You can't see my eyes, you can't see my eyes
They don't see yours
It was devastating, why did it have to happen now? She just came back to him; he couldn't be rid of her so easily. He was so shocked when she came back. She had made her choice so long ago. This is her family, her home her love and it wasn't going to change now. He accepted her back with open arms and together they were going to save the world, just like they always did. Shiver and Shake!
But it had started to go wrong, so quickly. Hold on tight, that's all she had to do as she watched the Daleks and Cybermen be pulled into the bright light of the Void. But something went wrong, and she had to fix it. It was her job, her side and she didn't even think twice. Watching the Doctor's horrified look as she tried to fix the lever. He was still holding on, and she knew, she looked at those brown eyes he would have trade places with her. But she started to slip, the Void was calling her name and she didn't think she could hold on much longer.
She slipped, she didn't mean for it to happen but she did and she was hurling towards the Void. She listened as he screamed her name over and over. But just as fast as the white light engulfed her, she stopped. She looked up at Pete. Watched as he gave a short nod to him and they were gone. The Void closed.
She looked around, same spot, same Torchwood, same wall. Everything was the same, but not. She was in shock as she went to the concrete wall. Already tears were falling. She walked to the wall, half hoping that on the other side, he was waiting for her, his big smile welcoming her, his brown eyes that would shine with the spark of adventure. Off they go, together.
But slowly the realization hit her, there were in another universe now. Adventures had to stop. She was alone and so far away from home. It hit her like a wall. Tears flowed so freely from her eyes. She pressed her ear to the wall in a small glimmer of hope that he could hear her. Hear her anguished sobs that wracked her body. How desperately she wanted to return to him, have his arms around her and just his closeness to be around her. The more she thought about it, the harder she cried. Cried for their history, cried for their present, how they were torn apart so unfairly, and cried harder for a future they were so cruelly denied.
'How long are you going to stay with me?'
'Forever.' She meant it, all of it. Even though the laws of mortality bound her, she had planned to make the most of all of their time together. Saving people, planets and the likes, that's what they did. And she loved it, every minute of it. He had showed her a better way of living her life. How could she be denied that now? Why was she denied that now? Was it her fault? She banged the wall numerous times. All she did was do the right thing in essence, it had broke, she fixed it and now that choice had cost her happiness.
Her tears so stained her face along with the black trails of the dampened mascara. Still with her ear to the wall, calling mentally for him to find her. He would, she knew it. He was the Doctor and he could anything at all. Because he was brilliant, as he had so often reminded her.
She longed to see him again, give anything at all to have his hand in hers, running away from danger, brown eyes fixed on her as she laughed, told him off or simply to comfort him. Once he had run off and abandoned her, leaving them stranded. Didn't think, just acted. She was devastated, she understood, fixed time cannot be rewritten but it still hurt. Five and a half hours she waited. And that's what she would wait now. Because he told her that was the amount of time to wait. And he would find her.
She slid down the wall in a crumpled mess and waited, still crying, still devastated.
Hear me when I say, "They don't mind at all"
She almost didn't want him to see her in this state of mental anguish. She was a proper mess. She constantly thought of him. What was he doing? Had he left Canary Warf? Or was he trying to truly show off his brilliance? What did his eyes say? Those brown eyes were the portals into his soul. She wiped her eyes, streaking the mascara over her face. She didn't want him to see her like this. Even if he could get her back, seeing her like this would drive him mad with guilt. He didn't deserve that. So instead she drew her knees to her chest and lay her head down on them. She closed her eyes and thought.
She remembered once, so long ago now, that those brown eyes used to be blue. When they were having a moment, how truly the pain exuded from behind them. That man was so inwardly guilty, damaged and distraught, all she wanted to do was to pull him into a hug and sooth his pain away. He would quietly brood his in own room that sometimes she looked for him.
It was the TARDIS who became her friend during this time. She was a trickster, his ship. And she had loved every moment of it. A sassy one, she had loved to explore, getting hopelessly lost, all the while talking to the ship. It had soon become second nature. While he had a mental connection to the TARDIS, she had to rely on more tangible sounds. The lights would flicker and humming sounds could be heard.
One night, after a rather painful decision he had made while on a planet she couldn't quite remember how to pronounce, the TARDIS had woken, her up out of a dead sleep. She remembered her door opening and across the hall was a door she had only ever seen once before. Ornate symbols were carved into them and she remembered being awestruck at their beauty. They were also on the TARDIS console, she deducted that they must have been a language. One only he knew.
She had gotten out of bed slowly and the TARDIS illuminated the door for her. Curiosity gnawed at her.
