May 11, 1998 Thursday 10:45pm

It's been a busy day…a busy few days. A busy few years. I have a weariness that goes beyond just working a hard day. I'm friendless, parentless…I'm alone. I don't even have Crookshanks anymore, poor guy. But maybe being alone is for the best right now. I'm not ok now and I need time to heal. Its time to focus on me.

I had fun today. I left early in the morning for the furniture store. That was actually more fun than I thought it would be. The store attendant and I had a great time choosing the bookshelves, snuggle chair, ottoman, sofas, end table, coffee table and sofa table and kitchen nook set (which took a while as the saleswoman kept trying to convince me to buy an expensive table set instead). And the best part of all that is it only took 2 hours.

I headed to an appliance store and bought a stove and fridge. The furniture and the appliances will be delivered tomorrow morning by 9am. I'm excited. Things are moving faster than I thought they would. I should have this house set up by Saturday. I think I'll head to Spinner's End on Sunday and check things out.

I've just reread the entries in this journal and it's very detailed and kina boring to read. But its so therapeutic to write it. It's helping me to process and think about my days. That's what kept me sane while we were on the run. One day I'll reread those journals. For now, they're buried in a box under my bed.

I spent my afternoon working on my redecorating plans. Thanks to magic it was simple and easy. The door from the study to the kitchen is now closed off. The study fireplace was cleaned out and the rug in the study was changed to green. I fixed the bulbs in the ceiling light and changed the curtain colors to match the rug. Once the shelves are in, I can begin to set up my library! I'm so excited. I moved the desk from the movie room to the study. It's a nice antique desk, with lots of little pockets and drawers. I'll find a permanent spot for it after the shelves are in.

I moved the kitchen plants to the hallway, the living furniture to the movie room, the old study stuff was placed in the guest room (an end table, chair and floor lamp) except for the books. Those went into the study. I moved the TV stuff to the movie room and hooked everything up. And then I performed cleaning charms throughout the whole house.

And now I'm curled up in bed writing. And thinking. Why did things end the way they did with Ron and Harry? Especially Harry. I've been there for him since our first year. I've never turned my back on him. I don't understand. But I think Molly and Ginny had something to do with it. Maybe its for the best. Neither one of them ever spent any time getting to know me. I was mainly used for my brain. And to do their homework.

Honestly, looking back, this may be for the best. I'm older, wiser, stronger. I know things that I can't unknow. And going back to 'the way things were' isn't enough for me anymore. i need more than people using me to do their homework and be the brains. I need love and stability and loyalty. I need laughter and acceptance. Maybe going to a muggle school for a while will help.

May 12, 1998 Friday 7:05am

I dreamed last night of a fuzzy kitten curled up with me in my snuggle chair. There's an animal shelter three blocks away. After the furniture arrives, I'm going to head over there and see about adopting a kitten.

But first, a cup of tea. Hey, I'm still British!

8:47pm

The furniture was delivered at 9:10am. They dropped everything off where it needs to be and set it up. They were here and gone in 30 minutes. The tip I gave them may have helped, haha. The appliances arrived at 9:45am and are now installed. I HAVE A FRIDGE AND STOVE! I'm so happy. And I had to put 'grocery shopping' onto my To-Do list. I can't believe I forgot about that. I can run out tomorrow morning.

I did go to the animal shelter, but I didn't see any kittens. So, I went to Diagon Alley to the menagerie. And sitting in the back were two adorable kittens. They're tiny and fuzzy and my heart is lost. They're both orange, from the same litter, but the female is slightly lighter in color than the male. I've named them Merlin and Mage. They purr like I've never heard. And apparently, they like sleeping on my boobs. I'm not complaining at all.

I came home with two kittens, a litter box, a case of cat food and 2 feeding bowls. And I may have also bought a few toys…okay maybe a lot of toys. I'm not even sorry. We got home and I set them up in the study with some food and a few toys. I closed the doors to the living room, kitchen, movie room, and put a ward on the stairs. The litter box is across the hall in the downstairs bathroom. And trust me, they know its there!

