Chapter theme song: "I'm coming home"- Diddy ft. Skylar Grey

Helga

"Helga, you alright?"

I jumped, nearly spilling my coffee on my sweater. I had to force myself to calm down before I gave myself yet another heart attack. "Phoebes, please don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry, Helga." She said gently. She maneuvered beside me, peering over my shoulder to watch me stir my coffee. She offered to help but I respectfully declined. "Something the matter, Helga?"

"Is there any reason why you find my coffee stirring so magical?" I quipped back with more venom than intended. I apologized once I saw her face fall slightly and began to walk off. I had the headache from hell and only wanted to pop in a few painkillers, take a bath, and get some well-deserved sleep. I woke up at around noon to the angry knocking on a hotel door. I glanced around and saw I was in some cheap room laying in abed covered in dry semen, cocaine, taco meat, and used condom wrappers. I couldn't even process anything before the manager of the motel barged in with a rifle and demanded why I didn't come to checkout two hours ago. He asked was I one of these prostitutes that was trying to get over on him but I assured him I was not the type. I don't even remember how I got here, let alone why I was naked and lying next to dry, cracked beef but I was desperately trying to explain myself before he shot a hole in my head. He took a good look over of my nudity and smirked, slyly saying that if I did not want him to call the cops and bust me for drug usage and soliciting prostitution, I would have to do him a…favor. I forcibly chose not to remember much else after that.

"Is there a particular reason why you are in such a foul mood today, Helga?" my best-friend of thirteen years stopped me, pulling my arm. "You seem…so…so…"

"Tired?"

"Well…that but you just don't seem yourself." She paused, beginning to gnaw at her bottom lip. "Lately, you haven't been yourself. We don't hang out as much as we used to and we don't talk as often. You have been distancing yourself from not only me, your best-friend, but life in general. I rarely ever see you go to class and you are always in your room with the door locked. Is there something you want to talk about?"

I shook my head, turning around to head down the corridor to my room. Phoebe followed dutifully in silence, all the while thinking. I tried several times to make light conversation; even going as far as to discuss the weather but she I couldn't force my mind to comply. I began thinking. Lately, I have been distancing myself from not only my friends but my life. My grades were greatly suffering because I have not been going to class, my social life was non-existent since I haven't truly spoken to anyone but Phoebe in over three months, and my potential love-life was on the rocks because I have avoiding spending anytime with Arnold. When I was not spending girl time with Phoebe, I was getting cozy with the ol' football head in his dorm. We would order Chinese, do little studying, play video games, and maybe catch a movie or two. I cut all that to a dire minimum in an effort to keep my distance to the peace. I noticed that any time I manage to grow closer to Arnold I wake up in a strange bed next to a gentleman I never met before in my life. This morning I was surprised to see I was alone for the first time in several weeks. But to keep tension at bay, I simply just decided to seclude myself to keep what little sanity I had left.

"Are…we still friends, Helga?" I heard Phoebe mumble behind me. I spun around, stunned. "You don't return any of my phone calls, text messages, we don't hand out anymore, and you try your best to avoid me whenever you see me around campus. Did I do anything to upset you?"

"No, of course not Phoebes." I nearly shouted, engulfing the little Asian girl in my arms. It looked as if she were a step away from crying. "I am just…going through something right now is all."

She wiped away a few stray tears before smiling, relieved. "I'm glad to hear that, Helga. You are my best-friend, and truly only friend, but you know we tell each other anything. Why keep secrets from me now?"

I stood speechless, looking at my lukewarm coffee as it swirled in my Styrofoam cup. I sighed. "It's different this time, Phoebe. I can't tell you…I just…can't."

"If it's stress about school, I totally get that and I can help tutor you if you need me-"

I cut her off, smiling. "Really, Phoebe, I'm fine. It's not school related and I definitely don't want to inconvenience you. I know between balancing an internship for Dr. Bliss and a full course-load here, you have little to no free time."

"That's true, but what little free time I have I would like to spend it with my best-friend when not with my boyfriend; even if that means tutoring you. I miss just being around you, Helga."

