Honestly
Chapter One : On Hospital Stays, Hopelessness, & Hogwarts
It didn't take much to wake James Potter from his uneasy sleep. Just as a familiarly calm voice whispered his name, he felt a warm hand clasp his shoulder, and while James sluggishly awoke, Albus Dumbledore seated himself on the lumpy hospital chair opposite from him.
James blinked as he began to focus his eyes, realizing that he must have fallen asleep with his glasses on. First, he noticed was the blinding sunlight streaming in from the expansive west window, which highlighted the stale blue color of the hospital room. A few seconds later, when James felt slightly awake, he looked with concern to the woman lying on the bed. Fortunately, she was fast asleep. He didn't have to look to see the person on his right; the snoring, hairy mass on the faded armchair next to his was Sirius Black. The last person James observed was his esteemed headmaster leaning toward him from the final hospital chair.
"You'll have to forgive me for waking you. Unfortunately, I'm due at the Ministry this afternoon, so this will be a short visit. Is she doing any better?" Albus Dumbledore asked politely, his blue eyes glittering with concern as he watched the woman on the bed.
James sighed, anxiously running a hand through his hair. He didn't speak for several moments, and instead of looking his professor directly in the eyes or staring at the woman on the bed, he focused his gaze downward, keeping his attention on his feet. "It hasn't been," his voice cracked and he had to wait several moments before starting up again. "Last night wasn't so good. We brought her in sometime after midnight Nothing seems to be working, and she's just in so much pain," James faint voice cracked for a second time and broke off.
The headmaster nodded sympathetically and added, "I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I remember your mother, back when she was so passionately involved with the ministry. Scarlett was so vibrant and so full of life. Then she married your father and along came you, and she was even more passionate about being a mother. I'm certain that your, ahem, 'creativity'comes from her," Dumbledore chuckled to himself, his eyes distant.
"The healer's tell me that she is getting stronger and that things are looking better, but I'm just worried about what happens when I go back to school," James whispered, finally able to look up to see his once tenacious mother, now frail and fragile, lie weakly upon the bed. Dumbledore saw the vulnerability in James' confused eyes, and the seventeen-year-old obviously was fighting the urge to break down. "This is just tearing Dad apart, and I – I just don't know."
"It is an incomprehensible thing to lose one's parents. To have to do it at such a young age requires so much of a person," Dumbledore folded his hands together and looked away.
The two sat in silence for several long moments, several long moments in which Dumbledore became seemingly transfixed on a ladybug sitting on the window sill, and James privately wiped at his eyes. Every so often, the quiet was interrupted by raucous snores - snores that were perfectly welcome, as they kept the lack of conversation from becoming awkward.
Dumbledore was the first one to speak, and after many minutes passed he pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to James. "I stopped by to deliver some good news on a day that I thought you needed it most."
James reached for the letter suspiciously, leery of the fact that the envelope looked exactly like one of Hogwart's yearly booklists - booklists that had never contained cheerful news. In his hand, it felt usually thick and slightly heavier than normal. Nevertheless, James ripped the envelope open. His jaw dropped as he watched a large set of letters and a gleaming gold badge fall onto his lap. "Professor, this must be a mistake," James' shocked hazel eyes met Dumbledore's amused blue set. James lifted the badge, noticing the impressive "Head Boy" printed on it. "You don't mean…"
"But I do, very much so," Dumbledore smiled and rose from his seat. "I have every ounce of faith that you will perform excellently. In fact, did you know that your mother was Head Girl her last year at Hogwarts?"
"Yeah, I knew," James recollected, his voice laced with confusion. He opened his mouth, his brows furrowed, as if he'd wanted to argue, but then he closed his them, a resigned calm replacing his puzzled features. "Thank you," he gulped, again looking away.
Dumbledore nodded and then added quietly, "She's very, very proud of you.." He then paused, looking back at the chair he had just lifted himself from and grimaced. "I always forget how hard these hospital chairs are. In any case, before I forget," he reached into his pocket again and pulled out another envelope. This one he placed on the table next to the snoring Sirius Black.
"Thank you for stopping by, Professor," James stood up, reaching for Dumbledore's hand.
"I am very sorry that this visit was such a short one. Please keep me updated on how your mother is doing," Dumbledore shook James' outstretched hand, clapping it softly with his other free hand.
Dumbledore exited quietly, leaving James to resume his nap. Try as he might, though, his brain couldn't seem to settle down. James' thoughts were chaotic and muddled; he kept wondering aloud if his headmaster was off his rocker for making him Head Boy. After several more failed attempts at returning to sleep, James set out to get himself a cup of coffee from the cafeteria. The healers had given his mother a sleeping draught, so she would probably sleep through the remainder of the afternoon.
