Chapter 2
The very next day, the elementally-gifted monks were riding on the back of Dojo – elemental weapons stuffed in Clay's special Shen Gong Wu bag – flying over London and casting a big old Chinese dragon shadow on Big Ben.
Pretty soon the team found themselves flying over green hills and valleys, with the loud wind harshly battering their faces.
"Delightful weather for knight-frisking!" Dojo was forced to yell. "Can't believe I agreed to this!"
Kimiko ignored him. "Okay now..." she fought to keep her hair from blocking her eyesight, as she checked the GPS on the PDA in her hand. "This map, which may or may NOT be fully up to date, says 'Sir What's-His-Name' is hiding out at a small hut just north of here. So uh yeah, keep your eyes peeled for the small hut."
"Lookin', lookin'..." Clay surveyed the landscape below. But before one could say "hot diggity dog" his hat blew off via a strong wind gust. "Hey NO!" he shouted.
The ten-gallon topper whooshed back and hit Omi's yellow head, then drifted down into a deep wood.
"Dagnard..."
Omi rubbed his head's very surface, shutting one eye tightly. "Clay, you MUST remember to take better care of your hat; it surely packs a wall among all this windiness."
"It's 'pack a wallOP,'" whooped Raimundo, trying to stay focused on the ground.
"Yes, and Raimundo's idiom as well."
"Found it!" belted Dojo in a happy sing-song voice.
"Found what?" asked a temporarily distracted Kimiko.
"The hut! Whaddyou think?" The dragon grunted and pointed with his claw. "See, it's right down there between the clotheslines and the chicken coop."
Clay stopped brushing away his blonde hair for a spell. "Uh, last time I checked, knights don't raise chickens."
Rai closed his eyes and shrugged. "Whatever; our guy's a nutjob anyway."
The crew and their giant dragon thus smoothly made their landing near the hut's front entrance.
The four quickly dismounted and stepped toward the hut's welcome mat. As leader, Raimundo took the initiative and knocked on the door. "Hello? Mr. Knight Guy? We're here!"
He continued knocking until at last the door opened... and an old lady appeared from inside.
"Hello?" she asked shakily. Then she covered her mouth and gasped. "W-who are you people?"
"I uh – " Rai found himself hesitating, index finger suspended.
"Yes," Omi jumped in, "we are the Xiaolin Warriors seeking to join forces with the knight without a name."
The old lady stared at the anticipating kids, and then she looked at Dojo, who was still stretched forty feet long, ten feet high.
"Hee-hee, hi," Dojo chuckled, waving. "Don't mind me! I only flew them here."
Capturing the reality of the large dragon, the old lady moaned and fainted backwards, hitting the floor with a THUD.
"Oops." Dojo curled his claws and glanced about.
The kids stood frozen in place, staring down at the floored woman. That is until they instantly heard the galloping of hooves and a shout.
Their favorite mystery knight was seen "bravely" riding in on his horse, sword drawn. "By the power of King Arthur's Excalibur I hasten to strike this scaly green beast a fatal blow!"
"AAAH!" Dojo shrank to gecko size and madly scrambled to hide behind Omi's tense shoulders. "I'm the good dragon, the GOOD kind! Please don't slice and dice me!"
The knight forced "Butterscotch" to come to a halt right in the wake of the rattled Xiaolin Monks, letting a cloud of dust flare up into the breeze. He then cocked his head to one side. "Thou art... with them?"
Omi looked at Dojo, who was shivering like crazy. "Yes, he is the one who flew us to Britain. Which is, quite lovely matter-of-factly!" The little monk innocently shifted his weight from the back of his feet to the front.
To that the knight stowed his weapon, causing a small paper to float out its sheath. "Ye FLEW eh? Hmph, 'tis hardly the marking of true warriors. To globe-trot the land by horse, not the air by some untamable 'beastie,' payeth the greatest honors to the heroes of the medieval days of yore!" He turned his head away in a huff.
"Is it really that big a deal?" questioned Kimiko, who preferred more practical modes of transportation. She saw the small paper fly in Omi and Dojo's direction.
Dojo ceased shivering and guardedly plucked the paper from midair. He then took a second to read it closely. "...And is this an airplane ticket?"
"...Why it most certainly is not!" Sir What's-His-Name pulled his horse forth, which tore the ticket from Dojo's grasp by its teeth.
