"Absolutely amazing".
Kakashi looked at the small pile of bodies that were his students to be. Personally he wasn't particularly inclined to pass any of them buy their own merits. But in the end it wasn't his choice.
"It's amazing really I was right at every turn, no deviations"
Shaking his head Kakashi could only look at the unconscious formes of his students in despair.
"fucking politics".
(Flashback a day earlier in the Hokage's office)
"Kakashi, I'm sure you know why I called you here".
Hiruzen Sarutobi the third Hokage, master of 1000 jutsus, the Professor of Konoha, the Mentor of Legends, and high commander of the entirety of Konoha's military forces. His elderly appearance, and gentle smile was misleading ruse. The man was a true legend and arguably the most experienced, powerful, and merciless, people in existence.
"Is this about that kid who just made chunin and thought that he was hot shit because he achieved the median of strength for a shinobi of Konoha"? "If so I would like to just throw it out there that he was the genius who thought that he could tango with a Jonin multiple years is senior, and not come out with a few broken bones".
"Him?" "oh no no not that...at this point we just consider you beating the cockiness out of the newly anointed Chunin as initiation". "No I called you here to discuss those three students that you're supposed to test tomorrow."
Kakashi snapped his fingers in a "I remember" sort of way. "Oh them, completely hopeless, those three have no idea what they're doing".
"The Uchiha boy shows potential but he's too prideful to work on a team...also I want him checked by psychologist that boy is to blood thirsty for his own good, or anyone else's". "He would die on his first mission by underestimating his opponent, yes he may learn from his mistake but it's just as likely he will die from his mistake".
"The orange one is a headstrong idiot. "In theory he could make a good saboteur, what with how good he is at sneaking around and defacing public property, but he lacks the subtlety and depth required for such a task". he'll get himself killed on his first mission outside the village by breaking from the plan, and charging into a full team of C to B ranked shinobi head first like a blind pig".
Throughout his analisis Kakashi's tone became more and more annoyed, this wasn't the first time he'd tested a group of Genin fresh from the academy. They always had the same quirks when leaving the inviting gates of the academy, arrogance, overconfidence and...
"Useless the girl is not only annoying, but also the textbook definition of deadweight". "She has chakra control and book smarts but nothing else, I don't deal In dead weight or students who won't pull their own weight". "In all likelihood she'll just get herself killed the second her team engages, she herself has no fighting skills to speak of this no way to defend herself and I don't see her putting any effort into gaining them".
Taking a long drag on his pipe Hiruzen Gave Kakashi a long look. "So...you seem to be confident as to how this team will play out". "you haven't even tested them yet".
It took all of Kakashi's self control not to snort in derision. "Trust me Hokage-Sama i've been working in this field for a while now and let me tell you I know stupid, I have worked with stupid, stupid teammates, stupid enemies, and the administrations office". "Stupid is all around, stupid never changes, and those 3 children are not exactly the paragon of intelligence".
"So what your saying is you don't believe that they will be at all useful as ninjas of the village".
"Not even a little bit If anything they'll be a hindrance to anyone their working with". "Remember that one idiot who thought it would be smart to learn how to use a weapon and that weapon was a goddamn scythe?"
"Which idiot".
"The one who didn't know how to use god damn scythe, what was her excuse again"? "It looked cool so I thought I should learn how to use one and sensei said the best lessons you would ever learn would be on the battlefield". "Yes I'm sure he would be Very proud of you for taking his lessons to heart...his was ripped out because he had to focus on protecting your while you were "learning" how to use a goddamn scythe".
The Hokage cleared his throat in an attempt to regain control of the discussion. "Be that as it may, do you really think there's no hope for these three to be even a little bit decent at being a Shinobi".
Kakashi couldn't hold himself back this time, he scoffed, "Maybe if Kami-Sama himself comes down from the heavens and shoves liquified reality and logic up their prepubescent asses, then maybe just maybe they'll make it to chunin".
Smiling humorlessly the Hokage handed the one-eyed man a stack of papers.
"Well then...glory be unto you."
(Flashback Ends)
Sighing in annoyance Kakashi grabbed a bucket of water and splashed it onto his new students. This resulted in the desired effect of the three kids waking up sopping wet, cold, and with water (carefully aimed) up their noses.
