My bedroom seemed cavernous as I paced its length restlessly, my feet wearing a path in the fluffy carpet. The only light in the room came from a lamp on my desk, dark blue curtains blocking out any starlight.
My phone sat on my bed, screen black, taunting me. Its presence weighed heavily on my mind, and I couldn't look away from it. It made me nervous, somehow. It'd been three more days...three more long, empty days, with not so much as a butt dial from my boyfriend.
Was I being ridiculous? Of course. Did I stop pacing, then? No. Well, until I got tired. When I did, I tentatively sat down on my bed next to the thin black phone, and I pressed a button to see the time: one twenty-seven a.m... I needed to sleep, but my mind was too active. Too many tortuous thoughts swam around in my brain, imprinting Arthur's face into it, and the sound of his voice...
I continued to stare at the phone, even long after the screen had faded to black again. Reflected in the black, I saw my own face, with tired eyes, messy hair and slightly skewed glasses.
I didn't breathe for almost a full minute. Then I picked up the phone.
Swallow your pride! Come on! Teeeeext hiiiim! my overtired brain ordered me.
I sighed, then pressed his contact. Quickly, I typed, Arthur? You there? I knew the correct spelling would catch his attention, but I would stop once (of if) he responded - I was too impatient to worry about correct English.
I tapped my foot to an impossibly fast rhythm as I waited for a response. If I was going to get one at all, that was.
Just as my leg was beginning to ache, my phone beeped. I was so startled that I dropped the phone, and scrambled to the floor to pick it back up, looking at the screen disbelievingly. Really - his name was there, below the little animated envelope, opening and closing. He'd replied. It was worth throwing away my pride, to see his name on the screen, and I felt a bit pathetic, deep inside my head, but I disregarded it for the time being and hit "Open."
Oh, hello, Alfred.
That was...it? I wasn't disappointed, but I wasn't thrilled anymore, either. I was actually just confused. A week, I hadn't talked to him, and he said just that? "Oh, hello, Alfred"? What was that supposed to mean?
Uh...hi... I replied, feeling stupid now, and a little upset.
Did you...need something? he asked after a minute.
Well an explanation 4 y we havnt tlked in a week mite b nice.
Ah, back to the improper English? I could practically hear him sigh in exasperation.
Yep.
Anger built within me, making my response short, and I was no longer glad to get a reply from Arthur. I was too upset, that he'd been ignoring me, avoiding me, whatever it was. I had to wait a while before Arthur texted back, and when he did, I sighed, myself.
Well, you know, you could have texted me.
Yeah, but u alwys txt me 1st.
That's not a very good excuse.
It was getting hard to type as fast as I wanted to. Only my mouth could spit out the words quickly enough to get my emotions across to Arthur.
W/e. Can i call u?
Er...I've got about a half-hour before I need to be at school...
Confusedly, I looked at the clock on my phone, finding it two minutes after one thirty in the morning. Then I remembered.
O. Rite. Tym difrence. I hesitated, then decided. Ill make it quik?
...All right...
Appeased, I pressed "Call." He answered after two rings.
"So you're upset I didn't text you," he said immediately.
"Yeah, what's up with that?" I demanded. "It's been a freaking week, Arthur."
"I know, I've been...busy," he said distractedly.
"Busy?" I repeated. "Busy with what? Are you...are you cheating on me?"
"What?" Arthur exclaimed. "No! Of course not! Do you really think I would?"
"Maybe!" I answered, then sighed. "No..."
"Good. Because I wouldn't. School is demanding, and I've been helping Peter with his homework every night, I've recently gotten a part-time job...things are stressful..."
"Dude, that isn't a very good excuse," I said accusatorily.
He sighed. "I know." There was something about his voice. He was wary, careful. He was speaking tentatively, as if to a dangerous animal, trying to back away slowly while appeasing the creature to keep safe. There was something about it that was infuriating. I think that it was because it was me he was talking to. I knew for a fact that no one in the world could ever love Arthur as much as I did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him – once we were closer, distance-wise, anyway. He didn't know it yet, but one day, I was going to marry him. Maybe we'd adopt some kids, and we'd have a happy family, with Mattie and Francis, too, if they wanted. Arthur and I were close. He could tell me anything, and I'd told him so before, but now he wasn't telling me anything. And it scared the crap out of me, for some reason.
"Then tell me, please," I begged, "why've you been ignoring me?"
"It's…it's difficult, Alfred," he sighed again, still walking on eggshells.
