Chapter 2: A Suoer Sassy Manager
Next day, Eddie arrived at a building where he met a male secretary who drinks too much coffee.
"We-we-welcome, sir!" the make secretary greeted, shaking and twitching an eye "My name is Be-Be-Benny!"
"Hi, I'm Eddie Walker: I have an appointment with Jane E. Cooper. 11:00 A.M.?"
"O-okay!" Benny called Jane 'Ms. Cooper? Mr. Walker is he-he-here!"
The elevator was opened and Eddie went in. He arrived to the 6th floor where Jane's office is a typical fancy office with glass walls.
"Look who's there? The next Mel Gibson, but done much better!" Jane greeted.
"Ms. Cooper?" Eddie asked.
"Please, call me Jane, Ms. Cooper is what would Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory would be called if he was a woman. But, you surely know how to act like one, don't you?"
"Yeah, I don't really like talking about my crossdressing" Eddie commented.
"Don't worry, my fair lady boy. I've just got the perfect role for you. Have you seen the movie Taken with Liam Neeson?"
"Yeah, a couple of times. But after my daughter was born, I've never seen it again, because it makes me feel uncomfortable"
"Well, imagine turning this into a TV show!"
He gave him a script that says 'Misogyny No More'.
"'Misogyny No More'?"
"It's a dark criminal thriller about two young cops taking down an organization of human trafficking that mistreat women"
"Uh…there's literally millions of buddy cop movies and TV shows. Isn't this reductant?"
"Maybe at first sight, but there's a deeper meaning behind the protagonist: Jerry Smith. Not to be confused with the Rick and Morty character. A former wife beater who's framed for murdering his wife and he teams up with his partner Roy Reynolds, who also beats up his girlfriend to clean their names"
"Okay, this sounds like the biggest garbage I've ever heard. Who wrote this? Rian Johnson?"
He saw the name and…it was really Rian Johnson.
"Goddamn it"
"Just don't say anything about The Last Jedi and do anything he asks. You'll be fine"
"But, why would make a series where the protagonists are two misogynistic men in a show called 'Misogyny No More'?
"That's the show's core: they both use their toxic masculinity to fight back more toxic masculinity. Also, there's a point where Jerry will be dressed as a woman to infiltrate human trafficking and be faces the true cruel toxic masculinity. And there's a twist, but I won't spoil you"
"Okay, let me read the script and I'll think about it"
"You have three days to think. We're starting to shoot the first episode in a month"
"Thank you, Jane"
"No, thanks to you for giving me the chance to help a star, that's you"
Eddie got out of the office.
"I hope I have more luck than Mark when they fought Dylan fought in that Colosseum in Sakeer planet.
Flashback
We see Mark and Dylan fighting in a very simar fashion to Thor: Ragnarok.
"This was seriously the weirdest adventure we got yet" Mark commented.
Flashback's end
Eddie was once again talking with Meg about his new job.
"So, did you get the role?" Meg asked.
"Sorta, Jane told me this afternoon I'm gonna have some sort of cast, where I'll meet the creator of the series" Eddie explained.
"Sounds good! The name of the creator?" Meg asked.
"Ugh…Rian Johnson, the director of that really disappointing The Last Jedi movie"
"Come on, it wasn't that bad"
"Dear, I respect your opinion, but this movie is somehow worse than the prequels and this is coming from somebody who liked the prequels"
"At least you were kind enough on buying a Porg plushie for Gwen"
"Yeah, not matter how terrifying those hamster penguins are, our lovely daughter should be happy".
"See? I know you can do it. Oh, I gotta go pick up our princess to school. See you tomorrow, dear. I hope you get the role"
"See you tomorrow, love ya"
"Love you too"
Eddie hang up and he saw himself in the mirror.
"Ugh, why do I look so ugly? I need a makeover…"
In a montage, Eddie went to the mall where he went to several stores: he went to a boutique store to buy a red blouse, a blue skirt and black flaps. Then he went to a lingerie store to buy a set of a white satin bra and matching granny panties. Then he went to a saloon to wear make-up, shave his legs and putting on a brunette wig. He looked himself in the mirror and he now looks like a gorgeous looking woman.
"Much better!"
Later that day in a television studio called 'Cooper Productions', Jane was talking with the crew.
"All right, everyone! I've just brought a potential new star to join crew! You may know him, but this will be the first time you'll work for him" Jane explained "He'll be here any second.
Eddie finally arrived, who looked all feminized.
"Ugh, excuse me, lady, we already cast all the female characters" Jane said.
"Jane, it's me, Eddie…or should I say, Emma?" Eddie/Emma asked.
"What?! I told you to dress up the way you meet! You're playing a manly detective, not the love interest!"
"I didn't feel good for my looks, dressing up as a woman makes me feel better"
"Oh, for the love of Meryl Streep, just impress the director to get the role, okay?"
Rian Johnson finally showed.
"Hey, Cooper, did you bring my Jerry Smith?"
"Ugh…, you're looking right now"
"Hi, my name is Eddie Walker, but you can call me Emma" Eddie/Emma saluted.
"Wait, Eddie Walker is supposed to be a man. After all, Jerry Smith is a misogynistic man who's also transphobic…" Johnson commented.
"Good Lord, I'm screwed" Jane whispered.
"Which it's PERFECT!"
"Wait, what?"
