Prologue part 2.

It's official.

I'm going to die alone. All, alone.

Or maybe not alone. Maybe I'll end up with ten cats like my aunt Getrude who usually smells like an odd mixture of garlic and strawberries that makes me want to simulteniously hug her while retching my entire intestines.

Let me set the scene. Not really for posterity because this doesn't deserve postering. More like clarity. Let me set the scene for clarity.

So, it's a Thursday evening, yes? It's a Thursday evening and I'm in my kitchen , almost half naked, a spatula in my hand and nicely frying meat on the pan. And my girl friend in front of me.

Breaking up with me.

She's breaking up with me on the day I decided to fry meat for her. How heartless is that? Seriously?

"Why?" I ask incredulously, waving the spatula around because this isn't making any sense to me.

"Because, Lauren." She answers stupidly. Like I'm just going to accept being broken with on meat day while practically half naked- because.

"Because isn't an answer I'm willing to take, Nadia." I'm trying really hard not to raise my voice. Or hit her silly with this spatula because violence is beneath me.

"Lauren-"

"No. If you're going to break up with me, at least be woman enough to tell me why."

"Fine." She crosses her arms all defensive like she's the one who's having her heart ripped out in front of frying flesh. "Being with you is turning me into a chronic masturbator. There, I've said it."

There's silence in the kitchen save for the cooking food.

I blink at her. Then I blink again. Then another time because things usually seem more serious when you do them three times. "What?" I finally hiss out.

"You heard me."

"Yes. I heard you blaming me for you becoming a pervert. How is it my fault that you like- you know-" I wave my spatula in the general direction of her genitals- how is that my fault?"

"You're really asking me that?"

"Yes Nadia, I really am." I say crossing my arms before uncrossing them and turning off the heat. This might take a while. Then I give her all my attention.

"Look at you, Lauren." She points at my Star Trek shorts and sports bra like her reason for breaking up with me is written on them.

"What about me?"

"You walk around with these short shorts and skin all out and make me hot and bothered and give me nothing to calm that. It's frustrating as all actual shits!"

"Fine." I uncross my arms. Compromising like the considerate human being that I am. "I'll wear pants from now on." I say nicely.

She runs her hands through her hair and groans. She looks like a demented bear and I don't get it. I basically just solved our entire problem.

"That's not the fucking point!"

"How is it not the point? You get frustrated when I wear shorts, I'm offering to wear them less, it's a simple equation."

"We've been dating for three years and we've had sex three times, Lauren. Three!" She sticks three fingers in front of my face as if I'm stupid and can't count on my own without visual aid.

I narrow my eyes at her, thinking about it for a minute. "Is this because I wouldn't let you maul my breasts the other day?" I ask recalling that day in the bedroom when she was sleeping over and insisted that she fondle me. I would have let her but it was that time of the month and I was really sensitive to touch.

"No it's-" she starts with a shrill voice before sighing. Visibly calming herself down. "This is just not working for me anymore, Lauren." She continues, very calmly now, "I love you, I do. But I'm afraid if I stay with you I'll end up doing things I'm not proud of and I can't risk that."

I don't know what to say to her. My mind literally has zero things to say to plead my case. So I say the first thing that comes to mind. "You couldn't wait till tomorrow to break up with me?"

Her eyes widen, then she opens her mouth and closes it like a suffocating fish before finally finding her words. "What?"

"It's Thursday, Nadia. And not just any Thursday, it's meat Thursday. You know how much I despise cooking meat yet on this special, special day I selflessly put my wants aside and make meat for you and you decide on today, of all days, to break up with me? When I'm at my most selfless for you?"

She just stares at me for a moment. Hopefully seeing sense in my wise words but probably not because she's suddenly nodding before lifting her hands and dropping them in a sign of defeat. "You're fucking serious right now?" She hisses, giving me one those gramatically incorrect sentence- questions. I've told her a million times, you can't 'tell' someone a question. But now, since she's feeling all funky and what not breaking up with me, I'll just let her wallow in her ignorance. "That's all you have to say."

