Everyone knows the feeling, at least at one point in their lives, that everything is all right, as if nothing could go wrong ever again. You could call me nieve to think that but, unlike some people, I've never been a natural born worrier. We tend to live in the moment at Fairy Tail. We find that if we worry about what's in front of us, we'd never be able to enjoy the little moments.
The little moments: That's all we get, isn't it? The quick breathers in-between missions and fighting enemies, spending every free second at the guild. My final moments with Natsu, I had no idea were my last. Every time I look back on them, they feel shorter and shorter. Maybe I'd been focussing on my novel to much to pay attention to him, or maybe because he'd started distancing himself from me. Sleeping in my bed at night only for me to find his side empty the following morning, No explanation as to why he was missing. I suppose I'd made excuses for him at the time. 'He's just woken up early and didn't want to wake me' or 'He's got his own house, he can't leave it neglected just to spend time with me.' Still though: Who leaves their partner, disappearing for an entire year with no explanation. He didn't even have the decency to break up with me before hand. All he left was a shitty letter for me at the guild. He left me waiting.
I hadn't even realised anything was odd, at first. All I saw was that my partner had left in the middle of the night again. Not unusual for him at that point. Thinking I'd find him indulging in our daily misfits of drinking and fighting at the guild, I'd decided to head there. Lo and behold, he wasn't.
With Natsu having left me during the night, yet again, I hadn't wanted to walk to the guild alone. Using a silver gate key, I'd summoned Plue for some much needed company, having been abandoned once more by my hot-headed friend. Whilst his attempt to cheer me up helped immensely, all of it was brought down again once I entered the gloomy atmosphere manifesting in the guild hall. The moment I'd stepped through the threshold, I was met with an entire room of solemn expressions, each one shooting me a sad, almost sympathetic, look.Mourning.
Before I'd had a chance to ask what had happened, Makarov called me upstairs to his office. Inside was the rest of team Natsu, minus the man himself. At the desk was sat Makarov, with Wendy sat across. I joined Erza and Gray in standing behind her.
"Is someone going to tell me what's going on?" I'd asked to a silent room.
"Well, Lucy, as I've already informed the others, I received a letter this morning, left on my desk by Natsu. Whilst the first paragraph was addressed to me, the rest was very clearly written for you to read." Master Makarov explained.
"The letter's from Natsu?" I asked, confused. "Why didn't he just say it in person? What's the point in going through all this trouble?" Immediately, my team looked to Makarov, unsure of what to say to me.
"Lucy." Erza started. "I'm afraid Natsu left this morning. I'm ashamed to say I was the last one to see him. I should've stopped him. I'm sorry, Lucy."
"Sorry for what, Erza? Where's he gone?"
"I think it's best you read the letter. It's no right of ours to explain Natsu's business to you." Makarov cut in.
As Gramps ushered everyone out, closing the door behind him, I picked up the ripped envelope, slipping out a folded piece of stationary paper that I recognised as from my desk at home. Opening up the letter, a small photograph fell onto the desk. Peering up at me were two familiar faces: My own and Natsu's, taken outside the guild on the night of the Ōmisoka Festival. The edges were browning from years of being neglected and cramped inside his wallet but the bright floral patterns of my orange and yellow kimono still shone through the visible ageing of the picture. Natsu's arm hugs my waist, something I've been sorely missing in the recent months. We both look... happy.
Dismissing the melancholy atmosphere brought on by the photograph, I unfold the letter, smoothing out the creases. Immediately, I recognise the messy scrawl of Natsu's attempt at cursive. Sometimes his writing's harder to decipher than a book of Levy's ancient runes. Regardless, I'm able to sort through the messy jumble of letters:
"Hey, guys."
Informal as always, Natsu
"I realise this is short notice but, to get to the point, I've got to go on a trip for a short while. I'm sorry that I can't say what it is. It's personal and it wouldn't be fair for me to drag my nakama into business I'm responsible for.
I know I'm leaving a mess behind but I'm confident that I can rely on you guys to fix that for me; Be there for them, please. I can't be the one to comfort them in absence but I also can't bring them with me.
