of his pocket and awkwardly turned off the sound so nothing could disturb the sick man. He looked out at the ocean, at the horizon that extended to forever and realised Steve had thought he would never see this again. He had truly believed that he was going to go down for the Governor's murder.
H50H50H50
Once Steve was thoroughly asleep Danny rescued his hand, tucking Steve's gently back on his thigh. He stood a moment, looking down on him, feeling an amazing tenderness before he moved down the beach out of earshot and reported in to Chin. Then he called Kono with the shopping list and a request that she swing by his place and pack him a bag. Checking that Steve was safe and sound he headed into the garage, feeling strangely uncomfortable about letting the sleeping man out of his sight. Trying not to feel like a voyeur he searched the cupboards until he found something he was sure the McGarretts' would have to have owned. He set up the old beach umbrella shading the two beach chairs and then sat back down to watch his partner sleep.
Steve started awake when Danny answered his phone when Kono arrived, even though he'd kept his voice low. His eyes were glassy, spacey.
'Come on in.' Danny hung up. How come Steve was happy with him coming and going but the other's needed to knock? He touched the back of his hand to Steve's forehead. 'You're hot. You okay?'
He could see the words "I'm fine" hovering on his dry lips before he shook his head slightly. 'Bit shivery.'
Danny hadn't asked for total honesty but it seemed he was getting it. 'Okay. We got Tylenol for that. I'll go help Kono unpack. Get you something nice to drink. You okay if I bring her through to say hello?'
'Yeah.'
Kono had bags of food, from expensive soups labelled consume, and yoghurt to tempt the invalid to eggs and bacon and frozen dinners for Danny. She also had four cartons of pineapple juice. He was pathetically grateful. 'Thank you.'
Kono smiled. 'Figured you might be stuck here for a while.'
'Yeah.'
'Trust the boss to sign himself out.'
Danny poured half a glass of juice over ice and topped it up with bottled water. 'Hey,' Kono said. 'My mom used to give me that, just like that when I was sick. Lots of vitamin C.'
'Great,' Danny muttered. 'Another island thing then. Come on. Let's go give it to his highness.'
'Hang on.' Kono ferreted through the bags. 'Here.' She dropped a bendy straw into the drink.
'What. No cocktail umbrella?'
'No brah.' She smiled. 'That would be over the top.'
'He's set up camp, out by the beach. Come out and say hello.'
Steve smiled, genuinely happy to see her. 'Kono.'
'Hey boss.'
'How you doing? What's the story with your suspension?'
Kono grimaced. 'No idea yet. Not reinstating me in a hurry though.'
'Oh.' And that seemed to be the end of Steve's ability to make conversation. Danny handed him the juice.
'Here. See if I've got this right.'
'Oh.' Steve smiled up at him and then his eyes closed in bliss as he sucked on the straw. He made a low moan. Kono and Danny exchanged a grin. 'That is just right.' He took another sip then rolled the cold glass against his forehead. He closed his eyes and Danny leapt in to rescue the glass when it appeared he'd suddenly fallen asleep.
'I'll, ah, leave you to it then.' Kono backed away.
Danny put the juice down by the chair. 'I'll see you out.'
'Shit Danny. He doesn't look good,' she said when they were back in the house.
'That's because he's not.' Danny wiped a hand across his eyes, fighting exhaustion and a fair bit of worry. 'He got shanked with a dirty screw driver for god's sake. He's still fighting the infection. He should be in hospital. His temperature's up. He's in pain. I'll get some Tylenol into him; see if that brings the fever down.' He looked up into her concerned face. 'You get away. I'll look after him.'
'I'm sorry,' she looked embarrassed. 'I feel I should relieve you but I'm not good with sick people.' She drew him into an awkward hug. Danny relaxed against her for a moment, finding it amusing that she was so capable with a sniper rifle yet she couldn't cope with seeing Steve with a fever. 'It will be all right,' he told her. 'He'll be okay.'
'Of course he will. He's Super SEAL McGarrett.' She straightened up and snorted, nodding back towards the beach. 'I'll let you sort that out then.'
'Sonofabitch!' Out on the beach a shirtless McGarrett was walking his way out of his trousers. Thankfully he did appear to be wearing underpants. He then waded into the sea.
'Bye,' Kono waved as she made her escape.
Danny charged back out onto the beach. 'Steven you get out of there right now.' Oh please don't let him try swimming. 'Steven, I am not kidding you. Get out of the water right fucking now. You'll burst your stitches and I do not want to be the one taking you back to that snooty doctor to get fixed up.'
Steve completely ignored him. He waded out until he was about waist deep and then sank down until his head disappeared under the water.
'Fuck.'
Danny had no choice. He rapidly shed his own boots and clothing and wearing only his embarrassingly unsexy, but comfortable and supportive underwear, waded in after him. By the time he got to him Steve had surfaced and was crouching; chin deep, water lapping at his bottom lip, staring vacantly out to sea. Thankfully the water was calm.
