I Keep On Searching: Chapter 2
Cloud had no problems finding the cottage, since he had lived there for fifteen years of his life, but found it difficult to gather enough courage to knock on the door.
He knew he must have looked downright stupid just standing there on the front porch, with his right hand in a fist, raised and poised over the door threateningly.
But he just could not knock.
Because, how could just appear and burden his Ma with everything? Cloud remembered his mom in his childhood, constantly stressed because from terrible finances. No one ever offered to help Elizabeth Strife, the town's disgraced widow, either. Sometimes, the young Cloud saw that his mother was so stressed that he was afraid the lady might have a heart attack.
Undoubtedly, his Ma's life would have been a lot easier without him in it. Yet Mrs. Strife had never showered her son with anything but love. Pure, unconditional love and care.
So how could Cloud thank his mom, who now wasn't really his mom, by turning up on her doorstep as the grown version of her little boy. Cloud had no doubt that if he told Elizabeth Strife that he was her son, she would feel the responsibility to take him in and care for him as well and a good son would not put that on his mother.
No, it was Cloud's turn to take care of his Ma. Starting by killing Sephiroth. He wouldn't let his mother be killed. He would protect her this time around. He could help with the money problems as well.
Cloud quickly went back to the inn next to which Fenrir was parked and grabbed all of he had stored in the motorcycle, putting the paper notes into an extra plastic bag he always kept handy. Then he found a pen and some paper and started scribbling a note. (Yes, he had almost everything in his Fenrir. He was a delivery boy who spent half of his time on the road, much to the despair of Tifa and some of his other friends.)
Cloud wasn't sure what he'd write at first, but he soon realised what he wanted to tell his Ma.
The truth. I'm sorry. Thank you. I miss you, so much. In the end, she was still his mother, and Cloud wanted her to know the truth. It would be okay, wouldn't it? If Cloud didn't hang around to be a burden, if he helped her instead of harming her? Knowing his mother's pride and honesty, Cloud knew that she wouldn't accept gil that just so happened to appear on her doorstep. His Ma would probably turn it in to the corrupt police department who would then pocket the gil without so much of an investigation.
Dear Elizabeth Strife,
I'm Cloud Strife, I'm 26 years old, and I'm from the future. I'd like to say thank you. For taking care of me and loving me even though you had so many difficulties yourself. I also want to say that I'm sorry, for letting you die.
Cloud paused to consider what else he could write. He didn't have many memories of his childhood left. Other than the memories of his Ma's love for him, his childhood memories weren't very pleasant.
Because of the constant bullying.
Please accept this gil. Use to buy food for yourself and little Cloud so that he'll grow up to be a strong kid.
Cloud remembered that some nights, he and his Ma had to go hungry because of they simply had no money to buy food. Doctors he met later on told him that the mild malnutrition had stunted his growth severely. Bullies liked to pick on the small and weak ones, and if Cloud could save his younger self from that particular torment at least, he would.
So, just in case, he added.
Perhaps you might want to invest in lessons with Master Zangan for him as well. My younger self would definitely enjoy that when he grows up. I know I would have.
Cloud couldn't think of anything else he wanted to write, so he ended it there.
Please don't be a stranger. I miss you.
Love,
Cloud Strife
Cloud reread the short letter. The emotion he was suddenly feeling overwhelmed him and threatened to push him over the edge. Cloud could already feel the tears welling up in his eyes.
He blinked rapidly and tilted his head up, looking directly at the gleaming sun so that it hurt his eyes.
Now was not the time for a break down, Cloud Strife.
Would his Ma think the letter was a joke? Probably. But Cloud couldn't come up with anything better than this and he couldn't not do anything until he had figured out something better.
So before he could change his mind, Cloud slipped the note into the plastic bag full of gil and delivered it to the Strifes' mailbox.
Cloud then found a nearby tree to hide himself discreetly in, making sure that no one but his Ma would take the bag. He knew that Elizabeth Strife checked her mailbox daily, even though the she and her son never got any mail, and if they did, it was usually about overdue taxes and rents.
