Disclaimer: I don't own . Rowling…She does.
It's quiet outside. Peaceful. Silent.
I've never really learned to appreciate silence but things are different now. I need it to think and so, it's bearable.
Sitting at the edge of the lake, I throw rocks that make a loud splash before sinking in.
I was being watched. We all were.
I'm sure of it, with every fiber of my being.
And the thing is, when enough people tell me that I'm wrong, I usually end up believing them. I usually forget about my instincts and ignore what my guts tell me.
Not this time, though. This time, it's so much bigger than me.
It's like this is a book and someone's turning the pages. It's like this is one of those series thingy muggles watch and we're the actors. It's like it's a big huge exhibition and we're inside the cage and we don't even know it. And people are passing us by, watching us, laughing when it's funny, crying when it's not and rooting for their favorites along the way.
"Are you deaf, Weasley, in addition of being stupid?"
I snap out of my thoughts to find Draco Malfoy standing in front of me, sneer in place.
"What?"
"I called you three times. I strongly dislike being kept waiting"
I sigh.
"Malfoy, I am not in the mood for you."
It's true.
"So, what do you want?"
He stares at me for a couple of seconds. The seconds become a minute and then stretch out to two. He stares for so long I start having goose bumps, fidgeting and, really, what's the matter with him? It's just plain weird.
"What??" I snap when I can't take it anymore. "Just…What?"
And then, happens the last thing I could've ever expected.
"We're being watched" he says.
And I'm so happy, so fucking relieved that I don't even care that it's Malfoy.
I think my voice shakes with emotion when I say:
"Yeah…we are."
-
Draco Malfoy has always been my rival, if not enemy. "Hate" would be enough to define our otherwise non existing relationship.
It doesn't matter, not anymore.
As surreal as it may sound, even to my own ears, he's now my ally on this.
And that's enough for me to accept redefining said non existing relationship…
…'Cause he believes me when Harry just rolls his eyes and Hermione gives me lectures…
He's now my only ally. And no, Luna does not count.
"Now, what?" I ask.
"Now, we figure out who's doing the watching."
As if I hadn't thought of that before. But that doesn't matter, 'cause before, it was just me. It was me and my thoughts and that feeling I chose to trust and it didn't matter, 'cause after all was said and done, it was just me.
Now, he's here too. And in the pit of his being, the exact same feeling.
"How?" I ask.
"You really are clueless, aren't you Weasel?"
Asshole.
We head to the library. We'll start researching, he says, walking in long strides.
I follow.
When we come in, we run into Hermione. I'm not surprised; the library is her sanctuary. She looks shocked; whether it is because I actually set foot in the library or because of the company whom I came in with is still to be determined.
I spare her a smile and follow Malfoy further inside.
The thing is I'm not the only one who's clueless. He doesn't know which sections to check for the right books. Hell, he doesn't even know what are the right books.
And neither do I.
We spend a couple of minutes looking around, lost. Well, I look lost; he actually manages to make himself look busy looking for something specific. Head held high like that, he looks like a peacock with diarrhea, if you ask me…He doesn't.
He throws a seething glare towards me and I shrug.
We part ways, he comes back with a pile of books in his arms. I come back with none.
"Idiot."
He throws one of his books at me.
"Start looking."
We sit together at a table and he immediately opens a huge book and delves right in.
I take time to read the title of my book. "Watched" it says, and I can already tell that I won't find anything worthy of my time in it but I still open the first page.
I was right.
It's about how the eyes of others set upon you effect you…How it makes you feel like you need to meet their expectations and wear a mask to be whom you're supposed to be, whom you're not…Quotes from Sartre and other philosophers, muggles and wizards alike…
And though I find myself agreeing with some of what's written, it doesn't get me far with my research.
"This is crap." I tell Malfoy.
He looks up and glares.
"Right. I'll go find myself an other one, then." I say, somewhat sheepishly.
He glares harder so I go.
It's weird, you know. That Malfoy and I would know when no one else does and that Malfoy,of all people, would believe me. Well, he did say that it had nothing to do with me, that he had had the same feeling that something wasn't right…never was…
He also said that I was stupid.
-
It becomes a ritual, of sort. Everyday, after the courses are over, Malfoy and I meet at the library, pick up books and sit together.
No progress is made.
The really weird thing though is that Malfoy keeps trying to make conversation. And positively sucks at it.
It started in our third "study" session with an innocent:
"Call me Draco"
"Why?" I ask, puzzled.
"No need for formality" he answers.
"Why?"
"…"
He seems to be chocking on his insults, swallowing them before they see light. Why is he trying so hard to be pleasant to me anyway?
Maybe he sees me as his only ally too. Maybe his friends/followers didn't believe him either. Maybe he's just trying to be nice… and maybe I should too…
"Forget it" he says, finally.
"You can call me Ron" I say.
A nod. I don't smile but I want to.
After that, he starts asking me about my day. It's never direct and he always manages to decorate his inquiry with colorful insults, but…inquiry there is where there shouldn't be in the first place. He often complains about his day too. And asks questions, offhandedly, as if it doesn't matter. Asks about my favorite quidditch teams, "those losers", how I spend my time, "with scarehead and the muddblood, huh?" and my favorite food, "I bet it's chocolate".
"It's not chocolate"
"Don't you like chocolate?"
"That's not what I said; I love chocolate"
Next thing I know, he throws something at my face.
"You assh…!!!!"
Yes, it's chocolate.
-
In the meanwhile, our research is not going far. I try and try and read all the books I suspect of being remotely close to what we're experiencing…to no avail. There aren't many books that could have much to do with it, anyway. That's why I find it a bit strange that Draco is always swamped in a pile of books when I have to spend the first twenty minutes or so looking for a book that looks promising enough. What more is, he doesn't even let me take a look at the books he chooses to read…
"Hogsmeade weekend is coming up."
He says it as if it doesn't matter, as if it's only to fill the silence.
Except that Draco Malfoy never says anything just to fill the silence. And sure enough, when I look up, he's peeking at me from the corner of his eyes. His eyes are gray gray…
"I know."
"Well?"
He sounds annoyed. I wonder why…
"Well what?"
He sighs and rolls his eyes, as if to say "you're hopeless".
"Well…will you be there?"
"I don't know. Why?"
If looks could kill…Why is he so mad at me, anyway? Am I missing something?
Oh.
"Oh!"
He shakes his head as realization downs.
"You're asking me if I'll be there…so that we could…um…meet? Right?"
A nod.
He wants to be friends! He just couldn't say so, seeing as he's socially constipated and all…Oh well, I think it's sweet. And frankly, I don't mind. If he's my ally, he can be my friend… I even tell him so…
"You can be my friend."
My smile is genuine and, really, I don't understand why he snaps his book shut and storms out.
He forgets a book, though. I pick it up, read the title, and it's like a hit in the chest.
"Paranoia" it says.