'What the hell do you think you're doing?' He wrapped his arms around Steve's chest and pulled him back against him just in case he should try, who knew what, to swim to California? Steve came, boneless, his head falling back onto Danny's shoulder, wet hair cool against Danny's cheek. Danny tried not to get distracted by all that bare skin. 'Jesus, you've got an infected wound. The last place you need to be is in the fucking ocean.' He held him closer, the contrast between the cool water and the warmth of Steve's skin down his front nearly obscene. 'Fish shit in this stuff you know.'
'Hmmm,' Steve murmured against his ear. 'It feels good.' He didn't move, just leaning back against Danny, totally relaxed. He certainly didn't seem to be about to try swimming out to sea. Danny sighed and rested his chin on top of Steve's head. The water temperature actually was quite pleasant.
'Don't panic,' Steve said after a while. 'The dressing's waterproof. And anyway, sea water has got healing properties. If we ever had cuts and things when we were kids, we'd go for a swim, help them get better quick.' He wrapped his arms around Danny's. 'I need the sea.'
'I know babe but…' But what? 'Time and place babe.' And this really wasn't the time and place for what was happening down below in his soggy sensible underpants. This would be a wonderful thing to do with a partner who wasn't spaced out on synthetic opiates and crazy with fever.
'It was exactly the right time.' Steve lifted his feet, letting Danny take his weight, so trusting. 'I know my temperature's up. I'm bringing it down the natural way.' He grinned at Danny, upside down and goofy. 'I feel a lot better already.'
Oh God.
H50H50H50
By the time he finally talked a blissed out Steve out of the water Danny was a prune and without the water to hold him up, Steve was so weak he could barely stand. With an arm tight around his waist Danny hauled him into the house, wrapped him in a towel and left him to sleep on the sofa. He figured it wouldn't have been the first time that sofa had put up with sea water. He checked the dressing and was pleased to see that Steve had been right; the dressing was covered with that stick on, cling film stuff, sealed tightly around the edges. It didn't seem to have suffered from water emersion at all.
Once again he found himself staring down at his sleeping partner and his stomach was doing that strange flippy thing. What the fuck was this? Why was he having feelings like this about Steve fucking McGarrett?
His partner was looking a lot better though.
Danny showered. He had a quick, frantic and unsatisfying wank, trying to keep his thoughts blank, concentrate on the sensation and not to put a face to his imaginings. He couldn't help it.
What was it with Steve McGarrett that had him so stirred up? He hadn't had feelings for men since… well since high school. He'd never thought… he wasn't. Sure he liked to watch ball games, admired those athletic bodies but… Was he? He liked women damn it. Boobs. Curves. Their smell. So not going there. It was a highway to a hiding anyway, regardless, because one thing Steve McGarrett was not was gay. Danny could lust after him as much as he liked. It was never going to go anywhere.
He dressed and stalked back out to the lounge. Steve was curled up, deeply and trustingly asleep. He still looked grey and unwell, but the towel had slid off and Danny starred down at the glorious planes of his tanned body. He was beautiful.
'I am so fucked.'
H50H50H50
Joe White turned up mid-afternoon and Danny left him to talk SEAL talk and cajole Steve into eating something. He took himself back to the office, but just as he was parking he remembered his mother's birthday. He wouldn't be able to park much closer anyway, so wandered the couple of blocks to the tourist mall. He bought his Mom a card, tucked in a 3D bookmark of tropical fish and as a last minute thing added a handful of lottery tickets before mailing it. If she won 10 thousand dollars she could damn well give him the airfare to wish her happy birthday in person next year.
Jogging back to headquarters he got completely drenched in one of the sudden thunder showers that sprung up in the afternoon at this time of year. They were another thing he liked to complain about the tropics when he wanted to wind Steve up, but actually he found them quite exhilarating, coming from nowhere and disappearing just as fast.
He had spare clothes in his office for just this reason and changed into a dry shirt and pants. Sadly he didn't have any clean underwear, leaving him in wet underpants for the second time that day. And he needed to tamp down on that thought in a real hurry.
He caught up with the results of the HPD take down of the suspects they'd been tailing for two days, tried to write up the report on last night's stakeout and spent a lot of time staring into empty air. In soggy underpants. 'Oh fuck.'
No one turned up at headquarters so he assumed Chin must be out working on something. He hadn't called him so he must be doing all right. Five O was going to be off line for a while anyway.
He went back to Steve's. It was dark, night falling with that suddenness that was another thing he hadn't really got used to about living here.
The atmosphere was electric. 'Why don't you answer your phone?' White barked at him. 'Everyone's been trying to call you.'
'What?' Danny hurried inside, his heart hammering. 'Who's everyone?' Steve was lying on the sofa looking wrecked.
'Well me for one.' White gave that sardonic eyebrow raise that Danny hated. But at least he hadn't been calling to tell him Steve was back in hospital. He grabbed his phone from his pocket. It was still on silent. Seven missed calls. One each from Chin, Kono and Joe. And four from Steve.
