A/N: Hey there! Thank you guys for the reviews, alerts, favorites, for everything, you make me smile. I'm glad you like this fiction.
Here's chapter 2, how I promised it's spinning around Kendall... And here I'd like to ask you guys if this length of the chapters is good enough for you guys? Sometimes I maybe will get carried away if I get into it too deeply .. you know how it goes but this kind of length is what I want to keep up at least... around 4000 words.. so it's okay? Tell me please:) Well I hope you like it, I don't know what to say to this, enjoy reading!
Chapter 2- Always unsure
She kissed him with so much passion what he had never experienced before but yet it doesn't mean anything special. There were no sparks, trembling, or that mind-blowing feeling he had always looked for every time he kissed a girl.
Kendall always loved kissing, loved to give into it everything what he had and also he expected his partner to do the same. And even if they did, he never felt that it would be enough for him. Something was definitely missing and he couldn't find it however he gave into every each movement of his everything. That's why he had kissed a lot. He hoped once when he wouldn't even expect he would find that something.
But however he tried, almost a week of being Jo's boyfriend wasn't enough to him to find that something. The girl was always pushing him towards the deeper, the more passionate, it was obvious what she had wanted but Kendall didn't want to do it with someone who for he didn't feel anything what was worth to be mentioned.
Yes, Kendall Knight, the biggest face at the school was still virgin but he didn't feel ashamed about it. He had a few girlfriends before Jo, since he was a high-school student and got to be popular girls were lingering on him all the time but he never really forced himself into those kind of situations which would have led him into bed with any of them.
He clearly told the girls when it seemed like they would want to take the next step that he wasn't ready yet and if they don't like it the door was open to leave anytime. Of course none of them spread the word that Kendall was still virgin, eventually then they would have gotten into the center of attention, everyone would have been speaking of the girls who weren't enough for Kendall Knight to pull his pants down.
So his virginity was secret but he wouldn't have cared if it wasn't. Actually he was proud of himself that he could keep his fame with his v-card still in his pocket, he was proud of himself that he didn't get popularity with sleeping around.
His best friend, Carlos teased him a few times when they were alone at one of their places but he was only joking. Kendall never took it on his heart, more he loved that his best friend dared to do that with him.
Kendall couldn't do it in a while to Carlos because the short Latino on his 17th birthday, already more than a half year ago, got rid of his virginity. He had slept with Stephanie, one of those girls who were in their class yet in last year but she left Minnesota before the actual semester would have started.
Carlos told him that being with Stephanie was really good, she and Carlos had been a few dates together and since they both liked each other when it came to Carlos' birthday it wasn't question for the girl what she would give as birthday gift. Carlos didn't challenge of course but he would have never asked something like that if the girl wouldn't have offered it.
As much as Kendall knew a few times they had gotten together after their first time but then a few weeks later they split up when they figured that Stephanie should leave in a few months and none of them wanted their relationship to get too serious, otherwise it would have been hard to say good bye.
As Jo pushed Kendall back on the blonde boy's bed he remembered what Carlos told him. He wouldn't have agreed into sex if he didn't like her and if he wasn't that curious as he was. Kendall wondered for a bare second, should I give in and get through it already? Or should I wait how I've always wanted? Do I want it anyway with a girl?
Kendall felt his jeans getting tighter but he knew it was only an instinctual movement of his curious body. He actually had never liked Jo that much, she was too pushy and it got proved when during that one week they had been together for, it wasn't the first time that she attacked him when they got home and Kendall's mom wasn't there yet.
Jo had begun to head down on his body and unbuckled his belt, soon Kendall's jeans were opened and she sat on his manhood to tease him. Kendall was grateful for her movements because with that she gave him more time to think, it wasn't late yet, it was never late if he wanted to back off.
But Kendall felt like he didn't want to back off. The whole week had passed and James didn't even give him a single look. It had already driven him crazy. He thought James Diamond didn't like him, he was always so good looking, so confident and never seemed like caring about guys, and he could never catch him staring towards him. Not even when Kendall was with girls all day, James didn't seem jealous.
Either he is acting so fucking good or he isn't into me as much as I'm into him.
Kendall didn't really know what made him thinking of James that much but he did it and he knew it might means that he was gay. But when James, thanks to Logan, was already sure in his sexuality at least he knew he liked guys too and had started to be friends with the word of gay, Kendall couldn't imagine how it would feel if he said about himself that thing. Sometimes he wondered if he only stared at the brunette only because of the stupid hormones but other times he caught himself getting bored with girls and imagined if it was James there. Didn't matter what he was doing, he wondered how it would feel with a guy, and the only guy who fitted into his imaginary, was James.
