I do not own any of these characters !
Characters:
EC- Edward Cullen
BS- Bella Swan
GW- Ginny Weasely
Aro(speaker) and Volturi
EM- Emmett Cullen
RH- Rosalie Hale
HG- Hermione Granger
Jay Sean, Sean Paul, and Lil Jon
JH- Jasper Hale
AC- Alice Cullen
RW- Ron Weasely
IWSB- iWantSparklyBabies (carly)
CC- Carlisle Cullen
ES- Esme Cullen
HP- Harry Potter
JB- Jacob Black
TE(G)- Team Edward (Girl)
Ch.2
IWJB- Heeeey everyone ! Welcome back ! Today we will continue with mooore questions ! First , Edward . There are a lot of rumors that you think Emmett has a nice ass … and it is as smooth as a cow's nutsack . Is this true ?
EC- WHAT THE FUCK , NO ! I CLEARLY REMEMBER SAYING THAT TO EMMETT ABOOOOOUT JASPER ! oh shit … I'm not gay .
JB- The first step in being gay is denial . You have to openly tell us . We will accept you .
EM- WE ? I don't want no gaaaay Eddie livin' in my house !
IWJB- Good to know … well …. On that note …
EM- I'm horny for Jasper ….
EC- Who's horny for Eddie ?
*Carly (iWantSparklyBabies) runs in and screaaaams … *
IWSB- I AM HORNY FOR YOUUUUUU !
IWJB- GUYS, KEEP YOUR PANTS ON ! NEXT QUESTION ! NOW SHUT UP ! Emmett, what is a typical day for you ?
EM- Beating everyone at arm wrestling, sparkling, NOT BEING GAAAAAY LIKE EDDIE * winks at Edward * , and not eating people . In the evening or when no one is home but Rose and I, we have some fun... If you know what I mean .
IWJB- That's great . Ummmm... Edward ? I have some questions for you . Are you gay ?
ED- No.
IWJB- Have you ever been gay ?
ED- No.
IWJB- Are you planning on being gay in the future ?
ED- Ummm... no ?
IWJB- Have you told your parents that you are gay ?
ED- NO ! NOW QUIT WITH THE QUESTIONS ON ASSUMING MY GAYNESS !
IWJB- You just admitted you were gay …
*Esme stands up from the audience *
ESME- Edward, honey . It's fine . Don't have a melt-down . I love you !
JH- Can we just move on ? I'd prefer that we don't all have to listen to Edward blubber like a freaking lady on her damn period .
EM- I think Edward would look good if he was gay . Why is everyone straight ? Maybe the Cullen Boys should be gay . Except for Carlisle … That would be weird .
*Bella is in the audience and rudely interupts *
BS- Why does every girl and/or guy think they can take Edward from me?
IWSB- BECAUSE WE CAN, BITCH ! I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN, WHORE !
TE- WE LOVE YOU, EDWARD !
TEG- GET HER, GIRLS !
TE- *Scream and violently pull Bella's hair *
IWSB- I got her! * Smiles triumphantly * I love you, boo. * Flashes sexy smile towards Edward*
EC- Ummm... Bella is gone, right ?
IWJB- Yeah...
EC- I love you, Carly ! Let's have angry sex !
IWSB- It's the only kind I know...
IWJB- Guys ! Ewwwww. Keep your pants on ! Let's invite the rest of the Cullens up ! Why don't we add the wolf pack, Volturi, along with Harry Potter and his crew ?
AC- Hey, guys ! Ooooooo ! Nice shirt, Harry.
HP- Thanks . Hermione said the laser yellow would bring out my eyes .
AC- Well, it's working ! Keep up the work . * Whispers * I wonder what color Jasper would look good ON ? Since he's on my bed usually … I think I'm going to get black silk sheets . His white skin would contrast quite well...
IWJB- Hey, Alice ? Can you come back to us ? We would like to move on . None of us would like to think about you and Jasper's sex life at home...
* Everyone except Alice and Jasper shudder *
RH- Let's talk about sex . Alice and Jasper, what is your favorite position ?
