He continued to stare. For the first time, I had made Edward speechless. This was not an accomplishment. I would have spoken his name, or said something, but I couldn't. I had just told him one of the biggest things he'd ever hear from me… he needed time to react.
He finally looked up to me, and met my eyes. I quickly looked away, not wanting him to see me. It was then that I realized his hands had dropped form both my face and back. They were with him now, and I'm pretty sure he was holding himself up on the bed, to keep from falling. My conscious was speaking to me again. It was hard to avoid hearing the constant say something… say something… that kept getting screamed around in my head. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get my mouth to open.
He was still looking at me… I felt uncomfortable, him staring me down like that. This is what you deserve… my stupid brain said to me. I just wanted it to shut up.
"Bella…" he stopped. He really had no idea what to say. He seemed to look into nothingness for a minute, thinking. It looked like he produced a thought, because he finally looked back up to me and began to speak. "How long…." His voice was close to cracking. He cleared his throat. "How long ago did this…. Happen…" he finished.
I took a deep breath. "Two months ago." I said, very quietly. If not for his vampire ears, there'd have been no way he would have heard me.
He went back to thinking again, muttering to himself quietly. I could see him mouthing the words "twenty-third… twenty-fourth…" My heart sank. I knew exactly what he was counting back to; there would be no time before he realized the exact date that it had happened.
He looked up to me again, interrupting my thoughts. "It wasn't…" he looked even more shocked.
"Yes." I whispered. "That day Jacob kissed me… is when it happened." I was so ashamed. His eyes didn't tear away from me this time. He just looked at me. Not with anger, not with anything I could name. His face was a mask, hiding what he was really thinking inside.
"Edward, I'm so-"
He held his hand up, silencing me, his eyes narrowing. "Can I just ask you one question?" he whispered.
I swallowed. "Yes."
He didn't take his eyes off me. He wanted to see my face, and how it reacted. "Why did you do it?" he asked.
Why had I done it?