'I guess you want me to go in?' She saw the lights blink once. That meant yes, blink once for yes, twice for no. So slowly she turned the handled and opened it.
She remembered the room being magnificent, she looked up, and projections of stars, and planets covered the ceiling. Bookshelves everywhere, not as much as the library but still plentiful, covered the walls and a small sitting area was off in the corner. A simple desk, sheets of paper everywhere, some books on it. But there, on the bed sat a figure on the edge. It was quite the bed, off in the corner, with a simple side table on one side.
She remembered silently walking over and moving the leather jacket to the floor as she sat on the bed next to him. He was staring straight ahead, staring into nothing. She had grabbed his hand in hers, the only silent comfort she knew he would be comfortable with.
For a long while, nothing was said. She rested her head on his shoulder, having to make herself a bit taller to do so.
'I did the right thing…didn't I?' That's what he wanted. Reassurance. The lives he sacrificed to save the many lives of others. She pulled her head back to look at him.
'You know they were ok with it, they told you so. Looked you in the eye and said yes.' His hand tightened around hers.
'But when has anyone really accepted death?' He finally looked at her, pain etched across his features. How she ached for him. So much responsibility had fallen to him. She tried her words carefully.
'Death is simply passing from one room into another, the journey doesn't end, Doctor. A new one simply takes its place.' The ends justified the means, but she didn't tell him that. He must have thought of that too because the next thing he said startled her.
'Thank you Rose…' The light behind his eyes grew a bit brighter and she knew she had done well. She smiled and returned her head to his shoulder.
She didn't remember when she woke up how she returned to her room. The TARDIS cheered for her, and she knew that the ship was happy, because like her she loved the Doctor too. But when she opened the door, the wooden door had vanished, leaving a wall in its place.
It's the rain that I hear coming, not a stranger or a ghost
It's the quiet of a storm approaching that I fear the most
'Rose, it's time to go…' The voice came from Mickey, crouching down beside her. She wiped her eyes again. She must look like an utter mess.
'Mickey you know I have to wait five and a half hours for him. That's what he said, remember?'
'Rose, it's been six hours…' Mickey held her hand as a new wave a pain danced in her eyes. Tears fell again and she broke down into sobs. He helped her up, he felt her resistance, this was the last connection to the Doctor and she was so desperate to cling to whatever remained of him. He kept his arm around her shoulders as he guided her out of Torchwood and into the street.
Rose looked around, it was windy, and it had force, kicking up the discarded leaves around them. She looked at the sky, blackened storm clouds loomed. She could smell the inevitable rain. Maybe this universe wasn't so bad; after all it definitely portraying what was in her heart correctly. What would she do if she needed him? What would she do?
A sleek looking car pulled up and before it even properly stopped her mother jumped out. She silently pulled her into a hug and kissed her head as she heard her daughter cry. Pete got out and stood beside Mickey, both silently accepting what she could not yet. It was over.
It's the pain that I hear coming
The slightest crystal tear, drops to the ground in silence
When my love is near
'Rose…' Pete started before Jackie shot him a look to keep quiet. He may have not known what it felt like to have your heart broken, but she did and now Rose was experiencing it as well. It would be the hardest day of her life, and all she needed was time. Jackie guided Rose into the car, she didn't put up much of a fight and Jackie got in with her. Mickey and Pete followed suit. Time to go home.
Rose went with Jackie as she showed Rose her new room. Together she sat on the bed. Rose had quieted herself; small hiccups came from here every now and then. Jackie kissed her head. She hated to see Rose like this; she'd never seen her so upset. But she knew that the Doctor meant everything to her. After all she had told her that the Doctor showed her a better way of living. And who could argue with that.
'I don't even have anything to remember him by mum,' Rose said suddenly. 'I have the key to the TARDIS, but nothing else…no pictures or anything of him.'
'You have your memories of him Rose, that's worth more than any picture could do justice.'
'I want something physical…' Rose looked at her mum. Suddenly Jackie widened her eyes and stood up. She reached over Rose to grab the jacket she had previously been wearing. On the inside pocket she pulled out something, and Rose struggled to see what it was.
'I must be daft, I completely forgot about it. Look.'
Rose carefully accepted the object that Jackie handed to her. She turned it over and gasped. It was a photo. Of them. Of them! Rose gasped and her eyes shone once more, and then, ever so faintly, a small smile followed by a lone tear that slide down her cheek.
'Mum, where did you find this?'
'Remember that Christmas after he got sick, with whatever it was called. Anyway, I figured he wouldn't have come for dinner after you know, because he was dead set against anything domestic so I grabbed the camera, memories you know Rose.
