Family Guy: The Spin-off seires
Episode 2: No Place Like Home
Chapter 2: Don't Mess with the Authorities
Disclaimer: I do not own Family Guy or Powerpuff Girls. PPG belongs to Craig McCracken, and Family Guy to Seth MacFarlane. They are both brilliant show creators and I hope both shows continue. They rock! Plus, if I had to choose between this and Powerpuff Girls Z, I'd choose this!
TV-PG-LV
Meanwhile, over by the Pawtucket Brewery, where Peter worked for a living, said fat guy had just arrived at the Brewery. He drove his car into the parking lot, got a parking spot, and actually managed not to crash into anything for a change.
But as soon as he stepped out of the car, he immediately noticed a sign that was in front of the building. He walked over to the building, and saw the sign. It read 'Pawtucket Patriot Brewery: To be Demolished'.
He gasped at the sight of the sign. He loved working at the Brewery, and would not want to work anywhere else, especially since he needs to provide for his family.
He also noticed that one of his co-workers that worked on the assembly line, was also mourning over the sign. "What the hell is this!?" He asked his fellow co-worker, referring to the sign.
"The Pawtucket Brewery just announced that production of beer has come completely to a halt!"
"What? But, why!?"
"Because someone's been stealing the crates of beer from the delivery trucks, and if they don't find out who soon, we're all gonna lose our jobs and they're gonna demolish this place and covert it into a damn parking lot."
"A parking lot! Oh you know that is straight-up bull! I hate parking lots so much! They're all stupid and crowded, and boring...! Who the hell is responsible for this?"
"I don't know, dude. It all happened so fast! One day everything was fine, and all that was going to happen was that we'd get laid off of work until the supply of beer went up. But now, this place is going to be torn down unless we find the morons who stole the beer!"
"Well who issued that load of crap?"
"I think it was the Mayor of the town next to us. Townsville, I think is what it's called."
"What!? That little bastard!? I should've known. That guy has always had it out for me and my family!"
"Really? For how long?"
"About a week, ten days at most."
So after work that day, after a long, boring, and incredibly empty day, where there were no orders for crates of beer, and everyone simply went home early, Peter decided to take a detour and drive into Townsville to have a little talk with Mayor Mayer. First, he was absuing the girls' powers and taking advantage of them. Then, he and the town's citizens practically disown them completely, and now, he's planning to tear down the Pawtucket Patriot Brewery.
How much can one guy take?
Well, Peter can obviously take a lot if he wasn't willing to go to the Mayor's office and yell at him until now.
Peter arrived at City Hall in Townsville just moments after he left the Brewery. He got out, slammed the door, and trudged his way up to the front door, where he kicked the door down completely, and stomped his way to the Mayor's office.
He stomped his way halfway down the hallway to the Mayor's office, when he was stopped by one of the Mayor's officials. "Sir, I'm afraid you can't pass any further than this before I see some iden-"
"Oh go f-- yourself you douchebag!" Peter shouted into his face before punching his face and knocking him to the ground. After that he just kept moving down the hallway.
He stopped when he came up on the Mayor's office. He knew it was the Mayor's office because there was a sign on the door that read 'Mayor's Office'. THe 'r' on the sign was written backwards, to represent the mayor's poor writing skills. Peter was pissed at the mayor, but the last time he barged in on someone, it turned out pretty messy.
So Peter decided to knock first on the door, then barge in.
He knocked on the door twice, and waited no time at all to open the door and close it behind him.
"Um, excuse me, Mr. Mayor, can I have a word wit-"
"Not now, can't you see I'm busy?" The Mayor rudely interrupted Peter, while he was playing with his jar of pickles. He was throwing the jar up and down and catching it each time. The pickles rattled back and forth in the jar, as did the juice. All Peter did was watch in amazement as the mayor continued to throw his jar in the air.
"OK, this is even more awkward than that commercial I did."
(Cue Cutaway)
We cut to Peter Griffin, who was wearing a chicken suit and holding a bowl of Cocoa Puffs. He was doing a commerical to promote the new cereal, but he wasn't really making any progress.
"Try it again!" The director ordered.
"I'm Cocoo for Cocky Puffs!" Peter shouted into the camera, as he took the bowl full of cereal, and smashed it over his head, and as he did, he lost his balanced and fell forward, only to trip on the camera's cord and fall on the camera. THe camera completely broke into pieces.
"Oh dammit! Not again! That's the fifth camera this week!"
"Sorry!" Peter said as he stood up and dusted himself off. Then he looked down at his crotch area and noticed something unusual. "OK nobody panic. But I think I just did the camera..."
(End Cutaway)
"Alrighty, Mr. Griffin, sir. What can I do for you?" The Mayor finally asked him after putting his pickled jar away.
"Well, see, I came to talk to you about a matter that most concerns me and I believe you're involved with it."
"Well, I never really do personal meetings, but what the hey, it's a new day, filled with new surprises. So what's the trouble?"
"Well, see, you know the Pawtucket Patriot Brewery in Quahog? Well, I just heard that someone issued a degree to have it demolished because people kept stealing the beer that it supplied, and I also heard it was you, right?"
