Notes: Kind of objected to Korsch's most recent interview (Another one, LMAO) stating that Donna might have left him to get her to see him in a different way. I like to think that she left him because she just can't deal with it any more rather than a weak manipulation of him to love her finally. I fell in love with a guy who I gave everything to for years. And it just gets to a point, years later when you find out they dont really feel the same and you just...cannot anymore. So writers, have her leave because it hurts too much and the fact that she won't be pitied by a man she loves that doesn't love her in the same way. That's a stronger Donna. And one more worth writing about. I wonder now if he even gets her character? Or is she really that fickle and I'm just wrong? I know she's done similar things in the past but this is a large change brought on by her having had enough. Thoughts...?
On another note, A Huge HUGE HUGE Thankyou to everybody who'd fed so far.
I'm going to be carrying this fic through to summer, but I may post a few chapters in the next week, so take you through the beginning stages. (Just realised it's like trying to write the show - except without heavy, law, but if only I could include that! - and that is a hard task.
A~
CHAPTER TWO -
'Cause you left me with tears in my eyes
And you left like a thief in the night
I'm fighting in the fire
Am I burning, am I burning?
'Colour my Heart' By Charlotte OC
Harvey stood, bracing the sink with his hands, stiff and solid as they wrapped around the edges of the hardwood, his dark eyes looking into the mirror as he stood there, a towel round his waist and the mist of a fresh shower on his skin.
He looked back at himself, baiting himself to win.
You can do this, he told himself.
He had just lost the best assistant in the city...and an over ten year relationship with one of the most important women in his life.
But he was still the best damn closer in the city.
And a Managing Partner. With nowhere else to climb.
He. Could. Do. This.
He could.
He breathed out, wiping the growing bubbles of moisture that settled on his relfective image.
Today...would be a fucking day from hell.
But he'd only have to go through it once.
And that was something.
The world is all around us,
It's much too big to see.
And the words are seldom honest
So we never disagree.
Oh, the world is all around us
But have you noticed me?
Yeah, the world has overshadowed me.
'The World' By Earlimart
At first, It was hard to stomach how different she looked in the mirror. Softer, pale peach. she had thought of wearing black, until the image of Harvey in sharp lines and slate and pale blue and charcoal burned the edge of her resolve and she had moved back to her new wardrobe.
She had ditched her power-dresses; electric blue specifically, and Alexander Mcqueen, Hugo Boss and Carolina Hererra, for softer styles.
Diane von Furstenberg.
Elie Tahari.
Haltson Heritage.
Softer. Gentler. Chiffon and silk and smooth, feminine lines.
Like a panther sprayed delicate in ruffled peach she would wait and work and spring to life for Louis Litt when he needed her to whilst planning her life. Her way.
Long gone were the days of eye catching prints; of an assistant that matched a man who people stared at and were in awe of. Whom they wanted to be and be with.
She was different now. Her role would be different. Her relationship was coming from a different part of her now. A platonic one. A one built on knowing and understanding and nourishing one another's dreams. Louis...had always been strong at that, despite his wavering temperament and very irrational moments.
So she had to match that. Wear something different. Something...more Louis.
She had replaced Marni with Chloe. Pale pink and sweet and nothing like her older bags. Drawstring. Refined. Elegant.
Her heels however...would always be the same. They were her power and she would hold onto them till death claimed her - and let that be the only vow she ever kept. She would maybe wear them a little higher, just to make her taller than him. Than both of them, for that matter...
Something, goddess like and untouchable.
And she had curled her hair, something buoyant and bouncy and feminine, stripping herself of the sharp lines and bold intentions of before.
She felt new. She felt reborn. She felt...Pheonix like.
She breathed in, bronzed and fresh-faced and finally hydrated above her drunked weekend.
Life was in session right now, as the stupid books had told her.
And live, she would.
She knew that in reality it would be twice as hard.
Nobody except Louis new of the change. And even he had heard the shortened version.