Merlin seems to really like the bookshelves and trying to catch the books as I levitated them onto the shelves. I'm about halfway done with getting the library set up. It's a slow process. I'm sorting between magical and muggle, and then by subject. And I'm only starting on my books. I still have the ones from Professor Dumbledore. I peeked inside the trunk earlier and all the books inside are shrunk! And this isn't a small trunk either. I'll bet there are 300 books in it.

In between laughing at Merlin, cuddling with Mage and sorting the books, I was thinking. Many times over the years my 'friends' would interrupt me and push me aside. And by 'friends' I mean Harry and Ron. The rest of Gryffindor made fun of me or ignored me. Harry and Ron never stood up for me. Even when Malfoy started in on me, Ron and Harry didn't defend me. They just fought with Malfoy. I was their excuse.

I was so very alone at Hogwarts much of the time. I don't want my uni years to be like that. I'd like to dine out with friends and go dancing. Go on dates. I want to live. I existed while at Hogwarts, but I didn't live. Learning how to cook would be fun. And learning about wine. I want my life to have joy and laughter. And a purpose. I'd like to get married and have children. Hopefully one day I will.

May 13, 1998 Saturday 5:30pm

I finished setting up the library today, with help from Merlin and Mage. She's coming out of her shell, I think. I hope. Merlin, however, does have enough curiosity and energy for them both. I ended up moving the litter box to the study and closing the door to keep him contained. he may be tiny, but he's a terror!

Anyway, the library's finished, even Dumbledore's trunk. He thoughtfully organized all the books already for me. And thanks to a handy alphabetizing spell I know, the shelving part was easy.

I haven't touched the trunk from Professor Snape yet, but its on my plan for tonight. I'll sort through it while watching a movie and eating dinner. I ordered pizza and cheese sticks and wings. High in fat and calories and all the bad stuff. But very delicious. And totally worth it.

10:40pm

Well, the trunk has been gone through. The papers are in the study, the shoeboxes are in my room and the trunk of money is shrunk and hidden in my drawer. Its not he safest place but until I can take care of it, that will have to do.

The shoeboxes were interesting. One had, as stated, inkpots and quills and such. I've lined them up on my desk, though only a few can actually be used. Most are just for looks now. But they're lovely. And they go with the look of the study and the desk. One inkpot is crystal and probably worth some money.

The other shoebox had a vanity set in mother of pearl and several pieces of beautiful jewelry. Its all simple and gold and pieces I will wear. A necklace and matching bracelet, four pairs of earrings, a watch and three hair clips. All are simple, elegant and sparkly. I feel very blessed to have them and I hope I do Eileen Snape proud by wearing them.

Tomorrow, I'll head to Spinner's End.

May 14, 1998 Sunday 7:45pm

Spinner's End is lovely. Professor Snape did an amazing job on the wards. Once I used the password, I could feel everything change to me. I'll need a goblin to come out and tell me exactly what's there, but that can wait. The gardens need the most attention and that'll be a nice summer project for me.

The grounds stretch out for a half acre behind the cottage, and is surrounded by a quaint stone fence. The gardens behind are over-run and the trees on the property are in bad shape. But everything is fixable. The front is in desperate need of a grass mowing and some color. There's a cute, white picket fence with a gate to the side of the cottage. If you enter the gate and look to the right, you'll see the front door and a small grass area. In front of the gate is a flower garden overrun with weeds.

Everything outside needs attention. Thankfully the notice-me-not wards are still up so I can do most of the work with magic. I'm going to drop the notice me not soon, though. Its time to stop hiding.

Inside, the house is in great shape, just dirty. Thankfully, I brought a household charms book with me, and set some deep cleaning charms going right away. The bathroom was worse than anything and took four hours to get decent. While waiting I worked through the rest of the house. Its all cream walls, white trim and wood floors, except the bathroom and kitchen which are linoleum. The furniture was basic and old, and I vanished all of it.

My biggest surprise was in the kitchen. The stove and fridge, while very old, still worked great. A few cleaning charms and they look like new. I sorted through the kitchen cabinets and most of the dishes and such are old but usable. I'm loving the vintage theme going on through the kitchen. I want to continue it throughout the house. It'll be so lovely.

