A big THANK YOU to you – YES YOU – for your awesome reviews :) Muse for this chapter: If You're Gonna – Natasha Bedingfield (yeah, play it louder!)
And thanks to my partner in crime for turning this chapter into what it is!
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A faint sound, eerily similar to a squeal, made Dante whirl around with Ebony drawn and ready to fire. He caught sight of something black and small dodging into the shadows in his peripheral vision as he turned, but when he looked it was gone. He swivelled his gaze to the slender figure that had appeared in the middle of the alley, and put away his gun dismissively to face the street.
"What are you doing here, Trish?" His words wavered feebly and he did a double take. It was Trish, but it wasn't. Too petite to be Trish... not Trish at all. Her outfit, yeah, but the facial features didn't belong to her, and neither did the shoulder length honey blonde hair.
Dante let out a miserable sigh. "Are you following me, Shorty? Look, just go back to where you came from."
"Dante!" Trish squealed, eyes round and face flushed a pretty pink.
Dante backed up a step, surprised. "I don't have time for this. Go back. Go on," he said, making a shooing gesture toward the back of the alley.
The motion spurred the girl into movement and Dante found himself flat on the ground with broken glass and grit stabbing into his back and a miniature Trish all over him, squishing his face with her hands and smothering his head with passionate kisses.
"Whoa! Slow down, babe!" Dante chuckled, easily plucking the girl off him and holding her at bay as he recovered to his feet.
"What, you don't like me?" Trish asked, and pouted endearingly up at him.
"I don't have a problem with fast women," Dante said, readjusting Kalina-Ann on his shoulder and wiping gravel off his coat. "But you don't belong here. You need to get back to your own world."
"I don't care. I want you." Trish said deadpan, holding his eye daringly.
Dante glanced at her hands on her hips, and met her gaze. For a moment he just looked at her, then shrugged. What the hell, it wasn't worth the hassle. How much trouble could one little lady be, anyway? She'd get the message soon enough – people tend to get fed up with him quickly.
"Fine, do as you please." He said with a wave of disregard, and strolled from the alley onto the street.
He could hear the girl keeping up with him, even when he picked up the pace. Devil May Cry loomed up in front of him a few blocks later, and he sent a quick glance over his shoulder.
Yeah, she was still there. A bit of a distance behind him, her eyes fixed straight on him. Dante sighed disgruntled, and marched into the office. He shoved Kalina-Ann into a surprised Lady's arms.
"That was quick." Lady remarked, examining the rocket launcher. She shrugged it over her shoulder, and turned to look at Dante. He was back in his usual pose behind his desk, head tilted back and eyes closed. "What happened?"
"I'm assuming when you said you didn't want to go through with this again that you meant you didn't want to be subjected to a cosplay convention, right?" Dante said without opening his eyes.
"What else, dumbass?" Lady said, and lifted her eyebrows challengingly when Dante looked at her.
"You said my brother was behind this. That some evil..."
"I thought he was, didn't you see all the Vergil's walking around? And it is evil, all those children dressed up like they want to be you." Lady interrupted and scowled when Dante's face soured. "What? You get to keep the money."
"So you can just win it back again when I lose at another poker game?"
"Come on, Dante. We both know you won't have the money to pay up." Lady said and started toward the door.
"Yeah, whatever," Dante muttered, shifting back into his lazy position.
The doorknob turned just as Lady reached for it and the door burst open. A gust of wind blew Lady's hair back, and she was faced with a girl wearing Trish's gear. Lady stared. The Trish lookalike stared back for a few minutes, and with startling speed shot past Lady and promptly jumped onto Dante's lap.
"Oompf!" Dante bellowed at the sudden attack, and his arms flailed helplessly when the chair teetered too far back. They crashed to the floor. "Shit!"
The Trish girl started showering him with affection, and Dante tried to dodge those affections as best he could. Lady walked over cautiously to peer over the desk at the scene.
"How many followed you?" Lady asked, momentarily surprised.
"Just...this...one...I think..." Dante struggled to peel the girl off him. "Take it... easy Chibi Trish... I'm a solo act... and I...like it that way..."
Chibi Trish resisted Dante's attempts. "I'm handy! I fit in places taller people can't go."
"Get me a putty knife so I can get this girl off of me!" Dante growled at Lady's amused grin.
"I don't know, Dante, she could be useful." Lady drawled maliciously.
"If you want me off all you have to do is ask," Chibi Trish said.
"Tcha! Get off! Now!" Dante squirmed, afraid he might hurt her if he simply used force. Then, as an afterthought, he added, "Please!"
"All you had to was ask," Chibi Trish repeated, releasing her death grip on him.
Dante watched her trail over and make herself comfortable on the couch. He pulled himself back onto his chair, staring at the girl warily. Lady looked from one to the other.
"What are you going to do?" Lady finally asked.
Dante repositioned his feet on the desk and leaned back on the chair, cautiously keeping his eyes fixed on Chibi Trish. "I'm gonna get some pizza."
"Do you mind if I stay here for a bit 'til I can find my way home?" Chibi Trish asked, and added as explanation when Lady turned to look at her. "I have a horrible sense of direction."