"The fact that a transgender woman is playing against the complete opposite is the perfect way to subvert people's expectations. I mean, people expected Luke Skywalker to be a heroic Jedi and I turned himself into a moping asshole" Johnson said "Isn't The Last Jedi a masterpiece?"
Eddie/Emma just made a very forced smile that comes across as creepy.
"Yes, it's definitely better than Empire Strikes Back…"
"Thanks, now let's see what you got"
The scene was changed to an interrogation room.
"Okay, let's see how good you can improvise as an asshole cop. Action!" Johnson exclaimed.
"You cannot prove me that I'm guilty" Jane said, reading the script.
"Listen, you ugly bitch! I didn't spend three years kicking myself in college just for some worthless slut playing the victim card! All the women are the same, so you better tell me who's the dealer before I use your vagina as a corkscrew! Let's see if that you'll like it…"
"And cut! Magnificent!" Johnson praised.
"Are you sure? Wasn't a bit hammy?" Eddie/Emma asked.
"People expect this show to be subtle when it reality it's like an exploitation film. In fact, 'Misogyny: No More' is not subtle enough. I'm gonna just call it 'Jerry Smith'. An Emmy is mine…
"This is bullshit…" Eddie/Emma whispered.
"What?" Johnson asked.
"I mean, this will be a great show!"
"No, I don't want it to be great, I want to be called one of the best AND one of the worst shows ever made. Then blocking assholes who criticize my work because it feels SOOOO GOOD!"
"Does that mean he got the role?" Jane asked.
"Absolutely, we only need a co-star who will play Roy Reynolds and we'll start shooting in no time!"
"This is gonna suck more than Nostalgia Critic's Fallen Kingdom review" Eddie/Emma whispered, then he/she looked at us "Are you expecting a clip? No way, that garbage is beyond cringeworthy! So…here's some pictures of Gwen being cute"
Flashback
It showcased a slideshow of pictures of Gwen in cutesy situations: carrying a beach ball while wearing a pink swimsuit, dressing up as baby bear in a Goldilocks and the Three Bears school play and the last picture where she laughed at Chris and Peter who were dressed as clowns.
Flashback's End
Jane and Eddie/Emma had lunch in a restaurant to talk about the future of the show. Well, Jane was the one who was talking while Eddie/Emma was reading the script.
"This is perfect, now that you got the role, all you need is to give an awesome performance and your career will be secure" Jane said.
"Well, this is gonna be harder than I thought, because this script is total trash" Eddie/Emma commented "So many unnecessary twists that would make Shyamalan laugh, and don't get me start with the tone. There's a scene in the first episode where I brutally beat up my character's wife until she bleeds and right after that, I sat down to turn on the TV and watch Tom and Jerry?!"
"It's a metaphor that toxic masculinity is a like manchild. It refuses to grow up"
"I don't know if I can do this"
"Sweetheart, just like you, I had a humble origin" Jane said as she took out of picture of herself when she was a teenager: a typical 70's teenage girl with braces glasses and mop black hair "I wasn't the most popular girl of school. Until I started watching movies and I decided to change my attitude to seek for the best of the best. After I graduated from college of administration, I became a Hollywood manager, looking for raising starts and more than once became famous: Will Smith, Brendan Fraser, the kid from Home Alone and many more"
"All these actors?"
"I asked them to be anonymous about who used to work with"
"That didn't bother you?"
"As long they had a successful career, I'm happy"
"I still don't get it"
Then Jane started singing.
Jane:
Since I was a loser teenager I had a dream
My name in lights:
"Jane the Star Raising Seeker"
Got on a bus and came to the town where dreams can come true
It's gonna happen for me
It could happen for you
"Who? Me?" Eddie/Emma asked.
Jane stood up as she grabbed him/her the arm to make a tour while she kept singing. Of course, since they forgot to pay, the waiter followed them.
Jane:
You can do anything if you try
The most impossible dreams can come true
If you believe it!
This is my kinda town
It's as clear as the nose on your face!
This is the time!
This is the place!
This is the time!
This must be the place!
Then they jumped up a taxi, as the waiter just screamed of anger.
Jane:
Hollywood!
Where the streets are paved with gold!
Where the people never grow old!
In Hollywood!
They danced around the Chinese Theater.
Jane:
Hollywood!
Where the stars don't shine at night!
They walk around in the broad daylight
In Hollywood!
They visited the wax museum where they imagine their own faces in one of the statues.
Jane:
Dig that face
Ya ain't seen nothin' like it anyplace!
It's right up on the movie screen
If you know what I mean!
Then the next scene is dancing over the Hollywood letters.
Jane:
Look at me
I'm gonna make you a star to see!
You're goin' down in history
Just watch me!
The waiter from the restaurant continued looking for them. But every time he tried to catch them, he ended up in a bin trash.
Jane:
Hollywood!
Where the streets are paved with gold!
Where dreams can never grow old!
Right here in Hollywood!
As the song ended, Eddie/Emma started hardly breathing for the tour.
"Well, this was a big tour"
"Now you know, you won't regret working with me and if you do, I'm gonna eat some underpants!"
"Which one, yours?"
"No, that fat guy over there"
She pointed at a stinky overweight man eating a Subway sandwich.
"You really feel confident"
"Anything to help a rising star, see you in a few weeks"
Jane left as Eddie/Emma just looked at the script one more time and smiled.
"I think I got this"
End of the chapter
(A/E: Sorry for the wait, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the song which is Danny's Arrival from Cats Don't Dance, very underrated movie and I highly recommend it. See you next time!)