AN: I should have mentioned this in the first chapter but I forgot. I obviously do not own CSI: NY or its characters. I only own those characters you don't recognize. There are slight spoilers in this up through Season 4.

What happens to a soul when

It's trapped inside his emotions

And all of these words he's spoken

They bind him to the life he's left behind

And every new step he takes

He knows that he might not make it

To all of these dreams that he has yet to find

You can see that this broken soul is bleeding

So you can see your feelings inside yourself

And wander through my heart

Letting you see through me

Now only consumes me

Forget your pain and watch me fall apart.

- 3 Doors Down "Pages"

Danny woke up the next morning bright and early thanks to the sun and prayed that the headache would quickly go away. It was going to be a very long day. Of course it was his own fault; he glanced at the table, the half empty bottle of Crown Royal mocking him. Yes, this had been his fault. He wasn't exactly sure what time Flack had left, but he knew that it had been well into the early hours of the morning before he had finally passed out on the couch.

He sat up slowly, the pounding in his head getting more persistent and cursed the fact he had to go to work that day. He glanced at the clock on the wall thanking God that it was early and he wasn't late for work. He stood up, stumbling a bit as he headed in the direction of the bathroom.

I'm never drinking again

And as he thought that to himself he had to laugh. The day he didn't have at least two drinks at night hell will have frozen over. He figured it could be construed that he had a drinking problem, and as much as he wanted to deny it, he knew that it was true. He knew that he was on a slippery slope and one day he wasn't going to be able to climb back up. But for now, it was what he needed. He needed something to give him that release and so help him if someone was going to try and take that away from him.

He turned on the water to the shower before turning to look in the mirror. He looked like shit. His eyes were bloodshot and the dark rings underneath proved that he hadn't been sleeping. He needed to shave, he needed a haircut, and he needed some coffee. That would make it better. At least it would get him through the next few hours.

Stripping out of his day old clothes, he stepped into the shower, hissing at the coldness of the water. He needed it to wake him up and this was doing the trick. He reached behind him and slowly turned the dial towards hot letting the warmth ease the tightness in his muscles. He turned into the water and rested his forehead against the cool tiles on the wall. He didn't know how he was going to keep up this charade. He didn't have a choice, like Flack had said the night before, he had to keep his head held high and eventually things had to work out. He doubted it though. With what he saw on a daily basis, he had to wonder if this was as good as it was going to get.

He finished his shower quickly knowing that although he had woken up early, he didn't have that much time to waste, and if he wanted to stop for coffee he would have to get going soon. He shaved quickly, cursing as he nicked himself, and ran a small amount of gel through his hair. Glancing in the mirror he grimaced. He didn't look much better than when he had pulled himself up off the couch. Oh well, he wasn't out to impress anyone. He walked towards his bedroom and opened his closet. He needed to do laundry desperately. Most of what he owned was on the floor and flowing out of his hamper. He quickly flicked through the clothes hanging there before deciding on a faded pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He was grateful that Mac let him dress casually. He didn't know how the man worked constantly in a suit. Between him and Flack, there were enough suits around. Pulling his jacket on he took a glance around his place and with a sigh he closed the door behind him and locked it. He needed to clean.

Danny stepped out onto the street sighing with pleasure as he took a drink of his latte. God bless caffeine. He could feel the fog beginning to lift from his brain as the warm liquid traversed his body. Glancing at his watch he swore and took off in a light run towards the subway station. He was going to be late if he didn't pick up his pace. He swiped his Metro Card and squeezed into the car just as the doors were beginning to close. Sighing he headed to an empty seat, almost falling into it. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the metal wall behind him. Just as his headache was starting to slow its assault on his brain he heard a small scuffle next to him and his eyes snapped open as something fell into his lap, knocking his drink to the ground.

He let out a small grunt and focused on the scene in front of him. He watched as some kids ran through the car and into the one behind it before his eyes focused on the object in his lap. His blue eyes met hazel for a brief second as his mind registered that there was a warm female body in his lap. He didn't have much time to enjoy the fact before she was pushing up off of him, her hand pressed against his chest, pushing him back into his seat. His hand accidentally brushed her bare thigh as she stood up, his mind immediately imagining inappropriate things at the feeling of her smooth skin.

"If you would stop manhandling me, this would be a lot easier," her voice drifted into his head, snapping him out of his day dream.

"What?" He wanted to smack himself. What an amazing response, he thought.

"Never mind," she said getting fully to her feet, trying to blot at the coffee stain on her white skirt. "This is just fabulous. I really don't think this day could get any worse."

Danny still could not find his voice, his brain still slow from the amount of alcohol he had consumed the night before. His eyes began a slow sweep up her body, lingering a bit to admire her figure. He finally made it to her face and he was a bit shocked to see her glaring at him.

"Do you want to take a picture? I don't know if you'll have much more time to stare." Her voice was soft, but tinged with anger.

"What? No! I mean……listen I'm sorry. I'm just a bit out of it this morning. I'm sorry about the coffee. Is there anything I can do?"

