Reviewers rock my socks.
Expect a Booth-shaped chocolate bar in the mail next week. :
Alright, so my lovvvely reviewers wanted another chapter, so BAM. Second chapter. If you guys want more than I might just turn this into a three shot or more. I don't know.
I really appreciated your suggestions, and I'll try to fit them into this chapter.
Thanks again, lovelies!
Chapter Two
-Lover I Don't Have To Love-
Angela Montenegro sat in her office, with her arms wrapped around her legs and rocking back and forth between her sobs. Zack was gone, Brennan tried to drown her grief in her bones, Booth was never even around, Cam locked herself in her office, and her and Hodgins were falling out of love.
It was times like this that made her wonder when exactly her life turned to shit. She missed Zack. She missed everyone in their dysfunctional little family. Zack was the oddball of the group, and the rest of them watched over him and protected him. They'd all failed. Hodgins and her would always fight, screaming and throwing things until they decided it just wasn't worth it anymore.
Angela still loved him, but it seemed like he was trying his best to run away from her. She tried to help him get through his grief over Zack, and every time she tried he got silent or brought up another subject to argue about.
They'd just had a particularly nasty fight, where she called him selfish for keeping to himself because the rest of them were grieving too, and she needed him but he was pulling away. He had said that he couldn't be around her anymore if she was going to insult him and think about herself when he was trying to deal with everything else.
So here she was. Sitting in her office, alone, trying to think of what to do next. She could go cry on Brennan's shoulder, but her friend had taken Zack's betrayal hardest, even if she didn't show it. That and Booth seemed distant with her lately. She didn't know what he'd said to her on the stairs, but she knew Booth refused to talk about anymore, and when she'd asked why he said that he really didn't want to deal with the subject of Zack any longer. And Brennan needed someone to talk to, and Booth was the only one that could help her.
For once in her life, Angela Montenegro had nobody to turn to, not even herself. And she hated it.
Booth got up from the bed where Brennan was still sleeping peacefully. He couldn't sleep at all. Brennan may have worked through her problems, but he hadn't shared his. It bothered him that he'd been away from her for two weeks, and hadn't thought to call her. He thought she'd known, but he'd missed her. But he didn't call. He was so focused on doing what was right for his country that he forgot about those he loved. Now he wasn't sure whether he'd lost his ability to love. It scared him how detached he could be. Most people would say that she was the one who was cold and detached, but she cared about every single person that came to rest on her table. It was why she worked so hard to get them justice.
Booth had killed 50 people. They haunted him in his dreams all the time, and he couldn't escape his death. Seeing Zack's logic in the sense that one human life was not important compared to the greater good made him think about himself. Zack had killed one person for another one. He had killed 50 people for his country. Why was it that he had been named a hero and Zack a murderer? They were one in the same.
And now, he hadn't thought about her the entire time he was away. He'd only thought of serving his country, and he knew the dangers of that mindset. A man could kill in cold blood for his country, or for himself. Now he wondered if he was turning into a monster, a monster that didn't care about a single life, but instead the greater life of mankind.
He walked out to his stereo system and started to play whatever CD was in there. Bright Eyes' "Lover I Don't Have To Love" started softly out of the speakers and he sat in a chair with his head in his hands as the lyrics sang out to him.
"I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind"
Booth took a sip of Jack Daniel's that he'd taken from the kitchen and wondered if he really loved her. If he had, then he would've thought about her and not been able to function without her, right? He didn't know. He didn't know what she meant to him or what his detachment signified. He didn't know, and he wasn't sure if he cared.
And apathy was a dangerous tool.
He took another swig of the harsh liquor before sitting back down on the couch and proceeding to stare at the wall in front of him again. He closed his eyes and listened to the end of the song wash over him.
And then it changed. An acoustic guitar strummed out softly over the stereo, and Booth immediately recognized what song it was. He got up off his seat and turned up the volume.
"Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me….
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe in how."
Booth walked down the hall to where Brennan was still sleeping on his bed. He stood in the doorway as the song continued.
"Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style it shows me
I don't want to leave her nowYou know I believe in how."
He saw her smile in her sleep and he could feel something wet crawl down his cheek. He wasn't sure if he was crying out of grief or apathy.
"You're asking me will my love grow
I don't know, I don't know.
Stick around and we'll make sure
I don't know, I don't know."
He looked at her again, looking so peaceful and happy in her sleep, and he felt a longing. He needed her. Earlier when she'd said love, he knew she'd meant the love you have for your friends and not being IN love, but at that moment, he was sure she loved him too, whether she knew it or not. He'd loved her for a really long time, and he wanted more from her, but he was happy just to be around her.
"You know I love that woman
and I need her all of the time
I'm telling you
I don't want no woman who make me blue."
Booth smiled for the first time that night. He realized that as long as he loved her, that he was no monster. He'd said himself that killers don't love. His remorse for his victims showed that he still cared, that he hadn't wanted to kill them. He mistook love for apathy, and now he knew the difference. She'd unconsciously saved him from himself. And that was alright with him.
Amazing how she didn't even do anything to save him except to be around for him to love.
Hodgins sat in his office on his couch, staring up at the ceiling. He knew he was pushing Angela away, and he wasn't doing anything about it. He felt like his world has just crashed and burned right before his eyes. Zack was his best friend, and he'd killed someone. He'd failed in some way. He could've prevented this.
And Angela… she expected him to open up to her and listen to all of HER problems when he was just trying to cope with his own. She didn't know that he couldn't get over them as long as she was buzzing around his head being so goddamn annoying!
No. She was right. She always was.
She was the love of his life, and he had no right to be treating her this way. He was scared and lost, and he hated the feeling of not being in control. If he kept pushing her away, at least he'd be in control of something. But he knew it wasn't worth it. He loved her too much to lose her. And he'd never forgive himself if she ran away.
With a sigh, he got up off his ass and left his office. He walked out and looked around the now silent and empty lab, and thought she might've left. He walked around the platform and stopped when he saw a dim light and an open door from one of the rooms.
She was standing in the doorway of Zack's office. She didn't say anything, so he didn't know if she'd heard his footsteps.
He slowly walked toward her, and still was quiet. He wasn't exactly sure what to do when he heard her near-silent tears.
So he did the first thing that came to mind.
He took her hand and together they looked around at all the reminders of the past, and together they looked at a future that could've been.
"This will be hard." She said, turning to him. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it.
"I know." He smiled for the first time that night.
Did you know that reviewers will be sent a poster of Booth…. Naked? And a cookie?
So maybe you should review…
CLICK THE BUTTON!!