Sometimes "Sorry" isn't enough

By Lirulin

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me. I just borrowed them from J.K. Rowling. And I also don't make money with it, who would pay for this anyway?

Warning: This is SLASH! Don't like don't read. And don't say I didn't warn you.

Pairing: SB/RL

Authors Ramblings: So, here's the 2nd chapter already. Thanks a lot to my first reviewers! You really made my day! I'm happy that you liked it so far!

Thanks to CappuccinoSunshine for the really long review. Hope you're feeling better now and didn't have another breakdown - As you'll see, James starts talking this chapter.

To Lucky Moony: The story is going to be from Sirius POV only. I really wanted to explore how the whole incident was for him. Perhaps I'm going to write a companion piece with Remus' and James' side of the story as well once I'm finished with this one.

Just so you know: don't expect to see a lot of Peter in here. I simply can't stand the rat.

Two weeks later

I think the last two weeks were the worst I've ever had at Hogwarts.

Remus returned to the Tower two days after the dratted night, a Sunday.

It was a nightmare.

He didn't talk to me, he didn't look in my direction, he didn't even acknowledge I was in the same room as him.

And this hasn't changed till now... Classes are hell as well since then.

I was last to come into class on the first Monday, James and Peter were already sitting with Remus and motioned to me not to come near them. So I sat in the back, and that's where I'm still sitting now, two weeks later, because James told me in no uncertain terms that he didn't want me with them at the moment.

And I understand.

I feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces every day, when I see them together, especially Remus, but I understand.

Of course there were a lot of questions from our classmates as to why the "infamous Marauders" are separated. I almost couldn't bear them.

What could I say?

Nothing.

On top of that was the fact that I lost us 250 points and couldn't explain why.

At the moment nearly the whole house is angry with me.

I'm alone again in the dormitory. No surprise there. Aside from classes I've hardly gone out in the last two weeks.

James started talking to me again a bit this morning, just ordinary things. But it's a beginning. Perhaps there's hope yet.

The door opens and James enters. He looks so serious. If I wasn't so miserable, I'd bring this stupid pun on my name.

"Sirius, we need to talk."

Oh joy! I knew it.

Somehow hearing him talk with this calm and collected voice is worse than him yelling at me.

"I know."

How couldn't I?

And then he asks. He asks just this one tiny word that means so much and that matters everything.

"Why?"

What am I to say?

That's question I asked myself countless times since that night.

"I don't know. I didn't think."

And that's the truth.

"That's no excuse, Sirius."

He looks at me and I just see this sadness and disappointment in his eyes. And it somehow breaks a dam inside of me.

"I know that it's no excuse! But what else do you want me to say? That's how it was! I simply didn't think! My mouth ran away with me! He was prying into Remus' business again and nosing around and I was so pissed off and then I just snapped, and I told him! I can't turn back the time! I can't take the words back! Believe me, I'd do anything if I could! I'm so sorry that it hurts, but that doesn't help anyone! It doesn't make things better! I can't change anything and I have to live with that now!"

I'm crying again, but I really could care less.

James seems a bit taken aback by my outburst, but what does it matter?

"You hate me anyway." I can't help mumbling it as I turn away from him. It's the truth, isn't it?

I thought he would be leaving now, but he doesn't, because I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder.

I can't turn around.

I can't look into his eyes.

"Sirius, listen to me. I certainly don't hate you. I'm very disappointed about what you did, sure, and quite angry on top of that and I think you deserve a good beating, but I could never hate you. You're still my best friend and my brother."

Does he really mean it? That would be too good to be true. But he's not finished yet.

"And I'm really glad you said what you did. I wasn't sure if you really regretted it. Look, I forgive you, but it will take some time until things are completely normal between us again."

I feel as if a huge burden has been lifted off of my heart. He forgives me! He doesn't abandon me! He's still my friend!

Of course it will take time, that's just what I deserve, but at least there's hope now.

The tears won't stop flowing, but now there are some tears of joy mixed in as well.

I fling my arms around his neck and bury my head in his chest. His arms come around me and hold me.

I'm glad. I missed my best friend.

After a few minutes I've calmed down enough to disentangle myself from him and to ask the question that I'm dreading to ask.

"What ... what about ... what about Remus?"

I must've sound very pleading because he sighs loudly before he answers.

"I honestly don't know, Sirius. I don't think he hates you, but ... you know, he's so hurt. He didn't mention the whole thing even once. I told him just yesterday to talk to you ... or to yell at you or to hit you, if he feels like it. Or at least to talk to me and Peter, just to get it out of his system. But he simply refused, didn't want to listen to me. He just said, he didn't want to talk about it, least with you, didn't want to see you or even think about you. I can see that he's hurting so much, but I can't force him to do anything. I think you have to give him much, much time, Sirius. Best don't approach him at all. He'll just tell you to go to hell, and everything gets worse. You can only wait."

That's not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I have to bear with that for the moment. If Remus is really this anti-me now, an apology would probably really only make it worse.

If James thinks it's for the best ...

"Thanks James."

He squeezes my shoulder and leaves the dormitory.

Probably felt that I needed alone time now.

He really is the best friend you can have. And I almost ruined that. My brain must've really been on vacation. But I can't help it now. It happened.

So, what now?

Of course it's a relief that Remus doesn't hate me, but I'm still sure that I destroyed every chance to ever tell about my feelings.

Not that I had much of a chance to begin with.

So, now I have to wait.

I wonder how long it will take until he talks to me again.

And getting his forgiveness is comletely impossible at the moment.

TBC

Hope you liked it. Please tell me what you think. I hope the James-Sirius talk came out right.

Till next time!