February….missing you ….not…..
"Jeeze, Lenny shut that damn door will you! I've never known it this cold for February….my scamorza's will be freezing off it don't break soon….."
"Keep your hair on Gio (Lenny replied)….boy you Napolesas….Napolianites….oh man you Nancy boys from Napoli….we Sicilians know how to weather don't we Chico? Heck we also know where to get our hair cut and a close shave, Ha! Man those were the days (turning to his slightly less rotund companion who if you didn't know they were not related looked and dressed as if his mirror image a cross between Dean Martin and Coco the clown as he lifted his head slightly and whispered as if recalling well rehearsed memories to his old friend and fellow taxi driver)
"Hells bells you are so right (Chico yelled back between mouthfuls of hot coffee and his bacon bagel), those were the days, don't it make you sick bro…..youth is so lost on the young, wish I had my time again and…….Lenny remember all the close shaves we had, yeah, some too close for comfort I can tell you Gio"
Turning back to face his busily employed friend who was licking the tomato sauce remains off his fingers from his toasted sandwich, wiping them on his paper napkin with the pickle on it, from a batch of thousands Gio had ordered and never needed when he left his old sandwich shop as Chico continued.
"Oh…oh Len my man remember that older stripper from Chicago you know the one with the jugs as big as water melons….hmm tasty, if a little saggy…. hey I like a woman who can smother and mother me at the same time if you know what I mean. Wow …and…and….that blonde from Milwaukee in 98 oh …oh and how could I ever forget that feisty red head who nearly ate me for breakfast, over and over and over again I thought she was going to suck me dry and some, boy she sure scared me ……..a right ball breaker! To think I almost let you have her (Cupping his 'bits' in his hands old grease marks evident on his trousers that burst at the seams). When I think about it I don't think these boys have been the same since, what you grinning at Nappy boy? So you find it hard to believe old Chico takes care of himself; it don't hurt for a man to check he's still 'All There' occasionally you should try it sometime Rossi, you must wonder what yours are for now (laughing with Lenny)….. They've been in 'storage' that long…." Gio ignored his companion's last remark as the other half of the coffee break comedy act replied….
"Chico, Chico…don't…don't remind me man you nearly got dragged to the alter by that one didn't you? If it hadn't been for the fact they didn't have an Elvis suit big enough to fit you …..What…..what you laughin at Rossi? So he's always been…..'big boned' God save big bones that's all I can say. His big fat ass sure saved him that day, I reckon Mr Batchelor boy would be martially incumbent now if Elvis hadn't been so popular that year, hey am I right Chico or am I right? As his partner in crime nodded in the affirmative). Jeeze he'd have been toast if New York's answer to Rita Heyworth had been a Michael Jackson groupie, ha! fan suits for Mr Thriller were a dime a dozen that summer and Lenny Goodman can tell you Chico there will be eternally grateful for the benefits of over sized fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ala the 'king' style he's put down his neck! Give praise (looking to the heavens)…..'Thank you very much Mr Presley' and you gotta admire our Chico cos he's successfully managed to keep that 'fuller' figure ever since (the too cabbies roared with laughter!). True, he hasn't seen his….. hmm ……feet (grinning) for a long time but what he lacks in agility he sure as heck make up for in diameter…Which is more than I can say for you lady boy, look at you Gio I almost want a piece of you myself your so……pretty, come here give Lenny a hug"…(pulling away from him, Gio tried not to crack up as he wanted to burst out laughing as Gio calmly replied)
"Maritally, you nearly gave that body up to marriage Chico? To think so many women could have been saved from a fate worse than death, you in the buff! Man, oh pass me the sick bowl Fabiano, I'm gonna puke just thinking about it. Plus I gotta say this cos you too old letches are pissing me off now, what are you getting at about me being…..Gay! I ain't gay I'm just choosy. If I wanted a woman I'd sure as heck go get one I don't I'm too f'kin busy cooking for you fat lumps (walking away and immediately turning and going back to his two friendly tormentors sat at his bar as he continued)
Lenny do you and Chico sing from the same hymn sheet cos he never shuts up about this either, I've told you before my hair is designer styled, I pay good money for this look (smoothing his left hand sexily through his fine, dark, shining hair as it fell back down like a silk scarf)…I'm…I'm growing it, it's my pirate look; as for the stubble well I work hard to fine tune this baby (caressing his chin, grasping with his fingers to one side and thumb to the other as his mouth opened slightly) man I feel good if I say so myself (sensing he'd reacted to harshly Gio calmed and changed the subject).