He spent the most part of the day in that tree. It wasn't until late five o'clock that his mom checked that mailbox. But Cloud didn't mind. Having nothing to do but sit and wait for once in a long time was refreshing and relaxing to Cloud.
The entire afternoon, Cloud had watched Elizabeth Strife play ball with her toddler son, his younger self, in their front garden and had chuckled as little Cloud jumped up to catch a ball that was a little over his head. Not only had his younger self missed, but had also fallen back and landed on his butt.
Who knew he was so adorable as a kid?
Nostalgia hit him hard and the urge to cry came back tenfold as Cloud remembered how his Ma had fussed over little Cloud who had starting crying.
It was good nostalgia though, as if he was reliving his most joyful memories.
How Cloud longed to be in his younger self's place at that moment. To be so naive, and carefree.
Cloud didn't realise until that point that he had almost forgotten, while continuously wallowing in his self pity, that this was what his childhood had been like. That someone, even if it was his Ma, had loved him so much to be worrying endlessly over something as trivial as scratch on his elbow.
:: It's a pity Sephiroth never had someone like that. ::
Cloud felt a pang of sadness. It was a pity, huh.
Giving as much money as he did to his mother, Cloud barely had enough for a satisfying dinner and realised that he definitely did not have enough to pay for his room.
"How can I earn some gil in these parts?" Cloud asked Tom Winderum once he had paid for his meal.
"Well, if you go to the town centre, they sometimes have odd jobs for you to do and you can make some gil from that, but it wont be much." Mr. Winderum said, frowning in thought. "You said that you're a swordsman though, right? If you think you can handle it, there's been a lot of monsters harassing Nibelheim lately and the mayor gives a damn good sum to anyone who can help with that. Plus theres always someone willing to useful monster droppings in the market place. I still suggest for you to go to the town centre, they'll tell you how much they'll pay you for what monster."
"Thanks, Tom." Cloud said gratefully.
He was also relieved to note that the scruffy man had dropped the 'Sir' and was talking in a way that was more like himself. Cloud reasoned that it was probably because he had told Mr. Winderum that he wasn't SOLDIER.
There was a lot of respect given to those who worked for Shinra, especially in small towns such as Nibelheim. It was one of the reasons Cloud had wanted to be a SOLDIER.
Cloud went to the town centre as Mr. Winderum had suggested, finding a notice saying that there was a pack of Nibel Wolves that came into the town sometimes and scared the people. One of the wolves had even bitten a little girl once. The town was willing to pay 1000 gil to anyone who would take care of the pack. I.E. Kill them.
Cloud figured that 1000 gil wasn't a lot, but it was better than nothing and told one of the receptionists that he'd take the mission.
He decided to go up Mt. Nibel on foot since Fenrir would hinder more than help if Cloud was tracking.
Cloud's experience with monsters and being on the road constantly made it easy for him to track the wolves and just an hour and a half later, Cloud found the pack in a cave, not too far up the mountain.
Just as easily, Cloud removed First Tsurugi from its sheathe and separated it into two. Then, Cloud sprinted into the cave.
The cave was dark but Cloud's mako-sensitized ears could make out where each wolf was and with just a few precise movements of his two blades, Cloud 'took care', as the town centre so elegantly put it, of the pack of 5 Nibel Wolves. Cloud picked up the Lucille Nuts the Nibel Wolves had dropped as proof that he had completed the mission and emerged from the cave again.
Cloud had done all that without breaking a sweat, and was about to make his way back down to Nibelheim when...
:: Isn't that the Shinra Mansion? ::
Cloud looked around. Yes it was!
He could barely make out the shape of the mansion in the dim moonlight but it wasn't far off. Strangely, Cloud felt a sudden urge to head towards the mansion and his legs subconsciously brought him closes and closer.
Cloud then remembered the resolution he had made that morning. Protect his mother. Kill Sephiroth, kill Hojo... and a couple of scientists. He was practically at the mansion's doorstep.
No time like present, he agreed with the urge, and walked a little faster.
Obviously, Cloud didn't just knock on the front door of the Shinra Mansion. He had some sense, even though this whole adventure made it seem like he didn't.
