Forgive and….even…..Forget?
Chapter Two
Sam was way too confused at that moment but he kept silent. He knew he should act maturely for the first time in a long time at least for Peter's sake. The green-eyed teen sighed and followed his leader without asking any questions. He was as silent as a rock but inside he was a huge mess of thoughts and feelings which were mixed together in a very bad way. He pitied Peter yet he was angry at him at the same time. He wanted to hug and maybe even kiss him but he would deny the latter even if the goblin had found out his identity and was going to kill all of his friends if he did not let the cat out of the bag and betrayed his friends revealing their true identities as well and yet….he wanted to punch the web slinger so badly for making the others worry so much, his hands itched. His heart was racing because of the anticipation yet it was aching because of what Peter and aunt May had gone through, though Sam had endured pain that could rival theirs as well.
The teen's thoughts then drifted to a dark and hallow place where only pain and suffering ruled. Tears formed at the edges of Sam's beautiful forest green eyes and he quickly wiped them away. He did not need to feel this right now and most of all – he could not let Peter see him like this for he would think Nova was pitying him which was the last thing the black-haired teen was feeling right now. Sam recalled every single happy moment he had spent with his previous and current team to forget about the sorrow his heart was facing to no avail. All of his efforts were in vain. He could not stop the aching of his heart or its breaking into half again. Sam clenched the fabric of his jacket and felt his chest rip apart. The pain was so unbearable it felt as thought a dagger was tearing it apart and his heart was wide open for any assault. And the worst part of it was that only one little touch could break it making it shatter into a million tiny little pieces which could never be put back together ever again. Agony and misery were clouding Sam's breathtaking eyes and sadly for Peter they were as clear as day. The broken teen felt so down-hearted he was desperate. If someone offered him a chance to see them and ask them why, he would gladly sacrifice the remainder of his life here on earth to receive that one, unfortunately impossible, chance.
Sam knew it was going over the edge and far too extreme but he was also desperate and if anyone besides him and a few of his previous teammates knew this, they would gladly do anything to help him and grant him this simple yet strange and unreasonable wish.
"Here it is." Peter whispered.
These words broke Sam out of his reverie. He looked up to see a beautiful old willow tree which was casting a shadow over a…..grave. Sam gulped and looked at Peter with a questioning glance. The web slinger glanced at him and then his gaze was fixed onto Sam's eyes. Then blue eyes traveled downward and finally reached their desired destination – Sam's lips. The poor green-eyed teen gulped again and breathed in heavily for he was feeling the pressure of his companion's intense gaze. Then Peter's eyes went up again and met with Sam's eyes. Stormy sea met with dark forest. Both said nothing. They just admired the other's handsome features and especially the other's outstanding eyes. Sam gasped when the storms ceased and were replaced by a color which could rival the beauty and peacefulness of the clear blue sky during summer days. Peter just frowned at what he saw in his friend's eyes but decided to let it go. He dismissed the ache his heart felt because of the fact that the one he loved was in pain and said, "This is my uncle's grave and I come here every single time I miss him particularly during winter holidays when his absence is most felt."
Sam nodded but then frowned when he saw the sadness and guilt in Peter's breathtaking blue eyes. He hated when the light and cheerfulness from them was gone or their playfulness and happiness only to be replaced by darkness and sadness or confusion and despair. Misery could also be read in them and that undying feeling that Peter was to blame for Benjamin Parker's death which Peter constantly tortured himself with. The former were unappreciated and unneeded and had no place in Peter's eyes most of the time but right now they were understandable and Sam knew why they were present in his friend's gaze. The latter, though, made his blood boil. He was not only angry, he was actually furious and he was failing at trying to hide it. Sam could not always hide his feelings or emotions and no matter how much he tried, this time the fury prevailed over the compassion and understanding for Peter's situation.
Sam walked over to the grave and Peter followed desperately trying to match his friend's quick pace. Once they were near the place where Spiderman's uncle was buried, Sam turned around and grabbed his leader by the shoulders. Nova looked him directly in the eye. They remained in that position for a couple of minutes, and then Sam sighed and looked down while his grip on the blue-eyed teen's shoulders loosened. Peter was confused but soon realized why his friend had looked down. He was crying. Peter wanted to reach out and do something – hug him, kiss him, caress his cheek, brush away the tears, hold on to him tightly, tell him so, so many things – do anything….just to comfort him. It was heartbreaking seeing how broken the person he loved was. Peter wanted to do so many things but did not get the chance to for Sam quickly looked up and brushed them away himself. He smiled and then did something that surprised Peter. He hugged him.