"You can tell me anything, Arthur. I'll do whatever to help, if I can, but I need to know what's wrong! Was it something I did? Did I say something stupid?"
"No," said Arthur, sounding a little annoyed. "It's neither of our faults…"
"What isn't our fault?" I pressed.
Arthur paused. Then he said hesitantly, "Alfred… I've been thinking…about us."
"Yeah?"
"And…it's just so difficult, Alfred," he said, and I could hear the stress in his voice. He was tired, and sad, and now that I'd broken through his delicate wall, I could hear it all. "It's so difficult. We can talk on the phone all we want when the time difference doesn't interfere and we can email, but it's not enough. I don't ever see you, and you don't ever see me. You deserve someone you can be with – in person."
Misery slowly crept over me. I'd thought about the very same things before. It was so hard, to love him and not be able to see him. It wasn't easy to be in love with someone who lived two thousand miles away.
"And I hate myself for saying it," Arthur continued, "because I don't want you to be with anyone else, but I also know that it's incredibly selfish for me to think that way. If you can be happier with someone else, I should want that for you, but I don't. I want to spend all my time with you, and I can't."
Suddenly, all I wanted to do was hug Arthur. I'd done it a small number of times. We'd hugged, we'd kissed, but so briefly. Hearing the pain in his voice, and knowing firsthand the desolation, I just wanted to take him into my arms and not let go.
"I know," I whispered. "I want that, too. And you deserve so much better than me."
"That's not my point, git," he muttered. "I don't want anyone else. I want you. But you're not here. There's a huge distance, and you know it."
Realization hit me.
"And you've been trying to add more."
"…Yes. I have," he admitted.
"To do what? Get me to…break up with you or something?" I asked, hoping I was wrong.
I wasn't. "…Yes."
Anger turned my words sharp, even If they were what I felt were the only right words to say. "Well, it wouldn't have worked! I wouldn't do it. Not for that reason."
"I thought you might say that, Alfred, but –"
"When I told you I loved you, I meant it," I snapped. "I still do. I miss you like crazy. I do anything I possibly can to feel closer to you. We've only seen each other a few times since you moved back to England, but at least we do still see each other! And one day soon, one of us is gonna move, and we'll be together. You'll see!"
"But Alfred, it could be a long time. And this distance is horrible. I miss you…all the time," he confessed, and I could hear the blush in his words.
"I miss you too, more than you could ever know... Just hang in there, okay? For me? Please?"
Arthur hesitated. "Are you sure you're happy this way?"
"I'm happy as long as you're mine," I told him honestly.
"W-Well, then…okay. I suppose I really do feel the same way…"
An idea struck me, and I grinned. "Artie? I've got a surprise for you. Okay? Just wait for it."
"Erm…all right?" He sounded confused. Perfect. He sighed. "I've got to go, Alfred. I'll…text you later."
I didn't want to hang up, in fact, I wanted to just keep talking, for hours, like we used to. But Arthur was much too responsible to miss school for me, and I cared about him too much to ask him to.
"Okay. Talk to you later! I love you!"
I was about to hang up when I heard Arthur saying something else. "Alfred, wait! Er, I… I know I've never said it before, but I really…I really do love you. A lot. I sound like an idiot."
I chuckled, surprised, and extremely gratified. My heart felt extremely heavy, but light, at the same time, embodying my confusing emotions. "You don't, babe. Trust me. Thanks for letting me know. I love you, too."
"Bye," Arthur murmured.
"Bye."
He hung up first. I sat and stared at the phone for a moment. Then I grinned.
I jumped up off of my bed and ran to my top dresser drawer. I'd hate myself for this later, when I wanted to go to Comic Con or something, but it was totally worth it. I counted the money I'd saved for the last couple of years, and decided I definitely had enough.
Spring break was coming soon, and I knew Arthur's was around the same time as mine. And I'd be spending it with him, in England.
I thought, for a moment, how crazy it was: Arthur's silence that had so paranoid me had actually resulted in him telling me that he loved me, something I'd been wanting him to say for some time… Ironic. Funny how things worked out. And strange what joy could spring from quiet.
A/N: All right, seriously, I wasn't going to do another chapter, but you people asked for it. XD TOTALLY done with this story. Not adding anything else. Thank you and goodnight. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Hope you enjoyed!
Hetalia © Hidekaz Himaruya
Oh, by the way! Want fanfiction updates from me? I'm not going to take the time to edit my profile (that no one checks), sorry. But you can follow me on Tumblr now! dhbPATHWAY1997 . tumblr . com :3