She had chosen to move fluidly into her new role. A new desk. New role.
A new chance.
When she exited her apartment she took a sigh of relief at the fact that he wasn't standing out there waiting sheepishly for her.
It only made her more sure of her choice. She dashed the disapointment and dramatic side of her. That side would take time.
And she wasn't in Pretty Woman...note to self.
She tapped her foot impatiently on the dark grey interior, and gradually more and more on her journey to the office, as she willed the cab to go faster.
She got out a block early, wanting to walk in, powerful and full of adrenaline. Mentally prepared for the fact that the man she was in love with would be there and no doubt unavoidable.
He had a way of pinging back like a rubber band when she least called for it...
And if this was just a lesson it would have been perfect.
But Donna Paulsen wasn't playing games anymore.
She had nearly drowned. And now she was finally breathing air above the surface.
She pushed through a turnstile, keeping her eyeline steady and straight as she glided beside other workers. The elevator doors opened with a purpose, anonymous people joining her ascent.
She flicked her hair slightly, drawing a breath, until she noticed a man, a little shorter than her, pale green eyes and jet black hair slicked back, looking her up and down with a flirtatious smirk.
New Look: Check.
Self Control: On point and unchallenged. Check.
So far so good.
She waited for the doors to open out into the lobby with a ding, and like a horse out of the gate she glided past the three gold names on the wall to her left. Pointedly eradicating one of them from her immediate memory and hung a right instead of a left.
She would be nearer to Jessica's office. This was a problem. Doable. But a possible problem.
But she could deal with that. Jessica might even challenge her. She'd always given an edge to Donna. Always narrowed her eyes at the fact that she was Harvey's right hand, but nothing more.
She was ready now. To shun that idea.
She was Donna.
As she neared Louis's office, it felt odd. Norma not being there. She'd always enjoyed the strange woman's way. Her penchant for kooky humour and dated dress. Louis and Norma had been a strangely well-matched pair. But she knew better than most that an assistant made the man.
And Louis would learn to be better by her hand. She was sure of it.
Now Louis had the chance to be the victor. Instead of Harvey.
She sat down to her new desk, lower and plainer than her old one. She spied the white roses in the corner, and for a second she frowned at the possibility of who they could be from.
She took the card, opening it slowly.
She sighed at the words:
'To my new assistant.
Would a rose, by any other name...
Louis -'
She smiled warmly, rolling her eyes. He was such a romantic. She would have to keep a check on that. Just in case... she noted to herself.
She placed them on her desk, the fingers playing with the angle, until they settled a little to the right of her pens, looking to her new computer.
It had occurred to her that all her work, all her passwords were for Harvey.
She would need to get them changed. For whatever temp had the balls to take on...him and his balls.
Luckily she knew Norma's login; every simple password the woman had ever had for those days when she had helped her with a few tasks, here or there. She pulled her trusty book out of her bag, searching through it for the information.
She would work backwards, from Norma's old accounts, clean them out and tune up their efficiency - her usual magic - before creating a new account to transfer to and begin her new position.
She wasn't about to live in a dead woman's old shoes...
No matter how much she had mattered.
She picked up the phone, dialling the I.T. department.
"Hello, Terry speaking. How can I help?" A familiar man's voice rang on the other end.
She smiled, the perfect guy for the job. "Hey Terry, just the guy I need to speak to. It's Donna...I need you to transfer my accounts for Harvey Specter into a fresh account, and remove my name from the ID of that account please." She said sweetly. If Harvey had been listening he'd have given her a discouraging look.
No more looks. Note to self.
"Don't tell me you're leaving us, Donna? Im going to miss our little chats..." He persuaded down the phone, his voice seemingly disappointed.
She smiled. "Oh no, Sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere. In the wake of Norma's passing, I've transferred…" She felt a pinker in her voice, the obscure embarrassment suddenly. "To Louis Litt, you know...the new Managing partner?"