'What's happened?' He perched on the coffee table in front of Steve, reaching out to feel his clammy forehead. The relief in his partner's eyes was palpable but he looked worse than he had all day. 'Babe?'
'Victor Hesse is dead,' White told him.
'What?'
'Throat cut.' White shrugged. 'No one knows how.' He pulled his keys from his pocket. 'Or who.' He headed for the door. 'I'll leave you to it then.'
Danny followed him out to the door, still trying to absorb the news. 'Well at least we can prove it wasn't Steve,' he said.
White looked him up and down. 'Can't prove it wasn't you though can we?'
'What?'
'Not answering your phone? Wearing different clothes to what you wearing when you left here?' White said. 'Just saying.'
'I got caught in the rain.'
White turned to face him. 'You know Danny, if you're going to be here for him, you have to be here for him. All the time.'
Danny realised he really didn't like this guy. 'I turned the ringer off on my phone when Steve was sleeping. I just never…'
'He trusts you. Don't let him down.'
Now what the hell did he mean by that? 'Hang on.'
Joe was already in his car. 'He ate half of one of those little cups of yoghurt,' he said as he shut the door.
Inside Steve had sunk back into the sofa cushions. Danny started to wonder if this being out of hospital thing was really a good idea. He sat back on the coffee table and tried to smile. 'I'm sorry I scared you, my phone was on silent. I was just at the office.' He dabbed at Steve's sweaty face with the edge of the towel from earlier and tried not to grimace. 'Are you feverish or in shock?'
Steve reached for Danny's hand. Held it against his cheek. 'I got scared Danny,' he said, such an unusual admission that Danny froze. Watched Steve take shallow uncomfortable breaths, 'Hesse was dead, and then you weren't answering your phone.'
'You thought Wo Fat was tying up loose ends and he might go after me?' Now he understood the problem. 'To get at you right? Aww babe.' He stroked his thumb against the pale cheek. 'I'm sorry. Okay? Absolutely nothing happened to me, all afternoon.'
Steve suddenly groaned and doubled up. He retched.
'Nausea?' Danny grabbed the towel just in case. 'Tablets?'
'Yeah.' Steve was panting. 'Couldn't…' He was obviously trying desperately to hold on to the two tablespoons of yoghurt he'd managed to eat. 'Couldn't ask Joe.'
'I get that.' Because you couldn't show weakness in front of the creepy dude who trained you as a SEAL and you treated as a sort of father figure. 'So you've been feeling off for a while then?' He found the pills and slid one onto Steve's tongue, trying not to have inappropriate thoughts about that tongue. He got an arm under him and lifted his head enough to help him drink. Steve gagged but got it down. 'There. Okay?' God. Should he be looking at taking him back to hospital? 'How's the pain? It's another hour until you can have more of those.' He slid in underneath him so that Steve was resting against his chest, stroking down his back, trying to help him focus on something other than nausea. He was still too hot.
Steve made a strange sound, like he was trying to laugh. 'It's okay if I stay still.' He grimaced. 'Really don't want to try throwing up though.'
'Yeah, I can guess what that would feel like. You've had your pill, not going to happen.' And he went back to rubbing Steve's back as he melted into his touch. A sharp spark of uncharitable glee raced through him at the realisation that Steve trusted him enough to let him hold him, to see him this vulnerable when he'd kept his walls up for Joe.
H50H50H50
So yes, Danny's day had been fraught and he hadn't had anything like enough sleep and he'd just woken from a nightmare that had left him feeling completely bereft. On top of that somehow, tending for a sick Steve had jumped his mothering hormones into over drive and those hormones had over excited some others so he was having inappropriate and no doubt, quite unrequited, feelings of lust towards his boss. It was a clusterfuck he really couldn't deal with at 3:.11am. But he did know one thing, regardless of whether his feelings were inappropriate or not, he would do ANYTHING to ease the distress of the man on the bed.
Danny screwed the heel of his hand into his eyes and took some deep breaths. 'Sonofabitch McGarrett. You're killing me here.' He clambered onto the bed. 'Steve.' He shook his shoulders gently, tensed and ready in case Steve threw some ninja move as he woke up.
Steve startled awake, and didn't attempt to karate chop him into the middle of next week. He sucked in a pained breath. 'Danny?' he said in a voice of unutterable relief. What had been happening in his dreams?
'Yeah babe.' He watched awareness of the world slot back into Steve's eyes. 'Dreaming?'
Steve suddenly clutched at Danny's arm. 'Hurts.' He folded up like a pocket knife.
Danny felt a stab of fear. 'Need to look at you babe. I'm turning the light on. Okay?'
Steve was pale, slightly sweaty, his hair just long enough to be dishevelled. The bed was a tangled mess. Danny ran a hand over him. He wasn't hot, he wasn't cold. His temperature seemed to have normalised and Danny started to feel better. 'I need to feel your tummy, yeah? Straighten out for me.'