I have a new list of things to do, all pertaining to Spinner's End:

Sitting room furnishings: sofa, chair, coffee table, end table, lamp, rug, bookshelf, wall pictures

Kitchen: curtains, table, chairs, wall décor

Bedrooms: bed, dresser, curtains, rug, bedside table, lamp

Entryway: table, mirror

Visit Devon County Clerk office

Have utilities turned on

Bathroom: toilet, shower curtain, bathroom necessities, mirror, towels

It's a basic list but it's a start. I'm not focusing on this house until after my A levels and NEWTS. I'll have a chunk of time this summer to redecorate and set everything up. In between study sessions, I can let off steam by working on the gardens. I'd like to plant a vegetable garden in the backyard, and some fruit trees. By next summer, this house can be a peaceful retreat for me and the kittens.

I would really like someone to share all of this with. I'm lonelier than I admitted to myself. I know I'm better off without Harry and Ron. But I have no other friends. I isolated myself from everyone else at Hogwarts, but not intentionally. I do wonder, though, if Ron had anything to do with it. Sure, I was different. But I was a Gryffindor and Gryffindor's stick together. Oh well.

Tomorrow the goblins come by to set up wards around my home. I'll have to ask them about Spinner's End and make an appointment. I had planned on going shopping on Tuesday, but perhaps I'll do that tomorrow. Nothing fits properly. And I need some pajamas. And a few pairs of socks.

And maybe I'll let myself browse Flourish and Blot's after I shop, as a reward.

May 15, 1998 Monday, 6:40pm

Wards are up: anti-fire, anti-apparation, anti-rodents, anti-bugs and a nifty little ward to prevent anyone other than me magically locking the doors and windows. Goblins will be at Spinner's End tomorrow morning to do the wards there. Its sooner than I originally thought, but that's ok. Working on the garden the muggle way will be helpful.

I bought an entirely new wardrobe today, including shoes. I should be set for a good, long time. And I did go to flourish and Blotts today, and found a few books I don't already have. While there, I had a few interesting run ins.

I was browsing the shelves when someone called my name. I turned around and came face to face with Rita Skeeter. Joys. She began grilling me immediately.

"Where have you been hiding? What are you up to? Why are you here? Are you looking to overthrow the government? How do you feel about Harry Potter's engagement? Are you weeping into your pillow every night?"

She kept going on and on. But I froze when hearing about Harry getting engaged. I'm assuming its to Ginny, since Molly Weasley wouldn't have it any other way. I still miss him and little bit, even though I'm better off.

Anyway, Rita blocked my path to the checkout counter. I was literally pinned in. she hadn't stopped asking the questions, so I just stared her down. Suddenly she realized I wasn't rising to her bait, so she shut her mouth and stared at me.

"Move, Rita." I demanded.

"No."

"Move."

"No."

"Why?"

"You won't answer my questions. I'm not letting you buy until you do. The public has a right-"

"Excuse me, Rita!" Yea, I'm pretty sure I said that quite loudly. "The public does not have a right to know my personal life. And you do not have the right to force me to answer. My private life is my business and I am telling you once and for all leave. Me. Alone!"

I shoved by her and headed on my way. (Honesty, what's wrong with the wizarding world? I am entitled to my own private life). So, as I was leaving the store I bumped into Ginny Weasley. She barely glanced at me before continuing into the store. I guess we were never friends. I'm not even upset by that fact. I noticed Harry and Ron at Florean Fortiscues as I was leaving. They actually turned their backs on me when I walked by.

I think, for a while, I'll stick to Hogsmeade and Paris for my wizarding world needs.

I send a letter to Professor McGonagall earlier. I had to tell her that I wouldn't be returning to Hogwarts, but I would be sitting my NEWTS. I hope she understands. For the time being, Hogwarts isn't where I am supposed to be.

Merlin really loves my hair, especially to sleep in it. Mage prefers my chest, under my chin. She's a total cuddle-bug. Merlin seems to forget he's just a few weeks old. I love having them around. I spent an hour earlier, just watching them play and explore. I smiled while watching them. And last night, I didn't have any nightmares. I think they're the best thing that has happened to me.