Once the red car was out of sight I made my way back to my classroom and started up the computer that hides under a pile of papers on my desk. It only took a couple minutes of digging to discover they were all using the same names, as if nothing had changed. The address on their files meant nothing to me but a quick Google maps search revealed it was an isolated ski lodge situated in a private valley just off the highway on the other side of the mountain.
I know they won't want to listen to me. I will have to shock and surprise them and hope it's enough to motivate them. I will have to revel one of my secrets just to get their attention. But if they leave maybe I can stay. Maybe she won't know I'm here. I have claimed this town as my own and I am going to protect it from the devastation they leave in their wake. They can relocate their cold dead bodies elsewhere.
I managed to keep my mind occupied with planning the details of my surprise visit for the entire drive home. It wasn't until I was beside my house pulling up the parking brake in my car that I began to wonder if he was with them. After everything I had learned I didn't really believe he would be there, but I had to consider the possibility. At one time they had been a family and he could easily have returned. I knew it would be embarrassing to announce my feelings in front of all of them but if it was the only opportunity I was given I would take it without hesitation.
As soon as I took off my shoes and set my bag down I emptied the bathroom garbage, I don't want Dan seeing the pregnancy tests and asking me about it. I know I have some serious decisions to make but I need to remove the Cullen's from my town and my life before I will be able to think straight. I am incredibly relieved when I remember Dan is working a double shift and I wouldn't have to spend the entire evening pretending everything is fine. Dan, like a hefty percentage of the work force in this part of the province, works in the coal mines. The mines run nonstop with multiple long shifts staggered throughout the day. Follow the highway though any of the towns around here and you will see men waiting, on the side of the road with their large metal lunch kits and hard hats, for the bus that takes them to the mines.
I've heated up some left over lasagne and am eating supper over the sink so I won't have to waste time cleaning a dish. I finish my food quickly then get down to business and start practicing; I haven't used my shield seriously in almost 5 years and my control has never been great. I stand in my bedroom, in front of the full length mirror beside the closet, and concentrate on making myself completely invisible. I am shocked that it is so much easier than the last time I tried. I am able to make myself disappear almost instantly and it isn't hard to become visible again; when I had first discovered my shield I had trouble turning it off which caused some serious issues for me. How do you tell your father you were home before curfew, he just couldn't see you?
Within the hour I am able to control it to the extent that I can hide specific parts of my body while leaving the rest visible. I stand in front of the mirror trying different looks; headless Bella, I have no legs Bella, war amps Bella. If only I had a Halloween party to go to. I am surprised at how much control I have, it has never been like this before. I can feel exactly where my shield starts and ends, what is protected by it and what can slip through. I toss my cell phone in the center of the bed and try to throw my shield around it so I can't hear it when it rings. I am able to lock the noise within my shield on the first try. They will have no clue I am there until I want them to know.
Now that I have been practicing my shield I can't stop myself from wrapping a layer of protection around the baby in my womb. I'm surprised because while I can't physically feel this baby inside of me I can sense it with my shield. I feel exactly where I stop and this new person starts; it is the most comforting sensation I have felt in a long time.
I'm blown away by how much control I have but I still need to test my shield more completely before walking into a house full of vampires tomorrow. So I walk out the back door of my house dressed in a red pair of Paul Frank pajamas with my shield wrapped around myself like an egg. I take my time walking the few blocks to the well lit grocery store. I wander up and down the aisles making faces, screaming and singing at the top of my lungs. No one looks at me; no one sees or hears me. I am walking by the dairy case admiring the way the light seems to shimmer through my invisible barrier when one of the teenagers who pumps gas at the Husky turns around and should have walked straight into me. But he never touched me, instead he is lying on the ground looking like he has just ran into a brick wall. Well that's a new development. My shield is much stronger then I had ever imagined. Maybe it won't matter if she finds me. Maybe I can protect us.
I leave the store and start heading home buzzing with my new found confidence as if it was electricity. If I didn't even know I could do this there was no way they would have any clue. They can't hurt me if they can't touch or see me. Well, there was always Alice, but from what I have learned she hadn't been able to see me for a while even before they left. I guess my shield, which had kept Edward out of my head, had slowly been growing until it could also shut Alice out. My ability combined with a threat to reveal their secret should be enough. The Cullen's will not be staying here.