"No."
"I know you're a dick, but you can't just kick the poor thing out on the street," Lady said, giving Dante a sideways glance.
"Yes, I can," Dante said with an irate sigh. "Hit the road, both of you."
"I have nowhere to go, and I have no money," Chibi Trish protested.
"That's not my problem."
"I'll be a good girl," Chibi Trish said pleadingly.
"She is your problem." Lady contested, turning to Dante. She swatted his feet off the table, and won a growl from him in response. "If you watched your back, she wouldn't be here. It's your fault, and your problem."
"No way." Dante shook his head.
"Did you even close that portal behind you? Did you check..."
"Yeah, yeah." Dante muttered. "Don't tell me how to do my job."
"I can cook." Chibi Trish piped up.
Dante groaned.
"Just deal with her. Take her home." Lady suggested.
"Why don't you take her home?" Dante retorted.
"Please just let me stay for a week or so." Chibi Trish begged.
"I don't know you to turn your back on a damsel in distress." Lady remarked when Dante opened his mouth to snap at the girl. "That's a new level of charm, even for you."
Dante shut his mouth and gave Lady a full on death glare for a long second before releasing his breath in defeat. "Fine. You can stay."
"Thanks!" Chibi Trish said, smiling from ear to ear.
Dante scowled when Lady spun on her heel and waltzed from the office, slamming the door behind her. "Just keep out of my way, alright?" He added to the girl.
"I'm really fun, I promise," Chibi Trish said.
"Fun, huh?" Dante asked lazily, leaning on the desk with his elbow.
"Yeah."
Dante tapped his fingers on the dark tabletop, surveying the contents on his desk – a couple of magazines, his prized possession smiling back at him from a photograph, and a couple of military bullet packets carelessly left open. His eyes darted from the bullets on his desk to the guns Chibi Trish had stuck in her belt.
"What kind of fun?" Dante asked.
Chibi Trish noticed his stare. "I'm a real good shot."
"I'm sure you are, lady," Dante said patronizingly.
"You can call me Chibi, okay?"
Dante ceased drumming his fingers on the desk, and swiftly got to his feet. "I'm heading out. Toilet's in the back if you need it. And don't wreck my shop."
"I'll probably just take a nap on the couch."
Dante stopped halfway across the office at her response, and turned sideways to look at her. She was already stretching out on the couch. She'd genuinely be happy to just sleep on his couch? That wouldn't be very nice for her, he knew what uncomfortable beds they made. He didn't want her in his bed either, though, that was his territory, and his alone. Dante sighed and caved in reluctantly. "Want to come with me?"
"Where ya going?" Chibi Trish asked eagerly, sitting back up.
"Gonna take a ride downtown to the pizza joint."
"I'll come if you don't mind me tagging along."
"Like I have a choice?" Dante grumbled.
"Come on, I told you I'm fun!" Chibi Trish said.
"Yeah, yeah. Don't make me wait for you." Dante sighed and pushed the door open.
"I'm right behind you," Chibi Trish grinned.
Dante marched outside and got onto his bike. He snapped the engine on and revved the handlebars before looking at the girl dejectedly. "You getting on or what?"
"Yeah!" Chibi Trish said and climbed onto the bike behind him.
"Hold on tight." Dante said over his shoulder, and pulled away from the curb with wheels shrieking.
The diner was across town, and his stomach was starting to rumble by the time he finally pulled up outside his favourite spot. He swung off the bike and went inside, not bothering to look if Chibi was following or not. He knew she was right on his heels. That was the problem – how was he going to get rid of her? He took his usual seat at the window.
"The usual," Dante grunted when Cindy came skating over on her rollerblades to take his order.
"Okay! Do you want me to make it a double for you and your date to share?" Cindy asked in cheery tones, and Chibi burst into a fit of giggles.
"She's not my date," Dante barked.
"As much as it pains me to admit this, he's right," Chibi confessed, and turned to him. "Random question – Dante, how old do you think I am?"
"I dunno, twelve?"
"Oh, puh-lease! I'm a lot older than twelve. Guess again."
"Okay... fourteen?"
"Older." Chibi said flatly. "Want a hint?"
Dante leaned back in the booth and waved Cindy away. "Yeah, sure."
"I'm legal."
"You're eighteen."
"You're closer now than you have been. But I'm older than eighteen."
Dante stared across the table at her. She was getting pissed off at him – the creepy admiring gleam she'd had in her eyes was starting to dwindle as her temper rose. Good. Maybe she'll get mad enough to walk out on him. Problem solved, case closed.
"So you're what, twenty one?"
"No. Want me to just tell you?"
"No, I'm not interested." Dante said impatiently, throwing a quick look toward the counter. Where was his pizza, damn it?
"Sure you aren't? If you weren't, you wouldn't have kept guessing." Chibi pointed out.
Dante blinked. "You told me to guess."
"You would have stopped at the second guess if you weren't interested. Anyway, I'm twenty three."