JH- Is that a necessary question, Rose ?
RH- Why, yes it is . I hear you two getting it on like it's nobody's business all the time . You two are very loud .
EC- AND YOUAND EMMETT AREN'T ? You and Emmett are louder than a choir of angels praising God while a herd of elephants trample on by ! … and people scream in hell !
EM- Rose is good at-
CC- STOP IT !
ES- *Esme puts edginess in her voice * Oh, let them continue, honey . I would like to know what my children like and do . Even if it has to do with sex .
*Carlisle falls out of chair, stumbles towards Esme, grabs her hand, and pulls her off the stage *
IWJB- I think we all know where they were going . Now Harry and Ginny, do you use condoms ?
GW- I like to like use them to make balloony animals . Are they for like something else that I don't like know about ?
HP- Yeah... They are for protected sex. That's why we haven't done it yet . She keeps ripping them .
RW- Hermione has condoms with her ! Just in case .
HG- RON ! Those aren't for anyone but you, Draco, and I .
HP- LET'S ALL TAKE A TRIP TO HORNYWARTS !
BS- NO ! TOO MUCH MAGICAL SHIT !
* Harry waves wand . All appear at Hogwarts A.K.A. Hornywarts *
EC- Where's that sexy Dumbledore ? He always has enough of that viagra . One time, I had too much and my penis wouldn't get soft . * Suggestive glance towards Carly * So, Dumbledore took me to the nurse and she gave me condoms . Then, Dumbledore and the nurse fixed my little problem .
IWJB- Did you all know the Volturi are here ? They are in that corner planning something . It's kinda freaky . Let me go interview them . *IWJB walks over to Volturi * What are you planning ?
*Volturi guys cover themselves up with their robes and turn around *
Aro- Ummm... hello, young one . We weren't all getting handjobs from Jane . FYI .
IWSB- That kinda makes me want to have some fun... this beat is sick . I wanna take a ride on your disco stick .
RW- There is no music, hoe . What beat ?
IWSB- It's in my head .
RW- In your bed ?
IWSB- No, in my head . Like the song .
RW- Oh . I haven't heard that song in a while . I liked it .
HG- Yeah, me too . It's really catchy .
IWJB- This is an interview . Do you rememberrrrrrr ?
*Jay Sean , Lil Jon, and Sean Paul come by and sing Do You Remember?*
IWJB- STOP WITH THE DAMN SONGS !
Lil Jon- BRING IT BACK ! BRING IT BACK ! BRING IT BACK ! *Do You Remember referenced and they moonwalk back to where they came from *
IWJB- *stressed out * Harry , would you be a dear and take us back to the set ?
HP- MOST DEFINITELY ! I LOVE USING MAGIC WHILE UNDERAGED !
IWJB- Ohkkay, now that we are back and took that little adventure, shall we move on ? Emmett, what would I find in your bathroom right now ?
EM- … Sex toys … for me … not Rosalie … She keeps hers somewhere else .
IWJB- Interesting . Jasper . If you were a type of food, what would you be ? Please pick a human food and not the human food you're thinking of .
JH- I would have to pick tacos because they are all mexicany . I love Mexicans !
IWJB- NICE ! Rosalie, I hope this question won't upset you , but if you only had 8 years left to live, what would you do ?
RH- I would adopt a daughter . I would pick out a special one that is old enough to understand me and then raise her to have her own family .
IWJB- AWWWW ! That is sooo sweet ! Next ! Alice, what would you do if you won $20 million ?
AC- I would definitely go buy clothes, cars, and shoes .
IWJB- Is it possible that I could come with ?
AC- YEEEEEEEEEEEEES ! OHHHHH YES !
GW- That was kinda sexual...
IWJB- I agree … I also think the Volturi left … *looks out to audience to find everyone becoming newborns* hmmm … Well, I think it's about time to go . Thanks guys ! Come back next time !
COMMENT , RATE AND REVIEW, GUYS ! thanks(: hope you laughed a lot (: suggestions ? love you !
-jolie