Author's Note: So I want to note here and now that I know absolutely nothing about real Tourette's, if this in anyway offends someone, I am truly sorry. I am working with the characterization, whether it's reflective of the disorder or not. I didn't do much research (because I'm actually pretty lazy, even though this is something I will get around to doing).
Thomas is so much easier for me to do a POV for, maybe it's my own little anxiety problem coming out. Or maybe it's because Craig is kind of grumpy and apathetic.
Thank you all for reading, I do appreciate it more than you could ever know. –Clover.
Thomas
The weirdest thing happened to me once, a lot weirder than the usual antics that follow my disorder. Being in public is always a bit terrifying for me, and since that stupid fat Eric kid started faking having Tourette's, I've been really on edge. I can't believe someone actually thinks this is fun to live with.
A couple of weeks ago this kid just showed up out of nowhere and asked me if he could do my laundry. He even asked me more than once. Well maybe he didn't come out of nowhere. Wait let's back track. I was trying to get rid of that faker kid and I met this guy who told me I was the coolest kid ever and then asked to do my laundry. I forgot about him, tried to forget about the whole incident but then one day he just showed up on my doorstep. He even biked all the way from his town to mine.
And you know what, even though I didn't want to hang out with him, because it was a really strange thing to do, we actually had fun.
Doing laundry together? Am I getting this desperate now?
I think he wants to be my friend, I don't have many friends. I used to have a few, when I was younger. My Tourette's has gotten worse over the years and back then it wasn't swear words so I could hang out with other kids. I didn't say things like ass and fuck which parents tend to hate. I have no clue how it developed this way, and I really wish I could blurt out something else. It would make my life so much easier.
It might even make my dad come back home.
No not thinking about that right now. Because I don't want to think about dad anymore, he doesn't want to be my dad anymore.
I don't want to think about how everyone is polite to me at school either but no one wants to be a real friend to me. They talk about me behind my back, and a lot of kids call me retarded. I'm not in any special classes, they know I go to meetings every once and while to try to "cope" with my disability. But it's a disorder, not a disability and I have never felt disabled so I don't know why people would say that.
I actually always thought I was smart. Not having friends means I have tons of time to get caught up in school.
And read books for fun.
And draw in my free time.
And play video games, or play pretend, or play with my toys.
I have lots of time actually, so I can work on more things than most boys my age do.
Ah who am I kidding, the only reason I even have so much time is because no one wants to come near me.
Not thinking about that either. I don't want to have one of my blue days. That is what mom calls it when either of us feels really down. Sometimes she doesn't leave her bed all day, she just goes to the bathroom and she doesn't even go to the kitchen to drink water she gets it out of the bathroom sink. She just stays in her pajamas sleeping or watching tv. She calls into work and if I try to talk to her she asks me to grab her some food and let her have some mommy time.
She's done that a lot since dad left, and some days I feel the same way too. I don't leave my room and she lets me stay home from school to have a "rest day". I don't like those days though, they aren't fun like the weekends. When I'm having a blue day I just sleep a lot. Sometimes I cry too, but I don't want anyone else to know that.
Craig is so strange, he's coming over today and I'm trying to clean my room for him. It's not that messy but I'm afraid he will try to move something, or ask me if he can vacuum or dust for me. I mean the guy did come over and do my laundry, maybe he's like a neat freak or something.
Ever since I started thinking that about him I couldn't bear to leave my room the way it was. Every time he asks me to hang out I end up cleaning like a maniac.
The day he randomly showed up he asked me for my phone number, and I got his. I haven't called him, the reason isn't because I didn't want to, it's because he calls me. We've spent nearly every weekend together for a few weeks now, and hanging out is actually kind of fun.
The second time he called me I didn't think it would be fun at all. But he got here and even though we didn't do anything, like go outside or see a movie we still had a bunch of fun together. I think he's a fun guy, I know I'm not. I don't see why he keeps calling me, but I figure he really wants to hang around or he wouldn't make such an effort.
I thought at first he just wanted to make fun of me or something, he kind of looks like a bully. Actually he sounds like most of the bullies at my school too, but he's never picked on me. Actually he stood up for me, which wasn't something I expected from him. Though even the first time we met I could tell he truly admired me. I have no idea why, the cussing thing? He wants to be able to do that? It makes me mad if that's really it, if he likes that I'm stuck with this horrible disorder.
Maybe a guy like him would handle it better than me. I don't know. It's weird though if that is it because every time my tick goes off he just continues talking to me. It's the most natural conversations I've ever had, even my mom acts odd when I cuss in the middle of talking.
