Day One: Part One
I couldn't help but be proud of myself as I walked through the halls. My parents hadn't made it this far, which proves I was better than them, right? I mean high school alone is big but to pass all the way up to my senior year is huge. I might not have passed with flying colors but I passed besides Ds are good enough for me. Why should I care about good grades when as long as you graduate you can make a decent living in South Park? I could have a house like Cartman, Stan, or even Kyle's if I could make it through this year with few problems. All I need is one good year. No skipping classes, no ditching school all together, and I have to do some work. I want to prove I can be more. This year I will prove that I can be more.
I adjust my shirt while I look in the small mirror Stan placed in my locker. I feel naked without my hoodie. I wish I could've stayed small enough to still fit in it. Or at least have money for a new one. People can actually see me now. It doesn't seem right that people can see my hallow face. Shouldn't they be spared the pain of looking at my pale skin, my I should steal on of Cartman's hoodies, I know he has a few to spare. I remember when mother gave me five dollars to go shopping and told me to make it last. The cheapest hoodie was six fifty.
I pull up my pants so my boxers are no longer showing. I had a belt on but it didn't help much. When you are as skinny as I am there's nothing that can help. My shirts fit well but I can't afford new jeans to wear. So I am stuck with the baggy, slightly short, holey jeans. I suppose that's what I get for being poor. I don't get food and I don't get clothes. Maybe God was getting back at me for being such good friends with Cartman. Then again my parents were poor for years before I was even born. So I guess it isn't my fault…
"Hey you poor piece of crap, what are you doing?" it's Cartman I can tell from the way his voice flattens on the word crap, almost like it doesn't like saying it.
It's odd to hear Cartman say things like that to me. I guess I got used to summer when it was just the two of us. He was nicer to me then. He'd drive me to work and back to his place. He wouldn't make me go home to my parents and siblings. Hell he even let me sleep in his bed a few times. When we were alone he was a true friend, my only friend, but now we were in public and he had changed. I should be used to it by now every summer since preschool he was amazing to me then during school I was just his poor piece of crap.
"Nothing fat ass. I'm just trying not to moon the whole senior class." I want to laugh but thinking about it hits home.
Cartman just looks at my clothes. I can feel his eyes running from my uncovered head all the way down to my taped tennis shoes. He bites his bottom lip -a habit I've picked up on- and then smiles to himself. It's a real smile, a summer smile, not the usual smirk he gives everyone during school hours. He puts his right hand into his pocket and makes a face like he's looking for something. I just watch in silence waiting for something exciting to come from his pocket search. He pulls out his brown leather wallet, it's like mine except his is new and mine is almost as taped up as my shoes. He pulls some money out of it and throws it at my chest. I catch the bills on instinct and just look at him.
"I'll take you shopping after school. If I don't give you the money now I don't know if I'll be able to part with it. So meet by my car about ten minutes after the bell. I guess I'll wait for you if you aren't there but I'll only wait until about twenty after then I'll leave." He whispered all of this in my ear with a kind tone. Then he turned and started to walk away as I pocketed the money. "Poor crap, if you don't show I'll leave without you."
Fuck, I had almost started to think he would be openly kind this year. I don't know why I hold on to hope that he'll be open. Last year I followed him like a puppy, something I am sure I'll do again this year, and I still wished he would change. I idolize him too much. I know that it isn't good; I take his opinion to heart and then nothing else matters to me.
I grab my science book from my locker and close the door gently. All I can think of doing right now is stuffing my book in my backpack and going to class. The sooner I go to class the sooner it will be over. That's always something to look forward to. I guess if you were a kid like Stan or Kyle you'd like school. Cartman doesn't hate school either, he doesn't do amazingly but that's his choice. I just don't do well because I can't no matter how hard I try. I wrote a paper last year about the gay issue that was going on in politics -how some people were all for gay marriage and some were totally against it- and my teacher told me it was way to personal. I failed that class, along with two other classes that I had to make up during summer school.
The issue of gay marriage shouldn't even be addressed. If people want to get married it's their deal. I don't care what people think and no one else should. Why should other people decide what's best for one persons life. There is no reason for everyone to be assuming they know what's the right thing and what's the wrong thing. I guess if my mother told me not to marry someone I would listen but in the end it would be my choice, so why should gay men -or lesbians- listen to what others have to say? Why should anyone care what other people think when it comes to love? They shouldn't so just leave people to their own lives.