The house was still dark and empty when I approached. I take the opportunity and crawl into my bed to bask in the solitude. I'm lying in the dark trying to relax each muscle in my body and thinking about him; the reward at the end of a long day. I must have fallen asleep. one second I am dreaming that I am in a field of tall prairie grasses with a huge expanse of blue cloudless sky over head my body warm from the sunshine which I can smell, the next I am awake in my bed. I can feel the mattress shift as Dan lowers himself onto it. He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling my back tight to his chest. The smell of sunshine and grass is replaced with the musty smell of the mine combined with cigarettes and soap form the shower Dan must have just taken. His lips brush my ear, "Night sweetie." I sigh deeply and snuggle into my husband and the bed, but I don't acknowledge that I am awake. I struggle to send myself back to the expanse of prairie and the sense of comfort I felt in that dream, but am unable to conjure the place in my mind. Instead I allow myself to enjoy the feeling of strong arms wrapped around me; of warm breath on my neck; and of a heart beating steadily against my back. I bask in the love and affection I haven't earned and fall into a dreamless sleep.
I wake to find a quiet house. I'm surprised I was able to sleep through Dan leaving for work. I expected myself to be more nervous and unsettled, but instead I feel an intense determination. I leave the warmth of my bed to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. The grey linoleum floor in the bathroom is so fucking cold that my teeth are chattering by the time I'm done. I find a plaid button up that belongs to Dan crumpled in the corner of the couch and pull it on over my pajamas so I don't freeze to death.
In the kitchen I have to dig through 3 drawers before I find a coffee filter and I use the very last of the coffee beans, which isn't enough to make a full pot. I wonder back into the living room while the machine works its magic and put my favourite Modest Mouse record on the player. The starting riffs from The Moon and Antarctica join the gurgle of the coffee maker and I can't keep help but sing along to words I've had memorized for years. I have a few hours to waste since I don't work today and I won't be heading out to visit the Cullen's until the afternoon. The time passes quickly while I wonder around the house drinking coffee and singing. The house is only silent when a record needs to be flipped.
I start to feel a little nervous as the morning runs down and the afternoon approaches. I run a warm shower and stand under the flowing water until it runs ice cold. Once I have extracted my once again frozen form from the icy water I decide to dry my hair and even put on a little mascara. I might not give a fuck what they think of me, but it's still hard to stand in a room with 6 flawless people while you look like a freak with a vitamin deficiency who hasn't figured out how to use a comb. Since I am expecting a long walk home I pull on a clean black pair of yoga pants a sports bra and one of my favourite t-shirts.
Since I am planning to approach and retreat from the Cullen's house on foot I forgo my favourite worn out Chucks for a pair of real runners that I use at the gym when I can be bothered to go. I pull on my grey hoodie and a small black back pack filling it with a few select items from the cardboard box that lives at the very back of my closet, a small amount of cash and my iPod and ear buds. I stand by the back door and make one last visual sweep of my house trying to determine if I am forgetting anything. I decide to grab an apple from the bowl on the middle of the kitchen table and my teeth are breaking its skin before I'm out the door.
I walk back towards the grocery store I visited last night, this time without the protection of my shield. I stare at a cloudy grey sky as I wait on the sidewalk for the bus that will take me up to the resort at the base of the mountain; hopefully walking from there to the Cullen's secluded house won't take me much more than an hour. By the time the bus pulls up its quarter to 1 in the afternoon and there are 4 snowboard punks waiting at the stop with me. I can only assume they are heading up to the resort to try and nab some of the coveted winter jobs working on the mountain.
Once I've paid my fare I slowly meander down the aisle before picking a bench and sitting with my back against the window and my feet up on the seat. I cradle my back pack and its contents, my ammunition, to my chest. I've got one ear bud in but really I'm listening to the teenagers at the back of the bus talk about all the chicks they fucked and I wonder what he's up to tonight. Despite the hope and excitement I feel flaring up in my chest when I think I could be close to seeing him I hope he is far away from here and the Cullen's. When I think of what he' done since I saw him last I like to imagine that he found his way back to Texas and the two people who never tried to change him. I know the Cullen's believed they were helping him find a more peaceful life but it is impossible to forget who you were born and trained to be. All the Cullen's ever accomplished was to make him feel like a disappointment and failure. And that's one thing which he could never be.