"But it said: good for one flight passenger and one large... animal," explained the small dragon, watching the horse chew the ticket up.
"Well... it doesn't matter!" The armored fellow crossed his arms. "You unchivalrous lot made Grandmama – er – I mean, the old maiden swoon!" He alluded to the motionless feet of the woman at the doorway.
"Yeah, we're really sorry about that," Rai chuckled shyly, looking back.
"Ahh... I suppose she'll come to her senses of five in a few minutes. Onward we hunt! ...Oh, but before I forget..." The knight rummaged in his satchel and revealed a certain ten-gallon hat. "Found this ragged old head-cloth traveling the wood." He tossed it at Clay, who was able to catch it (even with his heavy Wu bag burdening his shoulder). "Manage your peasantry garments more carefully, for King's sake."
The noble knight trotted on, with the monks choosing to follow at a safe distance. Clay put his hat back on and slowly adjusted it before he could catch up.
Now hiking up the pleasant green valley trails, the five hunters kept on the lookout for their supposedly large, easy-to-spot prey. Meanwhile Dojo was sitting atop Omi's head, humming and singing happily.
"See the Xiaolin Warriors... they go, in search of evil, up high, down low, to SLAY... and to become, become, become, the Great Britain heroes!" The musical reptile spared the monks' ears a moment. "...Um, what kind of monster we lookin' for again?"
Rai heaved a surrendering sigh. "Some sorta, hydra thingy."
"From MY understanding the hydra breathes fire, stands a hundred feet tall, and has seven heads!" Omi told them both.
Clay grumbled something whilst carrying his bag. "Yeah, does this critter even exist?" No one bothered answering him.
"Hydras, hydras, slimy and fat, sharp-toothed and flat; they take the princess, they eat the sheep, and they've got seven times the bad oral hygiene. Aye, AYE, aye-aye..."
"Aye Dojo." Raimundo covered his ears.
"Silence you most tiny of minstrels!" The knight shushed Dojo's singing and halted everybody else. "I hear an uncommon bug-ish buzzing. ...Oh if it be a giant insect, might our hands get dirty with much exoskeleton and guts."
"Gross." Kimiko shook her head, but as she did so she listened closer. "Actually, I don't think that's a bug." Her eyes widened as she heard the noise sweep just beyond the trees and the shrubbery. "It's... something even grosser!"
"I recognize the sound o' THOSE motor blades," Clay responded with a massive fist clenching.
Growing edgy, Raimundo switched to the knight, who was scratching his helmet cluelessly.
"You stay here," he ordered to the British fellow. "We'll deal with this racket; shouldn't take long. C'mon team!" He then jumped straight into the shrubbery, off the beaten path. His friends dashed on after him.
And so the knight was left sitting quietly atop his steed. "I say..." He went ahead and checked the phone buried in his pocket, which told him the current hour. "Oop! Teatime." He brought out a a teabag and a warm water thermos, pouring a "cuppa" for himself.
A specific and calculating albino mechanic had not been hovering far enough away (by means of his noisy heli-pack) to remain secretive while he studied a beeping black-and-red tracking device on his wrist.
"Yes, made it! Okay... according to the surveillance-bot they should be, right about... uh-oh." Jack Spicer lowered his arm and fixed his eyes on the Four Xiaolineers clawing out into the forest edge interior from the bushes.
"Uhh, GREETINGS Xiaolin Losers!" Spicer fumbled to put his left hand to his forehead, striking a big letter "L," but upon realizing he was using the wrong one he swapped his hands, and only then did he grin evilly.
"Ah great, if it isn't the omnipresent Jack Spicer!" Kim vociferated to the others over the obnoxious buzzing. "One question I'll ask is: who would've thunk? And another: won't the chowder-head just EVER accept his own place in loserdom?"
"I warn you to stay out of our follicles Spicer!" Omi yelled up to Jack with a viciously fast and strong hand-swipe. "You have already long been defeated and done away with!"
Jack made a face and threw his "Loser" arm to his side in reverberation. "It's so nice to get this warm reception after so many months! I can pretty much SMELL the love in the air." He non-threateningly hung there slacking his shoulders before shifting a pair of eyes back down on the monks. "...So how's the whole leader gig working out for ya, O he who wears long-sleeved shirts under short-sleeved shirts?"
His arms folded, Raimundo peered up at Jack and blew him a raspberry.