He knew he shouldn't be so hard on them after the beating he gave them...but it was just so hard to show them any sympathy. They completely failed the bell test and missed the lesson the bell test was supposed to teach. It was simple grab the bells from his belt by any means necessary 2 bells for 3 students, one students guaranteed to fail, but that was another important lesson hidden in the test, it's better for 2 to succeed and 1 to fail rather than all 3 failing. Of course he would still of passed all 3 of them so he could have a complete team Konoha, was after all quite famous for its teamwork.
"What the hell Kakashi sensei"!
Oh dear the orange one was opening its mouth again. During the test the boy showed zero tact while the other two had enough brain cells to find the cover, this one decide to charge in head first, the only moderately surprising thing about him, was that he somehow knew the "Shadow Clone Jutsu", a powerful B ranked Jutsu that allowed the user to create solid clones. Seven even just one clone with this technique basically doubles the amount of damage that you can deal and increases the amount of ground one could cover at a time. One of the most practical techniques that could be used with deadly effectiveness by any competent shinobi.
So why in the cold lakes of hell did he think it would be a good idea to rush the stronger and more experienced Shinobi. there wasn't even any real technique behind his attacks, he just flew at him expecting his fascinatingly stupid strategy to work...it didn't...also the boy got stuck in two basic rope traps consecutively which is just embarrassing.
Shaking his head in disgust Kakashi glanced at the Uchiha boy who was at this time wringing out his shirt of the water kakashi splashed on him. He was at least competent in battle strategy, but strategy meant dick if you couldn't apply it correctly. The boy wasn't even that bad at first, he was using ranged attacks, traps, and was even studying Kakashi's attack patterns so he could formulate a counter-plan. The boy was doing fine until he actually engaged Kakashi.
Now engagement with the enemy is inevitable in this kind of situation, and he did try other strategies before full on engagement so Kakashi couldn't fault him on that like he could fault the orange one. No he performed adequate at long ranged planning, but the problems we're clear 3 seconds after hand to hand combat was established. This boy was absolutely abysmal at logical thinking and problem solving during the heat of battle. he tried using a bastardized form of the Uchiha"Interceptor fist" as his Taijutsu of choice, a very bastardized version. It was to...by the books every movement, every combo was something Kakashi has seen in the past. Also there were no deviations or changes to fit sasuke's body type, and size. This not only made him predictable but also sloppy very sloppy. The techniques showcased in any Taijutsu Scroll was designed for someone who was already at full maturity, also techniques were supposed to be changed adapted to keep opponents on their toes. So for someone so much smaller to imitate the movements of a fully grown adult in such a manner looked made them look less like a competent fighter and more like, well...a young boy trying to imitate his brother.
Besides that there were other missteps like his Fireball technique. Its channel time before the attack was far too long, like 4 seconds to long. This may not seem like a lot, but in battle this is an eternity. In this short amount of time your opponent will easily be able to see what you're about to do and formulate a counter-attack, possibly before the channel even ends. It was very easy to predict what he was about to do, clearly self taught, clearly not utilised correctly, and clearly not combat ready.
"Sasuke-Kun are you okay"?
Oh yes, the girl. Kakashi couldn't tell you how well the girl would have fared because a E ranked Genjutsu was all it took to shut her down. She failed before she could even do anything.
Clapping his hands so to get attention from his students Kakashi smiled brightly. "Well kideos I have good news and bad news".
Looking nervous the girl raised her hand. (he supposed he should start remembering their names if this was going to be a long term deal).
"Can we start with the good news".
Smiling even wider Kakashi obliged. "Of course, you passed"!
This information caused the orange one to jump and whoop in excitement and the girl to sigh in relief. The Uchiha however looked pensive.
"Well at least someone remembered there's a bad news to all this" Kakashi muttered to himself.
Kakashi let's all pleasantness fall from his face, "Because we need replacements for all the teams we've been losing as of late". Immediately the orange one and the girl stopped their festivities and the Uchiha became even more tense.
"...wh, what".
Oh he seemed to have disturbed them with this information...that's alright they'd get used to it eventually.
"It's as I said we've been losing a lot teams lately, in both a literal sense and in a...well in a we found there dead corpses sense or at least parts of em".