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and allowed the guilt to seep in. To keep her at bay, I distanced myself from the only person that genuinely cared for me- Phoebe. I gave her a warm smile before perking up and inviting her to my room for a movie night. She was hesitant at first in fear of invading my space and becoming a nuisance but I assured her that I really wanted the company; and I really did. She smiled widely before happily trotting to my room; quickly rambling on about how happy she was we were finally spending some time together and on what movie we should watch. Truthfully, I just wanted to go to sleep and drown myself in some solemn music, but I decided against it since I have been sheltering myself in the darkness of my room for the past few weeks. Phoebe took it upon herself to order us a large pepperoni and sausage pizza while I popped in Breakfast at Tiffany's. It was one of our favorite movies we liked to watch together. I don't know why I even bothered popping in the movie because we only legitimately watched the first ten minutes; and those were the opening credits. We got so caught up in girl talk that we never noticed the movie had turned off. Of course, with Phoebe being Phoebe, we had to do some studying and get at least a few assignments done so she tutored me in my business calculus and I helped edit and revise her senior thesis on Bi-polar disorder. Phoebe was a real die-hard psychology major that took interest in the subfield of abnormal psychology. Her interest first evolved when she found out her mother was bi-polar and her father suffered episodes of severe depression. In an attempt to help serve her parent's needs better, she took it upon herself to do some research on psychological disorders in the library and was instantly addicted. I never told Phoebe about my…episodes, nor did I plan on it, but I figured I should seeing as how she was Dr. Bliss' intern. Though Bliss and I share patient-doctor confidentiality, Phoebe has access to all of Dr. Bliss' records and unless those notes Bliss had been writing down during our sessions were really doodles and recipes on how to make oatmeal cookies, Phoebe was bound to find out sooner or later. I preferred the second.

"I'm so glad we did this, Helga." Phoebe spoke gently, packing her books back into her backpack, smiling. "I really missed my best-friend."

"Me too, Phoebes." I embraced her in a warm, gentle hug before escorting her to the door. "Text me later so we can set up another movie night? Chinese on me?"

She nodded. "Texting! Come visit my dorm room anytime, Helga. I know that although you and I are best friends, we are entitled to keep our own personal secrets. I just wish you would open up to me a little bit more."

"I know and I apologize. I just…I just…" I paused, moving my attention towards my pink, fuzzy slippers in an effort to detour the conversation. I wanted to tell her, I just didn't know how or when the right time was. There were nights were I would come home and cry myself to sleep because all the anger, pain, and guilt would eat me to my core. I didn't have anyone to turn and talk to. My mother and I were never close. My father I have not seen in seven years. While Olga…well…she was much worse than I was so talking to her would be like talking to a brick wall. I sighed. "I promise, when the time is right I will tell you."

I watched her force a small smile. It was all she could do. "Goodnight, Helga."

"Night, Phoebes." I watched her walk down the hallway towards the elevators before I slammed my door. I immediately stripped myself of my clothing to run a nice, scolding hot bath. I poured in a cupful of strawberry scented bubbles before I immersed myself in the scorching basin. Every time I would run a bath, I had to have it burning hot. At first I had it to the point where I would get first-degree burns. But after a while I got used to the sensation and would only get perforated blisters. I didn't understand why I liked my baths as hot as I do until the night I woke up from a ten men orgy. I was covered in semen, saliva, and urine. I never felt so humiliated and degraded in my life. The only reason I knew I was involved in the orgy was because they left me a little party favor at the foot of my bed as a token of gratitude. It was a small recording showing me sucking three guys off as I was being pounded into by four and fondled by the remaining three. I felt so vile that I immersed myself in a tub filled with water I personally boiled on the stove. I received second-degree burns but I felt clean.

I began washing my hair when there was a knock on the door. Crimeny, can't I take a damn bath!?

I figured it was Phoebe, maybe she forgot something. Or it was Dr. Bliss; seeing as how the annoying twit could barely leave me alone half the time. I grumbled under my breath as I sheathed myself with a towel before pulling the door wide-open. It was Arnold.

"Arnold!" I shrieked, wide-eyed. I took a step back to allow him in, making a conscious effort to watch how loosely the towel clung to my nude body. It was just my luck that I chose the shortest towel I owned. Crimeny! "W-what are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you." He shoved his hands in his sweatshirt pocket, shuffling his feet. "We were supposed to have dinner and a study session in my room last night but you never showed. I tried calling but it went to voicemail repeatedly so I figured something was wrong."

I gulped, turning red. "I…I…I kind of…fell asleep I guess. I had a bitch of a migraine and I just needed rest." I paused, covering my mouth. I silently cursed myself for swearing in front of Arnold. Arnold did not like it when I swore, especially in front of him. He felt I was too intelligent and beautiful to allow myself to subject to the will of vulgarities. "Shit…I mean shoot! I'm sorry."

He chuckled. "It's alright. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Lately I felt like you have been brushing me off."

"Why do you say that?" I began sweating bullets.

