Chapter 1- Guilt

Sesshomaru was feeling guilty. It was not an all-consuming, gut-wrenching, nail-biting kind of guilt; it was no more than a brief tiny muscle spasm, but even an admission to feeling that much was monumental in his case and would have sent Jaken senseless if he knew. Ever since passing through that clearing two weeks ago, Rin had been on the demon lord's mind more than usual. Though he wouldn't admit it to any soul, he often thought about the girl, whether it was wondering what she was doing right now or reminiscing about something from the past, but she had her place in his mind like everything else. Now, she was popping in and out of his inner vision constantly, and more and more she was accompanied by this sense of wrong on his part.

He knew where at least part of this guilt was coming from. When he had initially left Rin in the care of the priestess Kaede he'd made it a point to regularly visit her, letting her know she was not forgotten and often bringing her lavish gifts (well, lavish by human standards. To one such as he, they were only trinkets). He would let her go on and on about anything of interest to her, walking with her through the woods or watching as she splashed with A-Un in a stream for old time's sake. Around the time she turned twelve, Sesshomaru found himself less and less inspired to detour from his work to visit her, and his journeys to the village began to grow fewer and farther between. Initially the inquisitive Rin had asked him every time he did appear why it had been so long, but over time she gave up when he would give no explanation. Kagome had had even admonished him once or twice for his neglection, but all she'd gotten for her troubles was a cold stare.

For a long time Sesshomaru wasn't sure himself why he didn't want to see Rin as much as he used to. After a while he began to develop a theory as to the answer, analyzing the situation even harder during his rare appearances at the village, and at last came to his conclusion the previous winter. He didn't want to see Rin anymore because it hurt him to do so; in his rarest of lucid moments, he admitted that it made him sad. She had grown up and left childhood behind, and while to humans this was a beautiful thing to celebrate and look forward to, all it served as to Sesshomaru was a reminder that Rin was mortal and would die one day. Seeing her change from a child into a young woman was a visible proof that she could not stay the same, that she would continue to age, and that one day there would be a world where he existed and she did not. He had already lost her to death once, and the experience was unlike any pain he had ever gone through in even the most intense battle; if he continued to spend time with her, he would inevitably go through that agonizing pain again, and he couldn't bear the idea.

It had been almost six months since his last visit to her, and he knew she had to be terribly hurt by such a long absence. Recognizing that he was undoubtedly causing her pain prompted the spark of guilt, but to relieve the guilt he'd have to visit her, which would cause him pain, so he wanted to continue staying away, which caused the guilt to resurface, which made….

And this is why I detest anything to do with emotions, he thought, frustrated by the cyclical argument.

He had just reached the foot of the mountains and prepared to ascend into the heavens to pass over. Before his feet could leave the ground, he caught the scent of something most unpleasant, and with another sniff he knew its bearer had to be headed straight for him. Hmm, fight or flight? He really had no desire to be bothered by his mangy half-demon of a brother, but clearly Inuyasha was seeking him out. The demon lord gave a long-suffering sigh and turned around to face the field he had just crossed. Jaken happened to be in his line of sight, and the little demon instantly began to tremble, clutching his wooden staff for imagined protection.

"W-what is it, milord? Why have we stopped?" Jaken quaked, no doubt dreaming up possible offenses he had committed in the last three seconds.

Sesshomaru didn't bother to give his minion an answer since he had caught a glimpse of red through the trees two miles away. It wouldn't be long now. In another second a figure burst out into the open, running at top speed through the grass and making a beeline for the party at the base of the mountains.

"Sesshomaru, hold up!"

Jaken spluttered. "Why you impudent little brat! Have you still no respect for Lord Sesshomaru?"

The half-demon took a flying leap and landed mere inches from the green imp. When Inuyasha looked up from his crouching position and saw Jaken defiantly glaring at him, he flicked his forefinger hard between the imp's eyes to send him sprawling in the dirt.

