A/N; Sorry for not saying much on the first chapter. I was super excited to be updating again, but after the warm reviews I've received after posting a new story, I just have to say something.
You guys make me feel so loved and missed. When I was taking a break from writing (about halfway through the story, I lost my enthusiasm for working on it, which is why this story took so long), people would occasionally send me private messages to ask if everything's all right. Some people didn't even ask about my writing, they were worried about me. That really helped me get my enthusiasm for writing back.
Thank you so much for being patient, caring, and understanding.
(Quietly pays readers' emotional hospital bills in advance.)
Chapter Two: So Left Out
Do you want to be somebody else
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more,
Before your life is over?
-Simple Plan, 'Welcome to My Life'
xxXxx
… But I think they're just jealous. Principal Yami says I'm really close to getting the scholarship of my dreams, as soon as one of the board members thinks of something suitable. I personally think that there's still plenty of time to worry about scholarships, but Principal Yami can be pretty stubborn when it comes to my piano skills.
Other than that, life continues on as usual. There really aren't enough hours in the day, how do other kids find time to get into trouble? I'm having trouble just keeping up with chores, school, and piano.
But can I make a request for this Christmas? Is there a way I can spend Christmas Eve with one of you, and Christmas with the other? I know it's months in advance, but since the two of you are always busy, it couldn't hurt to book the days early.
If not, I understand.
Love,
Haru
Send.
ooOoo
Haru's slim fingers flew over the keyboard, perfectly executing Beethoven's Sonata Pathetique for yet another school board function. She didn't look down at what her hands were doing, though. The girl had played it often enough that she could do it by heart.
As it often did when she was playing, her mind was conjuring up a story to accompany the music, very similar to a mental music video. Sonata Pathetique was really good for daring knight and damsel in distress plots, but today it was Gerda racing toward the Snow Queen's palace for a daring rescue of her own. Haru could almost feel the sharp snowflakes digging into her own skin, but she had been feeling cold all evening anyway.
Or had it been longer than that? It was getting hard to remember.
'Look on the bright side; no students at these things,' she tried to point out, a small smile threatening to surface.
"… Take Yoshioka-san, here!"
The smile evaporated, but the melody was unaffected.
"This girl's been doing Chopin practically since she was in diapers. Just last Christmas, she performed Handel's 'Messiah' all by herself with just an organ!" Principal Yami gushed proudly, as if boasting of his own child's achievements.
"Yes, I remember, Seigi. I was there. Hello, Yoshioka-san," the old dean rasped at the girl.
"Nashima-san," she replied, giving him a polite nod.
He was the major reason that Principal Yami had Haru provide the music for these gatherings. He pulled the strings for one of the top colleges in Japan.
Much to Haru's relief, Nashima-san politely walked past her and engaged in small talk with other board members. Her principal was less than pleased, but she was avoiding his eye by now.
Now finished with Sonata Pathetique, she moved onto Claire de Lune. 'Really, he doesn't need to keep pushing me at him. My parents already set up an impressive college fund for me. Scholarships should go to kids that can't afford their own way.'
Like Tsuge. He was the most brilliant person she knew, but his circumstances were so modest that his only prayer for college was a basketball scholarship.
'Seriously; why didn't he just join a tech club? Those have to get more scholarships, and he'd have more people to talk to. He rarely has anything to say about his team, good or bad.'
But, as Hiromi had so eloquently put it earlier that year, 'try telling the principal that'. In fact, good luck telling him anything he didn't want to hear.
'That's probably why Nashima-san ignores him when he goes on another rant about me.' She couldn't help but feel depressed. 'Why couldn't my parents boast about me the way the principal does? Do they even think of me as their daughter anymore, or have I been demoted to housekeeper?'
Her fingers trembled at the thought, but refused to compromise the music.
ooOoo
"Haru? That's enough," Principal Yami prodded, gently grabbing her by the shoulder. "The party's over."
She finished her final piece with a flourish, despite the fact that she was only halfway through it. "Yes, sir. I just need to use the restroom before we go," she replied in her soft, hesitant voice.
"I'll be waiting at the doors," he said grumpily, almost shooing her off the bench.