'Tummy?' Steve groused. 'Am I six?' but he turned on his back and let Danny lift his tee shirt and press against the soft skin of his belly. And that was such a relief. The flesh under his hand was soft and warm and gave under his touch. When Steve had collapsed on the boat and Danny had checked his wound his abdomen had been rigid, as hard as a plank.
'I think you're all right,' he said with relief, even as Steve grimaced and doubled up again. 'This has got a lot to do with being two hours over due for your meds. That and your gut not liking starting working. You know, processing food, when only three days ago it was completely shut down and you had to have a tube down your nose into your stomach to relieve the pressure of, you know, your gut being shut down.'
'Can I have my pills now?' Steve asked, his nose pressed into Danny's thigh.
'Yeah babe.'
'So you're a doctor now,' Steve said after he managed to gag down the pills. 'I mean that was a pretty good doctory sort of speech you made just then.' He'd changed his grip from hanging on to Danny's wrist to once again, holding his hand.
'I should go out and do med training all right. Nah, no point.' Danny gave in to his tiredness and lay down. He pulled Steve in against him, tucking him in with his head against Danny's chest so Danny could rest his chin on the top of his head. This gangly goof took up a hell of a lot more space than Gracie though. 'You wouldn't take any notice anyway. I mean, Max for instance. He has medical training. He has lots of medical training, but do you listen to him? No. No you did not.' Steve snuggled in against him but he was still holding himself tense. 'Those pills should kick in soon.' Danny stroked his back, nuzzled into his hair. He smelt of the sea. Not surprising since Danny hadn't managed to get him showered since his swim. 'If you're still rough in half an hour we'll reassess.' He leaned over and turned off the light. 'No see, the sort of training I need is hypnotherapy regression training.'
He waited a beat to see if Steve wanted to play. If he was simply too exhausted or sore Danny would keep it up on his own, because this was what they did. This was normal and Steve needed that right now.
Thankfully, after barely a moment his partner chimed in. 'Hypnotherapy?'
'Yeah. I'm not talking about me needing hypnotherapy because I am fine. There is nothing wrong with me.' And if that wasn't at all true Steve didn't need to know it. 'What I am talking about here Steven is me learning how to do hypnotherapy. On someone else.'
'That would be me then?'
'Yes. Congratulations. Ding dong, you win the prize. Do you know why you need hypnotherapy regression treatment Steven?'
'You're going to tell me aren't you?'
'Oh you bet I am. I want to regress you to child hood and then I'm going to retrain you.' Steve was still, but his body was no long so tense under his hand. 'Oh yes.' Danny felt that unbearable sense of tenderness again. 'Because you obviously missed out on a vital stage as a child.'
'What stage would that be?' Steve's voice was quiet, sleepy.
Normally Danny would be winding his voice up about here, but he dialled if back, curling around his partner and talking into his hair. 'The part where you didn't learn that actions have consequences. Did you never fall out of a tree Steven?'
'Yep. Broke my arm. This one.' His arm came up and wrapped around Danny's waist. He sighed as he settled against him, tense body relaxing. 'Rode my bike off a home-made ramp off Billy Chong's pier. Got my foot caught in the frame and nearly drowned. I know about consequences Danny. Mmmm.' Danny thought he might actually be mouthing his tee shirt. 'Can we sleep now?'
'Sure.' Danny kissed him on the top of his head. He didn't fit the way Grace did but it still felt good. He had no idea what the consequences of this would be but for now it didn't matter. 'Sweet dreams,' he whispered.
H50H50H50
Danny was having the best, most amazing erotic dream. All of his best and yet most secret fantasies he'd been bottling up since, well, since he'd been co-opted into Five O were coming true. Kono and Chin were making out in a corner, their amazing bodies writhing together. Kono in a bikini was phenomenal. Kono wearing nothing at all was even more amazing. Chin's body wasn't bad either. The best bit though was Steve Fucking Super SEAL McGarrett, spread out naked, tanned, tattooed and so fucking gorgeous on top of the magic table, those hazel eyes smoky and hooded with lust. His prick, pornstar proportions, pointing at Danny like a ground to air missile as Danny moved his own cock into position to fuck him into the middle of next week. Danny was so hot, so hard, he rutted against hot flesh…
And woke up with a gasp…
To find himself starring into a pair of hazel eyes, so close he couldn't tell what their expression was.
'Holy fuck.' He flung backwards, only to find himself caught, tangled in sheets and the other man's limbs. 'Fuck.' He struggled to get back even as his hips tried to rock forward, so close, still seeking friction. 'Fuck fuck,' he yelled in panic, cock still hard and needy even as terror raced through him. 'Fuck.'
McGarrett's hand was firm on his hip holding him still. 'It's all right. Stop it. It's all right. It's okay.' The hand pulled his hips in closer so that Danny's cock was pressed against the other man's thigh. 'Take what you need.' Danny thought the hazel eyes were fond, but he wasn't sure. 'It's okay. I don't mind.' The hand left his hip and moved down between them, wrapping around his prick. Danny's mind short circuited.