Peter relished in the feeling of his friend's warmth. He smelled the fragrance which was Sam. He knew his friend wore no cologne or perfume and it was still astounding how he could smell so darn good. It reminded him of that distant summer which he spent with his whole family. A tropical island and he could not help but smile at that memory.
Suddenly he started crying. Peter could not understand why but apparently Sam did because he went back and his eyes locked with Peter's. He brushed away the tears and smiled, though his forest green eyes were still red and puffy. Now they both had signatures that they missed someone. Peter could not believe it and then Sam sighed.
"If he could see you now, Peter, I'm sure he would be proud of you." Sam said which only made Peter angry yet a bit thankful that Sam was trying to cheer him up. The blue-eyed teen huffed and asked, "How are you so sure, Bucket-head?"
Sam smirked at the use of his nickname, though he was a bit sad that Peter had not addressed him with his name.
The only thing they ever gave me. Hah, I sure am pathetic. Oh, if they could see me now… what would they think of me?
Sam shook his head and that earned him a questioning and concerned glance from Peter but the green-eyed teen saw it and waved with his hand. He then moved away from his friend and stared at the grave. He smiled and continued, "Because no matter how many times you are dense to those around you, you do anything in order to make them happy. Because you would never hurt someone deliberately and if you ever drive someone to the edge, it will surely be unintentionally. Hell! You even let the person that killed your uncle live only because you knew that it was the right thing to do. You're kind, compassionate, a goody two-shoes that would some day suffer because of it, I'm sure. Because you've devoted your life to serving a town which does not deserve you, Peter. You are Spiderman. You save lives! You
put yourself in danger every damn day and what do you receive in return for that, huh? What do you get in return for all the blood you've lost, for every hit you've taken, for every wound, bruise or cut, for every hit on the head, for every sleepless night, huh?"
Sam nearly screamed the last part and raised his hands in exasperation because Peter was confused and mainly because there was still a hint of guilt in his eyes.
Damn him and his too kind for his own fucking good heart! What am I going to do with you Peter?! You sure will be the death of me…
Sam sighed and turned around in order to face Peter completely.
"Nothing." He said.
"Nothing but spiteful comments from ignorant citizens who only follow every single word J Jonah Jamison says who by the way is even more stupid than them." Sam continued earning a chuckle from Peter who was now smiling knowing that Sam was aiming at that, though that little damn light of guilt was still present in the web slinger's clear blue eyes. Sam sighed in frustration and went to Peter placing both hands on either side of his face. The teen then said, "Hey, everyone knows that if you could change something, you would, but…..you can't revive the dead, Peter and you sure as hell can't change the past. So stop blaming yourself for somebody else's actions, okay?"
Peter smiled and nodded but then after that warming moment a question suddenly popped up into his head.
" Wait, since when do you care about me, Bucket-head? And….since when do you fucking cry?! For crying out loud you would not be caught dead hugging people and crying for them! You were not, are not and sure as hell never will be the sentimental type!"
Peter was going to rant on about how uncharacteristically Sam had been acting but to his surprise, Sam did something no one, not even Peter could've ever predicted he would do – Sam kissed him.
It was simple kiss on the lips. There no tongues, no teeth, no devouring the other's mouth. Just a gentle peck on the lips, though for Peter it was a lot more. It was sign that his feelings might be reciprocated. It was still too hard to believe it because Sam had removed his lips away from Peter's too quickly for the blue-eyed teen to get enough proof…
…or a good taste of him.
Huh! Who or what are you?
I am you.
How can you be me?
I simply am. I am your inner voice, inner persona, inner you, other you and so on, and so on. Need I go on?
N-no, but how…I…I don't believe this! This is irrational and illogical! It just does not make any sense!
Easy there, tiger. I-
Don't use the stupid nickname MJ gave me!
Alright, alright, I will not. I can prove it to you, though.
Prove what?
That I am you, though judging by how you follow it is hard to think that you were gifted with intelligence and not I.
W-what! That's just…
Can you not think of any solid comeback or at least suitable words that would make me, how do you say it – shut the fuck up?
Great, my inner is a philosopher.
I believe I gave you no reason to think of me as a philosopher.
Dude, the way you speak is enough.
* sighs * Young people these days. Fine, I shall talk to you the way you interact with your friends. How does that sound?
It sounds good to me.
Alright. Where was I? Ah, yes. I was about to prove to you that I actually could be considered a replica of you, correct?
I guess…
Remember that time when Sam had lost a game and the way he was pouting was so cute you wanted not only to hug him and kiss him but also maybe to-
Alright, alright, alright, alright! I get it! You are me! Now can you just get the hell out of here!