She slipped off and walked down the familiar hallway, since she had played here before.
ooOoo
A short while later, she left the restroom, but immediately collided with someone shorter than herself.
"Oh, so sorry!" she yelped, grabbing the man by the shoulders before he could fall over.
"Ah! Yoshioka-san. Just the girl I needed to talk to," Nashima-san rasped as he regained his balance.
Once he was steady, she released him; feeling a bit curious. He had never sought her out before.
"I want to make this quick, because we both know that Yami-san will jump to conclusions if he sees me speaking to you."
"He does that a lot," Haru agreed in a soft-spoken tone.
"First off, young lady, I know full well how talented you are. You've worked hard on your craft, and it shows plainly whenever you step behind a piano or organ. For those reasons alone, I should be happy to offer you a full scholarship. However, I've been noticing in the past few performances of yours that something's missing."
Her eyebrows widened in surprise. "Missing?"
"Yes. There is a certain energy between the music and the musician, and yours seems… dead. It's like you don't even enjoy it anymore."
"What? Of course I do!" she gasped as her face turned red.
He gave her a long stare, not bothering to voice his opinion.
"… I'm just getting frustrated," Haru mumbled, looking down at her feet. "My parents don't listen to me play. I have no friends to play for, or hang out with. The other students think I'm a 'perfect bore'. The only one that seems to actually like what I do is blatantly using me to make the school look good, and I don't dare say no because he's the principal and it would be good for me too, but-"
"That's plenty, girl," he cut her off, reaching out to press his hand over her mouth. "I guessed some of that, but…" he sighed tiredly. "Haru, you're a hard worker. But you need to stop doing this to yourself. If you keep going down the track Yami-san wants, you're going to wear yourself to death."
'Why does that sound inviting?' she thought in misery.
"Now, do an old man a favor. Step away from the piano for now."
She blinked in surprise.
"You need to change your routine, expand your horizons. I want you to find something you're passionate about, and give it the same enthusiasm you did for music. I don't care what it is, but if you don't love what you do, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of torture. Take it from someone who's living one."
Her mouth fell open in surprise.
"I wanted to… do something else when I was your age, but I let myself get pressured into education instead. Please don't follow in my footsteps. I don't care about a scholarship, and I don't want you to, either. Find something that sets your soul on fire, and break out the gasoline." Then he paused. "Metaphorically speaking, of course."
Slowly she nodded. "I'm not sure how to do that, but I'll try. Thank you Nashima-san," she added gratefully while bowing to him. "That's the most selfless advice I've gotten in years." 'Possibly in my entire life.'
"You're welcome, Yoshioka-san. You'd best leave before Yami-san comes looking for you," he urged while walking down the hallway in the other direction.
She nodded, despite the fact that he couldn't see it, and nearly marched down the way she had come. For some reason, her eyes were drawn to the dark windows on one side of the long hallway. 'You know, he's right. I've been feeling dead for… too long. I don't even want to think about how long.'
"There you are," her principal sighed, already holding her coat at the front doors. "Why do girls take so long in the bathroom?"
'Didn't you know? We have video games in there.' "Vanity, I guess," she answered with a shrug, slipping on her coat before walking out of the building with him.
He grunted as they walked out of the building and back to his car. "At least you take less time than my wife. There are days when I wonder if she wants to just live in the bathroom."
'Why not? Tubs are usually about the right size for beds.' "There's not enough closet space to do that."
He gave a small chuckle as they both got into his car. "I suppose you're right. You're certain that your parents won't mind me bringing you home this late?"
She blinked and checked her cell phone for the time. "It's before midnight, and it's winter vacation." 'Plus I have yet to see either of them.' "I'll explain things if they're upset, and besides, you're the principal. If you were a classmate, they'd get worried."
He nodded, already distracted by his own thoughts as they pulled out of the parking lot.
Since he didn't seem interested in talking anymore, Haru decided not to push her luck. Instead, she stared out her window, and to the softly falling snow. 'This is what I was doing last year, too. And the year before that. Maybe I really am as boring as Hiromi thinks I am.'