'Come on Danny.' Steve's hand gave him a pull. His voice was low and gravelly. 'Do it Danny. Let me help. Come on.' And he started to jerk him in earnest.
'Jesus! Fuck!' His hips thrust into Steve's hand and he couldn't have stopped himself if he'd tried. 'Steve,' he groaned as his orgasm exploded from him and his body spasmed. 'Oh god.' It took forever before he finally relaxed and fell boneless back onto the bed panting, eyes tightly closed.
'Jesus.' His head finally started to catch up with what his body had just done as he tried to catch his breath. It was either going to be one of the best or the worst mistakes of his life. Holy fuck.
'You can open your eyes,' Steve sounded amused. 'I'm still here. Not going anywhere.' His hand reached for his. The hand that had just jerked Danny or the other one, he wondered hysterically. Reluctantly he cracked open his eyes and stared at the ceiling breathing hard. It took tremendous effort to turn his head. Steve was smiling at him, flat on his back, head turned to face him. His eyes were nearly emerald in the early morning light. Danny's heart lurched.
'That was…' he flailed for words. He didn't know what to do. Should he try to fix this? Dammit, he didn't even know if anything was broken or not.
'It really is all right Danny.' Steve smirked, and a side part of Danny's brain was actually pleased to see there was a little colour in his face this morning. He looked enormously pleased with himself. 'It's incredibly flattering.'
'Oh God.' Danny turned back to contemplating the ceiling. 'I said your name when I came, didn't I?'
'Yep,' Steve said. So smug.
'I don't know the correct etiquette for this.'
Steve snorted.
Then Danny thought he got it. 'Oh. So sorry. Am I supposed to offer to reciprocate?' He rolled, reaching for the other man's groin. 'Do you want me to…?'
And Steve flinched away. 'No,' his voice was too high. 'I'm good.'
Danny's eyes automatically flicked down to Steve's groin in his boxers, and showing no sign that he was aroused. At all. 'What?' Oh fuck.
Steve avoided his gaze. 'It's okay,' he started. 'I'm not…'
'Not what?' A light bulb went off in his head. 'Not gay?' His stomach flipped with horror. 'Oh God.' He back peddled across the bed so fast he nearly ended up on his ass on the floor. He got his feet under him, shorts yanked up. 'So what was that then? "Whatever you need Danny?" Is that what you do? Just helping a comrade out?' Steve turned towards him, reaching across the bed. 'You do that when you're all crowded together in a tent in Afghanistan in the middle of the night? Just giving a comrade what he needs?'
'Well yes,' Steve looked surprised. 'Yeah we do, but not…' He scrubbed his hand across his face. 'It's not like that. It doesn't mean anything.'
'Oh great. Oh fucking fabulous.' Danny's stomach was doing unpleasant swirly things. He scrabbled around trying to find his clothes, dropped in the dark so he could climb into the bed and comfort his partner. Never doing that again. 'The most embarrassing moment of my life just got worse.'
'Danny no. Danny that's not what I meant.'
With his clothes under his arm like a cuckolding lover he fled the room. 'Danny,' Steve yelled behind him. He stopped in the hallway, fighting his way into his pants. He could hear Steve grunt as he tried to get out of bed.
'Oh fuck.' He kept up a string of swear words as he headed down the stairs. He badly needed a shower. He felt incredibly dirty, drying sweat and come crusting on his skin. Dirty and cheap and disgusting. But he wasn't going to shower here. Couldn't get naked in this house. He'd go home, get out of here. He couldn't stay here a minute more. God, he'd never felt so incredibly humiliated. It wasn't like he'd ever thought that Steve might be anything other than straight. So why then did his rejection leave this horrible hollow feeling inside him? He'd fucked up everything. Their friendship, their working relationship, all ruined because he gave into his body's urge to rut against Steve super SEAL McGarrett.
He was toeing into his shoes when he heard his phone ringing, from the lounge where he'd left it on the coffee table in the night.
'Steven?'
'Danny.' Steve sounded wrecked. 'D. Don't go. Please. Not like this.'
Danny sighed and sank onto the sofa. He didn't know what to say. 'Have you fucked Catherine on this sofa?' He didn't care right now what came out of his mouth.
'What? What's that got to do with anything?'
'Have you?' He ran his hand over the worn leather.
'In the lounge? Yes. So?'
'Good to know. Next time I fall asleep here.'
'Danny.' Steve's voice sounded so full of pain.
'So,' Danny swallowed and tried to sound normal, poked at the wound. 'Are you gay or not?'
'Not. At least…' There was a silence. Danny waited him out. 'No.' But Steve didn't sound sure. 'I don't know.'
'Well that clears that up then.'
'Well it's not like you've shown any signs of it before either. Being married and all.'
