Excess use of the same joke ahead. Reader discretion advised.
After screaming for a few hours on end, Tamaki soon came to the end of the white tunnel. He was spit out into a strange room…with blue people. "Smurfs! Can you tell me how I can get back to my home? My poor Haruhi is waiting all alone for me!"
"Is it Roleplay Wednesday again, Fullmetal?" Mustang turned around mysteriously in his office chair. He stood up pretentiously and walked over to Tamaki. "Did you get taller overnight? You're taller than me, Fullmetal. Oh, no…please don't tell me you sold your brother's soul to become taller." Mustang took hold of Tamaki's shoulders and shook them. "TELL ME YOU DIDN'T," he yelled, stricken with grief.
During this fiasco, Tamaki wasn't listening, not even a little bit. He was staring at the gold stars on Mustang's shoulders. "…ooooo…shiny…"
"LISTEN TO ME, BOY! DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE!?"
"I don't have a brother, but if I did, I would tell him to STAY. AWAY. FROM. MY HARUHI!" Tamaki fist pumped into the air.
BACK AT THE HOST CLUB
"My Tamaki sense is tingling…" Hikaru said.
"I know…I can feel it too," Kaoru said mysteriously.
They both punched Edward at the same time.
"It didn't really look like you were doing something…" Hikaru started.
"…but we know that you were," Kaoru finished.
MUSTANG BRIGADE
"DON'T YOU…FORGET ABOUT MEEEEEE! Sorry, you were saying?" Havoc walked into the room. "Why is Edward taller? And where's Alphonse?"
"EDWARD!" Mustang yelled.
"TAMAKI!" Tamaki yelled.
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"STFU!" Riza opened the door to yell at them, and then slammed it and continued looking for a good sub sandwich place on her map. So far, it had led her into a latrine, the meeting she was supposed to be in (boy, that had been awkward), and a strip poker game taking place inside of an office meeting place. Luckily, most of them had their underwear on. She had then been walking down the hallway only to hear Roy Mustang yelling up a storm, and she had promptly used her new magical powers of text speak. It blew everyone away. Smiling, she reached her destination.
"….darn it." She had walked into a sewer.
TRANSITION
TRANSITION
WHOO WHOO
TRANSITION
"THAT WAS ODD," MUSTANG YELLED.
"YES, IT WAS," TAMAKI SHOUTED BACK.
"WHY ARE WE TALKING REALLY LOUDLY?" HAVOC QUESTIONED AT FULL VOLUME.
"BECAUSE THE AUTHOR DIDN'T BOTHER TO TURN THE CAPS LOCK OFF," MUSTANG AND TAMAKI SHRIEKED AT THE SAME TIME.
"Oh," Havoc whispered.
"Why are we whispering?" Mustang and Tamaki whispered at the same time. "Copycat!" they both yelled. They looked offended at each other.
"Hey, isn't there supposed to be some kind of plot?" Havoc inquired.
"What?" Mustang asked.
"What?" Tamaki had not heard the question.
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"STFU!" Riza rose up from the sewers in a spirit-like form and opened the door to the office, only to slam it again.
They were silent for a few moments, but idle chatter soon started up again until Mustang noticed something lingering in Tamaki's eyes. Something he'd never seen before…a deep hurt that made him want to bring Tamaki into his arms and never let go. And then he would plant a kiss, right on his—
"Why are Edward's eyes purple?" Mustang squinted at Tamaki. Darn it. The yaoi lock was on and the author didn't get very far.
"And how did his hair get so short?" Havoc questioned.
"Well, sir, it's obvious that he's a homunculus," Fuery stated to Mustang as he passed him with a stack of papers out of convenience for the author.
It took a few moments, but a light bulb soon came on above Havoc and Mustangs' heads. "OMG OMG OMG LOOK IT'S ENVY NOW I CAN KILL HIM!" Mustang fanboyed. He then approached Tamaki menacingly. Tamaki took one look at him and shrieked.
"HARUHI, I KNOW DADDY'S ALWAYS SRTIVED TO PROTECT YOU BUT JUST THIS ONCE, CAN YOU HELP DADDY OUT WITH YOUR MAGICAL POWERS OF BEAUTY AND WISDOM!?" Tamaki began running away from Mustang until they were nothing but a circular blur in the middle of the room. Havoc sighed in exasperation.
"STFU!" This time it was Scieszka who quieted them, opening the closet she had stuck herself in. Riza had seemed to have started a cult of all-powerful text-speakers. Scieszka ominously closed the door, staring at them all the while.
OURAN HIGH SCHOOL PIZZA CAT CLUB
After all of the fires had been put out in the building, everything was burnt to a crisp except for Music Room #3, which for some reason didn't even have a scratch on it. There was blood staining the wall, the one sign that the fangirls had ever been there in the first place. Edward stood in the middle of everything, the only other sign that the fangirls had ever been there in the first place. His shirt was ripped off and the remainder of his red coat was stuck, torn to pieces, in his automail. There were scratches up his arm and his leg. A few of his teeth were knocked out. His pants, boots, and socks had been taken by the fangirls, but they had spared him his boxers…barely.
(This is where the author should say something funny to lighten the mood.)
"You know, not once did I feel my Tamaki sense tingling throughout all of that," Hikaru commented.
"Yeah, it should've been going berserk." Kaoru stroked his nonexistent beard.
"Which can mean only one thing…," Hikaru said.
"…you are not Tamaki!" they both said, dramatically pointing at Edward.
"HURAAAGH!" Edward yelled barbarically, charging at Hikaru and Kaoru and holding his arms out wide to catch them like a bull that'd seen red. He was like the Hulk. A very small Hulk. With a red jacket. And probably a lot angrier with the whole situation than the Hulk would've been.
"Whoa, whoa! Calm down, Fake Boss!" Hikaru held up his hands in the universal 'STOP' position. This definitely wasn't Tamaki. Hikaru knew that he wouldn't be able to gently hop out of the way of this raging shrimp in time, or be able to nonchalantly stop him with one hand. No, this time it wasn't himself that saved everyone, but…Kyoya?
Kyoya had taken his trusty Indiana Jones© lasso and had effortlessly lassoed Ed to a halt an inch away from Kaoru and Hikaru, where he was busy frothing at the mouth. "Let's get you some clothes, piglet."
Edward instantly regained composure and the lasso fizzled into the air as a tangible, leathery fog because the author recognized Edward as a very developed character and felt bad for degrading him in that way.
"Sooo…" Honey tried to get the funniness started again.
"Sooo…," Kaoru said back.
"Sooo…"
"Sooo…"
"Sooo…"
"Sooo…"
"Sooo…"
"STFU!" Haruhi shouted back. Apparently she'd gotten the memo.
"Isn't this joke getting a little old?" Honey questioned, a piece of cake that had appeared out of nowhere muffling his voice.
Everyone in the room besides Honey took a reeeeeeeaaaaallly big breath, getting ready to yell at him. "ST—"
END-O-THE-CHAPTER
Da-da….DA-DA! Bum-bum bum-bum bum-bum bum-bum. Da-da…DA DA! Bum-bum bum-bum bum-bum bum-bum.