Did I hear right Lenny? I shouldn't have interrupted, I need to mind my manners tell me more about Chico nearly succumbing to a woman, to that state of bliss everyone aims for …you Chico Totti….lover of anything he can get his dirty paws on you almost got married and in an Elvis suit!…I'd have paid for those shots and some……and I'm telling you Chico call me pretty one more time man and I'll go tell your momma you said my tiramisu was better than hers, yeah I thought that would scare the pants off you man…..mommy's boy!"
"Hey Rossi, that tiramisu line is a lie, I ain' never said that! You prove it…nah you can't and …..and my ma makes the best in New York don't you dare say different or I'll stand outside your place shirtless and frighten all you lunch time custom away …yeah and I'll do it as well…….Ha! I thought that would stop you not that I'm scared of ma she's an angel. If you're so cool Rossi, with your pretty lips how come you ain't getting any lady loving no more like Chico and Lenny here…. have you gone all celebrate….."
"Celibate you dumb taxi driver, where'd you go to school? And Chico I'll have you and me and your momma are like that (curling his thumb and finger into a perfect circle) maybe I could marry your momma and you could be my 'boy' (blowing him a kiss). Yeah, I could go with that and were both single cos lets face it man your momma's a right MILF no way did that beautiful woman give birth to such a lump of lard, I don't believe you was definitely adopted….no mistake. Now don't change the subject Chico…….your near wedding tell papa Gio the rest of the tale and no more secrets, come on a free pastry in it for you and I won't date your ma if you spill the beans…..Chico come on, tell me, I'm waiting here letting my bagels burn and I haven't heard a good 'horror' story for ages"
Extending his middle index finger in the universal signal Chico continued as Lenny remained tight lipped knowing his friends paranoia in regards to the said female as Gio watched the silent interaction between the two guys and spoke.
"Boy you two are so tight, you dress the same, both dogs and if I squinted a little I could imagine you two were brothers I mean like father like son Chico and your dad sure did like loving the ladies behind your ma's back…… so it could be possible…..you two Peter Griffin look a likey's could be peas from the same pod maybe I'll ask your ma Chico when I propose, don't want no secrets and hey I could adopt you both"…… …as Chico finally interjected…
"I got away didn't I man, it was just the beer got to me, I swear she tampered with it the horny bitch but thank heavens St Frank Sinatra was looking over his boy that night ….while she was out in the back trying on her Dolly Parton cow girl outfit on….. I ran!….I ran for my life!….. and Gio you keep my ma out of this!
I'm telling you man I've had one eye on my back ever since, she was one scary jezebel that one. Hells Gio….what's the matter with you ogling my momma if you were'nt my friend I'd wup your ass man and me your boy I'd rather turn vegetarian! Huh Gio, that's seriously fucked with my head man now, I'm imagining you in an Elvis suit marrying my ma….Yuck! …..I'm telling you son that dirty mind of yours is in need of a clean or you really need to get laid before you pop! That much pent up energy ain't no good for a guy….Gio you need a woman….any woman! Except my ma of course……That's it Lenny we gotta get Gio here some pu….taking him out ain't enough now he's desperate (thumbs up and winking) don't you worry my little love muffin we'll get you sorted I know some real fruity ladies me who would do you for free; well a couple of dollars, nice and cheap like, anything you want, cost price seeing as your only half a portion…..…"
"You cheeky fucker Chico and….Ew….Ew no man I'd rather have my teeth pulled I don't know where they've been, Oh Jeeze I do …they've been with you Chico and probably you as well Lenny…oh delete….delete (turning his face a picture of mischief as he shouted across to Lenny)…..Chico's who's this woman coming in now.... tall…… red haired…angry looking and dressed in a Dolly Parton suit?" as Chico screamed…..
"God man, where? You gotta hide me….anywhere….anywhere…(hiding behind the bar as if avoiding a bullet lifting his head when his two friends laughed out loud as Chico stood there swearing at the top of his voice).. You Bastard Giovanni Rossi….I'll get you..in fact I wasn't gonna tell you this but I did get you…..I got you good but I don't think you can remember can you pretty boy?….Last week when I set you up with that chick you fancied at that night club we went to, true it looked a bit seedy but I ain't never had a problem with that…….."
"What, you did no such thing you old letch! I pulled that lady on my own….admitted I was a bit out of it but I got my mojo back….she …liked me she said she was into short guys…Okay, Okay so..I've been out of it for a while and you gotta get what you got to get….and boy it was dark and she reminded me of someone I used to know. Damn it, I'm done and your right I need a woman….any woman. Jeeze I'm turning into you two dogs….God help me I'll be wearing leather pants, a medallion and looking like a pimp soon like you pair of granddads……" as Chico chimed in….