"Yes, that's correct."
"But I heard that you love to drink Patwucket Patriot Ale."
"Oh I do! In fact, I drink it all the time." THe Mayor backed up his statement by taking out a bottle of Pawtucket Beer, and drinking the entire thing in one shot.
"So-So why the hell are you having it demolished? You're gonna be putting hundreds of people out of work and destroying your favorite kind of booze!"
"Well, Mr. Griffin, here is my way of thinking."
"I-I don't like where this is going."
"You see, you are good friends with Professor Utonium and the Powerpuff Girls, right?"
"Yeah..."
"And their mission in life is to stop crime in the town and make sure people are safe, right?"
"Uh-huh...I still don't like where this is going."
"Well, after out last encounter in your hometown, and the girls announced that they were giving up crime-fighting for good, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and set to demolish something the girls really care about: such as beer."
"NO, man, beer is something I care about-"
"And maybe, just maybe, if I got them mad enough, they'd come out of retirement and stop me from destroying the Brewery! And then they can get started on the other things they owe us on that list I gave them! How great is that!?"
Peter was left stunned and speacheless. Even the moron that he was, he could tell that the Mayor was being cruel and unusual. It was clear to him that the Mayor nor any of Townsville did not care for the girls and their well-being at all. They only cared enough about them to keep them in Townsville so they could be lazy.
It was enough to boil boiling water.
"Alright, listen you you son of a bitch!" Peter yelled to him, standing up from his chair and frightening the Mayor a little bit. "I'm gonna say this once and once only! First off, those girls did not 'technically' quit crime-fighting. They fell ill to a deadly virus that would've killed them had they not come into my family's care and put their duties on hiatus.
"Second of all, they're not the ones who crave beer! I'm the one who craves it, you stupid bastard! If you really cared about those girls back at my house, you woulda known that!
"Third of all, you're running a town full of lazy bastards who don't give a damn about each other and would just take it as a joke if someone sucha Adolph Hitler came back!
And finally..." At that point, Peter stood up, grabbed the Mayor by his collar, and punched him right in the face, and as he fell to the ground, Peter went around his desk, and continued to punch his face, making it swerve back and forth and back and forth, until blood came thrushing out of his nose, eyes, and mouth. Peter suddenly yelled "Fuck you!!" into his face, then stopped hitting him, realized what he had just done, and slowly crept away from the scene. He made his way to the window, and jumped out of it, breaking the glass as he did so.
When Peter made it out of the office, he made his way to the car, drove it out of Townsville, and returned home without anyone noticing him.
When he arrived home, he quickly got out of his car, locked it, rushed inside with a bottle of beer in his hand, and went straight into the kitchen, sittind down quietly and not saying anything. He noticed that the girls were at the table, , quietly eating their dinner, the Professor was working on a new invention, and Brian was reading the newspaper, but he paid no nevermid to that. Lois immediately saw this strange behavior and decided to see what the matter was.
"Peter, you're awfully quiet. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine, Lois."
"Really?" Brian asked, putting his paper down. "Because the last time you made such a quiet entrance, you ruined the Mr. Men comics."
"Oh yeah." Peter took out his Mr. Men comic book that he always kept with him, and opened it up to a page that showed the Mr. Men characters, and himself, punching them all out and killing them in the process.
By this time, Lois had left the room to go watch TV, while everyone was at the table, enjoying their dinner. Peter was still nervous as hell and not yet ready to tell anyone that he punched out the Mayor of Townsville.
"YOU DID WHAT!?"
Whoops! I forgot, they can hear everything and anything I say. After all I am the narrator.
"And you're also gay! You're no better than I was when I tried to sign up for the NLA."
(Cue Cutaway)
We cut to a big house filled with lots of kids who were wearing karate uniforms. It was a karate school, and the kids were currently in a class with their sensei. Of course, this was about to be interrupted when a drunk and high Peter Griffin came barging in the dojo, wearing nothing but a prostitute's outfit.
"Um, i-is this the NLA? The National Lesbian's Association?" He asked as he took three more hits of heroin.
(End Cutaway)
"Look, I didn't really do anything wrong."
"Peter, you punched out the Mayor of an entire city. He's the ultimate power and holds the fate of an entire city in his hands!" Lois explained to him, after re-entering the kitchen carrying a try full of plates. "This is a very serious matter."
"Are you kidding me, Lois? That bastard got what he deserved! He's been treating these girls like crap, and ordering his city to follow suit! I think I gave that guy something to think about!"
'You realize that he's gonna send police out to search for you and have you arrested, right?"
"It's totally worth it! Plus, I-"
DING!
But before Peter finish his sentence, the doorbell rang. So Peter stood up and went ot he front door to see who it was. He opened the door to see a guy in a blue suit, about 6' 2'', in great shape, and had a tone of seriousness on his face.
"Hi there, are you Peter Griffin?"
"Yeah. Who the hell wants to know?"
"Why I do, of course. I'm Stan Smith, and I'm from the CIA."