"Could have fooled me." Dante said. It didn't seem to do the trick. At any rate, it didn't look like she was going to get up and leave at all. There was an awkward silence in which Chibi simply glared at him. A change in strategy was needed. "So... you got a Dante waiting for you back home, Chibi?"
"Nope. Not exactly."
"What does that mean?" Dante scowled at her.
"I have a boyfriend, but I can't get him to cosplay as you."
"Good, so you've got somebody." Dante said. He suppressed his smile and idly said, "He must be wondering where you've disappeared to."
"Yeah." Chibi agreed quietly.
Dante leaned back and studied her for another moment. She looked a little miserable at the mention of her boyfriend. Jackpot. "I can help you get back home, y'know."
"Yeah? How?" Chibi asked.
"Retrace our steps." Dante shrugged, and tipped his head back into the booth to survey the diner.
"I looked behind me when I followed you. The portal closed."
"So? I'll open it again." Dante said with a wave of disregard. "Do you see our waitress anywhere?"
"Yeah, she's over there," Chibi said and pointed toward the front of the diner.
Cindy was loitering around her beefy boyfriend whom, to Dante's annoyance, was devouring a tall strawberry sundae. He'd told the guy to get off this horse a long time ago, but the poor muck was adamant to mime Dante.
"Hey, Cindy!" Dante called. The girl twisted around, and came rolling over to the table immediately with a cheerful smile on her face.
"Anything else?"
"What do you mean anything else? Where's my pizza?"
"Oh!" Cindy blinked, her smile gone. "I thought your friend said she'll take it to you."
"What friend?" Dante snarled, scanning the diner for Lady.
"That would be me," a familiar voice said, and Dante turned to see Bayonetta leaning over from the booth behind him, succinctly licking off her fingers. "Mmm, that pizza was good."
"You're stalking me too?" Dante asked, shifting away from her.
"I can't help myself," Bayonetta shrugged, and grinned widely at Chibi. "Hey! You got him to take you out for pizza? How'd you do it?"
"I was just being my cute self," Chibi giggled.
"You two know each other?" Dante asked.
"Everybody knows who we are. I'm Bayonetta, and she's Trish. Duh," Bayonetta said, pulling a face at him and popping a red lollipop in her mouth.
"Yeah, we're friends," Chibi said.
"And the hottest chics to hit the gaming scene, ever." Bayonetta boasted.
"How many of you crazy women are there?" Dante asked unhappily.
"About a billion gazillion trillion. I don't know, I suck at maths." Bayonetta said.
"That are after me." Dante frowned at her.
"Everyone that's been exposed to Devil May Cry?"
"Here." Dante snapped.
"Oh." Bayonetta blinked. "I don't know, just me and Chibi as far as I know."
"It's just us here in your world." Chibi confirmed.
Dante didn't find that reassuring. Ditching one of them proved difficult; getting rid of two of them was going to pose a bigger challenge. "Why are you here anyway?"
"Well, I'm here 'cause I had a fangirl moment. Now I just wanna go home." Chibi said.
"Oh, come on, Chibi. How many times does the opportunity to stalk a fictional character come by?" Bayonetta said pleadingly, and poked Dante on the shoulder. "Tell her how happy you are to have us as your guests."
"Get lost." Dante said, rolling his shoulder away from her in annoyance. "My life was good up until you two came along."
"I wanna get back to my job. This will make one hell of a story." Chibi mused out loud.
"If you go now, you're leaving him at my mercy." Bayonetta threatened, casually climbing over the red booth to sink down next to Dante with a big smirk on her face. "And then who will save poor Dante?"
"Well it seems that we won't be able to get home for a while... so do you mind if we crash on the couch, Dante?"
Dante looked from one to the other in disbelief. "You, yeah. Her," he pointed at Bayonetta. "Hell no."
"Is it because I'm not cosplaying as Trish?" Bayonetta said, crushed. She folded her arms across her chest and sulked. "Favouritism messed up your brother. Don't make me go all-out Vergil on you."
Dante stared back at her, disconcerted. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh yes I do! I'm a fan, remember? I know everything about you. Or... well, everything Capcom feeds us, anyway." Bayonetta mumbled.
"I doubt it." Dante said, his appetite suddenly gone. Exactly how much did these two crazies know about him?
"Wanna try us?" Chibi challenged.
Dante shook his head. "Cindy, can you get a batch of pizzas delivered to my place?" Dante asked the waitress, who had been watching the exchange with a funny expression on her face.
"Sure, Dante." Cindy said and skated away to place the order as Dante slipped out of the booth.
"Where are you going?" Bayonetta called behind him.
"I told you I can cook, didn't I?" Chibi reminded him.
Dante made a dismal sign with his hand and stepped out of the diner. He mounted his bike, and sped off before either of the girls could gather their legs to follow him. He left his bike outside the Devil May Cry office, and walked across the street to the small blue sign reading Jo's Bar. They wouldn't come looking for him here. They'd probably end up waiting for him at the office. Well, fine, they could wait. Maybe he'll be lucky enough and they'd have stuffed their faces with pizza and fallen asleep by the time he got back home.
Better yet, maybe they'd catch the hint and stay away from him.
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