'Well when he showed up in the fancy, pinstriped brown suit and that jacket all full of himself because he just saved the Earth. Well, I knew you didn't think I was looking but when you ran over to hug him and you hung on there for a bit I turned the camera flash off and took it when you both weren't looking.'
'But…why didn't you show me?'
'Oh I meant to, but I must have forgotten. When I actually got the print of the picture, along with some others, I stuffed that one in my jacket here to show you later. But I must have forgotten. And then the ghosts starting showing up…well now. What matters is that here it is, safe and sound. Bit crinkled, sorry for that Rose.'
Rose flung herself at her mother and hugged her so tight. Jackie continued to rub her back until Rose pulled away. Her eyes showed her thankfulness a thousand times over. Jackie stood up to give Rose some time alone with her memories, she kissed her head one last time before she shut the door. Rose lay down on the bed and just let her memories engulf her.
Darling, when did you fall? When was it over?
Darling when, when did you fall? When was it over?
This was it, it really was over. It had been two days since Canary Warf, maybe instead of five and half hours maybe it was a week now, or five days…But Rose knew she was kidding herself. He wasn't coming back to her. Maybe he really couldn't. Maybe she really was stuck here. Forever. Forever without her Doctor. What a hollow, empty and half-life it would be. No more adventures, meeting new people, seeing new things it was all gone. Why did it have to go so wrong for them? Why did she have to let go? What if she had just held one for seconds more, how would life be different then? She had devastated two lives because she couldn't do a simple task to hold on tight. Now she had just broken three hearts. She was angry with herself. Angry she had failed.
There was a soft knock on her door and Jackie came in with a small portion of breakfast. She wasn't hungry but she had to eat something, her mum was worried about her. Jackie sat on the bed and held her hand. Rose went in for a hug, because she needed to feel the closeness of someone. The one person she wanted was so far away now.
It's marching through my door now, the stony cold of lonesome
A bell tolls for my heart and then my lonesome song begins
It started with a small voice in her mind. Calling out to her softly. She'd wake up, unable to place the voice and feeling confused and scared. Every night it was the same thing, the voice calling her. Wanting her. Pleading with her. Telling her to find me, follow my voice. Then one night it clicked. She shot up. It was him. Finally he had found her. Time to go home. She woke her mother up and told her to pack. They were leaving tonight. She roused the whole house from their slumber. They were confused, but they obliged. And then they drove. Drove for hours, drove for days. Finally the realization dawned on the rest of them. He had called for her, and she was going to meet him. They drove so far they ended up in Norway, on a beach in the wee hours before the sun would rise.
Rose looked around feeling uneasy. Bad Wolf Bay. It was another sign. The words seemed to follow them everywhere. Scattered throughout time and space. Was it another message?
Rose moved her hair out of her face, it was windy, and the sea was choppy. Everything about this place screamed to her that it was unsettling.
Where was he? She couldn't anything but wild wind, no sounds of the TARDIS and no man standing on this god-forsaken beach. She looked around again, starting to feel abandoned once more. When she turned around again she gasped. There, ever so faintly, he was there. That wasn't right, why was he like that? Wasn't he here? What did this mean?
It's marching through my door now, the stony cold of lonesome
A bell tolls for my heart and now my lonesome song begins
She walked so gingerly towards him, but he didn't move towards her. It only increased her fears. Something wasn't right…
'Where are you?' She asked, she didn't see TARDIS anywhere.
'Inside the TARDIS. There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a supernova.'
His smile was pained; it hurt to speak to her. But it felt so good to hear his voice again.
'I'm burning up a sun just to say good bye.'
She smiled a bit as he said that. But it quickly vanished as he explained that he couldn't come through, not now, not ever. He would shatter both worlds and cause the worlds to collapse. No, no this wasn't what she wanted to hear. She looked at him, her heart breaking and tears started to fall.
His brown eyes held so much devotion for her and were engulfed in so much devastation and heartbreak, it was everything in her not to cry out. To comfort him. Like she had done so many times before.
Darling, when did you cry? I couldn't hear you
Darling when, when did you cry? I couldn't hear you
She looked closer at him as he was still talking. Two minutes, that was all they had. His eyes looked tired and bloodshot. He wasn't ok. He was just as broken as she was. The only difference was, they didn't have each other to help pick up the pieces.
So many times she thought about reaching out. She had so many things to tell him, so many things. All buzzing in her head, so many thoughts forming and incoherent sentences. Not knowing where to start first, she picked the most important one, the one she thought about telling him numerous times, the one she knew would make him most uncomfortable, the one most precious to their relationship. But they were going to be separated forever now, so what the hell then.
