Here is the second chapter! Thank you so much for reading/favoriting/reviewing/following! It means a lot to me!
Hope you'll enjoy his second chapter! Cheers!
"Heyyy You're back early tonight!" Lena said, a warm smile adorning her face.
Stef couldn't shake off the panic. She couldn't talk just yet. She just smiled and dropped her duffle bag on the rack by the door. She moved towards her wife and messed with Jude's hair who was sitting at his usual spot in the kitchen; before kissing her wife and hugging her tightly.
"Everything ok?" Lena asked surprised. She returned the hug a moment after.
Lena was used to Stef bursting in the house, her ever so vibrant personality and happiness filling the house with bubbling energy. She would ask about her "babies" and kiss Lena softly.
Her silence was almost eerie.
"Yes. Long day. I'm gonna take a shower." She said flatly letting go of her wife.
Lena, Mariana and Jude looked at each other, intrigued.
"Why don't you two keep an eye on dinner and I'm gonna check up on mom okay?" She said, smiling for her children's sake.
"Sure" Jude and Mariana said, they were as surprised as their mom about Stef's behaviour.
When Lena entered the room she heard the water running, she moved towards the bathroom and stopped in her track, her hand on the doorknob. She could hear Stef sobbing. What had happen ?
Jesus knocked on the door
"Mama, Where's mom? I need to.."
Lena silenced Jesus with one look. She sent him away. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, she knocked softly and finally entered the room.
The sight in front of her shocked her. Stef was sitting on the floor of the shower. She was holding her knees tightly and was sobbing. Lena's heart sank. If she didn't act now she knew a panic attack would follow. She kicked her shoes off, removed her sweater and entered the shower.
Stef jumped when Lena touched her arm. She moved her and sat behind the soldier.
"Stef, you're ok. I'm here. You're alright. I love you". She held on tight and kept kissing her cheek, her hair, every part of her wife's body that she could reach. It was nothing they hadn't been through before.
"I can't. Lena. I can't. I won't. They can't."
"Shh. Not now. You need to breathe love. Look at me. Look at me! In. And out."
Stef turned her head and looked at her wife. Her wonderful, wonderful wife. What had Lena seen in her? Why did she pursue the relationship after learning she was going to war? Would she change her mind now? Would Stef lose her family?
"Stef. Honey you need to calm down. It's ok. Whatever it is you're fine. I'm here. You're home."
Stef closed her eyes and shifted so she could kneel in front of the beautiful woman she married. She rested her forehead against hers. Lena's hands were holding her. She was safe. Her breathing returned to normal.
It took fifteen minutes for Stef to open her eyes and stop crying.
"I got you all wet." She said, her voice raspy from crying so much.
Her wife snort-laughed in that cute way Stef loved, her hand was caressing her cheek softly. Lena kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose and finally, her lips.
"It doesn't matter.I love you." She said simply.
"The water's cold" Stef stated, not moving.
"I know."
They rose from the floor together a few minutes later. Helping each other. Lena wrapped a towel around her wife's scarred body, and another one around her hair. She had her sit on the bed as she dried herself and changed into sweatpants.
When Lena came back to the room Stef hadn't move. She was staring blankly at the wall. She moved slowly, made sure Stef heard her – she had learned that surprising a soldier suffering from PTST was a bad idea once, and would never make the same mistake again – she touched her shoulder soflty. She dried Stef's body with great care, dressed her in her comfiest PJ's and dried her hair. She massaged her scalp and grabbed the brush on their bedside table.
"Stef?" She tried, asking softly.
"I can't."
"What is it that you can't?" Lena had a good idea what was happening. But Stef had to say it.
"If I tell you. Then it's real." Stef said with a voice broken.
"Alright, I won't force you. Not tonight. Tonight it's just you and me, alright? But we'll talk in the morning.". The woman was as broken as her wife, but now wasn't the time to fall apart. She had to hold it together for now, she had to be there for Stef and for the children.
"Ok." Stef said flatly.
"Promise?"
"Promise".
"You want dinner?"
"No the kids..I don't want them to..I can't.'
"Ok ok Stef please calm down. Why don't you stay here, lay down for a bit I 'll go talk to the kids. They are worried about you."
"Tell them I love them. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Her head fell in her hands as she cried again.
Lena's heart broke once again. She Kissed her wife's forehead and hugged her."
"Shh, not tonight. It's just you and me, remember?"
" alright' Stef managed to say, though still unable to look at Lena's face.
"Is mom ok?" Jude asked, just as Lena entered the kitchen
All five children were in eating dinner together. Two plates were saved on the counter for their mothers.