I'm pulled from my thoughts and memories as the bus lurches to a stop in front of the main ski chalet of the resort. I disembark via the back door and cut across the empty parking lot towards the edge of the dense green forest and the marked hiking trails that litter the lower slopes of the mountain. I find the marker for the trail I need, Smelters Ridge will lead me down into the forest and eventually only few hundred feet from a small gravel road that cuts through the valley on the west side of the mountain. From what I could see on the internet the Cullen's long drive is the only thing on this road for miles around, I shouldn't have any trouble finding it.
I pull up my shield as soon as I dive into the trees. I don't want to leave my scent anywhere near their house. The pale grey light floating down through the branches of the evergreens instantly reminds me of the hours I spent searching the woods around Forks. I wasted so many hours looking for that stupid meadow, something to prove I hadn't gone mad and imaged the whole thing. And I fucking found my god damned proof in that meadow. Laurent's presence, his cloudy maroon eyes, had left no room for doubt.
After about 10 minutes I unzip my hoodie. Even without the sun shining hiking is hard work and sweat is gathering at the base of my neck and under my breasts. I keep the volume on my iPod low so I am aware of what's around me in the trees. After about 50 minutes I cross out of the tree line at the base of the mountain and hike up the ditch to the gravel road. As I'm catching my breath and wiping the sweat form my brow I curse myself for not bringing a bottle of water. Even the Boy Scouts know you need to be prepared. This trek was harder then I was expecting and I start to wonder if this whole growing a human being thing is effecting my energy levels. I take off my hoodie shoving it into my back pack and hold my iPod in my hand.
I start down the gravel road and try to lose myself in the music. After only 3 songs I can see the trees that are blocking the Cullen house from view. Another 2 songs and I'm at the end of their drive. My heart is hammering and I'm losing the confidence and determination I felt this morning. I stop before heading up the drive and try to prepare myself. I mentally remind myself of what is at stake, my hands finding my belly in a move that is becoming all too cliché and familiar. I dig up memories I have worked hard to forget of all of the bullshit violence and death that flooded my life because of them. I think of Renee and am relieved that for once I can turn these emotions into the rage I need instead of tears. I push the thought of Charlie away, not yet ready to face the guilt I have bottled up inside, instead focusing on the hate that Renee's murder planted within me hate of Victoria and hate of the Cullen's for leaving her alive and me unprotected.
I begin the trek up the Cullen's drive my steps sure and firm with purpose, my fists balled in rage. My shield seems to surge around me with force I have never felt before. In what seems to be the blink of an eye I am walking up to a huge modern house. 3 stories tall and all glass concrete and right angels the house is undeniably beautiful but out of place nestled in this wilderness. I push the front door and am not surprised to find it opens easily under my touch. The Cullen's had never worried about security. I stand in the foyer and listen until I am fairly sure no one is home.
I head through the living room with its high ceilings and enter a small kitchen that looks out over the back of the property. Wrapping my shield tight around my hand I open the fridge without ever actually touching it and scavenge a bottle of water from within. I down the entire bottle of cold liquid in one go. I would drink another but I don't want to have to pee; I'm not sure I could manage that without leaving a trail of some sort. I check the time on the microwave and see that it is already twenty past three and I guess I won't have long until all of the Cullen's are home.
Despite my curiosity I won't allow myself to wander further then the living room. However I do allow myself to thoroughly examine everything that's visible while I wait. I stop my ipod and shove it into a side pocket on my backpack and listen intently for the sound of anyone approaching while I take in the room. Most of what is on display does not interest me; book shelves filled with a variety of titles; A large screen TV hooked up to a satellite receiver, PS3, Xbox 360 and Nintendo Wii; shelves full of DVD's and video games; a few large abstract paintings; and vases full of flowers. What does interest me is the one wall filled with framed snap shots. If you didn't look too closely it seems to be a record of 4 obviously loved teenagers. However closer inspection reveals that the 4 subjects never age or change although the style of their clothes and the quality of the photographs does. It only takes me only a few seconds to scan every photo and release a deep breath when I am sure each photo has only some combination of the same 4 faces. He is clearly no longer a member of this family.