Jo was kissing his lips and moved her hips against Kendall's, rubbing his dick hardly through Kendall's opened jeans and the fabric of his briefs, but Kendall didn't care what she was doing, he kept thinking of James.
The entire week had passed and Carlos didn't talk to him again about James, but he wanted someone so badly to talk about his James. In that moment Kendall realized that Carlos didn't really talk to him about anything other either. Though, Kendall knew he screwed it up when he lied to his best friend that he didn't like him, and he knew he screwed it up even more when he agreed to be Jo's boyfriend. He knew Carlos wouldn't push it again but Kendall didn't think that Carlos would be upset about it so much that he wouldn't even get into a chat with his best friend during the rest of the week.
Why the fuck I didn't tell him? He is my best friend, now he is probably mad at me because I didn't trust him that much. He could help me to figure out what I feel or whatsoever. Shit, I need to make it right.
As this thought had rushed through his mind he pushed Jo off of him and stood up. He pulled on his pants and tried to calm down.
"Jo, please, I don't want it. Go and leave me alone."
"What?" she sat up and set up her hair and her clothes.
"You heard, go."
"Are you breaking up?" she asked scooting closer to the edge of the bed till he reached Kendall who helped her up.
"No. but I don't want sex yet. Just go please. I need to go to Carlos."
"You're fucking gay, aren't you?" she asked all of a sudden showing that inside she really was a bitch and nothing more.
Kendall blinked and let go of her hand, "what? Because I don't want to sleep with you?" Kendall chuckled, a little bit scared of hearing that word being told at him but then a second later he thought, it wouldn't matter, for James it be would worth it. But it still was weird to even think of it because he really had no idea if he was really gay or just undecided which often happens in teen age when you are curious and want to try everything what seems like something new.
That was why he needed to go to Carlos and talk about it, talk about everything, about girls and guys, about their friendship, he didn't want Carlos to be mad at him and he just now noticed that his friend probably was actually mad during the week.
"Because of that and because you're thinking of your friend when I'm sitting on top of you and try to do something with you"
"I'm thinking of him because I kinda made him mad at me and I want to make it right before it would get worse. Anyways you and I are dating for a week. Who the fuck do you think I am that I would sleep with you after this short time, some whore or what?"
"Okay, okay calm down. I didn't mean it like that; I just thought it's me being the wrong one."
"There is nothing wrong with you" he said, except that you just want to use me.
"Okay then, we are going to do it another time" she kissed her boyfriend and left the house.
Kendall sighed in relief and noted calmed that his excitement had gone away.
She doesn't do anything to me. I need to know what Carlos thinks about the James thing and then I might break up with her. I don't care what she would do.
Kendall picked up his car keys and phone and headed to Carlos' place.
"Hey" Carlos opened the door when Kendall rang the bell; he stood there awkwardly scratching the back of his neck, "what do you want here this late?"
"Uh, I'm sorry Carlos, were you busy or something?"
"Nope, we are watching a movie with my parents, are you okay though?"
"Yes, I just felt like I need to come over and talk because you are maybe mad at me" Kendall said. Carlos opened the door and stepped back.
"Come on in" he waved and Kendall was inside. He looked over to the living room, "Mr. and Mrs. Garcia."
"Kendall, is there anything wrong?" Mrs. Garcia lifted herself off the couch.
"Nope nothing, I was just bored and thought I could come over. Mom is working and Katie is spending her weekend at dad's place" Kendall explained.
"Oh, all right then. Have fun boys" Mr. Garcia said and with that they both returned to watch the movie.
"Come on" Carlos grabbed Kendall's wrist and led him up to his bedroom.
They took seats on Carlos' bed and both of them stared at their hands in silent for a few moments.
"Look Carlos, I know you were pissed at me when you mentioned that thing about the Diamond kid and I told you to leave me alone with that but I wasn't sure and I still am not sure in anything. I know it wasn't right to run into someone other's arms instead of talking about it with my best friend, and I am sorry for putting Jo forward than you. I just now noticed that we didn't hang out this week, you avoided me and I didn't realize why, I actually couldn't see it because I didn't want to. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you".