As for my team, I'm officially disbanding us. From today, Team Natsu is no longer. I can't protect you guys if you're any more associated with me than the rest of our guild mates. I can only apologize.
Hey, Luce. Take care of Happy will ya? Make sure he's not lonely whilst I'm away...
Don't wait up.
All my love,
Natsu."
What. No. No, this can't be happening. I-
Liquid drips down onto the paper. My hand lifts to my cheek, feeling the water escape, staining the parchment, dispersing the ink slightly, blotching it about the page.
"Lucy, I'm so sorry." The strong voice of Erza cuts through the silence.
"Don't apologize." I mutter, meeting her worried gaze, managing a small smile directed at the re-equip mage. "There's no stopping him when he gets something into his head. That's just something we- Something we have to accept." I manage to finish before the onslaught of tears ran, cascading down my face, accompanied by the sobs that wracked my shoulders. Strong arms of my (now ex-) team mate pulled me into an embrace, wrapping around my hips as I let the tears fall onto her shoulder.
"I'd be ordering you to retrieve the young fool if he didn't give good reason for leaving. In all honesty, I respect the boy for taking initiative and putting his Nakama first." Makarov admits, entering the room to sit at his desk. "Lucy, I trust you'll take this information in your stride and respect his decision of absence."
Leaving Erza's sister-like hold, I wipe my face clean of tears, taking a deep breath before responding. "Of course, Master. But forgive me if I fail to see the necessity of such secrecy. Do you know why he left?"
"I can't say that I do. Nor was I expecting such an action from Natsu of all people. Why he up and left his Nakama is beyond me. I can say, however, that I understand your frustration. Natsu should realise that his problems are those of the guild's. We live as a family and therefore we share our troubles, no matter how life threatening or serious they may be."
"Well said Master." Erza interjects, picking up and skimming the letter's contents.
"With all due respect, Master. I can't see how letting Natsu run off like this allows for us to help him in any way." I argue, anger bubbling up at everyone's hasty decisions regarding Natsu's disappearing act.
Makarov directed his attention to the desk, proceeding to perch on the edge before raising himself to stand on the wooden surface, meeting my eye line with an almost glare. "Lucy, how much do you trust Natsu?"
"With my life, Master. But that doesn't mean I trust him with his own."
"But you trust him to keep his word?"
I couldn't help but pause, knowing where this was leading. "Of course."
"Natsu will be back in a year. If we hear no word by then, I shall organise search parties looking for him. Until then, go on some solo missions, train, do whatever you must to get through this year. The guild is here for you, and you're smart enough to find something to do with your time now that you're no longer burdened with the brats destructive presence." He chuckled whilst hoping down from the table, leading us out of his office.
That's when it hits me: All those faces, the sympathetic gestures and glances to the side were all directed at me. This was going to be my life for the next year. Pretty much seen as the grieving widow. I didn't want that, nor was I going to let people see me that way. It was just a year, right?
...
"Welcome back, Lucy. How was the mission?" Mira asked from her place behind the bar, serving me an orange juice as I sat.
The mission didn't go as planned. Well, not the mission Mira's asking about, anyway. I'd received a tip off of a 'Salamander sighting' around Crocus. My quest to find Natsu's whereabouts was still in the dark to the guild. I'd used the first mission I could find that took me to Crocus. Much like my first meeting with Natsu, the 'sighting' turned out to be a hoaks... Or more accurately, a giant lizard parading round the streets of urban Crocus that people mistook for a Salamander. Still not the 'Salamander' I was looking for. And this time, I didn't bring a busty young blonde back to the guild.
"A little rocky, but I got the full reward so I've no complaints." I say in response to her earlier question. "Any new requests I'd be interested in?"
That's the other thing: Since Natsu's departure, all I seem to be able to do is work. I guess it runs in my family: When we loose someone, we dive into our jobs. Except for me, I'm not fighting a stack of paperwork threatening lawsuits, I'm just fighting beasts that threaten the livelihoods of entire towns and cities. Which one is worse, I cant figure out. Then again, there's not much difference in the behaviour patterns of my father and I when it comes to loss. He shut me out so I shut the guild out. Well, not entirely.
