Disclaimer: Matt and Trey still own South Park.
Author's Note: So here it is. I said three reviews, but I got one (thank you :) ) and this story has been added to alert lists and stuff, so I've determined I can post another chapter. The next chapter is already half-written, so there's a good chance I'll update soon.
Kyle's POV
I don't know what Butters said to Cartman, but whatever it was it must have had as much impact as "I love you". Maybe it was "I love you". Either way, he's looking more alive than he's looked in…well, a long time. It's kind of nice to know he's over his problems now, even if he's showing it to the whole school by acting decidedly gay. Poor Cartman. If he's not going to feel sorry for himself now, though, then I'm certainly not going to feel sorry for him. It's halfway through English and I'm still thinking about him, what am I doing? I don't care about that son of a bitch, and I probably never will. Still, it might be fun to torment him with the Butters thing. It'll give me a chance to see just how "alive" he really is.
It's almost lunch now, and I see Cartman at his locker. Should I just go up there? Nah. Let's have fun with this. I'll try a different approach. It's time to take off my hat – I shudder as my repulsive hair can now be seen. Okay, it's not as bad as it used to be – girls have even described it as "cute" – but still, curly hair? No thanks. I like Cartman's hair, I wish mine was more like it. It's so straight and it's shaggy enough to give him a distinct appearance…oh God, what am I doing? I'm thinking about him too much again! I need to stop. He takes a book out of his locker, and moves to close it. Perfect. "Hi, Eric," I say to him, while walking towards him. He looks away briefly and ignores me. "Eric, didn't you hear me? I said hi…" I know he heard me, I just don't understand why he's pretending he didn't. "Hi, Kyle," he finally says. He's still looking away from me, though. I didn't have a great plan to begin with, I thought he would question me on why I was being so nice but he didn't so now I've got nothing left to work with. "Um…I…saw you with Butters this morning." I say that pretty lamely, not that it matters. "I'm not a fag, Kyle." He looks at me now, but he's not angry…he doesn't even sound angry. I can see conflict in his eyes, and his voice sounds almost sad. Maybe he's not really better, even though I thought he was. "I didn't think you were," I reply, equally soft. "Oh. Well, okay, then. What do you want?" He shoots that out at me suddenly, starting to act mad that I even bothered him in the first place. Suddenly I'm saying words that I didn't approve myself to say! What is going on? "Cartman, I wanted to make sure you're okay, you've been acting so strangely for a long time and you looked better after Butters talked to you so I wanted to see if you were back to normal now…" Oh, I've done it for sure. He's looking at me in shock. I can't believe I'm acting like this! It's Eric Cartman¸ for Christ's sake! Do I really care? "Kyle, when have I ever been normal? Can you remember when I've been normal? I guess I'm back to normal…for me. But by your standards, no, I'm not normal."
Cartman's POV
Kyle just asked me if I was back to normal. I didn't even know he had ever noticed I was acting weird. Sure, I've seen him watching me, but wouldn't you watch some kid that looked like he was experiencing hell on earth? I would. I am sorry I lashed out at him, though. Sure, I can adapt to having a patient, understanding, tone…but I haven't had any practice at all being nice. Why should I be nice to people when they're never nice to me? My mom never had enough time to teach me about proper behavior, either. Oh well. It's a little late to worry about it now. Wait, Kyle's walking away! Shouldn't I try to call him back? "Kyle! Would you…um…" He just turned around to look at me, now I don't know what to say. "Do you want to eat lunch with me?" He's kind of glaring at me now. "I always eat lunch with you." Oh yeah! He does, doesn't he! This isn't good, no, not good at all. "But I mean, we could walk there together." "Well, hurry up." He's waiting for me now, tapping his foot impatiently. I can see Stan behind him, but he motions for me to keep silent so I do. Why is he just standing there, isn't he going to scare Kyle or something? I really hate people. I live with them because I have to, but they don't make sense at all. I'm finally done at my locker, and walk towards Kyle, smiling briefly at Stan. That would have been fine except Kyle caught me. "What are you looking at?" he asks me. He sounds pretty grumpy, and looks over his shoulder in annoyance. It's all worth it, though, when he spots Stan and starts screaming. Oh, this is too good! He stops screaming when I start laughing uncontrollably. I'm not sure what's so surprising about someone laughing, although I haven't laughed too much recently. Maybe that's it. Am I not supposed to laugh? But I'm relieved when they start laughing too.
"Cartman, can we talk?" This time it was Stan. I always kind of enjoyed talking to Stan. I never really have to hide my emotions from him – simply because I don't have too many feelings when it comes to him. He's a nice guy, I guess he's my friend or at least we hang out together sometimes, and surprisingly enough we agree on enough things. He's also a little boring, but that's okay. "Sure," I say, catching up to him. "No, not here…outside." I raise my eyebrows at him, but I'm not complaining. The school must cut off our oxygen supply or something, it'll be nice to go out. I see Kyle out of the corner of my eye. He looks confused and a little hurt, but goes to the cafeteria to save us seats anyway. He'll get over it, eventually.
Kyle's POV
I can't believe that my best friend just asked to talk to the fat asshole that's always made our lives miserable – alone. He could have at least mentioned something to me. But no, I guess I'm not important enough for that. Figures. Well, whatever. I see Kenny over there. He can be my new best friend. I know I'm acting childish, but come on! Stan's ditching me for Cartman? Get real. "Hey, Kenny." He looks up at me as I sit down. Now that he's inside, he isn't wearing his parka. "Where's Stan?" Of course that has to be the first thing he asks. "Talking to Cartman." I'm deliberately not looking at him now, it's so embarrassing. "Dude, that's fucked up." "You're telling me." "Am I your new best friend?" This catches my interest, for sure. "Depends on what the conversation is about…you're practically my best friend anyway, dude." I smile at Kenny. He really is a good friend of mine, like my second best friend. I don't want him to think I just hang out with him when I'm mad at Stan, or something. He's not a replacement – no one could ever replace Stan, anyway, although I think I'll leave that information out. He probably already knows it anyway, Kenny is really smart. "Hey, Kyle, don't look now, but Stan and Cartman are coming in here." I don't turn around, I have every intention of giving both of them the cold shoulder. "Here." He's holding his hand out to me, what the fuck? "What the hell is this, Kenny?" I whisper, although a little loudly. "Doing the same thing to them they did to you, only on a worse level! Take my hand and let's leave, they don't know I saw them yet. Oh, and laugh."