I guess you can't really call it a paper. The assignment was supposed to be writing a five hundred-word essay on a topic that you think matters. I didn't write five hundred words and I guess my teacher thought I was gay because I used I too many times. My teacher was always giving me this look after that. Kind of like they knew something about me that I didn't. I got me really mad so I finally stopped going to his class all together. I figured that would stop his looks. I still saw him in the halls though and his looks were worse than ever then. I was just glad that my summer school teacher took it easy on me. I was able to pass the class; I guess having 'relations' can help you with your grades. It's not like I really did anything with her. I don't think she would have wanted to if I had taken my hood off during the summer to let her see me. But I led her to believe something could happen and I passed.
As I walked the halls people walking the other way pushed me. I was sick of being pushed around by other people. They didn't even try to murmur an apology. It was like I was invisible. I'm just the poor piece of crap that follows Eric Cartman around like a puppy, who cares about me? I guess Cartman cares a little. He seems like he cares if I live or die, and he is nice enough during the summer. So I have one friend in the whole town. Stan and Kyle really don't count because they both have too many problems to notice mine. A kid -as fat as Cartman use to be- ran into me and I fell to the ground. I could feel a sticky substance come from my leg. Damn it I had fallen on something. I stood up and looked at the back of my jeans. Blood was staining my pants right below my knee. I don't do anything about it. I just grab my bag from the ground and continue to class. If I'm late I'll be in trouble even if it is the first day.
I pull the door to Mrs. Kimball's room open and rush inside just as the final bell rings. I'm proud of myself for making it all the way to first hour while bleeding out my leg. I scan the room for any sight of Cartman, Stan, or Kyle. I see Stan sitting in the back with Wendy attached to his hip. Kyle is on the other side of the room staring over at the short black haired boy. I walk over and drop my bag on the floor. Taking a seat next to Kyle I sigh trying to see if he notices I'm there, and to my surprise he does.
"Hey Kenny. What the fuck happened to your leg? You didn't try to kill yourself by cutting your thigh again did you?" he was being an ass, he had no clue what he was talking about and he shouldn't be talking about it.
"Why don't you just ignore and continue on with your little gay Jew boy fantasy. I fell down in the hallway and I landed on something I just didn't take the time to fix my leg up. I only had two minutes left to get to class."
I notice that he stopped paying attention once I mentioned gay Jew boy. I don't really care I'm used to watching him stare at Stan. It's odd; before Stan and Wendy got back together I would have sworn that Jew boy would date Stan. I thought they'd be a happy freak couple. I still catch Stan staring at Kyle every once and a while. Or if Wendy isn't with him he'll just look at the Jew's ass with his mouth open. Wendy must be blind, or she's really good at pretending. I don't care what Stan says he's just as gay as Kyle.
Gay… I guess that's what my friends are and I have to accept it. Not that I really have a problem with it but my mother is always going on about gay men and how much they've ruined her life. I don't have a fucking clue what she means, as far as I know it's father who fucked up her life. Then there's Cartman, he is always ripping at gays but he doesn't tease Kyle about it as much. I think he ignores it somewhat if it's a friend. I don't really know how to say it but I can't think of anything I would love to do more than hate what Cartman hates, but he always changes his mind.
I don't know how long I've been sitting in this chair. I just remember pulling out a notebook and grabbing a pencil. I was supposed to be taking notes. I guess my mind wandered. I look over at the Jew and he's just staring at me. It's kind of creepy having a gay friend stare at you. I wouldn't mind but everyone was looking in our direction. My eyes widened, had I said my thoughts out loud again? My father had almost murdered me two years ago; I don't want a repeat of that. I try to clear my head and allow other kid's voices to enter my mind.
"Kenneth do you know the answer?" Mrs. Kimball asked, and from her tone I can guess she's already asked a few times.
"What was the question?" I should know better than to use the lazy ass tone I just used but I really hate this class, and I've heard horrible rumors about this teacher.
"What is the answer to the forth question in your notes. Which of the following is NOT a characteristic of life: a. growth b. responsiveness c. reproduction d. organ systems? You should have the proper answer written in your notes page three." She was being a bitch on purpose; she knew I hadn't taken notes.