'Fairy Tail- The family that doesn't give up on each other.' Sounds like a good guild, right? That's where you'd be correct. Any normal person that walks into the guild would find it welcoming. Whilst it's atmosphere tends to be crazy and melodramatic, people always walk out with a smile having gained a good number of new amazing friends. However, In recent months I've found the guild's scarily close bonds to be suffocating. Sure, if I told them I needed space, they'd understand and back off, but not without staring me down with a blanket of sympathy and concern wrapped around their gaze.
Three months. Three months Natsu has been gone. No letters, no contact after the barely legible half side of A4 abandoned on Master's desk by the guy I called my boyfriend. Shit, I don't even know if I can count us as dating anymore. Cana's been begging me to 'try out' one of her friends. Quote honestly, in my head setting someone up on a date is the city version of an aristocratic betrothal- and I've had my fair share of those, all of them selfish cunts that think I should be thanking them once a minute for gracing me with their presence.
"-but I didn't think much of the guy who sent the request in. A bit shifty and had a strong magic pulse coming from him." Mira interrupts my thoughts as I zone back in to the conversation.
"Sounds weird. Want me to check him out, Mira?"
"No, but thank you, Lucy. I just figured that if he's got magic himself, strong magic at that, why would he need other mages for a job."
"Do you think he's stealing magic?"
"I honestly doubt it. He seemed more concerned if anything. Made sure I put the S-class rating clear on the mission poster, which I would have done anyway."
"I've gotta go home, sorry Mira. I didn't realise how late I got back and Happy will be worried. I told him I'd be back by now."
"I'll see you later then, Lucy. Tell Happy I say Hi."
With that I walk away from the bar and out of the guild towards my apartment. Happy moved into mine shortly after Natsu left. He'd claimed it was more convenient to live with me: closer to the guild, he'd said. In actual fact, I think he was just lonely, we all were...
...(6 Months Later [9 Months since Natsu's departure])
"Did it ever occur to you that Natsu doesn't want to be found?!" Master lectures for what feels to be the hundredth time.
"Did it ever occur toyouthat Natsu might need our help!!" I argue. As of a week ago Master became aware of my truancy from missions in sacrifice of my manhunt.
"We sent a search party out. If Natsu were to seek our attention then we would surely know. He may not be the smartest but he'd find some way of getting a message to us. You need to let this go, Lucy. I order you to let this go."
"Did I listen to you the last time you said that? How about the time before? I'm not going to just forget about him! He belongs at the guild."
"You're acting irrationally. Have you considered that your feelings for Natsu may have gotten in the way of your judgement? You miss him, it's understandable, but maybe it's time you moved on. You can't wait around for that stupid boy forever. We have no idea when he'll return, or if, and letting yourself get so caught up in his departure is driving you to be reckless and down-right arrogant at times. I recommend taking a holiday.Mavis knows I need one with the grey hair these kids are causing me."
"I... I miss him..." The underside of mt eyelids feels cold with mournful tears brimming.
"We all do, Lucy. Am I right in assuming there was something more between the two of you?"
"Yeah... Kind of. We didn't want the guild to pick up on it so-"
"Your secret's safe with me."
Getting up from my seat across from Makarov, I shoot him a weak smile before taking my exit out of his office. Natsu and I had something. What it was, we never quite spelt it out. We'd kissed a few times, pretty much said the "I love you", we'd even gone on a date. The festival. We never told the guild because there was nothing to tell. We weren't girlfriend and boyfriend, well we never established titles. We were partners. Whatever that means.
Feeling flushed from being so riled up I sit at the bar awaiting a cool refresher sourced by one of Mira's amazing milkshakes. A buzzing in my ear sounds, the distant hum of a motor or construction site I think.
"Lucy, is everything alright? What did master want?" The bar maid asks from her place across the counter.
"Just peachy, thanks Mira. He was just asking about my last mission. Something to do with some paperwork from the council."
"You look a little pale, hun. Want a drink to cool you down?"