"Laugh?" I'm raising my eyebrows suspiciously, he's going to make us look like a couple, I can feel it. Still, revenge is sweet, exactly the kind of sweet that a diabetic like me can handle. I quickly glance over my shoulder, they're talking and laughing. Well that makes me mad. It makes me really mad. Just mad enough, in fact, that I like the sound of Kenny's crazy plan. So I'm taking his hand bravely and laughing, while he smiles and pulls me into a hug before dragging me out of the cafeteria. Neither of us are looking over at Stan and Cartman, and I guess that makes sense. We slip out into the hallway, and ask if we're going any further. Kenny just grins and lets go of my hand. "Nah. We'll just wait here, they probably won't come after us." I want so badly to see their dumfounded expressions staring after us, but I have no courage to peek around the door and into the cafeteria again…I suppose I'll find out soon enough.
Cartman's POV
It was amazing what I missed out on while I was living in my unemotional state. Stan had kindly filled me in on everything, up to and including a hilarious incident that involved Butters tripping, somehow spilling a bucket of water over Kyle's head in the process, and then Craig coming up from behind and thinking that Kyle was a girl. As a matter of fact, I'm still laughing about it now, as we're walking into the cafeteria. I'm not preoccupied enough to miss Kyle and Kenny walking out, hand in hand – I almost wish I was. "Cartman?" Stan has apparently noticed that I stopped, frozen in time. "This…was a mistake," I tell him. It was wrong of me to feel again, because this pain…this pain is like no other! That could have been me…but it's not me, and it never will be. "Cartman!" Stan is probably going to scold me now. He always has some speech, he did even when we were kids. "You can't do this! Remember what Butters told you?" But Stan doesn't know everything…if he knew exactly what caused me pain, and exactly what I was hiding from, maybe he wouldn't be trying to help me. Or if he was, he would at least understand. I'm moving, now, heading towards the table that Kyle had just left. "I remember." All that training wouldn't go to waste, I was sure of it. "So stop it! You were fine a minute ago!" Did Stan even see them? "Oh, hey! Kyle, I thought you were going right to the cafeteria?" They must be back, and Stan's comment answered my unspoken question. I look up at them with rather dead eyes. At least they're not holding hands anymore, even though they are looking at each other. I can see Kyle pausing, a little disappointed. "Damnit!" he screams. "Kenny, it didn't work!" What? What didn't work? Could they possibly…have been faking? As Stan asked them what I was wondering, I decided to listen for the answer while pretending to be interested in my lunch. "Of course we were!" with mock sarcasm, he turns to Kenny and says "I'm so sorry, but we never would have worked out." Kenny's only response was to laugh. "Kyle, my love, no!" he said, exaggerating, and the three of them almost fell off the bench from laughing so hard. I refrain from the instinct to roll my eyes; I'm still trying to process what I just heard. I start laughing with them. "Kyle, you accuse me of being a fag and then run off with Kenny? Loser Jewboy." Now I do roll my eyes. But I feel bad about the hurt look on his face, so I smile at him. He looks shocked. Did I ever smile at him with sincerity before? No, I guess I haven't. Oops.
Kyle's POV
I must be dreaming. Cartman just smiled at me? Does this mean he doesn't think I'm a stupid Jew? I'm not sure which Cartman I like better: almost-dead-Cartman, or oddly-nice-Cartman. I'm not sure I like either one. Of course, I didn't like super-mean-Cartman either, so does it really matter? I think I like almost-dead-Cartman best. He never made fun of me…in fact, he hardly ever said anything at all. And he was kind of fascinating. I wonder if he's still wearing the necklace from earlier? I try to lean over so I can see it around his neck, but I think he misinterpreted my actions because he just told me I couldn't have his pudding cup. I don't want his food, and especially not a pudding cup! Doesn't he know anything? But all I do is look at him, and say "Fine. Be greedy and eat it yourself." He doesn't have to know I was trying to see his necklace. I bet he would deny that he wears one anyway…I wouldn't consider jewelry to be very manly at all.
"Kyle?" And that was Stan, the previous traitor who is now my best friend again. "Yes?" "You just put your elbow in your food." I look down, and sure enough, I have. Stan is trying to hold in his laughter and is failing miserably, Kenny is looking sympathetic but is still laughing, and Cartman is laughing the hardest of all, pointing at me and spraying bits of half-chewed food all over our faces. Gross. I've now decided if I'm going to blame anyone for this misfortune, it's the fat fuck who's hitting me in the face with soggy pizza. "This is all your fault, Cartman!" And to believe I was actually being nice to him a little earlier! "How is this my fault, Kyle?" he has such practiced patience in his voice, and once again it looks like he's hiding something. "It…it just is!" But I don't have to deal with him anymore. Lunch is over, and I'm taking Stan and Kenny with me and we can all go to our next class together.
Author's Note: I kind of like how this story is turning out. It's interesting, and it's giving away a few clues but not too many yet…there will be a lot more clues in the next chapter. Oh, the next chapter also might be disturbing to a few of you…just an advance warning, I'll explain in the beginning author's note.