"Happiness isn't a characteristic of life does that count as an answer?" I realize after I said it that I'm not starting my year off well.
She folds her arms. For a moment I expect her to ask me to go to the office, or for her to just hit me. I can't tell what type of a person she is. From her dark brown hair that was pulled into a tight bun on the top of her head all the way to her gray granny suit I would think she was a hard ass. I never expect much of anyone. I guess it's just a tactic to keep people from getting close enough to find out secrets that even I don't know. I must have missed judged her though, because she laughed.
"Well as good of an answer as that may be it isn't correct. You'll need to borrow Kyle's notes and copy them tonight. Now please stay with me. I know you all hate that we're doing work on the first day back but we need to get these notes done with. We take notes everyday in this class so I expect you to have a little more care about school work…"she kept talking but I allowed my thoughts to sink back into my head.
This woman didn't seem like a good teacher. The first rule of school was never give real work on the first day. If you give work no one will pay attention, except for dorks like Stan, Wendy, and Kyle. I breathe out my mouth as though I've just taken a puff from a cigarette. I lean down in my seat and rest my head on the top. With little effort I start to count the tiles on the ceiling. I don't get very far before I fall asleep.
"Kenny get up, dude." Kyle whispered in my ear.
He made me fall from my seat out of fright. I don't spook easily but having a gay man that close to my ear just makes me jump. I stand up and collect my stuff. With little effort I shove everything back into my bag and sling it over one shoulder. Kyle and Stan wait for me at the door. It's odd having them around again. But I walk up to them nonetheless and we walk out of the room together.
"Stan I was thinking you could come over tonight if you want to." Kyle suggested with hope in his voice.
"I told Wendy that I would come over after school." Stan looked like he was upset, "I would like to come over later though. I could be there around six." Both of the boys' faces lit up.
Kyle put one arm around Stan's shoulder and pulled him closer into a hug. I was glad it wasn't me, seriously I don't have a problem with gay guys but I wouldn't want one that close to me. I just watched, as Stan seemed to fall perfectly into Kyle's arms. They both looked so comfortable. Then Stan saw Wendy… I still think he just doesn't want to believe he's gay but I don't want to point it out to him. I watch as he runs over to Wendy leaving Kyle depressed, again.
"Dude, don't worry about it. You're way better than Wendy. She's a bitch."
"Don't say that about her!"
"Woo, just calm down dude. Hell I thought you were hot for Stan not his little girlfriend. Anyway all I'm saying is I can totally tell that he's gay. He'll realize it after a while and maybe you guys can be together then."
I don't bother on saying unless it's too late. They will stay in this town forever. Most of the people here never leave. But I don't have anything to stay for. I plan on getting out as soon as I can. I don't want to be stuck here forever. I guess if I had something or someone to stay for it would be different. Bebe said she'd be my bitch anytime, but I doubt she was serious, plus that isn't what I want. I don't want to be with Bebe. Maybe I'll go to some big town where I can start all over. Maybe I'll get Cartman to go and he can be some big powerful guy and I'll work for him. That'd be cool, to just move away… just move.
"Move bastard!" I think Token is the one to yell this time but I'm not sure.
Kyle pulls me to the side of the hallway. He has to just about slap me to get me out of my own head. I just blink a few times and look around me. We're already at my locker. I guess that's why he stopped me. He must have known that I need my books for second hour. I swirled the lock around and put in my combination. I sighed as Cartman walked up while I was putting my science stuff away.
"Jew, poor crap, are you guys sitting with Stan and Wendy and I at lunch today?" he didn't seem to care much.
I considered sitting with them. I don't know how much more I can take of this Cartman though. It's only day one and he's already made me forget that we are friends. I just wish he could act normal. I shrug not wanting to deny or accept.
"Yeah fat ass, course I will." Kyle's voice flutters through my head.
Whatever trance I was in he knocked me out of it. Cartman is staring at me and Kyle is propping me up. I almost laugh as I see Cartman is helping support my weight as they walk me to class. I still feel a little out of it. I don't really know what they're going on about.
"What kind of an excuse is that?"
"It's what he says Cartman. Why shouldn't we believe him?"