'Yeah, well, there were these hidden latent tendencies sort of swirling around in me that burst out in my dreams. Making me do something incredibly stupid and sort of upsetting my world view here.'
He could hear Steve's harsh breathing. 'Danny please come back. I want to talk to your face.'
'What do you want to talk about?' but somehow his feet were carrying him back up the stairs.
The admission was so soft he could barely hear it. 'I… I might not be completely straight.'
Steve was sitting on the edge of the bed. He was hunched over, left arm pressed against his belly, his right hand holding the phone to his ear. He looked completely beat. In spite of everything Danny wanted to go to him and hug him. 'So if you're not straight, what are you exactly?'
'Danny.' Steve's head shot up. His eyes were glossy and his breath hitched. 'Thank god.' His face had lost all color again.
'You're not well.' He couldn't stop himself from going to him. 'For god's sake lie down.'
'Finally!' Steve breathed as he let Danny arrange him back onto the bed. Lifting his legs made him grunt with pain. 'That's what I've been trying to tell you.' He closed his eyes, breathing ragged, but Danny couldn't tell if it was from pain or emotion. There was moisture glistening on his lashes.
'Hey?' Danny tried to smooth out the wrinkles on Steve's forehead. 'Look at me please.' He didn't have a fucking idea what was going on. Steve didn't appear to be feverish and while that made a nice change it also meant that when he said things that didn't make sense they probably wouldn't have made sense at any other time either.
'What,' he asked impatiently, 'are you talking about? What have you been trying to tell me? Because I tell you Steve, your lips are flapping, but the words that are coming out aren't strung together in any sentence I can understand.'
'Oh god.' Steve scrubbed his hand across his eyes. He opened them, glared at him. 'I wasn't rejecting you. I was trying to say, "I'm not well." Okay?' Danny gaped at him as Steve waved a hand around vaguely indicating his body. 'I haven't got any blood pressure. Anywhere. Do you get it?'
Danny was starting to get it.
'Are you woozy?'
'Was when I tried to get up and chase you. Better now I'm lying down. Right now, I couldn't get a hard on if Kono took her bikini off in front of me.'
'Oo kay. What? Kono? You like Kono?'
'Don't you?'
'Well yeah. She's hot. But you're her boss.'
'And you're her colleague. And… irrelevant Danny. So not the point.'
'You still flinched away from me.'
'Jesus. For a detective you're brainless at times.'
Danny glared at him and Steve glared right back, his gaze belligerent and annoyed, yet fond and so very hopeful and vulnerable all in one look.
'You didn't want me to touch you,' he accused.
'Belly wound,' Steve said, exasperated, covering the wound automatically. 'It was a reflex. That's all. I tried to say, "I'm not well," but you heard, "I'm not gay," and things went downhill from there.' He closed his eyes. 'I'm so tired Danny. Please come back to bed.'
'You're my boss.'
Steve snorted. 'So I'm ordering you to get into my bed.'
Danny refrained from mentioning that that wasn't what he'd meant. He toed off his shoes and lay down beside him. 'I think there are laws about things like that.' He reached for Steve's hand and they twined their fingers together. 'Are you okay?'
Steve smile was glassy and unfocussed. 'I'm a lot better than I was. You?'
'I think so.'
Steve was drifting off, nearly asleep, but Danny really needed a straight answer. 'Can I just get something clear here?'
'Hmmm?' Steve carefully rolled to face him which took real effort, lifting his torso and settling himself back on the bed. 'What?'
'You don't know if you're straight, but whatever you are, you want me in your bed for what exactly?'
'You keep me safe,' Steve said pulling him closer until he could nestle into his chest the way he had last night. Danny's heart broke. His arms automatically came around him, holding him tight. This was the position that has started all the trouble. He stroked his hand down Steve's back. 'I want you Danny,' Steve said. 'I've never done this. I don't know what label I fit into. I just know I want you.'
Danny kept up the stroking trying to ease the tension under his hands. 'So when you jerked off your team mates, did you like it?'
'Sometimes.'
'Did anyone do it for you?'
Steve's hands clenched in Danny's shirt. 'Yeah.'
'Shhh. It's okay. Did you like that?'
'Yeah.' The pain in his voice made Danny want to hit someone.
'Did anyone do more than just jerk each other?'
'Oh yeah.'
'I'm guessing you liked that too didn't you?'
'Didn't do it,' Steve muttered to his chest. Before Danny could say anything he added. 'Didn't dare. I couldn't afford to like it.' He curled tighter, closer. 'It was the job. About the mission. Couldn't afford to take your eye off the ball.'
Right. Danny didn't quite wear that one and wondered whether Steve believed it himself. 'That's good. That's okay.' Danny ran his hand through his hair, petting. It was sticky with sweat and salt. 'But all of this stuff; this was okay on a mission right? It didn't mean anything? Didn't make you gay?'
'No. Of course not. It was just relief.' But he sounded unsure.
Danny couldn't help himself, he laughed. Laughed because it was just so fucked up. 'Right. Of course it was.'
