"Dude, you heard me in there. I-I-," Raj stammered, having trouble saying the words again without the security of his hands keeping the words from travelling to unintended ears. "I've known I've liked you for awhile."
"You're straight though. You're so shy around women you can't even talk to them. Or is it some other reason that you can't talk to women? Like you hate them so much you can't even talk to them?" Howard accused.
"No, I am really shy around women-,"
"That's even worse! You just like me as a surrogate for a woman then?" Howard shuddered, the sexual implications frightening him.
"No that's not it either!" Raj sighed. "Can I explain?"
"Please do," Howard folded his arms.
"Up until this point, I've always liked women," Howard raised an eyebrow, but Raj continued. "But one day I was taking care of business." Raj made a loosely clenched fist with his right hand and moved it up and down.
"Yeah, I got it without the gesture. I don't like where this is going, but go on..." Howard shook his head.
"So I was going at it one day, and I just thought of you."Raj shrugged. "It really worked, so ever since then I've been into you."
Howard's entire body went slack. "W-what exactly did you fantasize about." he asked cautiously, with every word regretting the question he was about to ask.
"Just the usual." Raj shrugged again. "You giving me a blowjob." he further explained without any prodding.
"Oh." Howard fell on the wall, next to the door of Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. "I see." he replied weakly. "And how long have you felt like this?"
"A year and a half, maybe two years now,"
Howard closed his eyes and put his hand to his forehead. All this time, the man he considered his best friend was in love with him. There was no good way to respond to this. If he brushed him off, their friendship would never be the same. But if he reciprocated, he'd be in a gay relationship. And he wasn't gay. Opening his eyes but still leaning against the wall, Howard looked Raj directly in the eyes and spoke softly. "I'm sorry Raj, but I'm not gay."
"Neither am I," Raj smiled.
"Well...yes, you are because you're telling me you love me,"
"No dude, I'm bisexual,"
"Same difference,"
"Listen, Howard! You're the first man I ever liked! It's like what you were saying in there - all those girls didn't love you. And you didn't really love them either - you just wanted their body and they wanted yours, for some reason."
"You want it too, so I wouldn't throw stones." Howard said weakly.
"Not exclusively though Howard. Listen," Raj cupped Howard's face in his hands. "I was planning on saying something for awhile now, and I'm really not expecting you to fall into a relationship with me. But what you were saying in there, I really think that you're finally on my wavelength - that at this point in our lives we want to stop the futile chasing of the opposite sex and settle down. And if that happens to be with someone of the same sex, well for me it's not a big deal. Especially if it's you." he whispered the last part, and Howard turned bright red.
"Well Raj, I...I just don't know...I mean, it makes sense from a companionship point of view. But we'll be together for the rest of our lives, regardless of whether it's romantic or not. You don't have to go to that level," Howard refused to look Raj in the eye, despite the fact that his head was firmly stuck in place. "We'll be friends forever, so let's just forget that you ever said anything., okay? You're clearly confused after all," he chortled.
"Am I really?" Raj tilted his head and shot Howard a look. "I'm not so confused that I know that I want your body as well as your time." he hissed this so confidently that Howard forcibly took a step back and almost fell down the stairs. Raj stepped forward to grab his arm, but Howard evaded his grasp.
"I can't believe you would be saying this to me, your best friend, and a man at that. I'm straight through and through, and nothing is ever going to change that. I don't love you how you love me, so get that through your head, okay? I can hire a translator if you don't understand the phrase I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT." Howard yelled, and proceeded to go down the stairs. Undeterred, Raj followed him, calling after him all the way into the lobby where Howard abated and turned to face his follower.
"Howard please, I still want to be friends. I didn't think you'd take it this badly," Raj apologized sincerely. "That said, can you please just think carefully about it?" he winced, knowing full well that Howard wasn't going to be gentle.
"I do not want to suck your cock. I don't want to suck anybody's cock. That's really all there is to it, isn't there?" Howard put his hands on his hips, threatening to explode if prodded further.
"It was like that for me at first too-"
"Then why did you push it? Why did you keep trying to think of fucking me? Please explain."
"Because in every other way, you complete me." The clich rolled naturally off of Raj's tongue, and his gaze quickly averted to the ground. "You get me. We want the same things out of life, we have the same values, and I don't want to let gender get in the way of that."
Howard didn't say anything for a moment. Again, Raj was mentioning all the things that make good friends - similar interest and no sex. He took a deep breath "I can see where you're coming from, but you are missing the important part of sexual attraction.
"Weren't you tired of that though? I am," Raj took several quick steps towards Howard and kissed him hard on the lips. He didn't touch him in any other way, but Howard didn't move away. The heat that he felt from Raj lips in his entire body wouldn't let him. He felt Raj's sincere desire for him, and without thinking about it, he put his hand on the small of Raj's back. When Raj pulled away, Howard's hand also dropped.
"Oh my God," Howard whispered. "I'm gayer than I thought."
"I thought so, with all the effort you put into chasing after women," Raj smirked.
"Don't you get cocky with me!" Howard yelled. "I'm going home, and I don't want to see you again for a long time."
"Tomorrow at eight PM, my house," Raj was still smirking.
Howard turned around to face the exit. "No!" he yelled.
"Eight thirty then?"
"M-maybe..." Howard stammed.
"Perfect. If you're a bit late, your mom kept you then?"
"F-Fine!" With that, Howard stomped out the exit. Raj stood and smiled, watching him get to the sidewalk and turn the direction to his mother's house. He tried to take a more solemn look on his face to return upstairs to gather his and Howard's forgotten belongings, but he couldn't contain his jubilation. Truthfully, this was more than he ever thought he was going to get from Howard. He'd been thinking of his moment of confession in a variety of situations for over a year, and never did it go as well in his head than it did just now. Normally it ended with a slap to the face in his imagination, so this was an absolute relief. This was the most stressful, and yet simultaniously happiest that Raj had been in a long time, and he couldn't stop beaming.
"I don't see what you dragged me down here for Penny." Sheldon's monotone floated down from the landing of the first flight of stairs. "Raj and Howard are having some sort of disagreement, and they've agreed to work it out at a later date. I don't see anything homosexual about that at all." Howard and Raj's relationship would remain a mystery to Sheldon for the time-being.