"Well, little brother, how have you come to bother me today?" Sesshomaru asked in a bored tone, staring unblinkingly at the intruder.

"Yeah, nice to see you too," Inuyasha sneered, balling up his fists at his side. "Look, I didn't want to be the messenger any more than you do, but I'm way faster than any-"

"Spare me the bragging and come to your point."

Inuyasha looked ready to launch into a verbal tirade, but retreated as he apparently remembered his mission. "It's Rin."

Per usual, nothing showed on the exterior, but inside Sesshomaru felt his heart stop for a fraction of a second. What had happened to her? Where was she?

"I thought I gave you clear instructions to make sure no harm came to her," the elder demon replied with carefully weighed viciousness.

"Hey, this wasn't something I could save her from, and she makes it kinda hard the way she likes to go off by herself!"

Jaken had pulled himself together after his undignified trip into the dirt and now came forward to berate Inuyasha again.

"If you think that Lord Sesshomaru has time to be bothered with a stupid human-"

"Jaken."

The imp looked up in terror at the amount of ice he detected in that tone.

"One more word out of you and I will kill you with Bakusaiga."

The toad covered his mouth in wordless horror and threw himself to the ground in penance, bowing over and over with mute apology.

"The point is," Inuyasha continued, "Rin got poisoned and she's really sick. Kaede and Kagome have been doing everything they can to heal her. Herbal remedies, spiritual powers, and everything in between, but she's only getting worse." The young demon dropped his eyes to the ground. "I'm not sure she's going to make it."

That was all Sesshomaru had to hear. He didn't bother to give Jaken instruction, or even take the time to fling a parting insult at his brother. Instantly he took off faster than sight for the direction of the village, his thoughts on nothing else but reaching Rin. It only took him a moment to reach the outskirts of the village- though it was a good fifty miles away -but that moment was filled with anxiety and fear. Rin had to survive, she had to: she couldn't just die like this.

You know it's only a matter of time, a little voice whispered to him. Even if she lives today, there will come a day when luck runs out and she dies, and you will be powerless to stop it, just as you are now.

Sesshomaru aggressively swiped the air in front of him and angled towards the house. His feet hardly touched the ground before he brushed aside the bamboo mat covering the doorway of Kaede's hut, and was instantly assaulted with the full force of the cloud he had been smelling for the last mile. The pungent odors of ten different medicinal herbs hung heavily in the air, paired with sweat and one or two other unpleasant smells. If the humans thought it stunk in here, they should try having his sensitivities for even one minute. A fire was roaring on the hearth even though it was midday in the summer, and Kagome was wearing some of her strange hot weather clothes from her world.

"Do you plan to burn her alive?"

Kagome jumped at his voice and whirled around, then relaxed. "Oh, Sesshomaru, I'm glad you're here."

The demon didn't even hear her. He had finally caught sight of Rin amidst the piles of useless remedies and clothes strewn about, and it felt like a sword had been run right through him. She was deathly pale, whiter than his own skin, and she reeked of poison; sweat ran in lines down any exposed part of skin he saw, yet she was covered in blankets and lying quite close to the fire.

"It's a cold sweat," Kagome explained as Sesshomaru lowered himself to the floor and laid a hand on the sick young woman's forehead.

Sure enough, Rin was cold to the touch despite all the blankets. Her breathing was labored and shallow, and every once in a while a low moan mumbled from her throat.

"It's all my fault!" Kagome burst out, though she kept her voice low. "I should have been more firm with her and just laid down the law, but I didn't want to rob her of a friend if he was actually okay and she's been so sad…."

Sesshomaru settled the rest of the way onto the floor and continued to watch Rin's face for any sign of her possibly waking up.

"Explain."

"A few weeks ago, Rin met a demon in the forest named Jiri, and of course being Rin she wasn't the least bit fazed about it. She went to see him several times just to chat, because since somebody hasn't been coming around for a while she's been lonely."