"It's okay Kendall. I tried to not to be pushy because I saw it was uncomfortable and when I saw you have chosen another way I didn't want to force it and accept that you didn't want to tell me, I tried to be as normal as I was before around you, obviously it didn't worked. What made you realize that I wasn't all right?"
"I just, tonight I almost had sex with Jo, don't say anything I didn't do it but I thought for a few seconds it would be great to get over it. But then I noticed it didn't mean anything and I didn't want to do it without feelings, as I have never wanted it before her either. I started to think of James and with that of you, that you thought I liked him. And actually I really do and I felt ashamed because I might have hurt you with not telling it to you"
"Okay. But now you know you should have told, right?" Carlos asked and Kendall nodded.
"Then now you are here because you want to talk. This is what you should do anytime when you need something to clear up, if you're not sure, who could listen to you and tell you something to do if not your best friend? I only wanted to help because obviously you didn't want to admit it, now I know it was only because you're kind of scared, right?"
"Y—yes" Kendall stuttered, "but I'm sorry, I know I need you, I need something to figure out if I really feel like this or these are only hormones doing it to me. I mustn't hide it, instead I should discover it, discover everything what keeps me excited."
"Great. First let me know why you think you like James?"
"I don't know I just can't look at him like I look at other guys, not as I look at you, or any other guys in the team, he is something else, you know? I only wish we could go along well, sometimes we could talk but that never really happens. We stay in silent around each other or we begin to tease."
"You know why this is working this way?"
"Because of me. I know. But it feels right to tease him. I just want him to talk to me, other way he wouldn't even look at me."
"You don't know that."
"I know Carlos. I stare at him so much and he never stares back. He doesn't care if I'm alone or if I'm with girls, he just walks by and doesn't look at me. No way that he would like guys, that he'd like me."
"Maybe he is doing the staring thing secretly as you do" Carlos chuckled remembering the scene a year ago in the shower.
"What do you mean by that?" Kendall asked raising his eyebrows.
"I mean, I noticed you are keeping an eye on him when you think he would never look at you because he is busy with other things. That's why I assumed you'd like him. He might does the same, either of us notices it but if from now we keep an eye open, who knows?"
"I don't know. Maybe i should just forget it. It's not a big deal, is it? I mean other guys do the same, it's strange and we all wonder how it would feel, don't you?"
"I don't know Kendall. But you are doing it for at least a year now. Actually nobody notices it because you hide it very well, but I'm your best friend, I can see through you and I can say it already is a big deal, if it wasn't you would have stopped and forgotten about him."
"A year?"
"I saw you in the shower a year ago palming yourself while James was in the shower."
Kendall's face turned into a breezy shade of red, "how long were you there?"
"Just for a few seconds, till I realized what's going on, why?"
Kendall cleared his throat, "well, James was with his back of course so he didn't see me but I got excited from the sight in the mirror and now I know that you saw that too, oh my god and then I felt the urge to jack off, it hurt so badly and I went into the nearest closet and did it and tried to be quiet as much as I could."
"When I left you were still staring into the mirror. You think James heard you?"
"No, I was in the farther corner so he couldn't plus I finished quickly and left before he got out of the shower"
"Yeah I remember that you came out first. Whatever, so since then or even longer?"
"When this thing happened I already had started to look at him other way a few weeks before but that was the first time that I actually got into that awkward situation."
"Okay. So more than a year ago."
"Yeah, actually in summer hockey camp before school started last year, but whatever. Do you think I'm gay then?"
"Kendall, I don't know, you self said that it might be only a little excitement over the new things but the fact that it has taken this long, you might like guys too but it's okay. Nothing is wrong with that."
"You think?"
"Absolutely" Carlos nodded.
"What should I do with this?"
"If you want to get close to James then you should try to be nice to him and sometimes to talk to him or whatsoever and then you could see how it feels, you know."
"Okay. I'm gonna try" Kendall said and laid on his back on his friend's bed.
Carlos settled next to him and they both stared at the ceiling, "what happened at the hockey camp? You guys have been in three camps together already and whenever you came home you never told me other thing that it was fun."
Kendall laughed, "nothing had happened Carlos. He was there and I were there too, we played and didn't really talk."
"But something happened. You still keep it in secret but it's okay" Carlos rolled his eyes.
Kendall sighed, "really nothing had happened, believe me."
"Sorry dude, but I can't. I know you too well. At least promise me that once you'll tell it."
"Okay, I will but it really is not a big thing."