'When was the last time I played in the snow?'
"I just don't understand!" the principal suddenly lamented as he carefully made his way through traffic. "Nashima-san has some of the keenest ears for music I've ever seen! He should have made an offer by now!"
She gave him a glance, and then took a breath for courage. "Maybe I need to change tactics."
He gave her an incredulous look, and narrowly avoided hitting a truck through the blizzard. "Why? What you do is amazing enough!"
"Yet the keenest ear you know isn't impressed after repeated attempts." 'Repeated, repeated, and then more repeated attempts.'
He groaned in agreement. "I can't really think of anything you can do, Haru. You know everything from Mozart to Tchaikovsky."
'And in your humble opinion as well as my old piano teacher's, classic is the only worthwhile music available.' "There's still time before the next talent show, Yami-sama. I'll think of something. Have I ever let you down?"
He gave a start, and then a weak laugh. "I'm sorry, Haru. Sometimes it's hard to remember you're just a student. I wish everyone in that building would be as mature as you."
She gave a tiny smile, since she knew he meant it. "You'd have a whole lot less lectures on drugs and such to worry about."
"Believe me, I know," he moaned in agony. "It's getting ridiculous! Whatever happened to worrying about games and parties without all the extra foolishness?" He spared her a smile while patting her shoulder.
"That's why I'm grateful that you don't involve yourself in any of that. I wish my son could have behaved himself a mere fraction like you do! Then he wouldn't have to worry about child support payments or dealing with his son's bratty mother."
'You're happy that no one pays attention to me without the piano?' Haru wanted to ask, but didn't dare.
"My wife even blames me for his behavior! She thinks I spent more time at work than at home when he was a kid!"
'So? My parents are never around, but I turned out okay.'
But he was too far into his rant to let her speak now. Knowing that he could, and would, keep raving until he reached her home, she returned to studying the falling snow.
The principal was a good man, she knew that. But he was a shade too selfish for her to genuinely like him.
ooOoo
Sewing
"Ack, no no; don't do that!" she begged, but the sewing machine didn't want to listen to her.
However, it was kind enough to snarl up the thread for the fourth time in under a minute.
"You stupid thing!" she screamed at it, giving it a fierce shake. "You work just fine for Mom! Why not me?"
Its' silence suddenly felt coldly smug.
Haru glared at the thing and turned away from it. "Fine. I'll keep to sewing by hand."
Her hand sewing wasn't the prettiest, but at least it didn't make her burst into a furious rampage.
Ballet
"Agh!" Haru yelped as she fell flat on her face.
"Now, don't forget to keep your spine straight as you twist to the side," the instructor admonished as she gracefully twirled on the tv screen.
"Yeah, easy for you to say," she snarled, grabbing the remote to shut her off. "You've been doing this since you were four." 'Maybe I should have tried something simpler. But there's not a lot of dances that can be done alone and not look like a moron.'
17. Yoga
"Ow…" the brunette moaned after only half an hour.
36. Cross-Stitch
Haru only did a bookmark of a nice looking alphabet. It was a simple thing; enjoyable, but not exciting.
She needed something a bit more exciting.
40. Skate Boarding
"Haru!" Tsuge yelped as he ran to her side. "You okay? Anything broken?"
She couldn't look at him as she sat up and inspected her scraped limbs. The damage wasn't so bad, only a bit off her hands and a long scratch on her calf. "Just my dignity." Tears wanted to come out from the pain, but she was able to bite them back.
Her classmate sighed, but managed to pull her over him for a piggy back ride. "It's okay, Haru. I don't understand how my big sister enjoys that thing. I mean, it's almost like begging for a hospital trip."
"I can walk," she protested as he wrapped his arms carefully around her legs and stood up.
"I'd feel better if you didn't. It's not that far to your house."
She wrapped her arms carefully around his arm and neck to keep from accidentally strangling him as he made up the hill to her house. "Thanks for letting me try anyway," she murmured miserably.
"No problem. So, any luck?" he asked hesitantly.
"Cross-stitching and knitting came closest, but they were calming, not inspiring. They're okay as hobbies, but as a new thing… I still don't know what to do."