Trying to steady herself and attempted to restart her sentence more than once. She took a deep breath and exposed her heart.
'I-I love you…' There she said it. And he didn't make a face, recoil away or run off scared.
'Quite right, too,' he grinned. She couldn't help herself, but she smiled too. Always cheeky, even at a time like this. But then the smile vanished. And he looked serious. 'I suppose, if it is my last chance to say it, Rose Tyler-'
Her eyes widened, and her heart sank. He had vanished, gone. Her shock slowly ebbed away and their two minutes were up, expired. She tried to steady her breathing and was finding increasingly difficult to do that. So she ran. Into her mother's open arms and broke down again. Why, why were the universes so cruel to them! What had they done? They were saviors of the world sure, but they were so much more to each other. He needed her. He was a lonely person who needed her because she needed him also. Why did they do this? What was she going to do now?
I suppose it is the price of falling in love
Sometimes, when you fall in love, it doesn't work out the way you plan. And while their love story was anything but conventional, she chose to believe that he would say those final words to her. Imagine it sure, but one day it hit her. Weeks after the events on Bad Wolf Bay she made a choice. She would fight. Fight for the right to see him again, fight for the right to hold his hand and run off into danger unknown and fight to have him finish those words. Universes be damned. To hell with them. She was not going down without a fight.
I suppose it is the price of falling in love
Because that's the price you pay when you meet the Doctor. She was fundamentally changed by him. And he had given a taste of something more. In turn she had fallen in love with him and he with her, so she hoped. But he was flawed, death followed him and he had a temper that was remembered in legends. A name that sent chills through his enemies. But she was there to stop him, and pull him back. And he needed her, and she him.
When she started working for Torchwood One it did help her move on. She was still meeting new people, of all kinds. Working along side Mickey and her father, it was nice, a nice taste of normalcy. But deep down she needed more. But she shoved it down. Concentrated on her work, but was excited with the Dimension Canon. Bad things were starting to happen. It was the darkness; she could feel something was different. Then reports started to come in. What was happening? She volunteered to investigate. And they found out. It was devastating. She had to warn him. The Doctor, he had to know. Or Donna, she knew of her. Either would do, the darkness was coming.
It's the rain that I hear coming, not a stranger, not a ghost
Of the quiet of a storm approaching that I fear the most
This reality was false. She had an alternate reality formed around her. She needed to know. And so she met the most important woman in all of creation more than once. She jumped several demsions, so many timelines to find him. Then in 2007, when she landed, she found Donna Noble. But what she had missed was the Doctor. She had watched an ambulance drive away with Donna standing there. Oh god, was it him. He defeated the Racnoss, but Donna had pulled him back from the edge. There was no one there now. She didn't believe that he could die, but if he died before regeneration could take hold that was it. No, she cursed, the universes again be damned. She had no time to grieve. She could set it right, but she needed Donna's help. Her universe was faster than this one, and she already saw the devastation, they could things. They could. But she needed patience.
In 2008, she had saved the Noble one again by telling her to get out of London and she survived the crash of the Titanic. Rose had hoped that this would open her eyes, but she needed more. Finally, Donna followed her after three weeks; just like she said once the stars began to go out. And she took her to her base to show her the Time Beetle. This was it; Donna knew what she had to do to restore the timeline. Rose reassured her as best she could. She was so important and she didn't even believe it. She pleaded with the TARDIS one more time to give her strength. And as usual, she didn't fail them.
Donna did what she needed to do, at the cost of her own life in that timeline but it worked. She was there for her as she was dying and Rose whispered the two words she knew he would understand. She was getting closer. She could feel it. Her patience would pay off. And she hoped that he would sill want her. She had changed, she hoped not a lot but she did have a rather hardened exterior now. She hoped he liked what he saw. Bad Wolf was coming home, home to her Oncoming Storm.
It's the pain that I hear coming
The slightest crystal tear drops to the ground in silence
When my love is near
She didn't believe it. She made it home, back to her own reality. She wanted to scream out her victory but the world was slowly shattering around her. There would be time later. She wandered aimlessly around the streets; they had transported him here, but where. Where?! Then, there she heard his voice. Her heart leapt for joy. Now finally, she was home. And when she saw him she froze. He was with Donna who spotted her instantly. The Doctor pleading with Donna for more information, anything she could remember about what Rose had told her.
'Why don't you ask her yourself?' Rose smiled at that comment, but she saw the Doctor remained in the same spot.
Well if wasn't going to do anything but stand around, she would go to him, and she ran. Trying to cradle the gun, she finally dumped it as she saw him running just as fast as she was to get to her first.