My internal celebration is interrupted by the sound of tires on the gravel drive. I move and take a seat on the couch staring at the door. I hear one car stop followed closely by another, there is the sound of doors closing but I can't tell how many. My palms are damp; I drag them over my thighs. I hear voices and then the door opens and I see Edward, my throat tightens and my hands are in fists. I will never forgive you. I count to one hundred and breathe deeply through my nose. By the time I am able to focus they are all in the room.
Alice has her hand wrapped around Edward's wrist and is dragging him toward the stairs yammering about some project she wants his help with. Emmet is already rifling through the shelves of games trying to decide what to play. Rosalie is pouring over a pamphlet Esme just handed her talking about vacations. And Carlisle is closing the door and asking Edward about his day. I don't allow myself to recognize or process any of the emotions that wash over me. I take a deep breath. Now or never. I drop my shield and pull it in tight around my baby. The six of them instantly freeze as they hear my heart beat and then turn towards me.
It takes me a second but I am able to find my voice. "You shouldn't be here. You all need to leave."
12 golden eyes are locked on me and no one is moving. Finally Carlisle relaxes his tense stance and his velvet soft voice breaks the silence. "Bella? Is that you?"
I can't help myself. "Who the fuck else would I be?"
Carlisle takes a second to glance at Edward who has not moved and still has his eyes locked on me, his mouth slightly open in shock. The good doctor looks back to me and asks; "How did you get here?"
"I walked."
At my response Rosalie exhales audibly and Emmet giggles. Carlisle silences them with one look. I'm still sitting, trying my hardest to seem relaxed, on their couch with my backpack beside me waiting for Carlisle's next question. "How did you hide yourself?"
"I used my shield."
Everyone is quiet. Esme is wringing her hands. Emmet and Rosalie are staring at each other across the room like they are having a silent conversation. Alice keeps glancing between myself and Edward who still hasn't moved. I keep my eyes locked on Carlisle who is actually rubbing his temples. Like a fucking vampire can get a headache. I take another deep breath and then reach into the bag beside me. I toss a Forks High School year book and Carlisle's laminated credentials from the Forks Hospital on the glass coffee table. I zip my bag and toss it over my shoulder as I stand. "If you don't want people here asking how you didn't age in the last eight years then you need to leave."
Carlisle, Esme, Emmet and Rosalie are all staring at the items on the table like they can't quite decipher what they might be. Alice's eyes are now locked on Edward her face a blank mask. Edward's eyes are clearly raking up and down my form and their colour is quickly changing from gold to black. As soon as I recognize the change in his eyes I shield my smell and the sound of the blood in my veins and I finally return his stare. "You promised me I would get to live a normal life. You said it would be like you never existed. This is my home, you need to leave."
Edward looks panicked for a minute. His mouth opens and closes a few times before he is able to speak. "What happened to your smell and the sound of your heart?"
I take a deep breath and try to stay calm. "Just making sure you can control yourself."
Edward finally tares his eyes away from me and looks pleadingly at Carlisle. They speak, but it's too quick for me to understand which pisses me off. I point to the items I left on the coffee table; "I have a lot of treasures just like those. You all need to leave this town." I start slowly backing towards the kitchen.
"Wait!" Edward's voice is loud and high pitched, desperate. "I missed you, I have thought about you every single day."
Rage is boiling beneath the surface of my skin. The hatred I feel for him is so intense I can hardly control myself. I want to ask if he thought of all ways I might have need protection or help from the family I had been promised. If he had thought of all the different ways he could have killed me and tortured my body, but I don't want him to know I have seen who the true Edward Cullen is. I decide to speak a portion of the truth; I have never been good at lying. My voice cracks and shakes with the anger that is consuming me like flames. "I'm broken. You left my heart blinking like an old Nintendo it's never going to work again!"
And then I am invisible again, wrapped in my shield and heading for their back door as quickly as I can. I feel sharp pressure at my back and my shield seems to burn a bright blue colour around me. And then I am out their door and running alone across the valley, my breath scraping and burning my lungs. I don't stop until I am on the side of the highway and the tears have dried to trails of dirt on my cheeks.