AN: this chapter was written by HB xx enjoy…

Chapter 2

Niall POV

I hated him… I truly, truly hated him. How could he do this to me! Didn't he even stop to think how this would make me feel… I mean us feel.
Why would he care about how I feel? He ignored me when we weren't in interviews. We would play and laugh and hug and be silly when there were camera's around. As soon as they were gone, so was he. I meant nothing to him.

He could have at least thought about how Harry would have felt. I know that they like each other. There had been more than once when I had seen them making out at a back of a club. I pretended it didn't sting and I pretended it didn't break my heart but sometimes you just can't pretend.

At least Harry made him happy, and that's all I wanted for Louis. He could hate me all he wanted, he could be in love with Harry Styles all he wanted as long as he was happy.
But he wasn't happy. Otherwise I wouldn't be sitting in the hospital waiting room with Liam's arm around me and tears streaming down my cheeks at an ungodly rate.
It was the fans fault and I knew that. They ripped at him, but they ripped at all of us. I received hate every day. I just didn't listen to the smelly heads and all the poopoo that they sent me and Louis should be the same. They told him he was ugly and that he couldn't sing. They told him he shouldn't be in the band. But they could not be more wrong. Louis was unique. Louis was perfect. Louis was the most sensitive sincere boy in the world. I tried to tell him that during interviews as that was the only chance I ever had to explain.

As you probably guessed by now I was in love with Louis Tomlinson. I don't hide it very well. I don't even try too. I would love for him to know how much I care for him. But what's the point in telling him when it'll lead to my rejection? Don't get me wrong, I don't hate myself. I don't think I'm a bad guy. I know that I would be the best boyfriend that Louis could ever have. But he didn't like me, so what's the point?

I wanted to see him so bad. I wanted to tell him everything would be ok, to hold him and tell him I love him… but I knew I wouldn't. He wouldn't want to hear it. He hates me. He ignores me. It would probably only frustrate him if I declared my love for him.
I didn't like that I loved him. I didn't like that I was in love with someone I could never have. It would have been easier to be straight. But I wasn't. I had told the guys that from straight on. They had always known I was gay. You couldn't spend 2 weeks with 5 boys in a small summer house and not talk about these things.
They were all fine with it, like we were all fine about Louis being pan. The others all claimed to be completely straight, obviously that turned out to be a lie when I saw Harry and Louis in that club.

I had a pretty easy life growing up. My friends were supportive when I came out at 16 and they were even more supportive when I decided to go on the x factor. I grew up in a pretty small town in Mullingar in Ireland. I loved it there. It is the one place in the entire world where I truly felt I belonged.

Sure I belonged in One Direction. I had 3 best friends here. Liam and I were inseparable and I loved that boy to pieces. Maybe life would have been easier if I fell in love with him.
Liam knew about my love for Louis. One time I just couldn't pretend that it didn't hurt when I found him making out with Eleanor in a club. I stormed out, tears streaming down my face. Liam noticed me instantly and ran after me, wrapping me up in his arms and letting me cry into his shoulder. He understood and didn't judge. Nor did he ever tell Louis. He asks me about it sometimes to show he still cares. Asks why we're so distant and every time I reply with the same answer.

"Because Louis hates me… that's why he always ignores me." Then I change the subject before he could try to convince me otherwise.
I had been in love with Louis for a very long time. We were in line for the x factor. We had just been called back and were about to be put into a group. I stood next to him on the stage and my breath literally hitched when I first saw his beautiful face. His perfect blue eyes, framed by dark caramel colours hair and a grey beanie rested on his head.
We all sat in the waiting room. Nobody else was crying. Only me… I felt weak, but the guy I loved in there could be dying and only Liam understood.
A doctor walked out of the room and I shot out of my seat.
"He's stable." She said and we all sighed with relief. "You may go in and see him. He's awake but he may be a little delirious. You might only want to go in one at a time. Who wants to go first?"

We all looked around each other. Liam convinced everyone to let me go first and I wondered into the room wiping my tears to try and not look like I had been crying.
His head shot to look at me and looked away instantly. I then did two things that I promised myself I would never do. Firstly, I let tears fall down my cheeks. I cried in front of the boy I was in love with. The second, I walked over to Louis and enveloped him into a hug. I hugged Louis without cameras being around. I actually showed him some display of affection.
I expected him to reject it completely. I expected him to push me off him and tell me to get out. That he didn't want to hug me. That he didn't want me around. That he hated me. Instead, his arms wrapped back around me… He hugged me so tight and pulled me incredibly close. He buried his head into my neck and I felt his tears roll onto my shoulder.

We stayed like that for a while. Our first hug in over a year not in front of the cameras… I wanted to cherish it for as long as possible because I knew it would soon be over. He began to cry incredibly loudly. He was muttering something that I couldn't comprehend.
"Why?" I asked. It was the only word I could choke out.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry ok!" He carried on crying and I carried on holding him. I never wanted to let go. This felt so right to me, so perfect. I wanted to sit like this forever… well, maybe with Louis not crying, happy and my boyfriend, "I can't tell you why Ni…"
My breath hitched and more tears rolled down my cheeks. I hoped he didn't notice. He hadn't called me Ni since the x factor tour. It was his nickname for me and used to get angry whenever anyone else used it.

I didn't realise how much I missed it. I held him even tighter.
We eventually parted and stopped crying and he lay back down on the bed but his hand found mine and I gripped it tight. I sat on the side of his bed and looked down at the frail looking boy. He was shirtless as the duvet had slid down to reveal his toned chest.
There were burn marks on his chest where they must have had to use the paddles to restart his heart. I can't believe it. Louis… the most perfect, beautiful boy in the world had given up on himself and nearly killed himself. I could have started crying all over again but I needed to stay strong. Louis was looking up at me and I couldn't afford to cry in front of him again.

"Please tell me, Lou…" I muttered looking into his deep blue eyes. They looked so sad… so lifeless… It broke my heart.
"You don't understand Ni. I cannot tell you. I will never be able to tell you. I can't tell anyone. Just please don't pester me." He begged. I could see in his eyes that he meant it so I stopped.
"Ok… I won't pry. I understand that of all people you would not want to tell me. But can you promise me, not for me, I know that'll mean nothing to you, but at least for Harry and for Eleanor. I know it's hard… I know it's not something that you can just stop overnight. But please… Just try to stop. You mean a lot to a lot of people. Don't believe what some people say about you Lou… you are an amazing person. Don't give up on yourself… I'll never give up on you."

I couldn't look him in the eye throughout my whole speech. I didn't want to see his reaction. Honestly I was hoping he was too delirious to remember. Something told me he wasn't. But something also told me that when I left nothing will have changed between us. He will pretend nothing ever happened, and he'll go back to ignoring me.
I squeezed his hand and went to walk out of the room.

"I promise." I heard a croak behind me. I turned around to see him looking at me sadly. "I promise." He repeated. I nodded and walked out of the room to send the next person into see him.

AN: please review! Xx thanks xx