I've seen him smile, and sometimes laugh but he always asks me something else or lets me finish.
Not once has he mistaken my Tourette's for actually swearing at him. I've said bitch around my mom before and she actually thought I was calling her one. I think sometimes she thinks I do, like I pretend it's my disorder but I'm just calling her names. I can kind of tell when she thinks that, she's not as nice to me afterwards and I can't apologize enough to her.
I'm not even sure what I've said around Craig, probably everything by now. He doesn't make a fuss over it so it's easy for me to forget.
I'm waiting for him, and he's late. His parents were driving him today because they didn't want him on the roads on his bike so late, and he's spending the night. It's hard to bike with a bunch of gear on your back, even if it only to the bus stops.
I'm not sure what he's said to his folks about me, I wonder if I will meet them tonight. I hope not, they'd probably think I'm a bad influence on their son. Even if you understand what Tourette's Syndrome is, you still don't want someone cussing up a storm around your kid. At least that's what most of the parents at my school think.
But this is my first sleep over ever and I don't know what to do for a sleep over. I hope Craig knows, because I don't want to do it wrong. I bet it's like hanging out for two days, but in a row.
I'm glad he's the one coming over to my house, I would be so nervous if I went over there. It would be the worst situation ever, because his parents would hear me say those things and they would probably get mad. And I might want to go back home in the middle of the night which would be so embarrassing, because I'm ten and I've never been to a slumber party or sleep over before. Craig told me he has, like a million times probably. I think he has lots of friends back home and he would never be the one to ask to go back to his house in the middle of the night.
I bet he has a ton of friends, and for some reason he's here with me. It doesn't make sense, I mean a guy who's been to a million sleep overs has to have something better to do with his weekend.
Maybe he realized that and decided not to come. Maybe he cancelled on me and I just didn't get the message. I walk across the room and grab the cheap cell phone mom got me for my birthday, just to keep in touch if I go somewhere. It's ridiculous, I don't go anywhere. But I have the cell phone now and that's what Craig keeps calling me on. He gave me his home phone saying his parents don't trust him not to break something that's so expensive. He also mimicked his dad's voice, which I assume is deep and more nasally than his own because that's how he mocked him, "Son, ten year olds do not need cell phones, it's fucking retarded."
His words not mine.
I have 0 messages on my cell phone. I sigh and look at the clock on the screen. He's only thirty minutes late. I didn't know before, but I think I hate waiting on people. It's weird because I'm usually hanging out alone so why should I even worry that it's taking him so long. I can totally occupy myself just fine, more than fine. I am a pro. It's probably because I've never had to wait like this before, I mean I wait on my mom all the time to go into stores while I sit in the car. But it doesn't feel like this.
I sit down and start reading a book on my shelf. It's one of the Hardy boys series, not sure which because they're all kind of the same. Kind of like any mystery series, same shit happening but different places, a lot like Scooby Doo. It's almost easy to distract myself reading, I have to read aloud every night because my speech teacher tells me it will help me talk better. It doesn't seem to make much of a difference; I still interrupt the Hardy boys going into that dark castle in the middle of a rain storm with a few cocksuckers, and piss ants, or whatever else comes crashing out of me. I have a feeling they would not be impressed by me hanging out with them, swearing up a storm when they're supposed to be silent. I don't make a good reader companion.
Which is why it's good that this is just make believe.
"Thomas" I hear my mom call and I jump up. That definitely sounds like he finally got here. I run out of my room and pause in the hallway to listen. I hear mom talking to Craig but there's a man's voice that interrupts her and I don't want to come down now. I wonder if his parents want to meet me too, or just need to talk to mom.
"Fuck ass." I say in the hallway. It's not loud but I hear Craig kick off his shoes.
"That's Thomas right? Hey come on down." He says a little too cheerily for my taste.
"Do you guys want to come in and sit, I have some beverages in the kitchen if you'd like." Mom says and I sincerely hope Craig's dad says no.
"Oh no thank you, I think we're just going to head out now. My wife is in the car, and we're planning to catch a movie with the kids gone tonight." He says loudly.
I do not like that loud voice, oh jeez. My dad is kind of soft spoken and his voice is definitely not that deep. I peer around the corner to take a look and I see that Craig's dad is huge. He looks like a modern day Viking, with red hair and huge shoulders and a belly. I can just see him with a shield and armor taking down foes. Craig looks over at me and waves but I duck back into the hallway out of sight.
"Asshole" I hear myself say and I try to cover up my mouth.
"See ya pops." Craig says rather unenthusiastically before I hear him mount my stairs at full speed. I shouldn't be hiding from him.
