Disclaimer: I do not own D N Angel, only this story belongs to me.
True Love Has No Happy Ending
Chapter Two Of Needs and Wants
Part One Riku
It's so hard when you know you're wrong in life, but you can't accept that.
It's so hard when you know that you shouldn't bother with how you feel because you know it's not going to work out.
It's so hard when you think about things day and night and it hurts you so bad.
It's so hard when you know things you wish were never true. It's so hard when the one you like so much wants to be "just friends".
It's so hard when you just want one thing to go your way...but nothing does.
– Anonymous
She didn't know exactly when she started building the walls of delusion around herself. Started telling the lies her heart needed to hear. When was it that she started to deny the cold harsh facts that Daisuke had never once seen her for whom she truly was?
Why was it so hard to accept the fact that Daisuke had never liked her?
Why was it so hard to let go of her affection and love for Daisuke?
The hardest thing in life is letting go of what you thought was real.
And it was another thing that led her to her downfall.
It was her inability to cherish herself, for whom she truly was that, caused her to built walls of illusion around herself.
She grew up in Risa's shadow, it was always Risa this and Risa that throughout her life.
It seemed that her successes were nothing compared to Risa.
Risa got all the attention.
It was beautiful Risa, the sweet Risa, the one whom was courteous… Unlike the rough, tomboyish sister. Unlike hot-tempered Riku.
But Riku hadn't mind. She love Risa and knew that her little sister liked all the attention.
The thing was no one seemed to care about her. No one bothered about her feelings. What she liked. What she wanted.
No one treated her like she was special.
It was plain Riku. No one cared.
No one.
She was always alone. Even her friends never truly understood her.
Even if they did, she never believed that they liked her.
She thought they liked her just because she was Harada Risa's sister.
It wasn't true, but that was what she thought to be true.
Running was one of her many passions. When she ran, the adrenaline in her body, made her feel happy, it made her feel like she was part of the wind.
When she sang, which most of her friends didn't know she could including Risa, Riku sang with the very essence of her soul. She sang with a passion and occasionally she wrote songs to pass the time.
She loved reading adventurous novels and sometimes a romance story. She actually wrote. But did anyone know? No they didn't bother about her and she was too shy to actually show anyone her incomplete works.
It seemed everyone knew Risa. What she liked and dislike.
But no one knew her. Sure, she was Harada Riku, older sister of Harada Risa by a few minutes. Athletic. Smart. And she was better than her sister in household skills although she seemed like a tomboy.
But they didn't know the inner her.
No one truly cared. No one bothered to try and know her.
Only her grandmother, but she had passed on when Riku was eight.
Her grandmother had always praised Riku and she was often said to be her 'favourite grandchild'. Risa had pouted when she heard that but said it was okay as she loved Riku and wanted Riku to be happy.
Riku had not really believed her, but when she was nestled in her grandmother's arms, she felt loved.
"Riku is so pretty."
"No I'm not, Risa is much prettier than me" Riku said indignantly.
"She has her particular beauty, Riku also has an exquisiteness that makes you look beautiful," her grandmother had said with her smile.
Risa had smiled and hugged Riku. "I think you are pretty onee – sama!"
But Riku hadn't believed either of them.
Daisuke was the first person other than her family to care about her. He had been her best friend. He too had said she was pretty and she had blushed at that comment.
Riku had fallen in love with his boyish shy smiles. His clumsiness. The way how his eyes seemed to sparkle like the most beautiful ruby.
He had liked her, but as he gradually got to know Risa and as they grew older, he forgot about Riku. It was Risa this and Risa that.
Daisuke still talked to Riku, still thought of her as his friend. But he forgot her needs. Forgot her wants. And what she liked. What she didn't. She became someone he knew but didn't know. She became known as Risa's elder twin sister.
I'm sorry you miss the way I looked at you.
But I don't miss the way you never looked at me.
And she lied to herself. Telling to herself that Daisuke cared about her. She wanted to confess her feelings to Daisuke but she knew Daisuke liked her little sister.
But she hoped that he had at least cared about her.
Niwa – kun cares for everybody. He cares for me. He does.
She had wished that one day, he would become hers.
But he was too absorbed in Risa. It was always about Risa.
But she didn't blame her sister. Risa was her little imouto, and Riku loves her.
Daisuke couldn't help falling in love with her sister just as she couldn't help falling in love with him.
I've known you for so long
You are a friend of mine
But this is all we'd ever be
I've loved you since
You are a friend of mine
And this is all we ever could be.
She had been by his side as he asked her all that she knew about Risa, been by his side as he asked her the best method to woo her sister and she was the one whom comforted him when he couldn't get the courage to ask her out.
She had always been there for him.
And each time he came to her for advice, her heart broke a little more, the pain in her heart increased.
But she kept a cheery face, a facade to hide the pain inside. She pretended.