She sighed, running a hand through her hair, "No, thanks. I think I've had enough help making my day horrible as it is. I just want to get off this damn train and get to work before I end up getting fired. That would just be the icing on the cake."

Danny spent the short remainder of the ride staring at her back. Her blonde hair fell in soft waves to the center of her back and her skirt displayed the very nice curvature of her ass. This day is starting to look up he thought with a smirk. The train slowed to a stop and as he stood up he was bumped into by a stern looking business woman who was obviously in a bigger rush to get off the train. He, in turn, bumped into the mystery woman from earlier and she turned to glare at him for a second time that morning. He looked down at her and muttered his apologizes before stepping back to let her make her way towards the doors. He followed her up the stairs and watched as she made her way the opposite direction from him. He sighed, there was no chance in hell he would see her again. In a city of 8 million the odds weren't in his favor. He turned and began the short walk to the crime lab, glancing back once hoping to get a glimpse of her again. Disappointed he turned and continued on his way.

Danny made his way into his office and grimaced when he saw Lindsay was already there. He should have known better. He should have taken Flack's advice not to get involved with someone at work. Too messy. He murmured a hello to her, hanging his jacket over the back of his chair. Lindsay looked at him, a frown etched on her face.

"You smell like hazelnut coffee."

"Yeah, let's just say I haven't had the best morning so far," he replied, pulling out his desk drawer and taking out a bottle of Tylenol. Knocking two back, he took a drink of a day old soda that was sitting on his desk. He frowned and tried not to gag at the taste.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lindsay was staring at him, the crease still evident between her eyes. He looked at her and shook his head.

"Not really. Nothing much to say," he paused, debating whether he should continue or not. As fate would have it, he wouldn't have a chance to say anything as his thoughts were interrupted by his cell phone going off. Reaching down he flipped it open and looked at the text message on the screen. Getting up he grabbed his jacket, his kit, and walked out of the room. He could feel Lindsay's eyes on him and he tensed up. This was going to be harder than he thought.

As he stepped into the elevator he finally looked at her. Her eyes hadn't left him and he knew they still needed to have that final talk. It was just something that he wasn't looking forward to and he hoped maybe she would just forget about the whole thing and just move on. He wasn't that lucky though. No, lady luck definitely wasn't on his side in this situation.

The elevator doors opened as he reached the first floor and he saw Stella waiting there at the entryway. It looked like they were on this case together and he was glad for that. She wouldn't bother him. He knew she would be dying inside to ask, but would understand that he would talk in his own time. No need to bother his co-workers with his problems. He was walking a fine line as it was, he didn't need to add to it.

He quietly got into the truck and kept his mouth shut as she began driving through the crowed streets of the city. They reached their destination quickly, no more than 20 minutes later. He was grateful for that. The silence was uncomfortable and as the truck pulled to a stop he stepped out and pulled his kit out of the backseat. Walking towards the yellow tape, he was relieved to see Flack was on this case. He didn't know if he could have dealt with Angell that morning. Flack caught his eye and Danny gave him a slight nod. Without words the look still spoke volumes and before Stella caught up with him Flack said, "8 o'clock. Sullivans." Another nod from Danny and Flack started telling them what he knew about the dead body laying in the street.

Danny sat back in his chair, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. His day had gone from bad to worse with the case and he was glad his day was almost over. He glanced at the clock, signed the last page of his report, and closed the file. Heading into the locker room he quickly changed into a white long sleeved shirt, throwing the previous one into the bottom of the locker. He rubbed his jaw and winced at the pain. He would have a bruise in the next couple days, a gift from their suspect in the murder from this morning. It only added to the physical need for a drink. He laughed bitterly at himself. This was not how he pictured life.

Closing his locker, he found himself staring at Lindsay. She had her coat in her arms and she was just staring at him. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to do this right now. But he knew she wouldn't make it that simple.

"Do you want to go get a drink or something?" she asked him softly, glancing down at her hands.

"I don't think that would be a good idea Lindsay," he could see her face fall, not sure if it was because he had said no or if it was because he actually used her name.

"I was just thinking that we haven't spent much time together and maybe we could catch up? Like old times?"

"I've got plans," he couldn't think of anything else to say and he was feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second.

"Danny, I just…"

"No, Lindsay. I'm sorry. I can't keep doing this. This obviously isn't going to work. I can't give you what you need. I can't give you the love that you deserve. I don't have it in me. Too much has happened," he stopped, he didn't know what else to say. He hated this, and when she finally spoke he was shocked at her answer. He expected her to cry, to fight, instead she did the opposite.

"It's okay Danny," she muttered softly before turning to walk out of the room, the door shutting behind her quietly.

He breathed a sigh of relief, almost feeling bad for it, and walked out of the room a few moments later. Maybe things weren't as bad as he thought.

I would like to thank Aphina for her help with this chapter and for offering to beta for me. I really appreciate it. Thank you to all who reviewed, it means the world to me!