I kind of hear our parents chatting, Craig's father seems to be warning my mother that if his son misbehaves at all she is to call him. He'll set him straight.
"Why are you hiding out up here?" Craig asks me and I shrug.
"I was waiting up here for you. Why were you so late?" I ask trying to change the subject. I don't think telling him that his giant father scares the hell out of me is such a good idea.
"Oh my folks are always late, dad's a lazy asshole and my mom always forgets something. Sorry about that, we had to turn around halfway here for their wallets. Both of them forgot." He shakes his head like adults sometimes do to children who are constantly messing up. I laugh because Craig is so serious that sometimes it's funny.
"So what should we do?" I ask and he walks over into my room, he just goes wherever. It's odd that I let him, but I'm getting used to just following him around.
Craig digs through my toy chest, which is more like two plastic bins sitting next to each other. There's not much in them but he pulls out two of the action figures I allow myself to play with. Most are meant for display only, but these two shoot lasers and make sounds like they have jet packs. He hands me a red one and keeps the blue one for himself. He crashes his into mine and starts talking for the commander of the space fleet.
"Hey boy, I'm leaving now. If you misbehave I will ground you. Hear me son?" his father bellows up and I wonder for a second if he's going to come up the stairs or something.
"Kay dad, bye." Craig says and I can tell he barely paid attention to that.
"You're dad is really tall." I say and he looks over from his toy to me.
"Yep." He says bored already.
"Are you like, going to get that tall?" I ask him and he shakes his head at me.
"I'm not really psychic, you know that right?" he says and I make a confused sound at him.
"What?"
"Oh wait, you weren't there. I was playing super heroes with my friends and I got to be psychic, and I had telekresis" he says to me.
That sounds like fun, I would love to play super heroes with other people some time. I have a superman pajama set with a cape on them. I only wear them to bed sometimes, but it's fun to jump off the stairs and feel the cape waving behind me.
"Tele what?" I ask.
"You know, where you can throw stuff with your head." He says.
I can't help but laugh at him.
"You mean move things with your mind?" I say and he looks at me like I'm the one who's being stupid here.
"That's what I said." He says.
"Bastard face shit shit." I swear and his smile is back.
"It's pronounced telekinesis. But that's an awesome super power. I want to be psychic and telekinetic." I say.
"Yeah well, it was one of the better super powers. My friends are so lame. Clyde was playing a game with these idiots from school that I refuse to play with anymore. And he's so stupid, he was a mosquito, with like blood sucking powers or something lame. All he had was a stupid nose and some ketchup packets"
"That is lame. So did you start your own super hero group and like fight those other guys?" I ask curiously. That would be really awesome.
"No their super hero game got carried away, even though they all had strange powers that aren't good for saving people. Clyde told me his mosquito powers weren't as bad as Bradley's, that kid pretended he had mint berry crunch powers and no one could understand what that means. I'm so glad I wasn't forced through that mess. I actually got to avoid all the trouble it caused this time." Craig said and he rammed his blue fighting commander into a tank that was set up on my bed making a boom noise as he did so.
"So what kind of guys are they if they get into trouble so much?"
"You know that kid Kyle that you met?" he asks me and I nod yes. I remember Kyle, he's a bit fiery but he was really nice to me.
"God I hate that guy, him and his friends get into so much trouble. His fat friend made friends with Cthulhu and almost destroyed the world. It was bad news, and none of them even go grounded for it."
"Stupid shit." I say. And he laughs.
"Yep, it is stupid shit. He's joking with me, I can tell because he knew that was just my Tourette's again.
"That was them?" I ask.
I remember that time, it was pretty awful. The school got closed down and I had to sit at home with mom and all she did was watch the television coverage of stupid BP and their drilling fiascos. I heard South Park had a visit from the dark lord, and I wonder now how close Craig got to being thrown into a alternate universe or something.
"Yes, this one time they got me involved in their stupid shit," at this he nods to me grinning like a maniac and I chuckle "they made me get stuck in a Peruvian camp in Florida, then Guantanamo Bay, then we went to Peru. It was the worst thing ever." He glares down at the figure he's playing with and I laugh at the face he's making. I imagine if that action commander toy was any of the jerks he's talking about he'd throw it at the wall.
"Sounds awful." I say. I swear again and it's the first time he hasn't reacted at all to it, not even a grin.
"Gosh I hate those assholes." He says. He gives a little shake of his head, like he's dismissing their existence entirely and then he's back to the tank, trying to make it run over my toy.
We play in almost silence for a long time, well no, we are talking about the game and speaking for our toys but I don't consider it a conversation.