Your head, you mean?
Yes.
I can do no such thing.
Why not?!
Because you were the one who sought my help.
I did no such thing. Great now I'm even talking like you.
As I said we are one and the same person, though I am the more handsome and intelligent one.
Don't forget modest as well.
That is by far the least funny joke I have ever heard.
Yeah, yeah, just get on with so I can go back and…
Do what? Kiss Sam the way you've always wanted to and maybe even go further.
W-w-what?! H-how did you?! W-w-when did you?!
Listen, Peter. You called me here because you were confused by the one who is most dear to you or rather his actions. I am by no means here to bewilder you or cause you any harm. I only want to make things clearer for you.
Yeah um…ok but how will you do that?
Simply by asking you this – do you love him?
Yes, I do.
And what was the feeling when he kissed you?
Like Christmas and my birthday together with Uncle Ben there.
I think you already know your answer.
But how can I?
- Silence –
Hey, inner! I thought you were supposed to help me!
- Silence –
You only made things even more complicated.
Ask Sam how he felt and why he was crying.
What?
- Silence –
I can't just ask him that. It is far too personal.
- Silence –
Yet, I did open up to him a little. And he can see right through my masks and fake attempts at trying to deceive everyone.
- Silence –
Maybe I should try and talk to him more and become closer with him.
- Silence –
And maybe with a little luck he might actually do the same.
- Silence –
I mean I fell in love with him so… there could be a chance that he might fall for me, right?
Took you long enough to realize that!
Why, you?!
" Peter." A distant voice called. Then a hand suddenly started waving at his face and Peter grabbed it and jerked it away making Sam tense. The green-eyed teen's hand had stiffened but soon relaxed and he appeared to be relishing in the warmth that just always seemed to radiate from Peter's hands. Sam blushed a bit and tried to look away but Peter quickly grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look into his damn perfect bright blue eyes. His stormy orbs now held determination that scared Nova and he wanted desperately to escape. He regretted kissing the teen. He regretted coming here. He regretted everything that happened. His brain was already a jumbled mess of thoughts but all of them turned to mush when he felt soft lips touch his. Again it was shy and gentle. Peter kissed him so softly and carefully as though if he pushed harder or even leaned in an inch, then Sam would shatter into a million pieces.
The action caused the brown-haired teen to blush. His face was hot but he did not care. He just wanted, no, needed to kiss Sam and he was surprised but in a positive way by the results. Sam was blushing as much as he was. The green-eyed teen's cheeks could rival the redness of a tomato. And Peter could not help but laugh. The action earned him a glare from his companion but that soon disappeared and was followed by a beautiful smile.
Peter suddenly stopped laughing and stared at Sam. The breathtaking smile made him think of Sam in a different way. Though Spiderman had considered his crush cute and maybe even handsome, he had never imagined a day would come when he would think of someone gorgeous or maybe even divine. Peter laughed slightly at his thoughts and grabbed Sam's cheek drawing his attention. The teens smiled at each other and leaned in for another kiss.
This one, though, was hot and wet. As soon as their lips touched each other there was fire between them. Peter quickly used his tongue to pry open his friend's mouth. He devoured each and every inch of the other's warm mouth relishing in the taste which was so Sam. He had dreamt of this moment so many, many times but reality did not even come close to his bravest dreams. Reality was a lot more intense and a lot more dare he say it enjoyable.
To Peter's surprise Sam moaned but as soon as that sound had coursed through the green-eyed teen's body was there something hot and wet against the web slinger's tongue. There was a battle for dominance. Of course, before the winner could be determined, they had parted for none of them could last any longer.
Damn the need for oxygen.
That was the only thing running through both of their minds. For the first time did they agree on something. The next thing that followed was an awkward silence. Luckily for both of them Peter managed to recollect himself and speak.
"I promise I will not ever make you worry like that again or anyone for that matter."
Sam just smiled and nodded earning the former action from Peter. The blue-eyed teen reached out his hand and touched Sam's gently caressing it.
"I'm sorry. I never knew I caused everyone so much trouble."
Damn there goes his stupid goody two shoes- ness again.
You know you love it.
Not you again!
"Hey Sam."
"Y-yeah."
"Why did you cry? It was not for me that I know for sure." Peter said hesitantly.
Sam sighed and felt tears staining his eyes again. He brushed them away quickly and clenched his fists. Peter felt terrible for asking such a question but then Sam smiled sadly and asked, "Do you know what it's like when you fear that a faceless enemy might bury you?"