And Steve broke. He made a dreadful sound, like his soul was being wrenched out of his chest, nearly convulsing in his effort to burrow deeper into Danny's arms.
Danny held on to him tight as realisation hit him like a truck. Steve had never in his whole life had a safe environment in which to explore his sexuality. Sent away from home as a teenager to stay with distant relatives, Steve had told him once that's he'd never dated at high school. Danny could imagine it, knowing Steve, trying desperately hard to be good, work hard, look after his sister, and make his father proud. Already thinking ahead to the Navy. No time or place to consider any sexual feelings, gay or straight, never mind the terribly confusing idea that he might be bisexual.
Then the Navy, Annapolis and it was the making of Steve, he knew that. Gave him pride and purpose and something to belong to. And Don't Ask, Don't Tell. No way was he going to risk what the Navy gave him for anything more than a quick hand job with a friend. Steve didn't even seem to realise he might be anything other than straight, at least not until Danny had inadvertently forced the issue this morning.
'Oh Babe.' Danny whispered into his hair. Steve was crying now, quietly, exhausted, hands curling and uncurling in Danny's shirt. 'Oh god, babe. Sweetheart.' Danny's own tears were close. And he needed to remember too, that Steve really was seriously unwell. He should still be in hospital, quiet and calm and resting. Not having enough blood pressure to get an erection was the least of his problems. Danny had to dial things back, settle him down and reassure him before he broke completely, because mentally, when you looked at all the things that Steve had gone through in the last three weeks, it was amazing he wasn't drooling in a locked room. It looked like it was up to Danny to make sure that didn't happen.
'It's all right sweetheart. It's all right.' He gripped Steve's arms, holding him still while he slid himself down the bed. He pressed his forehead into Steve's, shared his breath. 'We'll work it out. Okay?' He kissed his brow, his closed eyes. 'I don't know what I'm doing here either right. This is all new for me too.' He lay there, trying to exude calm while his heart was thudding so hard in his chest he thought it might burst out and run away. 'This has blindsided me too. This,' he wanted to wave a hand around but gripped his partner tighter instead, 'this, whatever we have.' He wiped tears off Steve's cheek with his thumb. 'I don't know what to do with it. I didn't think I was gay either. Okay? It's a bit of a culture shock. I don't know what to do with these feelings, and if I feel like that, then you,' he hugged Steve tight, 'you, with all your repression and issues, you are going to be really thrown for a loop.
'Are you hearing me Steve? Are you with me? Because I need to know I'm not talking to a wall here?' He gave him a gentle shake. 'Steven?'
Steve made an inarticulate noise, nodding his head against him.
'Good. That's good.'
He held him for a while, gathering his thoughts. Steve seemed calmer now, less tense, though he still had the front of Danny's shirt in a death grip. Danny suddenly found himself wishing for his mother. Somehow, he knew, his mother would have known what to do right now, would have given him some idea of what to say. His mother had always been good with skittish animals and boys of all ages. Although when he thought about what had triggered this particular little break down, maybe his mother wasn't the right person to be thinking about.
'You know what Steven? I stayed in Hawaii for you. You know that? I stayed on this pineapple infested rock because there was an APB out on you for murder and you needed me when I should have been flying home with Rachel… to be with my family… You know that Steve?
'But you were in trouble. I didn't actually care whether you killed the Governor or not. You know, I didn't care. If you had, I knew you'd have done it for a good reason, because you are a good man, Steve McGarrett, and you would never have done something like that without good reason.
'Then I learned what had happened, what you said had happened and I believed you. And I should have been off, catching up to Rachel and Gracie. But you'd been betrayed, by Governor Jameson who you thought had been your friend and how could I run away and leave you like that? You don't let many people in. You don't trust many people. You trusted her and she betrayed you. You trusted me. You trusted me and that meant a hell of a lot to me. I couldn't let you down.' Danny's own tears were falling freely now. 'So I didn't go. Maybe if I had… I don't know. Who knows what would have happened if I'd been there when Rachel realised the baby couldn't be mine? If we'd had those extra couple of weeks to be getting along? She might have decided to stay with me anyway. I'd have raised the baby as mine. I'd have loved it…
'I didn't though. I wasn't. And it's over with her. Really over. And you know what. It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad.' He had to stop for a minute, swallow down the spiky ball that had lodged in his chest. 'But there's something about being with you…' For the first time he leant forward and kissed Steve on the lips, both of them teary, snotty, not romantic. Just brushed their lips together and pulled away. Steve moaned. 'We're something special babe,' Danny whispered.
He rolled onto his back, pulling Steve with him so that he was lying across his chest, head on his shoulder. 'We'll work this thing out.' Started stroking again. 'When you're better. Maybe we're only gay for each other. God, that sounds ridiculous. Who knows?' He sighed and relaxed a little as Steve moulded around him, the brittle tension in him easing. 'Oh babe. We're gonna have so much fun figuring this thing out. Working out what we like.' He felt a sudden rush of happiness. 'The sex is going to be phenomenal.'