"Whatever you do, don't try skydiving," Tsuge tried to tease good-naturedly. "That's not the kind of sport to try if you're not good the first time."
She nodded, despite the fact that he couldn't see it. 'How long has it been since someone carried me?' Her flesh crawled as she realized that she couldn't remember. "We left your sister's board behind."
"I can grab it on the way home. Erm, I'm not sure how to maneuver around your thorns like this," he added nervously outside of the intimidating bush.
"Just go forward, but lean over a little bit. I'll take care of the rest."
"You're sure?"
"Have I ever been scratched by my thorns?" she countered with a small grin.
Tsuge shook his head, but he did as ordered. "Is gardening on your list, Haru?"
Haru carefully pressed the vines away from Tsuge as he maneuvered to her front door. "Number twenty-three, and it was a complete failure. Those poor daisies didn't stand a chance."
"So how can you keep the thorns under control, no problem?"
Haru flat out laughed at that as they entered her home. "I-I don't keep them under control! They grew like this by themselves. Even Mom and Dad have to wear coats when they leave the house," she informed him as he carefully eased her onto the couch.
"Your first aid kit is still under the bathroom sink, right?"
"Right."
He was gone and back in under a minute. "Just out of curiosity, how long is the list?" he asked while passing her the kit.
Thankful that he wasn't going to insist on tending to her leg, she took care of it herself. "There's still five things I haven't tried yet. I hate to say it, but I'm getting discouraged," she admitted, feeling her good mood fade like warm breath on a mirror. "I mean, I have to be amazing at something other than the piano."
Tsuge looked down, looking strangely sad.
"Something wrong?" she asked after she was done with her leg.
"… No. Just thinking." Then he took a deep breath. "Would you be offended if I added something to the list?"
She started cleaning out her left hand. "As long as it isn't as stupid as the kick-boxing idea, sure."
"Oh, I think you can handle it. Haru… I know I don't listen to you play all that much, but you're really good at it. About the only thing I can find wrong is the same that the dean said; you've lost your enthusiasm."
"You're going somewhere with this idea?" she prodded, wrapping the bandage around her hand, since a band-aid would never have stayed at that angle.
"Yes. Have you thought about other instruments?"
She blinked in surprise.
"No, just hear me out," he insisted, taking over on doctoring her right hand. "My grandma used to say that knowing the piano gives you a firm foundation to learn just about any other instrument. Since you're a prodigy, it'll be a piece of cake for you to learn anything you want. Heck, I bet if you wanted to, you could be an orchestra on your own."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Do you really believe that, Tsuge?"
He gave her a grin as he finished tying on the bandage. "That's one of the things I like about being here instead of with the team, Haru. I don't have to say anything unless I mean it. And the answer's yes."
The brunette smiled sadly, fighting back tears of relief. "Thank you. It's nice to have one person rooting for me."
"Three," he corrected while standing up. "Mom and Dad are rooting for you too. Is your leg all right with walking me out?"
"I can handle that," she agreed, feeling better than she had in weeks.
Tsuge gave her one more grin before they left her home. "Oh, and it won't kill you to try something written by someone still alive. If you'd do the Star Wars theme song, you'd be my hero forever."
"We'll see," she laughed.
41. Different Instruments
Getting a hold of other instruments wasn't a problem. She ate lunch alone in the music room every day, since it was less depressing than being in a classroom of people who ignored her.
Haru hurriedly wolfed down her sushi rolls and started perusing the instruments. The wind ones were off her list, just for the fact that someone else's lips had been touching them. The string instruments belonged to students, and as such were kept in special lockers.
Percussion? Why not?
Grabbing a beginner's book from the shelves, the slim girl started reading through the notes while making her way to the drums in the back of the room. Settling comfortably behind the smaller ones, she set the book on the stand to the first exercise, and picked up the sticks.
Tsuge was right! These exercises were laughably easy compared to her usual ones! Just for the heck of it, she skipped over a few pages and tried something harder. Hmm. Fun, but what if she played with it a little?
Grinning like a child, she belted out the exercise as it was written the first time, but began altering it on the second round to something more energetic. As she was about to start the third round, the door to the music room harshly slid open.