Then Dark Mousy entered their lifes.
The Phantom Thief had captured many hearts, including Risa's. But not Riku's. Her heart was already with Daisuke.
Risa had been so obsessed with worshipping the Phantom Thief and had hurt Daisuke.
Riku had once again comforted him, but her heart soared with the thought that he might learn to love her.
She hoped.
Daisuke was constantly on her mind.
His messy flyaway red hair.
His sparkling crimson eyes.
His cute smile.
And his child like demeanor.
However, someone else too occupied Riku's mind.
Dark Mousy hadn't occupied Riku's mind much, but he did something to her that she couldn't forget her entire life.
He was the Phantom Thief.
And like the thief he was, he had stolen Riku's first kiss.
She was enraged. It was for Niwa – kun and Dark Mousy had stolen it.
It was supposed to be special. It was to be for Niwa Daisuke, the first boy whom cared for her. The one she lost her heart to.
Riku's heart still belonged to Daisuke although her treacherous mind and mouth particularly, liked Dark Mousy.
She hated the thief however, no matter how skilled he was in kissing. He had the nerve to steal her first kiss! And she would not forgive him for that.
Riku's love for Daisuke grew as she got to know him more. Sadly, Daisuke had not felt the same towards her.
It didn't matter.
She waited patiently for the day Daisuke would return her feelings to her.
One day, Daisuke had finally got the nerves to tell Risa his true feelings. She had rejected him. And on the same day, he had kissed Riku.
It was shocking. When she kissed him, her mind supplied one word.
Replacement.
She was a replacement.
But she denied it. Building the walls of fallacy around her heart. Telling the lies she needed to hear so desperately.
He had asked her to be his and she accepted. Riku had been happy. So very happy.
Her heart had healed momentarily.
But all good things have to come to an end.
Daisuke, he had still not seen her as she was... He had not taken the time to get to know her.
He still forgot her likes and dislikes. Her wants and needs. He hadn't tried to know her.
He wasn't aware of her passions for running, for excitement, for singing and for writing.
He had only seen her as Risa.
Replacement.
Replacement.
Only a replacement to mend his broken heart.
Only a replacement.
She wanted so desperately to protect her happiness that she ignored the loving looks Daisuke gave her sister. The way her sister seem to brighten up every time she was around Daisuke. Risa had claimed to be still in love with the pervert thief but Riku knew better.
Her sister loved her too much to break her apart from Daisuke.
But Riku saw the looks Daisuke and Risa passed to each other.
She just denied it.
Her heart was slowly breaking, bit by bit as the days slowly went on.
She pretended that she was just fine.
She pretended she was okay.
She pretended that she wasn't falling into the darkness.
She hid her feelings, and always had a fake smile on her face to convince others that she wasn't hurting inside. But the person she wanted most to convince was herself.
She concealed her pain with a happy facade. She acted happy. She acted as if she knew nothing of the hidden love between her sister and Daisuke, her boyfriend.
It continued for months.
But she denied it. The walls of fabrication getting higher and higher. The strings of lies wrapped around her heart tighter and tighter.
You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.
Her heart can only take so much. The pain, the hurt, the sadness and the agony was too much to bear.
She wanted Daisuke to love her truly and only her. Riku had been selfish. She had been so selfish.
And finally when she seen through her thick walls of delusion, misconception and erroneous belief, she could not deny it any longer.
She couldn't deny the fact that Daisuke had continued to love her sister even after months of them being together, and he had tried to get to know her at all.
He had not cared enough. He had not seen her for who she truly was. He had only seen Risa in her features.
And every kiss they shared, was all for Risa.
All the gentle touches, was for Risa.
Risa. Not Riku.
It was always Risa.
Risa the pretty one, the polite one, and the one with the infectious smile.
Riku was the plain girl. She wasn't worthy for anyone's love. She was unattractive and she didn't have the charm Risa had.
She might have friends, but she was always alone.
No one took the time to really get to know her.
And she was always known as Harada Risa's elder sister.
Just someone, and no one…
She had broke down when her heart could take no more abuse. She had cried. She had been so alone.
And the last person she could ever thought of to comfort her, the last person she thought would care for her, did.
And he had promised her, to protect her. And to never let her get hurt again. It was a side of him she had only seen in her dreams.
The dreams she had since her eighteen birthday.
He had been concerned about her. He had been there for her when she broke. He had promised her.
And she believed him.
xxx
Um. This chapter is experimental and I think Riku's character is very OOC.
I tried a few approach to write this but none seemed to work out. So this is one of the best I could come out with.
Please tell me what you think.
Please tell me if it sucks or just makes you really irritated reading it. Tell me if Riku's character is too OOC or whatever. Just tell me what you readers think.
It's important!
Yours truly, Nicolet
xxx
edited. 1-1-2006