"What more do you want me to say, Nadia? You're breaking up with me for no reason, I mean, it wouldn't have hurt you to touch yourself for one more night, right? You've been doing it for three years after all."

"God!" She literally growls, messing up her curly hair. "You are so-" she puts her palms to the front, takes a step back. "You've turned me inti a cheater and I don't want to be that-"

Hold just a minute- "what?"

"What, what?"

"Don't what what me right now, Nadia. You said 'you've' present tense."

"Slip of the tongue." She shrugs. All her aggresiveness is gone now and she won't look me in the air. I cover the distance she'd put between us.

"No it's not. You said, I've turned you into a cheater. So- you're- you're cheating on me?"

"Lauren-"

"No no, leave my name out of your mouth. I just fried meat for you!" I point back at the pan, my eyes still on her. "and then you break up with me, in front of said meat, and make it seem like it's my fault when you've been cheating on me?"

"It just-"

"Who?"

"What?"

"Who did you cheat on me with?"

"You don't know her."

"Nadia..."

"Her name is Bo Dennis. Okay."

I shake my head in disgust and take a step back from her. "You cheated on me with someone with a two letter name? Seriously Nadia?"

"That's not the point!" She's back to defensive again. I don't really care anymore.

"No, it's not. The point is that I had a plan- we" I point between the two of us, "had a plan and you ruined it because you couldn't keep it in your pants."

"Have you ever thought, just for a second, that maybe I didn't want to be part of your plan, Lauren? Maybe I don't want to live my life on a schedule. Maybe I don't want you to be boxed in your ten year plan."

What insanity is this cheater speaking though? My ten year plan is amazing and thorough and anyone who gets to be part of it should be thankful. Not that it's much of a plan now because she and Bo Dennis ruined it.

"It's a good thing you don't want to be part of it because I have no space for cheating, chronic mastubators anyway." I say finally.

She just looks at me and shakes her head. "Good bye, Lauren. I'll come back for my stuff whenever."

Then she storms out of the house and I'm left just standing there. My eyes roam all around aimlessly until the fall on the garlic lying idly on the counter, not very far from the strawberries.

And I break down and cry.

...

As a rule of life, and because I try my very best not to look like a balloon infested with mumps; I don't cry over anything for more than an hour. Except maybe for my cat Ernie who I cried for for half a day but I was ten and that can't be held against me.

I rid my house of all things Nadia with still red eyes. You know, I was going to ask her to move in with me today. It would have been romantic and sweet and after three years of on and off dating, it was time too. Then I probably would have had sex with her for the fourth time today with candles and everything. Scented no less.

But no, she had to go cheat on me with a girl named Bo. How does that even happen? How does a mother skip nice, nice names like Lauren, or Karen or Elizabeth and name her kid Bo? No wonder she can't keep her hands off other people's women. She must have been traumatised by that name growing up.

In everything I do in life, I'm thorough. It's how I was raised. If you're going to do something, do it right. And that's the route I take with devesting my house of everything Nadia.

I throw out my detergent because I used to wash some of her clothes with it and when she slept over I'd burry my head under her neck and just breathe her in. I throw away all the strawberry flavoured yoghurt in my fridge because they're her favourite. I get rid of all those Lays she has lying around, thank god.Then when I'm done. I do it all over again because like I said, I'm thorough.

I delete her number and all Emails and texts she ever sent me although I save some on back up. You never know when you'll need to sue someone. I even cancel the membership to the gym where we met which just breaks my heart. Do you know how hard it is to find a gym that doesn't smell like feet? Plus the bathrooms had sanitizer. But oh well.

By the end of the week, it's like Nadia never existed in my life and I move on to step two of the break up routine; informing loved ones.

Do you know that thing where your loved ones look at you with such sympathetic understanding eyes when you tell them you've just had your heart broken? Like they would take all your pain if they could? Well, my loved ones and I passed that stage like three break ups ago.