I nod and she grabs a glass, pouring a pre-blended yellow mix of vanilla shake. "What's that noise? Can you hear that? It's really annoying?" I press a finger to my ear, trying to block out the increasing volume of the droning. The racket increases, almost yelling at me in an uncomfortable din.
"What noise? Lucy, are you feeling okay? Maybe you should take a lie down in the back. The guild hall is a bit loud."
"No. It's- fuck! It's just messing me up... Why won't it shut up?!!"
"Lucy!" Mira's shouts are barely audible through the wave of noise pounding my head. "C'mon, I'll take you to the infirmary. Maybe Wendy should take a look at you." I let the cool hands newly placed on my arms guide me towards the door. The buzzing has set a side only to be replaced by an onslaught of nausea. "Just lie down, hun, I'll go grab Wendy."
The stable grip on me leaves me with only my shaking form. The bed appears to be a mile away, what is only a few feet in distance seems to be stretching to run away from me. I feel my legs give way, meeting the ground, creating a dull pain where my shoulder suddenly meets the ground.
"Lucy! Lucy, can you hear me?"A distant voice sounds, blockaded by the rushing of blood past my ears at one hundred miles an hour."Lu-"
A jolt of energy through my left hand prompts an involuntary movement, followed by another in my left leg at the knee. I can't control it, and it won't stop. A continuous flow of movement that takes no rhythm surges through my body. The solid tiles of the infirmary floor smack cold against my back and pain shoots through my palms where I can feel my nails desperately digging in.
The air's pushed out of my lungs as it feels like they're being crushed and set alight by some Godly force. It's the only explanation. I'm not in control of my own body and it's scaring me. How long is this going to last? Why can't I feel my body anymore? Holy shit, am I dead?
All of a sudden I'm ripped out of my thoughts into a blinding shield of light. Exhaustion washes over me as the gleaming subsides to reveal a clear picture of white. The infirmary ceiling.
"The seizing's stopped. I think she's regaining consciousness." A small voice sounds from beside me.
"Lucy, welcome back. Are you with us?"
My vision focuses on the two faces hovering above me. Mira and Wendy. The concern etched on each of their faces draws me back to cognitive thinking. "What happened?" I question, trying to regain control of my aching muscles.
"Don't try to move. You're still recovering." Wendy states, placing a warming hand on my shoulder, slightly holding me in place. "We think you had a seizure, although I can't quite be sure until we run some tests. Master's been alerted and he's sending for Polyusica. Just try to take it easy."
"Speaking of the devil." Mira interrupts, offering me a hand up as the stern looking healing witch enters. Laying on the bed, I feel Wendy's magic being used over me trying to identify what was happening. They know no more than I do, or maybe slightly more.
Polyursica had finished up and departed- not without an angry lecture about reducing stress... Ironic. "Lucy, can we talk?" Mira's voice sounds from my right. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I pat the space next to me to signal her to sit. Taking her place, she puts an arm round me. "You liked him didn't you, that's why you miss him so much?"
"Was it that obvious?" I feel myself blush at the admittance.
"I'm afraid so, hun. Did anything ever happen between you two?"
"I- Yeah, we kind of started dating. That was until he left without a word to do with our relationship, or whatever it was. Heck, I don't even know if I was exaggerating what we had.Hesaid the word "date", not me. Maybe he interpreted a "date" to be non-romantic... I don't know..."
"Did you kiss?"
"Y-yes. But-"
"Then there was something. When the boy gets back, he can expect his ass to be handed to him on a silver plate, once I'm done with him. He had no right leaving you hanging like he did. Honestly, Natsu never ceases to amaze me with how dense he can be."
"To hell with that dumb-ass!" the quavering voice of the guild's drunkard, emits from the opening in the infirmary door as she bursts through. "We're going to find you a date!"
......
There we have it: Chapter 1 of F.I.M Thank y'all for sticking with me through the long hiatus. If yoy haven't read the update, F.I.M is going to be updated regularly from now on, 8PM (GMT) every Friday. Feel free to Review, favourite and Follow, each one is a greatly appreciated. Thank you!-LucaKeys