"Okay, whatever you say Kendall."
With that they had fallen into a deep silence again.
"Anyway you really never wondered how it would be with another guy?" Kendall asked once.
Carlos laughed, "Everyone does Kendall, maybe they don't admit but everyone does."
"So do you, right?"
"Yes."
"Who is the other guy for you?" Kendall teased even if he saw Carlos felt uncomfortable.
"You won't kick my ass, will you?" Carlos turned to Kendall.
"Nope why would I .. oh gosh, it's me?"
Carlos grinned, "There was a time when it was you, I admit but now it's someone else."
"Okay" Kendall sat up, "before we talk about the other one, tell me what you thought of me doing to you."
"Kendall you have gone insane, no way."
"Come on, it cannot be that dirty."
"No, it really isn't that dirty but yet awkward."
"Please. I want to ask you something and I need to know it."
"Wait" Carlos jumped off the bed, "you want me to kiss you, don't you?"
"Don't be freaked out, it's just a kiss, to both of us to know how it goes" Kendall followed him.
"Kendall this gay thing has gone to your mind."
"Okay then just tell me what you thought of me."
Carlos sat on the floor and after a sigh he had began, "it has started in our freshman year, I saw you playing on the ice, sweating and stuff and noticed it made me think of things, you know. But I only imagined you holding my hand and getting closer. Then when we had got to be even better friends it had washed away, I didn't want anything, plus there was Stephanie, I totally forgot about my thing for you"
"Aha, okay, let's say I believe you, then what had happened after she was gone?"
"I noticed you staring James. You have been doing that for a while back then but I didn't see it earlier, but then my eyes stopped on Logan how I turned my look over and over to the direction where you were staring."
"Oh how sweet" Kendall giggled.
"Yeah but it's nothing, I mean. I don't think I would ever want him to kiss me, either you; it's so not my thing. I don't think I would be gay. I'm just curious I guess and I love girls, I know for sure after Stephanie."
"You never know Carlos. Till you try it with a guy you never know."
"Kendall stop."
"No, please."
"Stop."
"No" Kendall said and scooted closer to Carlos.
"You won't stop it, will you?"
Kendall shook his head, "come on, it's not like I want to fuck you, just a kiss."
"Hey stop saying things like that, who knows what's going on your mind" Carlos blushed of the thought of Kendall fucking him.
"Seriously, one kiss, to try it" Kendall said again.
"Okay, let's try it out" Carlos sighed and leant in to Kendall.
"Now?" Kendall wondered as their faces got closer.
"No, next year, idiot" Carlos laughed into Kendall's face.
Their lips touched, the kiss was slow, wet and sweet. Something strange to both boys but they didn't seem to want to stop it. They moved together in a perfect sync but either of them dared to take any movement with their hands being scared that they would wander somewhere where they shouldn't have.
Soon Kendall backed off before their tongues could have met.
"So?" Kendall raised an eyebrow.
"What so?" Carlos asked and didn't look at his best friend but stared the door of his room.
Kendall chuckled, "how did it feel for you?"
"It was weird, a good weird though, even if we didn't use tongue job" Carlos explained, "what about you?"
"Now I wonder how it would feel with James."
"So then you like it" Carlos said and lifted himself up. Kendall followed him.
They were standing there in the middle of Carlos' room, "I .. yeah, I did. Then I'm gay, right?"
"Not for sure. It only means that you like to kiss guys, at least me" Carlos laughed.
"Ha-ha, yeah. Uh whatever. Thanks anyway."
"Yeah it's all right" Carlos sat back onto his bed.
Kendall lowered down next to him, "what should I do now? With James."
"I'm still saying that you should try to be his friend and see if this could be serious, even if you figured that he is straight, at least you would know what is going on with you."
"Yes I know. Gonna hurt if things happened like that."
"Otherwise you'd never know if there is a chance."
"Yeah, okay. Thank you Carlitos" they hugged and then laid back on the comforter.
"Wanna stay for the night?"
"If you don't mind. I hate that I'm all alone at home."
"Sure thing bro, I let mom know it so she can give you a pillow and blanket."
"Okay" Kendall nodded and watched Carlos walking out of the room. He still felt the taste of Carlos' lips on his own ones. He had kissed a lot girls already but it felt different, it was way better, with his best friend. He wondered how it would be like with James, with someone who he actually had a crush on, he has so soft lips, from the outside they look delicious, wish I could go up to him and know how he kisses.