Mom calls up to me and tells me to come downstairs for dinner. I watch Craig jump up and he walks out of my room while I'm still getting up.
"I'm using the bathroom, be right down." He says and I nod at him.
My mom has small pans out and a bunch of stuff on the counter. Inside the pans are half cooked dough and I'm confused at first but then I notice a can of pizza sauce and a bunch of toppings. She's tossing stuff on her own pan, it looks like pineapple and Canadian bacon.
"Oh, where's Craig?" she asks me and I smile telling her he's in the bathroom.
"Are you two having fun?" she asks and I can tell she's a bit worried that we aren't going to. Like I'm too boring to play with. Maybe she's just worried cause I never invite kids over.
"We're having fun, playing with my action figures." I say and she nods at me happily.
"So I have the pizzas, it won't take long to bake and you guys can start a movie maybe? Get into some pajamas and settle down I think. I can make some popcorn for now, and then I have little desserts we can make too." She says and I wonder how she came up with such good ideas for a sleep over. I look at the desserts across the counter and it looks like pudding and gummy worms with oreos.
"Hey, whats for supper?" Craig asks and he jumps up on a stool by the island counter in the kitchen. My mom hands him a pan and he looks at it. I watch him poke the dough before turning to me in confusion.
"Mini pizzas man, here's some sauce." I say handing it to him.
I guess Craig really likes pizza, because he seems pretty happy about it.
I put cheese and parmesan cheese and a million little pepperoni on mine. My mom keeps handing me things and I decide after a while that I actually want everything. I put the onions and some peppers and olives on. Everything but the Canadian bacon and pineapple. It clashes too much.
Craig makes a meat pizza, my mom had a bit of sausage laid out and he put it on first. Then some pepperoni and a sparse amount of cheese. It's kind of a boring creation I realize, because mine is so colorful and I start playing with my olives while the oven pre heats.
I make a smiley face and Craig watches me do it for a bit. I move a lot of the cheese for some yellow hair and the pepperoni under it makes the pizza look like some kind of red guy who's way too happy.
"Okay boys, all done?" mom asks and we both nod.
She trades out the pizza stuff, I help her put it in the fridge and Craig pours himself a glass of root beer. My mom hands us the pudding mix and Oreos and a bowl of m&m's and marshmallows. We also get little parfait cups.
I pile mine in with Oreos first, for the ground I guess, then the pudding and worms and everything else I can cram in. I think Craig does it the opposite way, he points at the Oreos on top and informs me that those are the dirt and should be the top.
He's so serious about it I think maybe he wants me to pour mine out and try again but when I go to do it he just laughs and grabs both of ours, shoving them into a space in the fridge.
"Okay Why don't you boys go get ready for bed and we can eat pizza and put on a movie." Mom says and I jump up.
Craig stares at her like she's stupid, then he looks at the time.
"Why pajamas? It's not even 8:00pm yet. I'm not sleepy yet." He informs her.
I swear, I've been swearing off and on but this one is loud and distracts him for a second.
"So you kids can hang out in comfy clothes Craig, you don't have to go to bed or anything." She says just as seriously and he nods at her like he understands.
"Oh okay." He says and we go upstairs.
I change into my green pajamas. They have woody and buzz on them but only on the shirt. Craig puts on a red racer shirt and some loose shorts.
I'm kind of embarrassed that my pjs match and I feel like a kid until he says how much he likes them. We go back downstairs and I get out pillows and blankets and two tray tables for us to eat off of.
Craig likes action movies, I do too but my mom keeps saying we're not allowed to watch what he picks out. He keeps getting frustrated and at one point he argues with her that his parents let him watch those movies, he's holding up a copy of Reservoir Dogs that my dad owned. I haven't seen it but by the look on mom's face she's about to call his parents and he's going to get grounded.
I shouldn't have let him pick this out, I walk over and grab one of the dvds that is in my pile that isn't a cartoon. It's Transformers and Craig seems okay with this.
"I hate Shia Lebouf, he looks like a chick." Craig comments as the opening credits roll.
"Yeah I wish this was less about some whiney girl and a whore and more about the robots." I comment.
"Whiney girl?" he asks me and I point at Shia on the cover. Craig laughs at me, his little nasally laugh which has a snort at the end of it.
"Cock balls." I say while putting it on.
My mother sighs from the kitchen but I don't say anything. She does that sometimes. She comes in with our hot pizzas all smiles and we get settled down to eat.
I'm halfway through my pudding parfait and Craig has downed his, he actually licked out the glass he had which was really funny. He now has pudding all over his face but I don't think he cares because something is exploding on the screen. I make a noise mimicking it flinging out my arms and he does the same for the next explosion that follows.