It would be hours before James' father would return, as William Potter had wearied himself out by staying overnight at St. Mungo's with Sirius and James. Days spent at the hospital had become so common that William had finally allowed himself to return home and get some sleep, rather than exhaust himself by staying at his wife's bedside. James returned from the cafeteria, bearing a cup of coffee for Sirius and lunch for the two of them. James looked upon his snoring best friend with envy, remembering that he'd barely been asleep for an hour before Professor Dumbledore had visited.
He sipped his coffee slowly, forcing the caffeine down his throat despite his abhor for the beverage's taste. His mother breathed heavily, but the relaxed look on her face implied that she was at peace. This was the only time that she looked comfortable – when she was awake, she was never as content. From the raging headaches to the random purple boils appearing on her arms, Scarlett Potter's symptoms had ranged from manageable to completely sporadic, and as a result, the healers had been unable to diagnose her illness as of yet.
At the moment, her peaceful composure made the fit she'd been in at midnight seem like a dream. Scarlett hated hospital stays and threw a huge fit when James wanted to bring her in. Despite the fever-breaking potion the healers had prescribed her, when one had a temperature of 106 degrees for five days in a row, something was very wrong. It didn't help that she wouldn't remove her three sweaters, four pairs of socks, and two sets of robes, either. When her hands began to swell twice their normal size, James knew it was time to return to St. Mungos
Fortunately for James, his best friend loved Scarlett Potter equally as much. Though Sirius Black technicallyhad his own flat, he had spent so many nights at St. Mungos, the healers had originally thought he was Scarlett's other son. Despite his last name, both Scarlett and William recognized Sirius as their son and never quiet corrected the hospital staff. Sirius, whose only summer plans had been to sleep until 2 pm every day, thus vowed to spend almost every moment at St. Mungo's with James.
After James finished the two cups of coffee, along with both of their lunches, Sirius himself began to stir. He blinked wildly, revealing a set of tired grey eyes.
"Is she doing any better?" Sirius murmured, his voice low and gravelly.
"She's been asleep all the while I've been awake."
"Did you drink my?" Sirius frowned, noticing the two empty coffee cups on the table. However, James didn't have time to sheepishly respond, because just as Sirius noticed the empty coffee cups, he also observed the envelope with his name on it. "Is it my booklist?"
James nodded, "Dumbledore delivered them himself."
"Did he come to see your mum?" Sirius yawned, pulling the parchment from the envelope. Unlike James's, Sirius's envelope only contained two letters – no congratulatory message and no Head Boy badge.
"Yeah, he asked how my mum was doing."
Sirius snickered, reading the first few lines of the welcome address from Minerva McGonagall and commented, "You'd think she would be more miserable, considering this is the last year she gets to spend with us."
James responded a moment too late, whispering a quick, "Oh." Sirius looked up to him quizzically, raising a brow. "I haven't actually read it yet," James grinned unapologetically, "I was a little distracted."
He gestured to his stack of letters, with the gleaming badge set on top of them. "Oy," Sirus's jaw dropped, as he grabbed the badge himself. "Dumbledore came to give you this himself? Are you sure you didn't steal it from Remus or something?"
"No, it's mine, Padfoot," James replied, his voice still laced with shock.
"Was he intoxicated? Did he smell like smoke? Had he been working on a potion that backfired and took of all of his hair?" Sirius sniggered in disbelief, though he did manage to keep his voice down so that he didn't wake Scarlett.
"No, he said that I deserved it. He told me that my mum was Head Girl."
Sirius nodded, as he had also known this piece of information. "She'll be proud," he acknowledged. But then, several seconds later, he moaned, "Oh no!"
"What?" James raised his voice in alarm.
"Being Head Boy means that you're going to have to follow the rules."
"Head Boy means I'm going to have to enforce the rules."
The boys stared at each other in horror and for the first time in weeks, broke out in a mad fit of laughter, each thinking that James would probably do a miserable job at both. Quite probably because the two friends had dealt with so much stress in the last few weeks, they laughed for several minutes, with Sirius ending up on the floor and James clutching his stomach in pain.
When they finally recovered, James was the first to speak. "Who do you think's Head Girl?" he wondered aloud, remembering for the first time that he had a partner.
Sirius rolled his eyes, "Moaning Myrtle."
"Evans' is going to kill someone when she finds out," James smirked, acknowledging that both Sirius and he assumed Lily Evans was to be the new Head Girl.
"Evans is going to kill you when she finds out. You should tell her that Moony didn't really want the badge, so he gave it to you."
"I wouldn't do that to Moony," James shook his head. "She'd go after him next."
"Are you worried what Moony will be upset that you got it over him?"