Peter had no time to answer because Sam continued, "I hate it, you know. No matter how much I try to forget about it these mixed emotions always come back to me especially on Christmas."
Sam stopped because the tears spilled from his eyes and he choked on his words. He quickly brushed them away, though, and added, " I am angry at them yet I miss them. I wish I hated them yet I can't help imagining what it would be like if, if, if they were here, if they had not abandoned me."
The poor black-haired teen choked on his words but this time he could not go on and that enough a sign for Peter to go to him and hug him. He rocked Sam who clutched the fabric of his shirt desperately and soaked it with his tears. Though it was extremely cold outside, Peter did not mind getting his shirt wet. For Sam he would do anything if it would help him.
After a few minutes Sam calmed down. And Peter reluctantly loosened his grip around his shoulders and went back. He looked into the green eyes that he adored and loved so much and gasped when he saw how red they were. His saddened expression managed to make Sam smile and say, "If you think I look bad, try looking at a mirror, Web-head."
There it was that playfulness and teasing and that stupid, annoying as hell nickname which was just so Sam. Peter smiled and surprised Sam by kissing him on the cheek and countering with the words, "I might be red from crying, but you, on the other hand, are red not only from crying, but also from embarrassment."
"W-what? That is not true!" Sam screamed and withdrew his hands from Peter and looked down pouting but even then he looked way too cute and made the web slinger chuckle lightly at how childish his companion could be sometimes.
"Glad to see I can make you blush, Bucket-head." Peter said smirking proudly.
" What?!" Sam choked on his words again. This time he was red from anger, embarrassment and he was blushing. He looked too cute again but soon his cuteness disappeared for he had decided that it would be fun to turn into Nova and shoot at Peter. The web slinger had so little time to put on his costume that it was unbelievable he managed.
The next few hours were spent in chasing each other and playing with the snow which had started to rain a few seconds after their chase had begun. Sam and Peter had a wonderful time but their fun was soon over for they knew they had to go home and assure everyone that they were alright.
The teens quickly changed into their everyday attire but Peter had a question to ask which he did, "Was it your family that abandoned you?"
Sam sighed and nodded. Dreadful silence filled the air once again but this time Sam broke it with the words, "Forgiving is easy but forgetting is something I think is the hardest thing to do."
Peter nodded understanding what his friend meant and said, " I think I can forgive myself and stop blaming myself for uncle Ben's death but….forgetting is something…"
"You do not think you can ever do." Sam finished for Peter who just smiled thankful for the understanding and help.
"Yeah. Um…" Peter started but was hesitant to finish.
Sam sighed in frustration and almost yelled, "What now is bugging you?!"
Peter just sighed and said while blushing a bit, "You know I love you, Sam, right?"
Sam just looked shocked and nodded not trusting his voice to say the four magical words to show that he too felt it.
Where the hell did that come from?
Awwww, Sam, he said he loves you.
Not you again!
And he looks so cute with that blush tinting his cheeks. I just want to go over there and-
Shut up will ya? I am in the middle of a confession here!
But- You're mean!
Damn right I am. How dare you interfere when the love of my life is confessing his love for me. D-did I just say l-love of my life?
Damn right you did! Haha!
J-just go away already!
Alright, alright, I will. Just don't do anything "inappropriate" or "too risky" if you know what I mean.
Why you?!
"Hey, Sam."
"Y-yeah. I'm listening!" Sam almost screamed and Peter smiled knowing full well that he had shocked the poor teen but decided to go on. It was now or never.
"You know you can count on me whenever you need to, right?"
"Yeah, I know that." Sam said and Peter smiled intertwining their fingers and asking, " You ready?"
They were just in front of the house and Sam nodded but grabbed Peter by his sleeve and said, "But before we go in, I- I want to say something."
Peter looked concern but asked, "What's wrong?"
" I-I love you, too, Peter." Sam said blushing which earned him a kiss by Peter. The web slinger smiled and added, "Always have and always will?"
"Always have and always will." Sam confirmed.
Ah, finally these two are together. Said Sam's inner.
Yup, we did a good job for sure. Replied Peter's inner.
Ah, finally this is done. I want to thank everyone who has commented. This is the end of another one-shot. If you can tell me what you think of the ending in a review, it would mean the world to me.
Now….I wish every luck with Monday tomorrow, I hope you've had
A wonderful weekend
And that tomorrow won't be too bad.
Good night.
Hold on to you bed shits tight
Because school is coming
And no matter the running
There is no escape
Even if you are a superhero with a cape.
Goodbye. Till my next story!
~ QueenofRhymes ~