Steve's mouth quirked up in a quiet smile. 'Later.'
'Yeah babe. Later.' What he said next just slipped out. 'I love you Steve.' He eased himself into a more comfortable position. 'Danno loves you.'
Steve's eyes were shut but he was smiling. Danny thought his lips moved. He could have sworn he said, 'Love you more.'
H50H50H50
Steve woke slowly, like clawing to the surface of a pool of hot glue. He felt dreadful, sick and sore with an ache deep deep in his gut that he couldn't even categorise. He was roasting with heat, knew he had a fever, and yet… something… something was good.
'Hey,' said a gentle voice. He felt a hand on his shoulder, a caress of his cheek and he remembered. He felt safe and protected. 'Welcome back,' Danny said. 'How you doing?'
Steve forced his eyes open. They were sticky, tacky, like his mouth. 'Sick,' he managed to get out. Danny was sitting on the bed beside him wearing a tee shirt and boxer shorts that Steve recognised as his own. The angle of the light suggested it was afternoon. 'Time is it?' he croaked.
'Nearly two.' Danny put down the book he was reading, leant over him and snagged a water bottle from the bedside cabinet. 'Here.' Danny held the bottle and helped him drink. The water was wonderful and he gulped it down, desperately thirsty. His stomach seemed to be all right with the exercise. 'Easy,' Danny warned him. 'Before you finish, you need to take your pills. You missed your lunch time meds but I wasn't waking you up for anything.' The pills went down and then he drifted a while, his nose pressed up against Danny's thigh next to him, his arm tentatively placed over Danny's legs as he waited for the meds to kick in and the pain to ease. Danny's hand stayed warm and strong, stroking down his shoulder, his arm, his hair. A bout of shivering hit him, from hot to cold and back again in seconds, and suddenly he was drenched in sweat, literally wet with it. 'It's all right,' Danny soothed. 'It's okay.' He drifted off.
He woke again feeling a lot better. Danny was still there, sitting next to him, reading a book. Steve rolled over, stiff and sore, the damp sheets sticking to his body, but he no longer HURT. 'Ohhhh.'
'Hi.' Danny gave him a happy upside down grin. 'You feeling better babe?'
'Yeah.'
Danny slid down beside him, kissed his forehead. 'Good.' His smile was soft. He stroked his cheek. 'You look better.' He wrinkled his nose. 'But you smell really funky.'
Steve tried to give a leer but wasn't sure that he pulled it off. Danny smelled of Steve's shower gel. 'I seem to remember someone else making a mess in the bed this morning.'
'You remember?' Danny asked tentatively.
Steve felt a happy smile form on his face. 'Yeah. I remember.' He was suddenly worried. 'It was this morning wasn't it?' He felt like he'd slept for months.
'Yeah. It was this morning.' Danny kissed his forehead again and sat back up. 'Now you're awake though there's some stuff I need you to do. Okay? I need you to drink some more, maybe some juice. Then if you're up to it you can have a go at eating something. Yoghurt again or maybe fruit. Kono brought you a pineapple although why you'd want to eat that I don't know.'
Danny seemed a little disappointed when Steve let that go, too exhausted to bother. He petted his hair. 'And I need you to get up and have a shower.' He grinned. 'I'll help. While you're up I'm going to wrestle these sheets into the wash and get some clean ones. All right Babe?' He gave his shoulder a reassuring grasp. 'You can do that in any order you like. Whatever works for you.'
Steve thought about it. 'Juice,' he said finally. 'Then I'll try some yoghurt.' He wasn't hungry but his stomach didn't seem to be in the state of rebellion he'd had to fight against yesterday.
'Okay.' Danny climbed out of bed. 'I don't want to rush you Babe, but I made you a doctor's appointment for half past four. I want you checked over, for my piece of mind and that dressing needs changing.'
Steve pushed himself up the bed till he was propped against the head board, relieved to be able to actually do that even though he felt very weak. Danny paused in the doorway and he was definitely wearing Steve's clothes. The tee was a very attractive close fit and came down long enough to cover most of his ass leaving a tantalising peak of what was underneath. The elastic in the shorts had to be a bit tight around his middle. It made something clench in Steve's chest to see Danny like that, in his gear. 'You made me a doctor's appointment?'
'I did. We've got about an hour to do the eating, showering and dressing thing.'
Steve felt ridiculously happy. 'What are you? My mother or something?'
'No Steven,' Danny's smile was fond. 'I'm your boyfriend.' His stance was firm, confident, but Steve could see the question and a touch of fear in his eyes. Of course Danny had been sitting there all day watching Steve sleep. Plenty of time to stew over what had happened and what had been said in the morning. 'It's what boyfriends do. You want to make a thing of it?'
Steve laughed. He actually laughed, it pulled his belly but it felt wonderful. 'No Danny. We're good.'