"Wow. Okay." She heard him say with a pause. "I'll transfer everything you need asap." He said.
"You're a darling, thank you." She said, putting the phone down with a huff.
No doubt, she'd be hot gossip in the I.T crowd.
Screw it, let them talk, she thought.
She didn't care what people thought about Louis. She knew him.
But she wasn't blind to the fact that people would wonder, would speculate on why she had moved from Harvey Specter, New Yorks best asshole to Louis Litt, of all people.
And no supposition would paint in her in a good light.
She was glad she'd come in early, though. It would give her adequate time to warm into a position here.
She tried not to linger on the fact that her voice wouldn't be receiving his calls. That the friends she had made in other assistants and informants in her - and his - network would wonder where she had gone until she could contact them all. Or until word went round.
She was overhauling her life.
Luckily Louis was a different kind of Lawyer. Accounts mostly. Financials... Backbone work.
It was a good clean step for her. He had great billables and a good reputation for the work he did regardless of his temperament.
He could grow from this. She could grow from this.
It could work out well.
Harvey Specter stalked down the hall of his own firm like a bear with a nasty little headache.
In reality, the dull pain still etched in the back a bit. As he neared her desk, it hit him.
The sight.
Her stuff was gone. The desk... completely empty.
She'd cleaned it out over the weekend no doubt. He should have known. He hung his head, his jaw setting with a sad kind of sneer.
She'd always been a 'cloak and daggers move' kind of woman.
He had loved...that about her.
His mind flashed to the mock trial, to him sitting at his desk and aching slightly at her absence. An ache that had turned into an impulse to get her back, if he recalled.
And he had.
But today was a different day. He still felt burned by the fire of Friday. He huffed heavily, wandering past with a groan and into his office.
He'd be pissed if she hadn't called for a temp yet. It meant he'd have to do it and he'd never been good with those things. He took a seat at his desk, ignoring the gaping hole at the pass that seemed to empty out a hollow in him.
His eyes flicked up, a little too quickly when he heard a knock.
Donna never knocked. He was clearly a little behind today… He silently chided himself.
Mike wandered into the office in his usual way, his hands folding into his pockets.
"Morning." He said, his usual buoyant self.
Harvey bowed his head, a dullness reaching him. "Hey." He said quietly, his eyes flicking to him. "Good weekend?" He asked, avoiding his eyeline.
"Good. Yeah. Amazing actually, you?" He replied, cordially.
He ignored the positivity in the younger man's words, not particularly interested in the reasoning behind it right now. "Fine." He nodded.
Fine was a little...inaccurate, all things considered.
Shit, might be a better representation.
But he wasn't about to divulge...
He missed Mike's split second worth of a frown. "So, I'm going to start on that merger with Calnin Aeronautics. I just wanted to check that Donna gave you the revision first, before I touch base with them?" He asked, his finger pointing in a familiar gesture, as the other sank into his right pocket.
He looked up, closing his eyes as frustration washed over him. "I don't have it." He didn't have anything. Literally. She had it all. "You'll have to ask Donna," He said bluntly, looking sharply back to his paperwork.
"Where is she? She's not at her desk, I?" Mike pointed out, his eyes narrowing. "Harvey," He pressed, trying to gain his attention.
"She's Louis's assistant now." He said.
The words stuck like tar to his tongue and teeth as he looked to Mike, the sudden impulse to look away.
He didn't want his opinion on the matter. In any shape or form.
But it was too late, as Mike's eyebrows raised, alarm written all over his face. "What? What happened?" He asked, a blanket of shock on his face.
"I don't want to talk about it." He told him, leaning back.
His posture must have spoken volumes, because Mike didn't say a word about it after that, instead nodding and retreating down the hall thoughtfully.
He continued to ignore the glaring absence that seemed to look out at him from the desk outside.
Her desk.
He stifled the need to set it on fire as it sang back with her big 'fuck you' of a goodbye...
She had wanted to get in before Louis, and supposed that he was either out and giving her the time to settle in gradually.