"Classy." The goth-mechanic then held out his hands, seemingly preparing for an ill-proportioned battle. "Anyways, I couldn't help but notice you guys were changing from your 'Xiaolin Dragon' occupations to actual dragon slayers?"
"Hydra slayers; I stress that very strongly," Dojo corrected from Omi's shoulder. "...How'd you get the bulletin on their personal monk business?"
"Funny you should ask," Jack replied, and he pushed a button on his blooping and blipping wrist device.
A miniature robot bug crawled its merry way out of Dojo's ear-crest. Feeling and seeing it on his cheek, the green dragon screamed. "AAH! Get it off-get it off!" He swatted the bug to the ground below, and stuck his snout at Spicer. "You sick monster-maker!"
The monks were disgusted by the ear wax-smothered speck twitching there on the grass, but Kimiko soon angrily enveloped her hands in fire and leaped at the hovering mechanic with the speed of a rocket. Scared silly, Jack immediately tried to fly away home, but the Dragon of Fire caught both his heli-pack's rods and sank her shoes into his flabby abdomen.
"OOF!" he woofed. "Hey, what the heck are you trying to do to me?"
Kimiko didn't answer him, at least not directly. "I can't believe you're still wearing this tacky outfit," she snarked as she got a brief grip on his collar, slowly setting it on fire.
"It is NOT!" Growling, Jack stared hard at the flames creeping near his cheek. "Why can't you appreciate the hard work I put into designing this from scratch Kimiko?"
Kim quirked a brow at his face. "I don't follow your twisted line of thinking there." She glanced at his right heli-rod, then his left. "But one thing's for real: you need a serious design upgrade on your flying contraption." She held the metal sticks tightly. "See ya around!" And she bent them toward each other, causing the sets of spinning blades up top to clash.
Jack got caught in the resulting explosion while Kim back-flipped away in the nick of time. She landed just fine on her feet, and she and her friends watched the screeching loser spiral down into the valley, leaving a trail of smoke behind.
Clay sniffed the smoke and rubbed his nose. "That sure went well."
"Yep!" Kim patted her dusty hands together; and Dojo wiped some sweat off his green forehead.
Then the team took notice of their dependable knight bouncing into the scene, a teacup in his possession. "My ear hath detected a nearly earth-shattering kaboom! What was it? I demand to know!"
"Monk business, that's all," elaborated Raimundo with a smug shrug. "No biggie."
But right when he said what he said, the earth began to shake, rendering balance a difficult task for humans and horse alike.
The knight shielded his eye slit with straightened fingers and pointed in one direction. "This way!" He tugged his horse's reigns and "led" everyone outside the forest up a steep hill where they could overlook the landscape.
Beyond the far stretch of high, deep, and uneven green ground, there stomped the silhouette of a colossal creature, shrouded by lake fog. The monks stopped dead at the hilltop and gasped at its largeness. It was round, had a pair of bat fins, a long tail, and believably enough, seven heads that bellowed terrorizing roars across the country.
"'Tis the hydra; it draweth nigh. We must better ourselves for battle posthaste." According to his plan of action, the knight unsheathed his sword and tried polishing it.
"...Whoa caramba he's a big dude," observed Raimundo.
"Bigger than Clay?"
"Hey now, watch whatcha gab there lil' Omi buddy," Clay jittered, but all nice-like.
"So are we going after him er what?" Kimiko asked in a reckless fashion.
While Knight Dude was busy cleaning his weapon, Raimundo advanced forward a bit, placing his hand under his chin. "...Where's the Sun Chi Lantern."
Omi fully faced the "big" cowboy next to him. "Clay?"
"Right, I gottit." The Earth Dragon dug in his bag and pulled the Lantern out. "Uh, what're we usin' this fer?"
"Hand it to me." Rai motioned for the Shen Gong Wu, not averting his eyes from the hydra. "I'm gonna have to combine our powers and fight that monster by myself," he automatically decided, taking the Lantern which Clay had bestowed to him.
"Wait... no you aren't Rai!" Kim laughed bafflingly, trumping over. "How could you even GET such a bad idea?" She slapped her hand on the Lantern too.
"Are you kidding me? He's HUGE! We'll never be able to take him on all split up!" Rai then pulled the Lantern closer to himself. "Just let me handle it."
"Partner, did someone put a squirrel's nest in yer thinkin' cap?" inquired Clay, legitimately so.