"Mom had a rough day today."
"Is she...She's not?" Brandon asked, voicing the twins and his concern.
"I don't know yet. She won't talk about it. But she wants you all to know that she loves you and she's sorry for missing dinner tonight."
"She's what? What's happening?" Callie asked, worried.
"I don't want you to worry , mom had a long day and I need to go back and make sure she's okay tonight alright? Can you guys manage?" Lena said reassuringly, patting Jude's shoulders.
"Of course" Jesus said, holding Mariana's hand.
Lena kissed them all goodnight and grabbed the two plates with her before heading back to the bedroom.
"Brandon what's going on?!" Callie asked once her mother was out of sight.
Mariana was crying, Jesus had this terrified-puppy look on his face. Jude and Callie were confused.
"I think they're sending her back." Brandon said moving his food around his plate.
"Sending her where?"
"I don't know, Afghanistan. Iraq, wherever. Back to war". He said holding his tears.
"What?! No she's like a teacher here isn't she? Wasn't she wounded? they can't!"
"They do whatever they want! They don't care!I hate them!" Mariana cried, running up to her room.
Jesus followed her. Callie looked at Brandon with teary eyes, holding Jude's hand tightly.
"Like Mom said, we'll talk in the morning."
"hey love. I've got dinner."
"I'm sorry Lena."
"You should be, I've been cooking these for hours!" She said smiling, trying to lighten the mood.
"No. I mean yes that too but.."
"I know. But tonight, It's you and me."
Lena put the plates down and joined her wife in bed. She was going to do anything in her power to make Stef feel safe here with her, even if it was only for a night.
They laid there for some time, holding hands in silence.
"Why did you marry me?" Stef suddendly said, stroking Lena's hair absentmindedly
"Because I love you." Lena answered sweetly, kissing her wife's hair.
"I know but why?" She whispered, tears in her eyes.
"Why do I love you?" Lena asked surprised.
"No I mean... Yes."
"Stef, look at me. I married you because you are the love of my life. You make me feel loved and safe, I admire you. And none of this will ."
"Is it worth it?"
"What? Our beautiful life? Our wonderful family? Don't you think it's worth it?" She couldn't let Stef think that she could lose her family because of the army. She couldn't let her believe that she wasn't enough.
"Yes of course. Lena I'm just so sorry you have to be married to a soldier."
"Stef honey, I kew what I was getting into."
"Not at first." Stef said, recalling the early years of their relationship. Her first deployment had come as a surprise to the both of them. Lena hated guns and violence and her girlfriend was being sent to war. What a joke, Stef thought.
"You gave me a choice remember? You explained to me what being "an army wife" meant. And I chose you. I don't regret any of it." She said sincerely, hugging the blonde woman tightly.
"I love you so much". Stef finally said, returning the hug.
"Now less talking and less clothes." Lena said, lowering herself to Stef level and kissed her.
They spent the night making love to each other. Taking comfort in the other, nothing mattered but the warm bodies in this bed and their love for each other.
Stef opened her eyes at the crack of dawn. Her wife was cuddled against her, their limbs tangled. She smiled at the sight; curls were spread everywhere, Lena was smiling softly in her sleep.
Maybe they were going to be alright. She would go to Iraq, stay in camp and train recruits of both armies. She'd stay out of the line of fire. And Hopefully in a year, she would retire and look for a job that didn't involve being sent thousand of miles away from her family.
"Morning." Lena said, shifting closer.
"Morning sleepy head". Stef said, kissing the woman softly.
"Did you get some sleep?"
"I did, thanks to my wonderful wife."
"You'll have to introduce me".
"Nah you two would run away together"
Lena poked her wife in the ribs, laughing.
"So..." Stef said, sitting up.
"Yes?"
"I'm being sent to Iraq." Stef said, it was time to make it real.
Lena gasped. She knew it was happening. She had known as soon as she found her wife sobbing uncontrollably in the shower. But hearing it from her mouth did make it real. There was no more denial. They were taking Stef away from her into a war zone. She closed her eyes and sighed. Stef was still to fragile to handle her breaking down right now.
"I know." she said, her voice breaking.
They cuddled a little longer in the security of their bedroom. But it was time to go and face their children, they couldn't avoid it any longer.
"Ready?" Lena asked, extending her hand toward Stef.
"As ready as I'll ever be I guess."
They headed downstairs together, hoping for the best.
Thanks for reading you guys, it's means the world to me! Hope you liked this second chapter? :s I'm not exactly sure where this is going. So if you have any requests, don't hesitate! :)