"She has you and your other friends to talk to."

"Yes, and she loves all of us, but you left a hole in her life that none of us can fill. There's something special about the bond between you two, and when this other guy showed up she naturally wanted to make a friendship to help ease her loss. Anyway, this Jiri apparently started getting a little friendlier than Rin would like, so she quit seeing him and hung around the house for a few days. Jiri actually came out of the forest to see her, and we were all majorly creeped out; he was this scaly thing with wings and a forked tongue, and Inuyasha was more than willing to cut him up right there but we stopped him."

Kagome paused for a moment, apparently wanting to let it sink in to Sesshomaru that his despised little brother had been trying to do his job after all. The demon lord said nothing.

"Jiri kept coming around, even with both Inuyasha and Sango warning him that if he tried anything they'd be on him in a second." The priestess smiled sadly. "Sometimes Rin's heart is too big, though. She kept telling us to leave Jiri alone, that we'd misunderstood him and he didn't mean any real harm." She choked slightly then, but steeled herself to continue. "Five days ago, when none of us were around, Jiri convinced Rin to come out so he could talk with her, and he led her into the woods. When Rin rebuffed his advances he started getting violent, and when she made it clear she wasn't interested in him in the way he wanted, he attacked her."

A log in the fire fell in on itself, accentuating the point in the narrative. The demon lord never took his eyes off Rin, wondering why she wouldn't awaken even a little.

"I was with Inuyasha when he smelled the blood, and he took off to find Rin. When we got there, Jiri had bitten Rin's neck and was getting ready to…to tear her head off." Kagome looked ready to cry by now. "His fangs were venomous, and since he bit her right in the jugular vein the poison had the perfect entryway to spread fast. Inuyasha raced at Jiri and knocked him off his feet, and while they were fighting I ran to Rin."

Now the tears began to fall, but Sesshomaru refrained from an audible sign of repulsion.

"There was so much blood. I thought she was dead right there, but when I checked she was still barely breathing. I wrapped my scarf as tight as I could around her neck to stop the bleeding, and once Inuyasha had finished off Jiri we brought her back here. Since then it's been nothing but poultices and bandages and bathing and anything else we can think of to keep her alive and cure her. She lost consciousness later that night and she hasn't woken up since."

Sesshomaru brushed a damp strand of hair back from Rin's face. This was his fault: if he had been visiting her often like he used to, she wouldn't have felt the need to distract herself with some inferior demon that had evil designs for her. He sensed Kagome stand but did not turn to observe her.

"I'll leave you two alone for a while," she said softly.

With that she was gone, and Sesshomaru was left with Rin's unconscious form and his own remorse. He wished that she were at least awake in all this so he could talk to her, hear her sweet voice, or even just see her large dark eyes again; he had missed her so much over the last six months, and now he was here but she was still out of reach. For the next few hours he watched over her, placing a warm damp cloth on her forehead from time to time to help with her chills, or spooning an herbal tea into her mouth when Kaede brought it. Jaken arrived with A-Un eventually, though the imp was promptly sent back outside and ordered not to enter the house again. The demon lord hardly stirred from his seat at all, willing Rin to pull through and silently lamenting over the useless Tenseiga. The fact that the sword could not be used twice on the same person was beyond absurd, and Sesshomaru cursed its maker for designing it so.

Hours bled into days, but not a sign of hope presented itself. The only time Sesshomaru left Rin's side was when Kagome would shoo him away so she could give the younger woman a bath, but even then he stayed right outside and came back in the instant it was permissible.

Kagome stumbled wearily into her home, worn out from another day of both fulfilling her duties as a priestess and struggling to keep Rin alive. She could feel the girl's spirit slipping further away every time she tended to her, and she knew that if something didn't change soon Rin would be lost forever. The sick girl had started convulsing today for some unknown reason, which of course had set Sesshomaru yelling that something be done immediately; between the two of them he and Kagome had restrained Rin and gotten her to stop the violent contortions, but who was to say it wouldn't start again at any moment? Kagome was still staring down at her raw hands when she felt two strong arms encircle her, and a clawed hand stroked her hair while the other pressed her close to her husband.