So far so good. She had started work on his Calendar and was neatening his mis-matched files; a long muddled catalogue of back-cases. For some reason Norma didn't seem to have a place for current cases. Everything had stayed in alphabetical order only, regardless of it's immediacy, with no colour coding whatsoever.
Ridiculous. Obscure. So Norma, she smiled to herself in memory of the fact.
She must have had a razor sharp mind. Maybe even a hidden photographic memory, like Mike's. The woman had been a strange off-kilter enigma to her. Even to the end…
She looked up just in time to see Louis's very excited face bursting with words to speak.
"Morning. Boss." she said pointedly, with a smile.
The contrast was settling.
"Morning, Donna. My Assistant. I trust the flowers I left for you were to your liking?"
"They are beautiful, Louis. Thank you." She smiled. "Coffee on your desk." She pointed out.
"Cream and Stevia?" He enquired, his eyes flicking excitedly to the cup waiting, with his monogrammed 'You just got Litt up." in red letters on the side of it.
"What do you take me for?" She accused, mock outrage that turned to a self satisfied smirk.
"Thank you Donna." He smiled, a noteable skip in his step as he went to sit at his desk.
She swelled with pride, her fingers continuing to type furiously.
"Donna?" A voice called.
Her shoulders dropped. Obstacle one. Or welcome wagon to the surrender…
She decided to give him the nickname 'White Flag Guy' when referring to him in her head. No doubt he'd be used for such a task at some point. To check if the angry coast was clear.
Her eyes deliberately glazed, as she looked tiredly in his direction, that deliberate look of bother on her face before she said. "Hey Mike."
He wandered over to her desk, spying Louis before a wave of secrecy came over him.
"What's going on?" He asked, his eyes wide and a strangely knowing look on his face.
"I'm working. Obviously." She said, tempering the need to be blunt. In truth she couldn't really be sure of his intentions and no matter how bad her and Harvey's situation got, Mike would always remain in the soft spot of her heart, laced with motherly intentions and nice coffees and goodbye on the cheek.
"Donna. What happened?" He asked.
"With Norma gone, there was an opening. I didn't want to work for Harvey anymore, so...here I am." She said simply, returning to her typing.
His voice lowered, a softness overtaking him. "Donna...what happened?" He whispered pointedly, searching her face.
She sighed, heavily with a string of sound coming out.
She had two choices. She could avoid it. Play it off.
Or tell him.
"Ask Harvey." She said, a third option coming to the fore.
"Uh, Harvey won't tell me anything. And I need the revision I sent you for the Calnin merger. Remember?" He asked, apology written over his face.
Realisation dropped like a lead weight.
All his cases. All managed by her. Loose ends.
Shit. Her Friday night blunder...
She immediately rummaged through her bag, taking out her book again, before scribbling on a green post-it.
"Here's my sign on." She showed him, holding it up. "It's going to be transferred, but until it does, you can access the files for the next few hours. Someone's coming at 9am to man his desk temporarily." She said, handing Mike the post-it.
"Donna…" He said, a worried look on his face. "You know...I'm here if you need me, right?"
"I know. Thanks Mike. I need to…" She inferred, pointing awkwardly to the computer.
His genuine concern cracked that lovely veneer of hers. The kid could do that to her…
When he left, wordlessly, she noticed Louis looking at her through the glass.
"You okay?" He said, leaning into the intercom as it sounded on her end. She leaned forward, frowning slightly as she pressed the button back on to reply. "Yes, Louis. Thank you." She said evenly, a small smile gracing her lips as she focused back on her work.
No more streamlined Harvey/Donna intercom.
This really was a new day.
She knew Rachel would corner her eventually. They always did a weekend breakdown on the Monday after and no doubt Rachel would wander in with the same intention, as always. Oblivious to her complete overhaul.
"Hey...you look gorgeous." Rachel said, appearing from behind a row of files to admire her dress.