Instead, Cloud stealthily, or as stealthily as he could with a buster sword on his back, crawled through an open window on the second floor and thanked Gaia for his small build.
From past experiences in the mansion, Cloud knew that Hojo's lab was in the basement and was almost certain that Sephiroth was there.
Cloud glanced quickly at his watch. It was 9:24.
Yup, there was no way Hojo would pay his scientists so much and let them off work that early. Therefore, the basement was where Cloud had to go.
Strangely, Cloud made it to the basement without running into anyone and briefly, Cloud wondered where all the scientists he saw that morning had gone. Were they all down at the lab?
He got his answer soon enough, however, because peering through the door to the lab (being careful to stay out of sight of course) Cloud could see all four scientists and Hojo - the hatred that coursed through Cloud when his eyes landed on him was terrifying, and Cloud almost couldn't stop himself from going in there to kill the man at once.
To torture him like he had tortured Cloud. Like he had tortured Zack, Shelke and Vincent.
The lot was surrounding a naked young child with shoulder length silver hair and bright green eyes that were glistening with tears. The child had several needles in him, connected to various IV drips filled with goddess knows what.
The sight sickened Cloud to no end and he had to lean against a wall to steady himself. It was too much like the four years he'd spent in Hojo's care.
"Give him the fifth dose." Hojo's slimy voice ordered with glee. And if Cloud had thought the sight of the experiments done to Sephiroth sickened him, the sounds that came later... well.
Sephiroth's whimpers and sobs filled the air. "No! Please! Please stop sir! It hurts."
"Now, now boy, hush." Hojo said, sounding so ecstatic that Cloud could hear the grin in his voice.
"No! No! Please- ah!" Sephiroth screamed in agony.
Cloud didn't know whether it was his sympathy for the young boy or his hatred for the scientists that made him snap. He just knew that he couldn't just stand there and watch the torture. He tightened his grip on First Tsurugi and ran into the room, aiming for Hojo.
One point in his life, Cloud would've believed that it was an impossible fight; itsy bitsy him against five fully grown men and two SOLDIERs (guards that Cloud hadn't realised were there until now). However, it had been a long time since that point, and he was the one who saved the Planet from Sephiroth.
The fight wasn't a breeze, but wasn't enough to break a sweat either. Hojo went down first. Cloud felt a sense of elation at spearing the head scientist in the gut and slicing the man open. The two 2nd Class SOLDIERs then rushed forwards towards him, swords raised. But they were too slow in Clouds eyes, because anyone slower than Sephiroth was too slow to Cloud. Cloud split First Tsurugi into two blades as he did earlier that night and easily put the two out of action.
Cloud then heard the familiar sound of a gun shot and brought his smaller blade up just in time to slap away the bullet. He then threw it at the scientist with the gun, and it buried in the scientist's chest. Turning to the other three, Cloud sliced off the heads of two of them but stopped just a second before he could the third one.
"Please, please don't kill me!" The third scientist sank to his knees and pitifully begged. "I have a wife and a little girl back in Midgar!"
Fortunately for the scientist, Cloud recognised his voice as the one who said he felt guilty for what the group was doing that morning at the inn. Cloud held a blade at the man's throat.
"I didn't see you listening to the child's pleas," Cloud hissed venomously. "Why would I listen to yours? What is stopping me from doing to you, to your wife and your child what you have done to this one?"
"I couldn't have done anything! Hojo would've killed me! Everyone knows what happened to the Turk, Valentine! Please!"
Cloud regarded the sniveling scientist coldly and after a long few seconds, lowered his blade. He understood the scientist, sort of. Though he himself would rather die than inflict torture like that of Hojo's on a child, the scientist was a coward. Perhaps... perhaps Cloud could make use of him.
"Go back to Shinra Headquaters in Midgar, and tell them..." Cloud trailed off. Tell them what? What could be a reasonable explanation as to what had happened here? "Tell them a Nibel Dragon attacked the mansion, because Hojo had stole something from it. Tell them everyone is dead and Sephiroth is missing." Cloud would not leave Sephiroth's body around. The kid deserved a proper burial.