"That's a load of shit. If it was true there would be..."
"Shut up he's coming to."
I laugh slightly. They were talking about my cut. They really don't believe me. I almost want to yell at them but I don't. They're being stupid and they know it. Of all the places to cut myself why would I cut my lower thigh? With another sigh I pull some of my own weight.
"If you seriously don't believe me I'll pull my pants down and you can fucking see the cut. It's fresh and bleeding, and defiantly won't look like a self inflicted wound. I am not about to go cutting myself. What do you think I am a freak?" I almost don't say the part about the freak, because it seems to fit me lately.
"No we believe you. It's just that you've had cuts before and we just worry about you." Kyle says with pity ringing through every word.
I hate it when people pity me. I hate it more when they doubt me. All Kyle is doing right now is doubting my sanity. I would yell and kick and scream if I had the energy. I want to yell at them. Then again Cartman did say he believed me, he really is a friend. Even when he's pretending to be a dick I can see the kindness trying to seep through on rare occasions. I would thank him but I'm not stupid enough to bring attention to the fact that he's getting soft. Then I think back to Kyle. Cartman has a look on his face that's begging Kyle to shut up, of course Cartman would know, I should have known he knew what really happened.
"Kenny this is a big deal," Cartman tried once again to get him to shut up. "even if you don't think it is. Death isn't as simple as it seems. You'd be leaving a lot of people behind. Last year when I saw what you did to yourself, I wanted to hate you for thinking you could just leave us here."
"Kyle shut the fuck up you stupid Jew!" even Cartman is wide eyed at my hatred; I've never been one to be hatful when insulting Kyle or Stan. "You think you know all about me but you don't. Next time you see Stan with a cut go preach to him about death. I have no desire to leave the world. I do however want to leave this town and your presence. So get the fuck away from me!"
I manage to collect myself enough to walk into my math room. I am shaking and my head feels like it's spinning. Some girl comes and asks if I'm okay. I just mumble a yes and sit down in the nearest seat to the door. I place my head on the cold wood of the desk. I wish it would swallow me whole. Just send me somewhere, Cartman's maybe. I like it there. People don't judge you in Cartman's house not like at school. School is like a living hell.
"Kyle it's none of your business." I hear Cartman yell through the door.
"You know what happened don't you? All this time you've played along when you know what really happened. Why didn't you say something? Why aren't you helping him? What the fuck is going on Cartman?"
"Kenny is fine. He doesn't need help, except a little money every once and a while. He's my best friend, and you barely know him so stop pretending like you know so much. He's been through hell and has managed to keep himself sane. He's better off than you are. At least he isn't obsessing over some boy he can't have. The only other problem is his confidence, last year his confidence was broken down into nothing. You just make it worse accusing him of false actions. So just lay off and let him be. Just for once don't make him your mission."
I can hear the bell ring over powering anything else that was said as they walked away. They would be late for class because Cartman wanted to stand up for me. I smiled at my desk and let sleep take me. I didn't want to think anymore. I just wanted sleep to take me by the hand and lead me to a nice place.
Geometry is really a sophomore class. I guess when you're bad with numbers this is what you get. Two years of concepts and a year of Algebra. Now I get to learn about shapes and shit. I am not excited. I don't care about math so I don't try that hard. I'll do the homework this year that much I'll do. I just don't think I should have to stay awake through a class I could just sleep through. So while Mr. What's-his-name is talking and droning on about rules and expectations I demonstrate. I know he'll use me as a fine example -of what not to do. So many teachers have before that it doesn't even bug me. I just sit there and sleep on the first day. It's become a tradition.
I don't dream this hour. It's odd for me to make it through a sleeping period without dreaming about something; my friends, father, mother, money, love, a life, anything really. But all I remember when I woke up was blackness. Maybe I had a dream and I just can't remember it. That's probably what it is. I probably dreamed about my father and blocked it from my mind. I look towards the clock. Second hour will be over with in ten minutes. Then just one more hour till lunch.
I look at the board. There's a small ten-problem assignment on the board. This year is going to suck ass I can already tell. I take down the assignment and then put my paper back in my bag with my pencil. I tap on the desk lightly and look at the teacher. He's really fat. Like how big Cartman used to be. It made me laugh, really loud. The class turned to stare at me. Then the sweet bell saved me from more humiliation. I sometimes loved that bell.