"This was better in theaters, it was so loud and everybody was like "Whoa" when I went." Craig says.
"I'm sorry I missed that, sounds awesome." I say while making another boom noise, a car blew up I think.
"Why didn't you watch this in theaters? It was so sweet." He says and he looks almost offended by me.
"Oh, I'm not allowed to watch movies in movie theaters." I say and I shrug it off like it doesn't bother me.
But it does, there are so many movies I would love to watch with a big audience.
"And why is that?" he asks annoyed. I don't know what about but I still shrug at him.
"Because of the Tourette's?" he asks me.
"Yeah, people complain and then the usher comes and asks us to leave. It happened once in third grade and when my mom talked to the manager he asked if she would please just rent movies for me since I was disrupting. They can't actually ban me or anything." I say with a sigh.
Craig is totally ignoring the movie now, he's turned towards me with his mouth wide open like that is the most tragic thing ever.
"No way dude, you have to come to a movie with me sometime. I won't let them throw us out, and if you start swearing I can swear with you so nobody messes with us." He says.
It sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to him, I can tell because he seems so confident about it.
"No way." I shoot him down.
I don't want to be stuck in a room where everyone hates me. That would suck."
"Oh but sometimes at our meetings Micheal turns on a movie on the projector and me and the other Tourette's kids watch something." I say, it's definitely not the same, and by Craig's face I can tell he thinks that is the sorriest thing he's ever heard of.
"Don't worry, we'll go one of these days, you can see what you've been missing out on." Craig says and I just nod at him.
Bumblebee is fighting now, and I like him so much that I don't really want to talk to Craig anymore.
While I'm picking out the next movie my mom comes into the room to observe, probably making sure Craig doesn't put on something inappropriate, which is super lame of her. But Craig sits and doesn't offer any opinion and I hope whatever I choose next isn't something he hates.
It's not that late, but I am getting tired and I could use something quieter. I still like scary movies though but I'm not sure what Craig wants so I make my best guess. I pick out The Mummy and put it on. Craig starts talking to me and I have to pause the movie because I can't really hear him.
"Sh-shit. What?" I ask and he's turned around to me so he can talk.
"I said I'm having a birthday party this weekend and I am giving your mom the invitation because it has the time and place on it. You want to come?" He asks. I don't really think it's a question, he just assumes I'm going.
I don't go to birthday parties, at least I haven't gone to one recently. I got invited to John's two years ago because his mom forced him to invite every kid in class, it was at the Skateland and I was only allowed to skate when the music was really loud. It was stupid, no one even talked to me the whole time.
"Umm, is it at your house?" I ask because I don't want to meet his parents.
"No, it's at Whistlin Willies, but they have an arcade and we can play there. You just need to get some tokens okay." He says and I nod at him.
"Is it okay for me to come?" I ask and my tick goes off because I think my neurological disorder likes to point out the obvious flaws in him inviting me.
"Oh hell yes, I already told my friends you were coming, they're excited to meet you." He says.
Craig rarely says anything as if it's exciting, and the way he says this is less than enthusiastic. But I have a feeling he's telling the truth about the first part, he did tell his friends. I doubt highly anyone is excited to meet me, unless they're all like Craig.
I fidget with my hands because I want to talk a bit, like ask if he warned them about me. But I figure if Craig is so chill than why can't I, it's not a big deal anyway. I can meet kids my own age, and I can make friends. Craig's friends are probably cooler than the guys at my school anyway, they're from South Park, and South Park has all sorts of crazy things happening all the time. Instead I think about the more important people I have to deal with.
"Did you tell your parents I have Tourette's syndrome?" I ask.
"Yeah, I told them a while ago. They forgot what it was, but I told them it's what Cartman was faking and they remembered."
"Fuck tits." Comes out of my mouth but I continue. "So did you tell them what mines like, like how I swear a lot?" I ask.
"Sure, they don't care. They are always cussing too, and it's not like you can help it. It's cool just come." He says dismissing anything else I had to say.
He turns the movie back on and I sit down thinking about Craig's birthday. I have to buy him a good gift, which means I have to go shopping to pick it out. I haven't been in a toy store for a while, but I know my mom can't just pick up something for him. I bet she will be so excited for me to go. I just don't know if I want to.
"I don't know if I really want to…." I go to say but he's looking at me and I stop myself. Because he looks kind of mad at me, and I can see he does actually want me to go.
"Listen Thomas, if I could have you come to my party, it would make me so happy." He says, and I really believe him.