It was such a pathetic lie that it almost made Cloud laugh, but he honestly couldn't think of anything better at the moment.
"Go!" He said more forcefully, "Before I change my mind to spare your pathetic life! If you tell a single person what really happened here, I will hunt you down and what Sephiroth has gone through would seem like a vacation at Costa de Sol to you." He watched the scientist scurry out of the room before turning to do one last thing.
Sephiroth was still writhing in pain from his latest injection and seeing him the handsome young boy in so much pain like this, Cloud's heart clenched.
Cloud ignored the feeling, however, closed his eyes and raised his blade.
He couldn't let it fall.
Cloud breathed in deeply. Come on Strife. He's going to burn down Nibelheim. He's going to kill Aerith. Save the Planet again. Look at him, he's in pain, put him out of his misery. Kill him.
Yet, he still couldn't.
:: How could you even think about killing an innocent child? He has committed none of the crimes you accuse him of ::
That's right, Sephiroth was innocent. Look at him, Cloud Strife! He's is just a babe. How could you even think about killing an innocent child?
He has Jenova cells in him though, and as long as he has Jenova cells, he is a threat.
:: Do you not bear Jenova cells yourself Cloud Strife? ::
Cloud had almost forgotten that Hojo had injected him with Jenova cells. In that case, it would be extremely hypocritical of him to kill Sephiroth and not kill himself. But there was no reason for Cloud to kill himself as he was not affected by Jenova.
Or was he? What was this voice that infiltrated his mind, that he was so inconspicuous yet asking question that had directed what he had been doing for the past two days. Was the voice Jenova?
:: No I am not Jenova. I am here to help you. ::
The voice was clearer now that Cloud was consciously aware of it. It was almost a given that one should not listen to voices in one's head. Just like it was a given that one shouldn't talk to strangers. Yet, Cloud-
"You going to kill me, mister?" a small voice yanked Cloud out of his thoughts.
Whatever, the scientists had injected seemed to have worn off a bit and Sephiroth was now lucid enough to take in his surroundings. Sephiroth's sorrowful eyes gazed up at Cloud and it almost broke his heart. "Please kill me. It's so painful." The combination of the eyes and the voice did it. Oh Goddess, how could Cloud hurt the child any more now? He grip on his blade loosened and it dropped to the ground with a CLANG! that made Sephiroth flinch.
"Shh, I'm not going to kill you Sephiroth. I want to help you." Carefully, Cloud removed the needles that were attached to the boy and helped him sit up. What a lie, Cloud Strife. You are going to kill him. You have to.
:: No, you don't. You only have to kill Jenova. Anyone else would be pointless, heartless killing. Including Sephiroth. :: Cloud glanced at a door to his left that he knew led deeper into the lab to Jenova.
Perhaps if he destroyed the alien calamity. He really wouldn't have to kill Sephiroth. Cloud didn't like to kill unless he had to and though he had been through countless of battles, he had yet to kill a guiltless child and was not looking forward to start. Maybe, if Cloud eliminated Jenova once and for all... Sephiroth would be okay.
:: He could lead the good life he never had. He could have a childhood every child should. He could learn to love ::
Him.
"I'm going to-" Sephiroth gasped before vomiting all over himself. Cloud wrinkled his nose as his mako-enhanced senses picked up on the smell, but he ignored it, held Sephiroth's hair back and rubbed his back as Sephiroth threw up again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" Sephiroth said, immediately contrite when he was done. "I'll clean it up-"
"It's okay, we're getting out of here anyway." He would come back for Jenova and Vincent later.
Cloud shed his jacket and pulled it around the boy. "Can you walk?"
Sephiroth nodded determinedly and slowly slid off the table. However, Cloud had to catch him before could slide straight down to the floor.
"I'm sorry!" Sephiroth said fearfully, "My legs feel all wobbly, like jelly." Cloud laughed softly at how beautifully childish that had sounded. And it had come out of Sephiroth's mouth!
"It's okay," Cloud repeated and picked the slim boy up and carried him in his arms. Sephiroth put an arm around Cloud shoulders and rested his head in the small of his neck. Cloud then left the Shinra Mansion.