"Hey...you look pretty hot yourself, hot stuff." she remarked, pressing the buttons on the copier as she popped a hip.
"Hot or…" She noticed the excited face, a hand outstretched. The square, very beautiful diamond ring on her finger.
Her ring finger.
Donna's face fell instantly. She hadn't mean for it too.
For a second the wind was knocked out of her, as she stared at Rachel's face, then the ring, then her face again.
It was too late by the time she reigned it in, a falsified look of bliss-covered shock on her face. "Oh...wow. congratulations? I'm so..." She said, her voice higher than usual as she walked toward her friend.
"You okay?" Rachel asked, frowning.
She didn't expect the wave that flowed like a torrent, her eyes filling immediately. "I'm so…" She huffed, trying to say 'happy for you', but instead of words, an obtuse sob threatened her vocal chords. She shut her mouth, her hand clamped over her mouth as she pushed past Rachel. "I'm sorry, Rach" She managed, darting past her to the bathroom.
Donna rounded the corner a little too dramatically, her curled hair catching with a wind, nearly bumping head long into the one person she least wanted to see. She halted for a second, her eyes catching his.
He looked like shit. Worse enough to see her. He visibly swallowed, eyes wide and taking her in.
She sidestepped him then with a huff, pushing into the women's bathroom, her heart beating erratically at the chance meeting.
She cursed her luck. Cursed the emotion of it all.
She felt sick. And pathetic. But mostly just...sick. She felt the bile rise up unnaturally in her throught.
Outside, Rachel, in trying to follow Donna had ended up nearly colliding with her Boss, his jagged shock painting her face confused as she watched him reign in whatever situation she'd completely missed like a vacuum of intent.
"Uh, Sorry!" She stumbled on the words, sidestepping him with an impish refine to get to the bathroom.
When she wandered into the women's bathroom, she couldn't see Donna anywhere, until she emerged, glassy eyed, wiping her mouth with tissue and an apologetic expression on her face.
"Donna, what's wrong?" She asked, stumbling slightly towards her friend.
"Rachel." She heard the darkened voice call her name like command. When she looked behind her Harvey Specter was stood there in all his looming glory, slightly menacing, his jaw set like he was about to pop. "Can you leave us for a moment? Please?" He asked, darkly, like politely.
"Uh." She stumbled on an answer, looking to Donna who just froze, before shaking her head and dumping the piece of tissue in the bin beside her. "Sure." She said, wandering to the door. She paused fractionally, looking to her friend supportively. "If you need to talk, you know where I am, okay?" She said to Donna, ignoring Harvey beside her.
Donna nodded quickly to her friend, and in a flash she was gone and Harvey had locked the door, hearing it click like a trigger.
"Donna," He started, stepping forward.
She interrupted, her words lashing out. "This isn't about you." She bit at him sourly. "They're getting married, okay?" She answered bluntly, waving to the door.
"What? Her and Mike?" He double took for a second, seemingly confused by the concept of such a thing.
Trust him not to understand. It was commitment. It was practically his blind spot.
"No. Her and Louis." She rolled her eyes, her voice sarcastic as she straightened then.
She started to walk towards him, but he guarded the door, that steely, unresolved look in his eyes as he watched her.
"We still need to talk." He said, the look in his eyes dangerously dark.
"I don't have to do anything." She said, determined but softening. "You're not my Boss, anymore, Harvey." She stated.
"I'm a managing partner of this firm." He argued, stranding taller. She noticed his chin lift slightly.
"So is Louis. And this isn't a work matter, so I'll talk to you when I'm good and god damned ready." She said, besting him.
If she knew one thing it was that he'd only go so far with her.
"Donna," He peeled with frustration then, inhaling sharply as he looked around the room, his shoulders faltering. "I know I hurt you. But you can't punish me forever." He told her.
Any other time, any other situation and any other place in her life, she would reason with him. Clarify where he was lost and right the ship. For him.