He shrugged, stepping closer towards me. I stepped back, watching him let out a heavy sigh. "Because of that, right there."

"Right where?"

"You just backed away from me like I was planning to hurt you or something." He paused, running a hand through his blonde mane. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Of course not, Football head. You did nothing wrong." I stopped momentarily to figure out what to say next since he obviously looked as if he was not buying the bullshit I was selling. "I just have been busy."

"Too busy to answer a call or a text?"

"Arnold…"

"Why are you leading me on, Helga?" he blurted out, interrupting me. "One minute we flirt, hang out, and dance around the subject of us potentially having a relationship and the next minute you act as if I don't exist. Is there someone else you are interested in?"

"No!" I shouted out, lunging towards him. I almost dropped my towel but quickly reached up to retrieve it. Arnold blushed velvet as he turned around to give me time to get decent. I ran into the bathroom with a t-shirt and some lounge pants from my drawer to quickly put them on. I came out and met Arnold, moments later. He smiled gently, gazing at me as if I were the most beautiful thing he had ever witnessed. I blushed, hiding my hued cheeks behind my veil of wet hair. I cleared my throat. "Arnold-"

"Helga, if there is someone else just let me know. I may not like it but at least I will respect your decision…"

"Arnold…"

"I really do like you, Helga. I mean at first I only saw you as a friend but as I slowly got to know you, I graviatated towards you and figured out you aren't as cold, callous, and mean as you let people to believe. You are actually a warm and gentle person inside although I don't understand why you hate to admit it."

"Arnold…"

"And even if it is another man in the picture, believe whole heartedly I won't give up without a fight. I have known you too long to even think of letting another man win you over so easily."

"ARNOLD!" I shouted, causing him to finally grow quiet. I shook my head, highly amused. It was moments like this were my love for Arnold would only deepen. Though he was not at the point where I was, I could tell he was slowly but surely getting there. "If you would shut up and let me finish my sentence, you would know there has not nor have there ever been another man I have been interested in. You have been the only once since pre-school."

He looked stunned, almost shocked that I had never had the eyes for any man but him; and it was genuinely true. Since the rainy morning where he shared his umbrella with me and complimented my bow, I was cast under his spell. It was not only his kindness and warmth towards other, but his personality as well. Arnold was everything I strived to ultimately become; loyal, caring, selfless, confident, strong, brave, honorable. All the traits that make an admirable human being Arnold already possessed. He knows how to make me laugh, console me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, there to openly and closely listen to my problems or feelings when I am having a bad day, and even make me feel human again. It was not just his kindness that made me fall for him, but him…as a person.

"Helga…I don't know what to say."

"Well, say nothing hair boy and scram." I shot back, whisking my wrist as I made my way towards my bed. Arnold wasn't buying it. Instead, he removed his sneakers, pulled off his sweatshirt to reveal a blue cotton tee, and hoped in bed with me.

"You aren't getting rid of me that quickly, Helga. I don't know why you are trying so hard to push me away but I don't give up easily."

I smirked, reaching over my bedside table to turn off my side lamp. It grew dark, the only source of light being the crescent moon that gracefully hovered over my window. I felt Arnold wrap his arms around me as he snuggled up behind me, kissing my neck as he buried himself in-between my shoulder. I felt my breath become caught in my throat as I felt an unfamiliar feeling of warmness course through me. I never felt so…at peace or serene that is almost felt surreal. It was not the first night Arnold and I slept together but it was the first night where I was able to fully relax and release the tension I had building up within myself. The first night we slept together, Arnold vowed that he would never hurt me and not do anything inappropriate to me. I believed him, still do because he has shown me throughout the years that he has evolved from being that primitive and into a full-fledged gentleman. We have not been intimate with each other yet, mainly by my account, because I would feel I would be doing him a disservice if I allowed him to touch an already marred body. Arnold was pure, completely deserving of someone better than me. It baffled me as to why he chose one of the most fucked up women to entertain his time with, but I found myself not wanting to know in fear of the answer. I decided to just put my thoughts aside and drift off to sleep with Arnold keeping me safe, even if it meant only for one night.

A/N: Thank you for the positive responses I have received thus far. Yes, Helga has dissociative identity disorder, multiple personalities. I did not want to create a cliché plot line but I also did not want to get too deep into the dark genre. However, I hope you all stay tuned for the upcoming chapters of my H&A story. I wanted to give them some love as well seeing as how I devoted a lot of my time to Gerald and Phoebe. Thank you all again for the support and reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. I am off to go snuggle with my own hubby. He is patiently awaiting my return to our bed. -SensuallyPassionate