"Holy crap! I-I'm not even dressed for this! If I had known the nephew of Dick Cheiney was coming, I would've prepared the dynamite."
"Sir, I'm not a friend of dynamite, or Dick Cheiny for that matter. I think he's a donkey ass, like everyone else. Anyway, I'm here to deliver a message to you from the Mayor of the city of Townsville."
"Really? He finally came to his senses?"
"Well I don't know about that. He's suing you."
"Suing me! What in hell's name did I do to get sued?"
"Well, let's see." Stan took out a piece of paper and started reading off of it. "He's suing you for 'Illegal custody of the Powerpuff Girls and Professor David Utonium' 'abusing the citizens of his town', 'terrorizing them and giving them false hope', and 'punching out his lights'."
"Whoa, it's amazing how picky those people can be."
"What's amazing is that I could read this! I mean, look at this!" Stan turned the paper over to Peter, to reveal that the Mayor had the writing skills of a four-year old. "He's got the writing skills of a four-year old. I actually had to use my foreign language translator to make out this writing.
"Holy crap, who could possibly read this!?"
"None of my co-workers could. It took us two hours to de-code this piece of trash. Anyway, that guy's suing you, and I have a letter explaining the whole thing." He took out an envolope and handed it to Peter, and then walked away to let Peter grieve.
Peter walked back into the kitchen, and sat down in a chair, as he opened the letter and scanned it quickly. SOmething in the letter obviously caught his eye, and it definetily stunned him a lot. No one else could read the letter because Peter was blocking it, but from Peter's facial expressions, they knew something wasn't right.
"Oh dammit!" He shouted after reading the letter.
"What is is Peter?" His dog barked up.
"Well first off, Brian, that stupid midget from the other town is suing me!'
"Really? For what?"
"Well, it says here he's suing me for 'illegal custody' of those 3 girls we took in, 'terrorizing his citizens' and obviously punching him in the face."
"Whoa, talk about picky."
"I know, right!? And that's not even the worst part!"
"Peter what could be any worse than the situation we're in now?"
"Well, the trial is in two days! He's not giving me much time to prepare for this trial! And, we have to bring the girls with us to the trial, and if we lost this case, they're gonna repossess our house!"
"What?!" Lois shrieked from across the table. "He can't do that!"
"Well obviously he can if he's doing it. Either that, or he's completely abusing his power, or he doesn't know how to use it at all."
"I think it's the third one." Brian said to Peter after a short silence, referring to the Mayor not knowing what to do with his power at all. "After all," He turned to Buttercup, Blossom, and Bubbles. "You've seen what he can do, right?"
(Cue Cutaway)
We cut to the Mayor of Townsvile, who is sitting at his desk, holding a broken pencil in his hand. He is sitting near a pencil sharpener. He wanted to sharpen his pencil, but he didn't exactly know how to work the pencil sharpener. Luckily, the Powerpuff Girls were there and they wanted to help him out. But he wouldn't let them.
"Mr. Mayor, why don't you let us help you?" Blossom asked as she flew up to him and tried to take the pencil from him and sharpen it so he wouldn't get hurt.
"No thank you, Blossom. I can handle this!" The Mayor said to her calmly, shooing Blossom away. He focused himself again to the pencil sharpener, and tried to put his pencil into the hole, but kept missing.
"Mr. Mayor, if you want, I could-"
"No, let me do it!" He whined again, trying to put the pencil into the hole.
"Oh for the love of Jesus, let us do it!" Buttercup raged to the Mayor, who simply looked up at the girls.
"I appreciate your concern, girls. But I'm perfectly capable of sharpening a pencil." And with that, he returned his attention to the pencil sharpener. But instead of putting the pencil in the hoel, he put his wet pinky in it, and got an electric shock like none you've ever seen! "OHHHHH! GOOOD DAMMMIIITTT!"
(End Cutaway)
"Well, whatever the case, we're gonna show up at that trial and give that fat bastard a piece or our minds!..." Peter said to the family, holding up his beer bottle with a triumphet look on his face, which suddenly fell. "...except for Meg's, because it's filled with stupid stories and all that load of crap about losing her virginity."
"Dad!!"
"Now Meg, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but we all have to get over losing our virginity. I lost mine in an auction."
(Cue Cutaway)
We cut to 17-year old Peter Griffin, who was sitting in an auction in Vermont. He hadn't bought anything from the auction yet and there were only a few items left to bid on.
"And up next, we have lovely actress Barbra Streisand." The auctioneer said as his assistants brough out 'George Lopez' actress Barbra Streisand, who was wearing a lovely purple dress. "She has offered to take part in this auction. By biding on her you will not only get to spend the day with her, but you will also get to meet the entire family, go to her next photo-shooting, and, if you're nice to her, have sex with her-"
Peter was bough over by the sex thing. "Fifty-thousand dollars!"
(End Cutaway)
End of Chapter 2!
Coming up, the family desperately searches for a good lawyer that's cheap and that will stand by the girls' side. And later, the villains of Townsville strike back against Quahog.