But things were different now. They had to be for her to have even the slimmest chance of getting out of it alive.
She glided slowly towards him. "This is the first day, Harvey. Sweat it out." She told him, unlocking the door and opening the door with a tug.
It was then that he reached for her. She flinched, a fire in her eyes lashing at him, enough to make him pause, to see it as a warning and swiftly dash the impulse.
He let her go. Like always. She scoffed, gliding back to Louis' office with her arms swinging.
At least the anger at him had offset the watery emotion at the fact that...other actual couples were doing very well indeed. Young and engaged. Full of life and honest commitment.
Trust her to still be wading in the mire…
Don't colour my heart blues and greys
Don't tell me that I'm not ok
Don't colour me with your shades
Don't colour my heart 'cause I'll make it through
Yeah, I'll make it through
No more tears for you - Charlotte OC 'Colour my heart'
Mike was confused.
And worried.
And…missing some piece from the puzzle of it all.
Something that two of the three people he cared about most in the world were not going to willingly divulge to him.
He'd ended up finding the files, in sharing a desk with the replacement temp staff he managed to navigate the system enough to print off everything for all working cases. All forms, declarations and prep work that Donna had finished but not yet given to Harvey. The entire time Harvey didn't move from his desk; that stony expression on his already marble faceted expression.
It was a strange position, acting as both sides of the coin.
Whatever had split the two of them apart seemed to have busted a hole in the side of them.
Because neither were talking. To eachother or anyone else for that matter.
So the move hadn't been a good one... That much was clear.
He chewed his lip, stirring a cup of coffee as he opened cupboards, looking for a hidden snack in the partner's lounge.
"Hey." He noticed the voice immediately, a violent frisson of warmth growing through him as he turned, smiling at his...fiance. His Fiance,
Rachel Zane.
The woman he was 100% sure he was going to marry one day.
It still hadn't hit him, the implication of it. Of course their weekend had been filled with sex and more warmth and a celebratory dinner at her parent's house. But still...the idea of this enormous step hadn't quite reached him yet.
His smile opened to a grin as she wandered towards him, a look in her eyes as she stood opposite him, toe to toe. Eager for him.
"Hey." He said.
"Hey yourself." She said.
"We suck." He grinned, rolling his eyes as he playfully pulled on her cashmere sweater for a closeness.
"We're like those couples that make you want to throw up, right?" She offered, with a wince.
"Probably. But it's better than being where Donna and Harvey seem to be." He found himself saying.
"I know." She agreed, her voice bending like a ribbon as a seriousness overtook her. "I…I made her cry, Mike." She said.
"What?" He frowned.
"I told her about the engagement and...she just burst into tears and ran to the bathroom. I've never seen her like that before. Ever. And I ran into Harvey, too."
His face dropped then, the pressing thought in his head minorly offsetting the cool glow of engagement. "Oh, that couldn't have been good." He winced.
"He ordered me out of the women's bathroom when I followed Donna." She explained. "What the hell's going on with them?"
"I don't know. When I came in this morning, Harvey was sat on his own. Told me she'd working for Louis now."
"Really? What...else did say?"
"Nothing. But...it is not good, Rach. Whatever happened, it hit them hard."
"What to we do?" She asked.
And in that moment he fell in love with her all over again, observing the rife concern on her face.
She was the most caring person he'd ever met. Except his Grammie. Like his Grammie.
"You focus on Donna and I'll...try and sort out Harvey." He assured her.
"You say that like it's possible." She smiled sadly.
"Don't worry." He assured her, rubbing her forearm. "I know a way to chisel at his resolve."
"You're a braver man than I." She smiled, kissing him, before wandering out the door.
When she left, satisfied, his smile disappeared.
This was going to be a very difficult one. Harder than any case.
If there was one thing Harvey didn't deal with well, it was talking about Donna.
Notes: So hard to write Louis! I'm going to have to delve deep, but of course he's going to play nice. He's just got a shiny new Donna-shaped assistant!