They didn't see it until it was too late. Then he was on the ground, Jack killed the Dalek instantly, but it was still too late. No! No, not now. Why now? Why, mere steps from each other. She held his face and smiled at him, tears already falling. She had so much to say to him. Again the universes granted them such a short time, why did they not want them to be together?
Jack arrived at her side, grabbing Donna and telling them to get him into the TARDIS, they knew what was going to happen next. But still she didn't want it to. She knew it'd save his life, but cost him everything. Rose brushed away her tears, Jack moving her and Donna back.
Then the golden glow enveloped him, she was so nervous to meet this new man. What if he didn't remember her? She turned herself into Jack who simply pulled her tighter.
Something was different; he was glowing, but then projected the light into a hand in a jar. A hand in a jar? What was that? Before she could process it fully the light dissipated. The Doctor was still himself. His body unchanged. She was shocked. He only healed himself and directed the energy into his hand. It was his after all. Then it hit her, the one that was lobbed off on Christmas so many years ago.
But he enveloped her in a huge hug and everything was forgotten. She was home, she fought like hell to come back, and tears threatened to fall. But she held them back. His brown eyes, so full of life and love again. The pain that was there so minimal again. His hand found hers once more. Time to save the universe. Allons-y! The TARDIS erupted in smiles.
It's marching through my door now, the stony cold of lonesome
A bell tolls for my heart and now my lonesome song will end
He was dropping her off in Norway? In the parallel universe? Whatever for? She watched her mother walk out into the sunlight. The beach was so different this time as she walked out. She looked around. Everything was calm now. So different…
She watched the Meta Crisis follow her, but her Doctor, he didn't. She was confused. Why was this, didn't he want her to come with him? No… why was he rejecting her? She changed that much? All of his companions, especially Martha, so surprised she was back. She found him, and he beamed with pride. But now, his eyes held pain again, but love was there too.
The Meta Crisis followed her as went back onto the beach. She just stared. No, this was not happening, she was going to be with him after all, she had promised forever. Now she could give it to him. Because she had worked so hard…
He was a coward, he always would be. He offered a feeble excuse to explain himself out of this moment. She knew he destroyed the Dalek fleet, but she didn't realize he considered genocide. He explained that his Meta Crisis had be been born on the battlefield. Revenge driven, he was dangerous to be left to his own devices and he was entrusting him to her. He was damaged, just as he had been when they first met. And look what she had done to him. She made him into a better man. She did that, her love did that. And he knew that she could do the same for the Meta Crisis.
No, she couldn't accept that. She was so confused at his words. She wanted her Doctor! But as the Meta Crisis grabbed her hand, she felt comforted. But she also saw the jealousy in the Doctor's eyes. He did love her. He explained that he had the same memories, thoughts and feelings. But he wasn't the one who had actually experience them with her.
But Donna told him to instruct her on another important aspect. She turned to him, so confused. He was half human. One heart, couldn't regenerate and only one life. She felt his chest, it was true. It complicated things so much more now. What would she do?
'I'd like to spend it with you, if you'd like…' Her heart swelled…small amounts of hope were being resorted. There was only one thing she could think of to test his memories. The worst day of her life.
'Does it need saying?' She was angry, it did. She needed to know! Know she was loved in return. Coward. She turned to the Meta Crisis and he leaned in and whispered the words.
'I love you.'
It sounded so right coming from him. She acted on impulse and pulled him to a kiss. So joyous when he returned her affections.
When they broke apart, he was gone. Again…no proper goodbye.
Darling when did we fall? When was it over?
Darling when, when did we fall? When was it over?
When did he consider their time worthless? When did he decide to leave her with him? Was it with Davros on his ship? What changed things? Was it truly the Dalek massacre? Or did he love her so much that he was giving the one thing he couldn't give her himself. A life, a life with him. In a sense. Again, now she couldn't see him…forever.
I suppose it is the price of falling in love
I fear that it's the price of falling in love
Hand in hand they walked together. He ran away, but had given her a precious gift. And while she worried that he wouldn't recover from this, that he would be alone at some point. She didn't want that for him. She wanted him to find someone. He deserved happiness too, because he was worth it. So, worth it. And he needed to realize that.
I fear that it's the price of falling in love
I fear that it's the price of falling in love
I fear that it's the price of falling in love
She looked up at the Meta Crisis and he simply smiled. She saw the light in his eyes and she felt slightly more at ease. She had to try…for him. Because this was his gift to her. One tolerated a world of demons for the sake of an angel. And the universes owed so much to him, and she would never forget him. Because he made her life better, and his story would live on…
I hope you all enjoyed the story, it's helping with my writer's block. I hope I portrayed the characters well enough. Thanks for reading.