"Who is making all that-" her music teacher started to roar, but then stopped cold at the sight of her.
Haru felt a harsh blush cover her cheeks. "Sorry, was I getting too carried away? I'll try something quieter." She began flipping through the book, assuming that Abe-sensei would leave her be.
"… Haru-san? What are you doing?" he whispered after a minute of standing shocked in the doorway.
"The drums are about the only instruments here that don't touch lips and can't be locked up. Other than the piano, of course." Finding one that promised to be softer, she picked up the drumsticks again.
"No, I mean, why are you touching the drums?" Abe-sensei asked while crossing the room.
"Because I want to learn. There's nothing wrong with knowing more than one instrument." She started lightly tapping on the drum to her left, but was stopped when the teacher took the sticks from her.
"Haru, you're a pianist. You should be behind a piano, I need you behind a piano."
She stared at him strangely. "Abe-sensei, I'm still willing to help out with choir practice and all that. You never complain when I use my lunch hour to practice piano," she pointed out.
"Then why aren't you behind a piano?" he tried not to yell. "That's what you're good at."
"Stick to what you're good at."
Haru shuddered from the depressing memory. "Why can't I be good at other instruments? Come on, it's not like I'm hurting anything, and you didn't complain when I learned how to play the organ." She held her hand out for the drumsticks.
But he didn't give them back. "Because the organ is barely more than a fancier and more intricate piano. … Maybe you should start having lunch in your classroom," he decided, shooing her off the drum seat. "Being locked away in this room doesn't seem to help you at all."
The brunette stared at him in disbelief. "You're the music teacher! Why aren't you encouraging me?"
"I am encouraging you, Haru-san. To stick with the piano, because that's your future. You're going to travel the world one day, give concerts, and be loved by millions! Don't you want that?" he nearly begged.
She bit back the sudden urge to cry and marched out of the room with her bag slung over one shoulder. "Not at the price of my happiness."
ooOoo
The phone was ringing when she got home after helping with choir practice to make up for being late every morning. Kicking off her shoes, she hurriedly ran and managed to pick it up as the answering machine clicked in. "Hello, Yoshioka residence."
"Oh, hello Haru. Is your mother around?" Principal Yami asked, perhaps taken aback at reaching her instead.
'Oh, you've got to be kidding!' "Sure, I think she's in the kitchen. Hey, Mom?" she called out as her heart fell lower than her stomach. "My principal's on the phone!" Then she took several casual steps and turned around. "Thanks, sweetheart," she answered herself in her mother's voice, slowly switching the phone to her other ear to help her remain in character. "Hello, Yami-san?"
"Naoko, we've got a problem. Can we speak alone?"
"Just a second. Haru dear, why don't you get a head start on your homework? There's a good girl. … Okay, she's gone. Is she in trouble?" Haru asked, sounding every bit the concerned parent.
"Not quite, but she might be heading in that direction. Abe-san caught her with drums!"
"Oh? Is she any good?" Haru inquired in her mother's voice.
"… I think you're missing the point. What if she starts liking drums more than the piano?"
"Then I will support her decision. Was this really worth a call, Yami-san?"
He started choking convulsively. "Worth a… Naoko-san, Haru's going to be one of the finest pianists of our time! We can't let her lose her focus!"
"What if branching out will help her keep her focus?" Haru pressed. "She's getting bored, and if the worst she does is try other instruments, then we're in good shape. On the off-chance she'd be happier as a drummer or violinist, then so be it."
His desperate breathing made it clear that he was trying to think of another way to sway 'her mother's vote.
"Yami-san," Haru said sternly. "I understand that your duty is to your school, but mine is to my daughter. Her happiness means more to me than a scholarship, and if you aren't willing to respect that, I'll start looking for a school that will."
"What- no- you can't!" he protested shrilly.
"Then you will give Haru the space she needs. Understand?"
"… Understood."
"Good. Now have a good day, and don't worry. Haru isn't one to disappoint." A click later, her soft smile turned into a snarl.
"Even if a controlling jerk like you deserves to be disappointed."