I woke up in sweat, tears were streaming down my face. I had this nightmare again, the one who kept repeating itself for the last 10 years. The funny thing was that torture was now a common thing to me, yet this particular event was trapped in my heart as a permanent scar.
The king has molded me into his torture puppet. Whenever he felt angry he would take it out on me, his own son and decendent of the throne. At least Emil, my dear brother, was safe. For him, I will take any blow the king threw at me.
The early colours of the sun could be seen painting the night sky. Bloody shades of red and orange were slowly covering the star filled horizon. I always woke up before dawn. I grew used to it since I was still a child. It was my favourite part of the day where the rough fingers of my father and pain was far away from my fragile frame. Making my way out of the warmth my bed provided me, my muscles started aching badly. Thousands and thousands of needles pierced my skin making me wince in pain. Last night's torture was worse than any other torture I went through, but I don't want to remember that just now.
I quickly get dressed in my dark blue silk clothes and exit my bedroom. As I wonder down the hollow hallway I could see people through the big castle window. Some of them were smiling and laughing, some of them were quiet and collected listening to the other's story.
Now, I don't really think I clearly explained the reason why my father calls me an emotionless doll. Well, it's because I've never really felt any emotion, ever. Seeing people happily chatting or going through pain or many other always felt strange to me. When my mother was still alive she used to say that this illness runs through the family, that she had it as well. Well had it. Ever since she met my father, she started feeling love, compassion, joy , lust and many other. She described it as a magical experience to finally feel 'alive'.
For the past years I've also been looking for a lovely girl to call as my own, the one that could awake me from my numbness. No such luck. Strangely enough, I often find myself staring at men instead of women. The way they were build attracted me more than the feminine curves women had. Sure the kingdom had many great looking men that would leave any woman drooling, but none of them were able to awaken any feeling ,no matter how small, in me.
"Maybe I'm not meant to feel and give love." I spoke softly.
"Are you talking to yourself again, Lukas?" I heard the familiar voice of my little brother from behind me.
"Did I say that outloud?" Was my mouth really giving out my biggest insecurity without me noticing.
"Yes, you did. Look, are you all right? Do you need someone to talk to? I can play the doctor if it helps you. I know mom used to know exactly what to say to you to make you feel better because she understood you, but I can try my best! I hate it when you still treat me like a four year old, I know about your illness Lukas! For once treat me like an adult and stop distancing yourself for me!" Emil was painfully right. I was treating him like a child when he's now a grown teen.
"I trully apologize Emil for treating you like a child and your act of kindness really touched me, but I don't want you to also take care of my problems, you already have enough of your own." I calmly replied.
"Fine, go sulk in your room like a depressed little bastard! My offer doesn't stand up anymore!" he spat back walking away.
The harshness of his words almost made me feel what people called emotional pain, but that's an almost. I always cared about my little brother because for one he was my brother and for two because he is the only one who causes little sparks of emotion within me. I'll have to apologize to him later.
I suddentely feel my body go cold. I could hear my father's loud voice echoing through the castle calling my name. I pick up a quick pace and travel to the throne room where my father was waiting for me.
"Yes, father." I repiled like the nice obedient soldier he sculpted me to be.
"I have some important matters to discuss with you. Come and sit by me useless doll!" he spat with his eyes full of hatred.
"Yes, lord. Here I am." I slightly wispered, my voice starting to crack.
"I have a mission for you. You will be sent to the royal palace in Denmark tomorrow at dawn by boat. You have to find all the prince's weaknesses and report them to me. Remember, you have to work undercover so nobody will find out our real intentions of killing the prince." he explained with a cold voice.
"Yes ,my lord. I'll go pack my belongings immediately." I started walking away when I hear his roar again.
"Also, If you fail this mission you die as well, along with the prince!" and with that he waved a dismissive hand at me.
I ran out of the throne room directly to Emil's room. I softly knock on his door and wait for him to reply.
"What do you want, Lukas?"Ouch. His usual soft voice was ice cold.
"Can you please let me inside of your room? I have quite the news."
"Ugh!... Fine come in!"As soon as he closed the door I started apologizing.
"I would like to start by saying sorry for being unfair to you, I understand how you feel, but you will also have to understand that treating you like a child is my way of showing affection. Now, the news. I have recently been in the king's room and receive an important piece of information."I started explaining.
"Ok ok. Stop. You are talking way to much for me to follow you. I accept your apology ok, now start telling me the news!"
"The king will send me to Denmark on a mission, I am supposed to be packing right now. He is planning on murdering the prince of Denmark and he wants me to find out all of his weaknesses. If I fail he threatens to take my life."
"What!?!? He is doing what now!! Lukas, you cannot go!! This is madness!!"
"I'm sorry Emil, but I'm afraid the king doesn't take no for an answer. Will you help me pack? I am leaving at dawn." I finally stated. The look of shock on Emil's face is new to me as much as it is to him. Emil is not very good at expressing emotions either, but at least he is soing better than me.
"Yes, I suppose I can help you since I won't be seeing you for quite a while as I take it." he softly signed.
"That will be most appreciated. Thank you!" I'm not very good at comforting, but this is the best I could do.
With that we left Emil's room and walked in an uncomfortable silence to my side of the castle. I couldn't feel the sadness Emil was feeling, so that made me an awful guy to talk to about feelings, and Emil knew this. We entered my room and within a medium sized leather box we started shoving my clothes.
Oh how will I miss my dear brother, or at least that's how I think it feels. Looking at his slightly frowning face, I reached out my hand to gently stroke his hair in a comforting action.
After we were done, I waved Emil goodnight. I changed into my night gown and slowly slip in my cold bed. Tomorrow will be an interesing day to say the least. Oh dear god, help me...
A/N: I am so sorry for not posting for a while. Work is slowly eating me time. I again apologize for yet another shitty chapter. I'm trying my best ok? Drop a review, they always brighten my day!! I'm sorry for my bad english. Have a lovely day wonderful readers!!