Kakashi paused and looked his team directly in their faces, their horrified, scared faces...they were only 12. Shaking his head to free his thoughts of sympathy kakashi continued, they needed to know this.
"9 to be exact, 9 teams thats 4 shinobi per team, thats 36 shinobi in counting who have been completely terminated, the method of how they were done in is currently up for debate as there are just too many missing pieces of the corpse to do a full autopsy, all we can really confirm is who they were before time of death".
Continuing Kakashi made sure to keep eye contact with his team, it was important for them to know that he was serious.
"Other then that the corpse of a few shinobi were missing almost completely, we have confirmed that all of those people were dragged of were people who either had a Kenki Gekai or were B ranked or higher in the bingo book". "There bodys were completely missing from the scene, except for their blood, a lot of their blood to much blood for them to survive".
The girl tried to raise her hand again, he ignored it, it was best for them to learn what they needed to learn in one go. After all there could be no room for hand holding.
"We still don't know who the perpetrator or perpetrators are, or what there after, or why their collecting the bodys of powerful and exotic shinobi". "Whatever the reason their actions are putting a large dent into our military forces". "This leads to a whole bunch of socio economic issues, less shinobi means less money for the village, less money leads to more harsh taxation, which leads to companies taking their business elsewhere, which leads to a monetary crises".
Looking more intently at the new team he was unwillingly forced to have Kakashi continued his lecture. "It will take even more shinobi and resources to investigate and solve what's going on, which is even less money for our village and thus the hokage and the council have come to a decision."
Okay they seem to know where this is going, good that means there listening they can learn.
"They have decided to relax on the requirements of becoming a full fledged shinobi of the village for the sake of revitalising our numbers".
Looking pointedly at the kids that were now his responsibility Kakashi dropped the full truth onto them. "If this decision was even a day later none of you would have passed this test, your performance today was atrocious one of the worst, most unbalanced displays i've ever seen, currently your less shinobi and more replacements".
"As it is you're not ready for true shinobi missions yet so tomorrow at 4:00 am sharp you will meet me at training field 21 for initial training". "You will not be late I expect you to put your all into this job because if you don't you will not live to see the next year".
...Hmmm the blond one is experiencing culture shock, did he not know what shinobi life is like? Oh dear the girls about to vomit...she can't, just dry heaves, she hasn't eaten since yesterday, well at least she can takes orders well. Huh the Uchiha...PTSD, that's going to be a problem later when he sees the aftermath of a battle, were going to have to desensitize him. We have too much empathy when we first go in.
Putting an end to his ridicule Kakashi delivered them the last bit of information they needed to know. He clapped his hands to regain their attention.
"This information is of course classified to the civilian population we can't have them think we shinobi are weak, breach of secrecy will be dealt with harsh accordance".
Standing up kakashi looked down at them.
"4:00 am tomorrow are we clear".
They nodded, no grunts from the uchiha, no verbose bouts of noise from the orange one, and no shrieks of indignation from the girl, just nod's of confirmation. What could they say.
Turning away from the horrified now shinobi Kakashi prepared to Suishin away before remembering something else of importance.
Looking back with a wry smile kakashi spoke his last words of the day to his students.
"Oh and welcome to the corps".
(The Hokage's Office)
Hiruzen sarutobi looked down at the paper on his desk with the names and data of Naruto, Sasuke and, Sakura. Under their names were the words, MDN, SKIRMISHER, and Defender, written in a stylistic almost waxy font, followed by the sentence the sentence TO BE MOLDED.
Puffing his pipe the old man reminded himself that the option to become a shinobi was a choice, at any opportunity throughout the last 6 years they could have dropped the program and lived as civilians.
"Yes their choice".
Always remind yourself that it wasn't your fault, how could it be. It was their choice to become shinobi not yours. Never mind naruto had nowhere else to go but the ninja program, nevermind that you allowed sasuke into the program without giving him any of the mandatory psychiatric tests everyone else got, never mind you intentionally designed the academy course to leave out the harsher aspects of shinobi life, and never mind that only 14% of all Genin make to 16 years of age. Yes it was their choice and now they were shinobi of the leaf, shinobi to make their village proud, shinobi lead by example, shinobi to defend their home with their blood and their sweat...shinobi that now knew highly classified information.
"There is no turning back now".
Sarutobi signed the papers, team 7 was now officially registered.