James didn't answer, his silence admitting that yes, he was rather worried that Remus had wanted the position he now held. Fortunately for James, he needn't have worried. Knowing the anxious state that his best friend was in, Remus Lupin also made several visits to St. Mungos, more so to support his friend than to see Mrs. Potter. A week or so later, he stopped by the hospital to check on James.
"Congrats mate," Remus had smiled sincerely when James had guiltily admitted Dumbledore had bestowed him the honor. "You deserve it."
"You're not disappointed?"
"I'm rather relieved, actually. You know what happens when I'm, well, you know," Remus trailed off, self-consciously looking back to make sure no one in the hall was listening. "I would be too ill far too often to do a decent job at it. But anyway, Sirius owled me. He said that your mum isn't having a good day," and by distracting James, Remus succinctly ended all conversation on the topic.
Sirius was right; it was not a good day for Mrs. Potter. Once again, she was broken out in hives and had been dealing with a blackout migraine that had lasted for days. Despite what the healers had told James, his mother didn't show any signs of getting any better. Fortunately though, her condition hadn't grown any worse, either.
After James updated his friend on his mother's condition, Remus chuckled quietly and suggested, "Why don't we make a coffee run and disappear for a few moments?"
James quickly agreed, welcoming the distraction. "It's been a tough day, but it makes me glad that she still has a fight in her."
"James, you sound like you're forty years old," Remus observed carefully, not intending it to be a compliment.
He sighed, though his voice remained steady, "I'm not an idiot, Moony. I know that she's dying. No one's saying it, but I know that this is my last summer with her." The two friends rounded the hallway, stepping out of the way as a distraught wizard covered in a prickly blue slime turned the corner.
Remus gulped, not sure how to respond to his friend's misery. He comfortingly patted James shoulder as the two took the stairs down to the kitchens. "Does Sirius live at the hospital with you and your dad?"
James chuckled humorlessly, the smile not quite reaching his eyes. "I told him to quit paying for his flat, considering that he barely lives there. He was here with me every day at the beginning of the summer, but I don't think he can handle the fact that she's getting worse. He hasn't been coming as round as much lately, and I can understand why."
"Well, I have a story that will distract you. So yesterday Peter owls me, saying that it was an emergency. Usually when someone says emergency it means something terrible has happened, so of course I instantly apparated to his place. Apparently, Peter's mum had told him to degnome the garden hours before, and he couldn't figure out how to do it, so he was freaking out. He wanted me to show him how to degnome the garden before she returned from work and was angry with him," Remus shook his head, laughing at the absurdity of Peter's situation.
"Oh, Wormtail," James grinned, rolling his eyes. As the two neared the cafeteria they passed a restroom, and James decided that, "Moony, I'll meet you back by the coffee. I need to stop at the loo first."
Remus nodded, continuing onto the cafeteria himself. He filled two cups and waited, knowing that James usually filled his cup with a precise concoction of sugar and milk. When James returned, Remus handed the cup over, chuckling as he watched his friend pour half of the sugar dish into his small coffee.
"Have you been to Diagon Alley to pick up your books yet?" Remus wondered kindly, stirring his coffee.
"Not yet. Sirius spoke about needing to pick up some fireworks, though. Would you want to go tomorrow?" The two returned to his mother's room, their trip to Diagon Alley planned.
While James and his friends waited until one of the very last days to pick up their supplies, many of their classmates were timelier about their return to school. Lily Evans visited Flourish and Blotts the day she received her book lists in the mail and stayed in the shop until it closed, reading as much as she could about successful Head Girls. As such, when Monday, September the 1st, dawned upon her, it was no understatement that Lily Evans was overly prepared.
She nervously ran the iron across her black robes, probably for the fifth time. Despite the fact that she was now seventeen and allowed to do magic, the back and forth motion of the iron calmed her more than a quick spell would have. If she had overslept or forgotten to straighten her robes, she might have used magic. But Lily Evans was not that type of person, and the chances of her oversleeping or forgetting to iron her robes were near zero. It was Monday September the first. It was her last first-day of school. It was her first time she would be arriving at the King's Cross Station without either of her parents. Most importantly, though, it was the first day of her role as Head Girl.
The more Lily had thought about it, the more aware she was of the butterflies floating about in her stomach. She'd awoken precisely at five o'clock – though awoken wouldn't accurately describe it, as she'd barely slept the night before anyway. That morning she checked and recehcked that everything was ready for her to go.. She curled her auburn hair, though she cheated and used magic to set it. Her straight hair nearly reached her elbows, and Lily didn't have the patience to fix her hair the Muggle way. She even applied a light layer of makeup, a task she usually would have skipped, but feeling that today was awfully important, she ran a quick layer of eyeliner and foundation across her face. Lily's textbooks were stored at the top of the trunk, as she'd spent the remainder of the morning skimming through her notes, just so that she would be extra prepared. Being Head Girl was going to be an amazing experience, but Lily also knew that it was going to be extremely time consuming, and she refused to let her school work drop as a result.
