The most frustrating thing, in my opinion, is that they're still looking for Kira. He's right there, sitting among them, and they have no idea. They should have listened to me while I was alive.
I spend the entire day wandering around. I tried to eat, but I couldn't. Since I'm not physically here, there's nowhere for me to put food.
There's nothing for me to do. Can I go back to being in the darkness? At least it was peaceful there. After going for what seems like an eternity without any noise, every sound seems louder than before.
I wonder where Watari is. Is he the same as me right now? Could he be in this very room with me? The thought of that is comforting, except for if that's true, any amount of others could be in here, too. The idea that a hundred strangers could be occupying the same space as me at this very moment makes me feel claustrophobic. That's irrational, but it feels real anyway, so I go back onto the roof.
The sun is out this time, so at least there's some change.
I could go anywhere in the world right now. I could get on a plane to France right now and fling myself off the Eiffel Tower without suffering a single injury, but I don't have any desire to. I don't have any desire to do anything except eat or sleep, neither of which I can do.
Sometimes, I felt empty like this before, but at least then I had things to pass the time. Now there's nothing.
So I just pout like a child and sit on the edge of the building to think.
They're replacing me with Near, right? Hopefully he'll prove to them that Light is Kira. I wish I could have done it. Would that make him smarter than me?
I want Light to be caught, but I don't necessarily want him to die. For a moment, I'm glad I'm dead so I don't have to deal with this.
What would happen if I jumped off this building? Would I die again? Would I be..more dead than I am already? Are there different levels of death?
Maybe since I'm dead, I can find my parents…
No. I'm not going to think about them. I've tried to avoid thinking about them. I don't know why I miss them, since I hardly remember them.
I walk out the front door and onto the sidewalk. At least now I can walk around in public without the fear of someone, somehow, knowing who I am. I can also walk down the sidewalk without receiving uncomfortable stares from onlookers who whisper things about me they think I can't hear.
What's up with that guy?
Is he homeless?
Should I offer him some money?
It's peaceful being able to go out like this. I walk past the window of my favorite bakery; or rather, what used to be.
I can smell the sweet aroma of pastries from outside.
The rusted bell on the door doesn't jingle when I step inside. There are only about 4 people in here, if you count me, which you really can't.
I don't know why I go in, but I do. It feels familiar and safe, and for a second I forget I'm dead.
I sit at a table in the back. I really have no need to crouch like this anymore, but I do it anyway. Old habits don't die, I guess, even if you do.
Every movie about ghosts I've ever seen makes being one look interesting. They say you can float around and slam doors and scream to scare people. If they only knew.
I never believed in ghosts, except for when I was a child and it was late at night, and I was alone in the dark. Watari would tell me it was nonsense and to go back to bed. I don't think he ever saw me as a child, just as a machine. That must be why I grew up to feel like one.
Once, I came here with Light. He didn't really want to come, but we were handcuffed together and he knew if he denied me the sugar I need to function properly, I would accuse him of being Kira.
He actually enjoyed himself, though, but he'd never admit it. He's so stubborn, but I guess so I am I.
Well, rather, so was I.