"NO!" Omi interjected. "You cannot possibly master our elemental powers in one sitting!" He too grabbed the Lantern in order to tug it away; Dojo fell off his shoulder in the process.
"Oh, but only YOU can?" Raimundo was getting defensive, and he tugged back.
"Give it up Rai!" Kim grunted. "It's obvious you're just trying to prove you're so much better than the rest of us!"
"Am not! It's for your safety!"
"Ba-loney!"
"No Raimundo!" Omi resumed yelping, as he and the two other monks fought over the Wu. The Wu, on the other hand, was beginning to glow brightly.
The knight ceased polishing his sword and gave his full attention to the glow. "What manner of treachery be THIS?" he exclaimed.
Clay cautiously stepped toward the squabbling trio. "Fellas, n-now don't be tryin' to start a Xiaolin Showdown. ...C'MERE!" He grabbed the Wu at last, covering everyone else's hands and effectively lifting his friends in midair to make them stop. But by doing this, the Sun Chi Lantern flashed an overload of blinding light. And it caused the knight's caramel steed to neigh and rear in a reactive fit of panic.
As he struggled to regain control, the young knight lost his temper. "ENOUGH!" he boomed. He forced the horse forward and, with a well-executed swing of his sword, struck the troublesome Shen Gong Wu out of the Xiaolin Monks' hold. Four mystical swirling streams vanished before the Lantern clanked to the ground and rolled down the steep hill from whence the hydra hunters climbed.
Now groaning on the grass, the four monks opened their eyes and sluggishly arose. The knight stood above them wrathfully.
"ART YE A BUNCH OF BOORISH PRATS?"
Confused, Omi was the first to actually rise. "...No, I am pretty certain we are Xiaolin Warriors."
"Bah! Warriors from the Stone Age! I've never witnessed such meaningless bickering in all my years as a knight!" The monks stood up griping shamefully, as they ought. "I hope ye each were tickled PINK, because you went and scared the daylights out of my sweet Butterscotch with your traitorous witchcraft!" The knight in shining armor leaned and softly patted his trusty steed's shaking neck. "There-there... Daddy's here for you."
Dojo appeared a timid polecat from beneath the lot, yet he managed to perk, and then he got to talking. "Ugh, speaking of daylight, it's getting kinda late," he claimed, seeing the sun begin to set in the distance. "Should we – I dunno – call it a day? Oh please yes."
Sir What's-His-Name took the dragon's words into account. "...Return to me, and this land, when you get your piddly little act together. Or, chicken out and scatter abroad like four air-headed distressed damsels." He shuddered and then gently tugged on the caramel horse's reigns. "Good day peasants." And with that, he trotted off and left the Xiaolin team standing on the hill.
Kimiko reflected on what just happened as she pulled black hair from her view of the distancing armored man. "He definitely has charisma," she said with a frown.
"But we... do not," Omi confessed sadly. And so the monks rotated around and witnessed their giant hydra disappearing into the horizon, as well as the depressed setting of the sun over the valley.
When they had partially resigned from the hunt and returned to the Xiaolin Temple, it was already quite late, and therefore time for bed. Clay's big body was stalking the temple's dark hallways and heading to the lecture room, where candles had been left flickering on the tables. The Earth Dragon had assigned himself with the task of blowing them out for the night, and he was evidently ready to commence with such.
"Whew, what a darn-nutty day. High time we got ourselves some shut-eye," he said yawning. His own glowing candle in hand, the shadow-cast cowboy walked through the room, approached the tables of fiery lights, and looked down upon each of them.
"Welp, g'night." He inhaled deeply and blew.
But, instead of simply whisping the tiny flames away, Clay's breath transformed into an eerily powerful gust of wind that sent the candles flying everywhere. The next thing Clay knew, there was leftover candle wax bleaching spots of the entire floor.
"...What in tarnation?" He dropped the candle he'd been holding, although its flame had gotten snuffed as well. And he stared at the waxy mess in complete bewilderment.
"AAAH!" came an immediate Tom Kenny-esque exclamation from the halls. Raimundo the Shoku Warrior skidded to the lecture room's open doorway forthwith. The now-shocked Wudai Warrior cowboy peered at him.
"Clay?" Rai's stretched hands were ablaze with hot fire. "We've got a problem!"
Plot devices... I love them so.
The knight who still shalt not be named lives with his grandmother. Does he belong to a noble "Round Table?" He be keeping secrets from everybody, that's for sure.