After she had fanned out her robes and decided that they looked decent, she then shrugged them across her shoulder and peered at herself in the bathroom mirror. At barely 5'3, Lily Evans was by no means tall, though it could have been argued that her long hair gave her some length. The face that stared back at her appeared shy and nervous – the girl's face seemed much too pale and her eyes green eyes glowed far too brightly. Lily played with her hair and straightened her robes, trying to get everything to lay perfectly. It didn't work and Lily turned away from the mirror, too stressed about everything else to worry about her appearance.
She looked up to the clock, which flashed that it was just about time for her to depart for the Hogwarts Express. When Lily arrived at the station, she was by far the oldest student there. Nervous first-year and more anxious parents littered the platform, wiping tears from their eyes and snot from their noses. As she walked to load her trunk, Lily waved at a few Gryffindor fourth years who seemed to be giggling over a piece of parchment.
While Lily managed to stay organized and punctual, many of her classmates had not. Nearly all of the seventh years, who like Lily could now apparate to the station themselves, gave themselves a ten minute window to get loaded onto the train. James, who was dealing with a lot, stumbled onto the platform with significantly less time to catch the train. Despite the fact that he also awoke at an unreasonable hour of the morning, six o'clock, his goodbyes took far longer than Lily's.
Still unsure of Scarlett's illness, the healers finally discharged her, unconfident that they would ever be able to diagnose her. This frustrated James, who felt safer knowing she was being cared for by healers, rather than assisted by his elderly father. Not knowing when or if he would ever see his mother again, James' farewells had reasonably gone over time. He rushed, packing his bags and gathering his trunk, and left in a storm. A week later, his father would send James' spare robes, Potions textbook, and extra socks. When James reached the station, Remus and Sirius remained at the platform, each checking their pocket watches anxiously.
"Have everything?" Remus asked, knowing that his friends' tardiness was due to a sensitive matter.
"Probably not," he answered breathlessly and avoided the issue. Sirius jumped onto the train first, and James handed him the trunk.
"Peter's keeping us a compartment," Sirius explained.
"He'll have to keep it for us a bit longer. Can you take James' trunk? We've got a meeting, and if I correctly assume Lily Evans is the new Head Girl, we're already late," Remus easily climbed up to the train.
"What meeting?" James eyebrows rose in surprise as joined his two friends on the train.
"The meeting the new Head Boy and Girl hold every year for the Prefects," Remus explained quickly. "I take it your robes aren't handy, are they?" he assessed James basic shirt and jeans. James shook his head, so Remus continued, "Nevermind, then." The two promised to meet Sirius as quickly as they could and sprinted to the front of the train, dodging first years, rampant pets, and excited hugs. Barely a minute later the whistle blew and the train lurched forward. It was at this point that James realized how close he had been to missing the Hogwarts Express. When the two friends finally neared their destination, they could see Lily Evans and her bright red hair standing in the hall, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Remus, you're nearly late," she chided pleasantly as they approached her. "Potter, what are you doing here? You're not a Prefect," she frowned, regarding his disheveled appearance carefully.
"No, but I am the new Head Boy," he beamed, his smile wide and slightly lop-sided.
Lily blinked, James catching her off guard, but then she retorted confidently, "I doubt that. You were never a Prefect, and you don't have the badge."
"Lily, I promise you, he is very much the new Head Boy," Remus agreed. He reached for her elbow, trying to spin and lead her into the compartment, hoping to defuse Lily's temper.
"You two are playing a joke on me," she shrugged out of his grasp and crossed her arms. "Potter, what did you prepare for our meeting? Have you read up on how round schedules work?"
"Evans, I've kind of been dealing with a lot. I know how round schedules work. Can't we just introduce ourselves and pick a time for a future meeting?" He suggested coolly.
"No, we absolutely will not. We have to show that we're organized and motivated from the first meeting. This sets up our leadership for the entire year," she fumed, pulling at her hair in frustration. "Fine, this is how this meeting is going to go. You're going to introduce yourself. Since you know all about round schedules, you're going to explain those to the fifth years. Then I'll talk about everything I've prepared," she announced and spun on her heels, leaving him no option but to follow.
"She's just nervous," Remus defended, though he too felt Lily had overreacted some.
Despite James' being unprepared, the meeting went off with no problems. James attire wasn't out of place, as the majority of the fifth years remained in their Muggle clothes, unaware that the meeting was important enough to dress up. Nor did he act out of place, as his explanation of rounds and round schedules was spot on. In fact, the few who seemed unhappy about James being in the position were Lily and the three seventh years who had been passed over for the Head Boy position. In fact, in the weeks that would come, Lily would soon be the only one frustrated by James performance.