Thinking of what he had done, Cloud wanted nothing more than to leave Nibelheim. There was no doubt that he would be the most likely suspect, if Shinra didn't believe the scientist's story.
But he didn't have to leave immediately; it would take the scientist a while to reach Midgar and if Cloud remembered correctly, no one in Nibelheim liked going up to the Shinra Mansion.
Yes, he would stay for maybe a couple more days. There were still a few things Cloud had to do back at the mansion, namely release Vincent and destroy all traces of Hojo's work, as well as Jenova, so that no one else would be able to follow that mad scientist's path.
When Cloud reached the inn, and saw that all the lights were off and that no one was in sight, he realised how late it was. With that realisation, came a sudden weariness. But he shook his head violently in an attempt to shake off the fatigue and walked up the stairs and to his room. Seeing the soft, lush bed, his tiredness came back tenfold, but with astounding will power, Cloud fought it off and carried Sephiroth in the bathroom, setting him in the bathtub.
Sephiroth had fallen asleep in Cloud's arms on the way down the mountain so Cloud shook him slightly to wake him. "Sephiroth!" he called softly. "Wake up."
Sephiroth's eyes opened slowly, filled with apprehension when they landed on Cloud. "Who are you?"
"I'm Cloud Strife." Cloud said and then winced at his own thoughtlessness, remembering the name he had given Mr. Winderum, and added, "But everyone here calls me Christen. Do you still remember what happened?"
Sephiroth frowned in thought, and then nodded. "You saved me, right Cloud?"
Cloud laughed quietly, a tad bitterly. "I suppose so." Considering he was still considering becoming the boy's murderer, the question that had come from Sephiroth sounded absurd. "Come on Sephiroth, you need a bath."
Without waiting for a response, Cloud turned on the water, waited for it to heat up before rinsing Sephiroth's body with it. The awkward silence was getting to Cloud, so he said, hoping for some conversation,
"Tell me about yourself Sephiroth."
"Um. I'm 11 years old, and my favourite food is chocolate chip cookies. But I hardly ever get them, because Professor Hojo says its fattening, and I'm only allowed them if I do very very well in the physical tests." Sephiroth frowned, "Uh, there's not much to tell about myself actually. If you want to know more, you can read all the files the Professors have on me, but there's nothing interesting about me really."
"I'm sure there's plenty interesting about you Sephiroth." Cloud assured him as he worked on the child's matted silver hair. Since it was customary to share something about yourself when someone else had just done the same, Cloud said, "I'm 26 and I'm a mercenary." Would Sephiroth know what a mercenary was? Probably
Sephiroth's intelligence obviously did not fail him, and the boy nodded in understanding.
There was another long silence.
"Why did you help me?"
This question surprised Cloud who found that he didn't really know how to answer, so he countered it with a question of his own. "Didn't you want me to help you?"
"Of course I did! But... I'm not worth the trouble I'm going to give you sir," Sephiroth said quietly.
Hearing Sephiroth say that, Cloud's heart went out to him. Cloud knew that if he didn't summon up the resolve to kill Sephiroth now, he would never be able to, if he was already this attached to the child.
So was Cloud going to kill him now?
No
:: No ::
"You're worth everything, Sephiroth," Cloud told the boy sternly. "Don't ever think otherwise."
With that statement hanging in the air, Cloud finished washing up Sephiroth (and his coat that reeked of vomit), dried his hair, put him in bed, and fell asleep next to the boy.
I hope you enjoyed this and again please review and tell me what you think and how I can improve! Thanks to reviewers of the last chapter and those who are following my story. I am really sorry but I am soooo busy with IB, so the next time I update might be years from now.
Golden feathers Edward: Thanks for reviewing! Its been years since I touched the game and the movie, nothing I have in my head right now about FFVII is reliable. I tried doing some research but I'm still not quite sure which facts I got wrong... care to give me a hint?
Ashlan: Thanks so much for your encouragement! This chapter is slightly longer :) Lol no, I just saw your review so I couldn't take it into account this time, but I'll try my best to make the next one longer.