Chapter 2 - Cow On The Loose On Aisle 21
*The next day*
I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.
AlicePOV
I gotta admitt, I am such a wonderful, genius pixie to think of this
one. I thought to myself as I sang along to TicToc by some drunk
chick, whatshername, (Ke$ha?) on our way to the nearest Wal-mart.
~now the party don't start till I walk in...~
Oh how true is that?
*10 minutes later*
We were all standing at the entrance of Walmart when a vision hit me
— Emmett was running around the store yelling his head off and had
a...lacy bra on his head...? — I shook that one aside, knowing
Emmett, it wasn't all that surprising...
"OKAY! Who's ready to have some fun?" Emmett roawred with a huge smile
on his face, causing an old (and when I said old, I meant ANCIENT)
woman to fall out of the bench she'd been sitting on and caught the
attention of a group of teenagers to gawk at us, Jared snickered.
"Hell yeah!" everyone shouted back, just as excited. I can't believe
even Carlisle and Esme agreed to this, but the more the merrier right?
"Kay so number one...'Scream random non-sense into the announcement
system.' who would like to do that?" I asked, all business.
"Ooh! Oooh! Pick me, pick me , pick MEEE!" Emmett hopped around
excitedly and waving his hands in the air like some eager first
grader. Altogether, he looked like he was doing he human "pee-pee dance"
I giggled and my jazzykinz wrapped his arms around my waist. "sure
Emmett, i'll go and distract an employee so you could use the
speaker." i've already seen this work, of course, but to make
everything more fun, I started singing the Barney theme song to block
my thoughts and to annoy Edward.
Edward groaned.
Haha, sucker.
Back to business, I walked up to a 20-something-year-old male employee
and got to work as my family and the pack hid behind some shelves to
watch the show.
EdwardPOV
"I wonder if Laurent will let me go home early today...I gotta get a
new job, this is a complete waste of time. Maybe I should work at a
club or something...hmmm..." the employee, James, thought as he stared
into space, not aware of alice approching him.
"Hello." Alice said brightly as she walked up to him, smiling the
"dazzle" kind of smile that we cullens use when we want to get
something.
"WOW! This chick is H. O. T! I wonder if she's single...? Hmm, maybe I
could take her to my place, my parents are out tonight..."
Jasper must've felt the lust rolling off of James because he started
to growl and thinking of ways to make sure James won't ever be able to
reproduce.
"the loser still lives with his parents" I whispered. Bella giggled,
and I marvaled at the beautiful sound.
All that took less then a second of course, and James stuttered,
"uh...hi, how may I help you ma'am?" pathetic, he was actually trying
to sound seductive.
Alice smiled again. "Im new here, would you mind showing me around a
little?" she fluttered her eyelashes at the poor guy.
"Wow, she's asking ME to show her around? I knew I had the charm!"
"yeah, sure no problem" then he WINKED at Alice! And off they went to
the opposite direction of where we were hiding.
Emmett carefully came out of our hiding place and went to the speaker,
trying to look totally at ease and pretending to be a walmart
employee, he picked up the phone. "this is gonna be good" he thought.
With an evil smirk on his face — "EVIL ALIEN COW ON AISLE 21!
Everyone stay calm-! hang on a sec, my girlfriend would like to know
if anyone has a tampon she could use?"
"WHAT?" Rosalie shrieked, probably doing permanent damage to my
sensitive vampire ears."Emmett I swear to god, no sex for a WEEK!"
Rosalie hissed angrily as the wolves burst out in hysterical laughter,
even Bella was laughing pretty hard, and I gotta admit, the look on
Rosalie's face, priceless!
"NOOOO! Rose! I can't live without jumping your bones...!"
Now THAT just made Rosalie even more angry than she already was
before. If she was human, her face would've been tomato red. Without
a word, she stomped over to Emmett - who by the way was still speaking
into the speaker- took the speaker from him, and growled in a deadly
dangerous voice. "Emmett. McCarthy. Cullen. I. Hope. You. Get. Eaten.
By. The. Evil. Alien. Cow!" and stomped off.