"Any change?" Inuyasha asked quietly.

Kagome shook her head and buried her face in his robe. She couldn't even gather the words to speak right now; she was emotionally strung out from all of this, and couldn't shake the sense of dread that the whole struggle would turn out to be in vain. Inuyasha clearly sensed her emotions and drew her closer, rocking her side to side and petting her lovingly.

"She'll be okay, don't worry. She's one tough fighter, and with the way she moons over Sesshomaru, now that he's here she'll feel his presence and wake right up. Besides," one of his hands dropped to caress Kagome's stomach, "you've got other things going on that might be messing with your head."

Kagome smiled a little then. She had realized last month that she was pregnant with their first child, and while she was undeniably thrilled, the change had made her a little more susceptible than usual to mood swings and other emotional traumas in general. She lifted her head from Inuyasha's chest and kissed the tip of his nose.

"You're right. Now, where's that dinner you promised me?"

The couple sat down to proceed with their evening meal, and though they tried to avoid it the conversation inevitably turned to Rin's condition, as well as her visitor.

"I still don't get it," Inuyasha muttered, picking at his ramen with far less vigor than usual. "Sesshomaru has always hated humans with a burning passion. How can he be so different when it comes to Rin?"

"Come on, you can't be serious. Think about your dad and mom! He was the most powerful demon alive, and he still fell in love with a human; not to mention, his youngest son picked up this trait and it worked out well for him."

Kagome giggled and poked Inuyasha with her chopstick. He returned her smile but stayed somber, which was a rarity indeed even though he'd been maturing a lot over the last few years.

"Sesshomaru is different," he insisted. "Everything he does concerning Rin is out of character for him in every respect. And even though he's still not showing any emotions, the very fact he's letting us see him hover over her constantly is an admittance on his part that he cares about her, and the one thing Sesshomaru cares about more than anything his keeping up his image and not looking weak."

The half-demon's companion chewed on her wooden utensil in concentration. "Maybe that's just it: maybe his image isn't entirely who he is."

Inuyasha's pointed ears twitched. "Huh?"

"Everything you just listed about him is all external, but what if inside there's a part of him that simply doesn't surface unless it's for Rin? She has some way of bringing this hidden side out of him, but no one else has ever been able to do it, so you just assume it isn't there to begin with." Kagome regarded Inuyasha with shining eyes. "What if Sesshomaru has possessed the capability to love and care all this time, but it just never showed until Rin came along?"

Her husband gave her a slight smirk. "You're not trying to tell me he's this doe-eyed sap deep down, are you?"

"No, no, I think he's every bit as cold as he appears to be. I think Rin adds…another dimension to his personality, but it can only come out for her; if I were the one deathly ill he wouldn't care less. Somehow she touches a part of his soul that no one else can, so of course it would only manifest for her benefit."

Inuyasha scoffed. "I highly doubt he's got a soul, touchable or otherwise."

His wife pushed some rice into her mouth while looking thoughtful. "There's something there, Inuyasha; I'm sure of it. What it is exactly, I can't say, but somehow the great dog demon is completely wrapped around one girl's finger. And you had better not tease him about it- we need to encourage this, not admonish him and make him bury his feelings deeper."

Inuyasha gave her a devilish grin. "Oh, you give me such ideas…."

Rin stood on a high grassy hill, a strong wind blowing through her long dark hair as thick patches of mist dashed by. The sky overhead was dark with clouds that pressed close with a suffocating presence, and occasionally thunder rumbled in the distance. As much as she wanted to run home, she dared not leave the hill; every time she tried to descend, grotesque demons appeared and attempted to drag her towards the giant black gates that stood at the foot of the jagged mountains. Earlier one had succeeded in grabbing her and getting her halfway to the gates before she had managed to stab his wrist and make a break back to her hill; the ordeal had been terrifying, and more than once she'd thought this was the end. Rin recognized the gates as the entrance to the netherworld, and having been there twice before she had no desire to enter them again this soon.