"What, what who you calling a granddad I..…..I look good in leather and don't knock what you can't get Rossi, you put a bit of weight on, get a shave and quit that just rough, gay guy look and maybe you'd hit base a few times with a …Oh I don't have the heart to tell him Lenny he was so 'in love' you called her Betty or something, it was so cute. She played along until we had to carry you out calling her name…..B…….B……who the hell is B? Mind you any longer and you might have got more than you'd bargained for Rossi and a little extra if. Hey what you grinning at Giovanni you were well away we saved you and some now….you listen to uncles Lenny and Chico…..we'll get you laid with a nice girl…call it our…… early birthday present in fact it ain't only Chico that's got the touch our Lenny here he can still pull my young apprentice, go on Len….tell him (as Lenny gently spoke sensing they were embarrassing Gio who was more upset than he was letting on).
"Okay …..okay Chico if you insist. Last week, on the south side this chick I met, man she was into some kinky stuff I can tell you ….well she had me dressed up like a balloon at a birthday party…weird or what but hey as you know, I'm cool, a man of the world if you can get me in it I'll work my way out of it and got to give the girl her due she was nothing if not persistent…I mean look at me ….it ain't easy getting this prime steak to submit to an over grown wallet but she managed….she was tiny but man she was ….STRONG…" as Gio replied trying to avoid any mention of 'that' name again, lightening the mood and is heart at the same time…..
"Not as strong as you socks I'll bet…don't tell me she took your shoes off…Lenny that treat is only for the men's room and the laundry not in the presence of a lady……man she must have the constitution of a horse ….you sure she wasn't a horse Len? And this isn't one of your crazy drink crazed dreams. As for prime steak Lenny you're more like savoury jello (rubbing his friend's stomach up and down) if Father Christmas ever goes off sick you're a natural to take over. Man look at it how in all that's holy does any woman ever get near enough to you for ANY…lovin that's what I want to know….?"
"Ha, well that's my secret weapon, I mean Chico's good but lets just say they don't call me boa constrictor for nothing…" (Wriggling his hips in semi circle) as Gio whispered back stifling a giggle….
"Why do you squash the women to death 'big boy' is that why we never see you with them twice….oh man you swallow them whole don't you Lenny…? Ewwwwwwww!"
"Well actually they swallow me whole" (brushing back his imaginary hair line as Gio replied)
"OH! OH! Don't go there…where's my bowl Fabiano…I'm gonna barf….Again! (Walking to the kitchen to complete a customers order, whispering) I'm not going to think about it….that is just too disturbing even for me……."
Turning on the radio as a familiar song rang out…..un-break my heart by Toni Braxton. Standing still, clenching his fists together in his emotions, grinding his teeth until finally prepared he stepped back into his pride and joy, his restaurant, his home. He'd built up and extended his Uncle Sals business with sweat and hard toil after he'd had his heart broken for a second time by Betty Suarez, this time with his permission, he'd needed a new start and his favourite uncle's death and bequest to him had allowed it. Determined to change the subject and turning down his once favourite song Gio walked to a table at the far side, still quietly composed no one sensing his pain the pasta dish he'd lovingly prepared carefully handed to his customer, piping hot and hungrily accepted as he slowly returned to his friends and calmly continued the conversation, not a semblance of his hidden distress…..….
"Lenny….Lenny my man……..anyone can take you home, you're worse than Chico at least his has some self control….. I mean do you have no rules, no standards at all but hey now you mention it that reminds me (turning to Chico). Big boy you didn't pull at my place last week, good try I almost forgot (hand outstretched and palm up) so pay up! Not ten dollars….thirty dollars cos from what ma told me, what I saw you blew it with the ladies that night, okay that blonde succumbed eventually but …….. not before eleven thirty, too damn late to save your sorry ass, so come on HOT STUFF…..get your leather out and PAY ME MY MONEY..I ain't taking no for an answer! I'll never make an easier buck in my whole sorry life.
Oh…Oh Lenny look, this is a piece of history in the making …don't faint……here it comes……Wall Street watch out …..this I have to see, I'm told (turning to Fabiano)…..I'm told he's flush but the only flush I ever get is when he uses my John…. Wait….wait…. he's opening it….look at those moths flying out and is it…could it be….Abraham Lincoln on the notes?…No he's obviously printed a new batch cos we're in luck they're real….. One, two….three…..Jeeze this could take a while…Fabiano go and get me the camera I'm getting this on film….."
"Yeah that's right Rossi take the piss out of poor Chico but that smell you can smell ain't money it's that aura of manhood I give off …..you girlie types can't possibly understand and you sure wouldn't recognise it"
" Oh I recognise it all right big guy and I don't know about manhood more like Robin Hood you thieving beggar that's the after shave you borrowed from me last week and kept! Come on Ebenezer Scrooge….get on with it, count those babies out a little quicker cos I'm going out on this tomorrow with a girl…."