I don't even bother going to my locker this time. I know that I'm not going to do anything. Not only because of me but because it's the biggest blow off teacher the school's got. Hammer used to be the football coach till he got too lazy and they asked him to stop. So now he just teaches Government. I walk down the hall and turn left. I can see Cartman across the hall. He can feel me staring at him I know it. He turns and gives me a small -quick- smile. I return it with ten times as much enthusiasm. He was my best friend, even if he didn't like to admit it. I walk past his bullying attempt without a word. Once I get to the right room I sit down and stare off into space. For once I don't feel like falling asleep. Especially when I see Cartman come into the room and sit down next to me.
"Hey Kenny. We're still on for shopping right?" he sounded really gay but I nodded anyway, god what's my obsession with gay lately? "Good because I just turned down a chance with Bebe to get you jeans that fit."
"Eric you don't want Bebe." I said his name quietly so no one else would hear. "Sure she's great for a one night fling but then she gets possessive and she thinks she loves you till someone new comes. She keeps coming back to me, and I keep telling her I don't like her. Plus she's way to hard core for you. Some of the shit she did scared me, and you know that's hard to do."
"Kenny we're in school, it's Cartman okay! Now just stay awake through class and we'll head off to lunch."
I didn't say anything. I knew I had pissed him off. He would never change. He would be kind one moment and terrible the next. It wasn't always like this though. Last year brought us together. His mom's boyfriend and my dad were two peas in a pod. Freaking perverted bastards. They brought us together nonetheless. Now we're always together when we can be. He just doesn't want to admit that he's a friend with me for real. He wants people to think that he's just doing this out of pity. I look down at my notebook and write MASH along the top with numbers and a small box. I pass it to Cartman.
I watch as he fills in all the numbers and passes me back the paper. I swirl my pencil in a circle stopping randomly and counting the number of times I went around. Then I start counting. I cross of lion, serial killer, Kyle, convertible… and so on like that. In the end he's left with; Kenny, a dog, being president, having a jeep, living in a house, and one kid. I laugh then let him make a chart for me to fill out.
I can see he's watching me as I write. He wants to make sure I follow the rules. It has to be guy's names, and things you really want. We played this all the time in sixth grade and we got a kick out of it. He did the same thing for me that I did for him and I got left with; Cartman, fish, stay at home dad, truck, house, and one kid. I laugh silently when I saw my answers. Then grabbed the paper and wrote, Mrs. Kenny Cartman or Mrs. Eric McCormick? Eric just playfully hit my head and circled his last name.
The hour was finally up! I couldn't wait to get out of a desk. I said goodbye to Eric and he grabbed my arm. I almost fell back from the force that he held me.
"Hey what about lunch?"
"Oh… I …um have to put my shit away I'll meet you there." I lied.
I waited till the room was empty once again to throw away the paper. I guess I didn't want people to see it. Not that it really mattered; it was for a stupid game. Nonetheless I torn the paper in half and then destroyed it completely before throwing it away. The teacher had locked the door so once I left I couldn't get back in. I almost felt like sitting here till the lunch bell rang. But the sight of a room was too much for me.
It's odd that I waited so long to leave. Sometimes I wonder if I have another personality. I don't though I'm just one person who's confused about who they are now. It started last year, right before Bebe and right after my father… I can't even form the words can I? The thought is bitter and I taste a terrible thing in my mouth before I squinted my eyes and reopened them. I can't think about it, it hurts.
I look around the room. Grabbing my worn down bag I turned off the lights. I made my way to my locker by chance. I hadn't really been trying to get there. So with one last look towards the café I opened my locker. Shoving my whole bag inside I searched through the pocket. Inside was a small box of cigarettes. I grabbed one and a lighter, stuffed them in my pocket and walked outside. It's been one hell of a day so far but I feel like the old me again. It's not summer anymore, and it took me till now to figure that out.
AN: I guess this is another chapter down! This is only part one of the school day. I hope everyone is enjoying this so far. Next up is part two of the day and after that is shopping. I still don't own anything but the plot nothing has changed since the last chapter. I would still love reviews with any hints on how to be better or something like that! Thank you for reading!