The young woman absent-mindedly played with the wrapped grip on her katana as she sat cross-legged, watching for another band of demons to break loose. Not too long after coming to Kaede's village, she had realized that she needed a way to defend herself if she was going to live amongst humans, and after a little pleading with Inuyasha, he had agreed to teach her some swordplay. Sango also had a hand in the teaching, especially on the finer points of fighting, since Inuyasha tended to rely more on brute strength and his special techniques from the Tessaiga, of which Rin had neither. While she was no ninja, she'd actually come to handle a blade pretty well and could fend off bandits and lesser demons with little to no help from the others; since she'd become trapped on this hill, she was even more grateful for the training, recognizing with a shudder that she'd have been overpowered long ago without those lessons.

Try as she might, Rin couldn't remember how she'd gotten here. She had been in the forest with Jiri, trying to politely turn down his offers but getting more irritated as he became a little more graphic in his descriptions of his dreams about her. She did remember him turning on her and attacking, but even with her sword he was too powerful and skilled, easily dodging her strikes and clawing her arms and chest with his awful talons. She remembered a blinding pain in her neck that caused her to black out, but that was where she lost the thread; she dimly recalled lying in Kaede's hut while Kagome clutched Rin's neck, yelling something about a tourniquet…or had that been a dream? The next thing she knew she was here, with no wounds visible but demons all around and no help in sight.

The young woman hugged her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. She'd called out multiple times for Lord Sesshomaru since she came here, just in case he was passing nearby, but he never came.

But why should I be surprised? He never comes anymore.

She hated to have such a pessimistic attitude towards the great demon, but she couldn't really help it these days. He used to be so good about coming to see her, but a few years ago the visits were dramatically reduced; she was lucky if he even happened to come near the time of her birthday for a while there, and this last birthday he hadn't come at all. Did she bore him? Had his plan in making her live with humans backfired and he now found her too humanlike to associate with? She didn't feel different. If anything, she liked humans even less than she used to. Of course she adored Kagome and Inuyasha and all the others, but the vast majority of mortals did not leave her with a good impression. She had been much happier when her world consisted of simply three other living beings.

What made things even more frustrating was the fact that Lord Sesshomaru wouldn't even tell her why he came so infrequently. Every time she put the question to him, he waved her off or misdirected or something else to keep her from asking. It hurt her feelings, and left her with a lonely ache in her heart that nothing else could fill. Well, almost nothing. With a slight smile Rin reached under the neckline of her kimono and pulled out the locket Lord Sesshomaru had given her all those years ago. She never took it off for anything, not even for sleeping or bathing; the song soothed her heart and made it feel less empty, and gave her hope that her lord would return before long. She still liked to listen to it before bed, thinking about the nights when she heard it while curled up on a dragon's back and looked up at the stars.

She opened the locket now and let the melody envelop her, taking her mind off this barren wasteland and focusing on pleasant memories of her travels with Lord Sesshomaru. Of all the various gifts he'd given her, this was still Rin's favorite; she liked to pretend it had been made just for her, though she had no idea where it had come from or why it was called a locket of souls. She suspected the two different melodies represented the souls, and she had made up countless stories about them and how they met. Even if she didn't know all the details exactly, she at least knew they had a happy ending together; why else would they fade away intertwined?

Rin sat on the hill a while longer until a slavering sound jostled her from her reverie. One of the gargoyle demons was skulking around near the foot of her fortress and looked like he might be considering a sudden charge. With a sigh the girl stood up and brandished her sword, daring the stupid creature to attack. She sure hoped Inuyasha or Miroku would find her soon; she was ready to go home and get some sleep.