"With a girl, did you say?" asked Chico…
"No with a monkey wise guy….what do you think? of course I'm going out with a girl…that girl I met at, who you introduced me to, she called me last night, seems I made an impression…..". as Chico quietly replied looking at Lenny …
"Not that one that you met at that dance the other night, you know the one we were just talking about, where you well got a little shit eyed. When we walked into the wrong bar that night …..all those Ladies that were chatting you up and as you said you liked the one, short, dark haired, you took an instant liking to her even after you got bristled by his…..her …. Twelve o'clock shadow…..Jeeze I bet you did make an impression you were definitely his …type.
I…I've….got to say I've been wondering about you lately Gio it ain't normal for a guy to hang on nearly two years that's gotta …hurt! but a date….you've got a date. Oh man I can't let him do this to himself, Lenny I've got to tell him…"
"Tell me what? She was a nice lady, chunky, I like em…..chunky and yeah she was a little on the hairy side but I can get past that, it's the heart inside not the outside stuff that really matters."
"Oh believe me Gio the outside stuff matters alright and your 'lady' might have bit extra outside stuff you don't want…..(laughing loudly to Lenny)…if you know what I mean"
"What, she was pretty…mainly in a not so obvious kind of way, I liked her……she had….nice….eyes……and the best boobs I've seen in a long time, one's you could drown in….hmm…."
"No way Lenny I've got to help this boy he's gone mad…..Gio you dosy boy…how long has it been since you got your leg over…too long for fucks sake…..she wasn't mainly ……she was manly…I told her you were into that kind of stuff, slipped her some money and well it started off as a laugh but you looked like you were enjoying it ….. her…his company I didn't have the heart and well I just enjoyed it…..and I owed you for the bet I thought I'd pay it in kind….I couldn't help myself man. You were smiling that much like you'd seen a beer after prohibition……" (Gio realising his mistake and trying to make light of an embarrassing situation as he joked)…
"Hey, it was dark and well she…he reminded me of someone I used to know, thought she was there….I was drunk …I made a mistake…..but I knew all along she was a he….yeah no messing…….I played along with it, it was that kind of place okay? And I was joking about the date just to shut you both up. I'm as straight as you Chico….honest…….rusty yeah but I like the ladies…..a LOT!
No, no I knew all along, I just played you….made you think I didn't know….I did…course I did….mind you I'm so darn horny I think I'll give him a go, where did I put that cell phone number (searching in his pockets intently)…joking Chico…joking! Now, how about that order of yours appetizer done, what's for the main meal….. burger, fried chicken or Gio's taggliatelli special…"
"What's special about it?"
"Well….cheese and it's……cheap…..plus …….you ain't got any money left now you've paid me and I'm not in a generous mood tonight being horny and all that and I don't do tabs big boy…(mumbling to himself Gio continued) I'm telling ya that's the last time I go to a bar named after you…Chico and the man……sounds like the title of an Ugly Betty episode………
Don't you fret though Chico about me and my 'needs' I'm leaving Fabiano in charge soon……I've heard from my friend in London, he owns a restaurant over there and he wants me to go visit, maybe work and stay there a while and boy I need the break if only from you two!……(speaking very lowly). Yeah I need to get away, a new start as far away from any memory of Betty Suarez as possible, that was too weird and me thinking I was over her after two years. No way will I have to think of her there and maybe I can find me a nice British girl…….."
………………………………………..
That night on his computer, logging onto his blogs, facebook etc his index finger hovered over the send button on Miss Betty Suarez famous blog site. Gio had lurked on there obsessively for months, speaking to her on occasion as his alter ego Gina, Betty had no idea so many times she'd talked to him and he'd given her advice that she regularly took on board, pushing her onwards giving her that edge he always knew she had and loving her still urging her to tell Daniel to show her some respect now she was an assistant editor and she had. Reading and re reading the message he'd saved on file to post to her
Hi Betty this is Gio, I'm not Gina I've just been pretending and I knew if I told you it was me you would ignore me again and I couldn't bare that my love. I've tried to forget you, really I have yet I find I continue to follow your career and watch you from afar, it's my thing you see ….I miss you so.
I'm leaving for London soon, very soon, to stay with an old friend and I might decide to stay there, I'm not sure yet. My business is fine and I've got good staff they'll look after it so I'm not concerned about leaving New York only leaving you. Even though I've avoided you I always hoped one day fate would step in and we we'd just bump into each other in the street one day, if that happens I'll know we are meant to be…..Kismet.
So, maybe I'll see you around Suarez…..B
All my love and sorry for the deception, I hate to lie…..
Your Gio
As he removed the finger on the send button of the post, lacking the courage to risk his heart again Gio logged off…….