Author Note: Okay folks! Here's the next one-shot in this Christmas series that I decided to do on a whim! I might miss some due to exams and other junk, but I'll try my best to update every day! By the way, these stories are NOT Bipper. They are Dipper/Human!Bill friendship.

~~~~~~~OOOOOOO~~~~~~~

Disclaimer: Gravity Falls does not belong to me. It belongs to Alex Hirsch, which is evident through the fact that Bill is a yellow triangle and not a really hot demon/human.

DECEMBER 12, 2017

Bill awoke to the smell of cookies drifting through the air, and the sounds of talking and footsteps. He threw off the covers of his makeshift bed and stumbled out of the glass box in Ford's lab that currently served as his bedroom. As he fumbled for the lock on the door, he started to unconsciously analyze the scent and the footsteps.

Maybe Mabel had decided to make those delicious ginger-things again. Or she had thought of a new cookie recipe to force down the Pines family's throats. Pinetree, Shooting Star, and Sixer were definitely up there, although it was weird that he couldn't hear the Old One. Oh well, maybe that lazy bum was still sleeping?

Bill finally released the door and stepped out of the glass walls. He yawned, stretched his arms, and started for the elevator on the far wall. He hit the up button on his second try and stepped into the elevator, waiting impatiently to see what Mabel was cooking up next. When the elevator finally dinged open and Bill stepped out, he realized the vending machine was locked. That meant that there was company over and Bill wasn't allowed to show himself.

So, Bill took the elevator back down went back to his glass room to try to sleep through the party upstairs. For the next twenty minutes, the former demon tossed, turned, and spun every which way before resigning himself to the fact that he wouldn't be able to sleep through. In a last-ditch attempt to fight off the noise, Bill slipped on his noise-blocking headphones, retreated into his own mind, and tried to think happy thoughts.

~~~~~~~OOOOOOO~~~~~~~

Several hours later...

As the noise flowed around Bill, helped out by the noise-blocking headphones that Dipper gave him as an early Christmas present, Bill realized that he had run out of happy or pleasant topics to think about. Finally, after ten minutes of sheer boredom, he couldn't help but start to think about a topic that he absolutely hated. Life in the Mindscape. Sure, some parts of the stupid world were good, like that fact that there was very little commotion, but most of life in the Mindscape was deathly boring.

As Bill wandered around the Shack, he couldn't help but begin to compare the Mystery Shack's version of Christmas to the Mindscape's version of Christmas. Last Christmas, Bill had held a massive bonfire and sacrificed hundreds of humans to his appetite. This Christmas at the Shack, he definitely wouldn't get to devour anybody, and he wouldn't be making a 60-foot bonfire either.

Perhaps this is a good thing though? Bill mused. This way, he wouldn't get his bowtie and hat soaked with blood like last year. Laundry would most certainly be easier. Plus, he wouldn't be at fault for burning down the residence of Pinetree, Shooting Star, Sixer, and the Old One. He wouldn't be nearly eaten alive by his supposed "friends" either...

Maybe there are some benefits to this "human" Christmas, Bill thought. Last year, 8-Ball has tried to take a chunk out of him and Pyronica had suggested roasting him in pink flames to soften him up. Shooting Star wouldn't do that to him, plus, she couldn't summon fire at will.

And the presents were much better in the human version of Christmas too. Bill had his eye on a new set of kitchen knives that he had seen in the Gravity Falls' Mall window. If he ended up getting them, that would make a better gift than a bunch of bodies. He would finally be able to stab something again, even if it wasn't the Pines family. And on the thought of the Pines family...

They weren't too bad for a bunch of meatsacks. Sure, they had stopped his rampage and his campaign to take over the world with weirdness, but at least they weren't stupid. They were better than the rest of humanity because the great dream demon Bill Cipher was bound to one of them. At least, this is what Bill told himself. Yeah, I like 'em a bit more than the rest of this useless planet. They're quirky, and I suppose that's cool by me, he thought. My bonder is okay, his sister is okay, the Old One is okay, and I'm just going to fend off thoughts of Sixer right about now...

Finally, Bill's mind strayed to Pinetree in an effort to stop thinking about the man that had confined him for a week.

Yes, Pinetree was alright for a meatsack. As far as those squishy things went, Pinetree was at the higher end of the intelligence scale, although his noodle arms didn't do him any favors. Yeesh, kid. Bulk up a bit, would you?

No, Pinetree wasn't bad at all, now that Bill seriously thought about it. If he had to choose one human in the whole universe to be bonded to for eternity, he would have chosen either Abraham Lincoln or Dipper Pines. And Ole Abe was dead, so that really only left one good meatsack.

Mason "Dipper/Pinetree" Pines.

And while Bill was really thinking, he supposed that he was glad to have Pinetree as his human. Yeah, he was really lucky. Bill finally fell asleep, dreams of Pinetree dancing in his head.

AN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm aware that this was short and that's like a death sentence to all writers and readers, but exams are in seven days and I am panicking... the next ones probably won't be all that long either, unless my teachers decide to cut me some slack. So, until next time, MillionLights out!