"Again?" Ciara asks when I tell her that Nadia and I have broken up. This isn't new to us, we break up more than we have sex but then she comes crawling back and I take her back because she's part of my ten year plan and she makes really good pancakes.

"This time it's for real." I tell my best friend of seven years. "I'm done with her Cee. I swear."

"That's what you said last time."

"Yeah, but last time we broke up because she couldn't play soduku. She learnt that. This time she cheated and there's no way to un-cheat so it's over."

Ciara's eyes grow soft and she reaches across the table to take my hand in hers. "I'm really sorry honey. She didn't deserve you anyway."

I smile a bit at that then shrug. It is what it is.

"Who did she cheat with anyway? Is it that Crystal chick? They seemed awfully close."

I roll my eyes. Thinking of the two letter named woman who ruined my ten year plan without even trying. "No, her name's Bo."

Ciara's eyes widen. "Bo Dennis?"

"Yes." I stretch out the word "Do you know her?"

"I know of her." She scoffs and leans back on the seat. "I know this is fucked up to say but Nadia never stood a chance with her. That girl's a shark. A really hot shark."

A really hot shark that ruined my life.

"So she does this kind of thing often?"

Ciara shrugs. "More often than not. My cousin, Tamsin, she fell for her, hard. Left her boyfriend for her and everything. Turns out, Bo isn't in it for the relationship and she genuinely has a phobia for it. The minute Tam mentioned a long term thing, she broke into hives." I arch my brow in amusement, she rolls her eyes. "I'm only telling you what I was told."

"Whatever." I say after a few seconds. "She'll get what's coming to her someday."

Breaking the news Ciara is that easy. We end up skipping the Bo topic and talking of other things of interest. We agree to meet up tomorrow, go blow some steam, help me get over Nadia.

I love how eady things are with my bestfriend. My mom on the other hand.

"Why?"

"I just told you mother." I say, folding the laundry as meticoulously as she likes it. "we just didn't want the same things in life."

"And you just realized that? After three years together?" It would be easier if I told her the truth. But my mom has ways of turning things into my fault. Always has.

"I didn't just realize it. I- I met someone else. Someone who made me see that Nadia and I don't fit."

"Someone?" She looks at me with vague interest. I nod while internally kicking myself. "Who?"

"We're taking it slow."

"So slow you can't even tell me her name?" She's using that voice again. The one she uses to undermine me. To make me feel small. The one that always, always makes me want to prove her wrong. To show her that I'm more than how she sees me. To please her even just for once.

"How about- how about she tells you herself." I say with forced excitement. "I'll bring her around on Sunday for family dinner and she can get to meet everyone and everyone will meet her." I present it like it's candy. Begging my mother with my eyes to take bait. Finally, she gives me a small forced smile.

"Sunday it is then."

...

The Devil is after me.

I swear.

It's like my world is crumbling, brick, by brick. Not only did my girlfriend cheat on me, then accuse me of turning her into a pervert, then dump me. But now, I'm telling lies to my mother for the sake of looking good in her eyes and to top it all off, my bestfriend can't even come out as planned so we can go drown my sorrows in alcohol.

"I'm sorry, Laure. We'll go tomorrow, I promise."

I roll my eyes. I'm already dressed and I already had like four shots to get my buzz going because tonight I'm on a mission to get drunk off my face and not think about anything.

At all.

"I can't wait till tomorrow, Cee. I need this."

She sighs and I can practically hear her mind working up a solution. "Okay, how about you go to the club and I'll try my very best to come later. Just make sure to text me where you go so I'll know where I'm supposed to meet you."

I shrug. I'm desperate for some stress release right now.I'll take anything. My mom already called me three times to ask if my 'new girlfriend' has any allergies. I told her she has none, then I cried because I can't even make up allergies for my non-exsistent girlfriend. I'm desperate for a night out.

"Okay."

...

I'm seated by myself at the back of the club, waiting not so patiently for Ciara as I play with my drink and listen to music. I'm in no mood to socialize tonight. I just want to drink with my best friend and get over my girlfriend- ex girlfriend- and figure out what I'm going to tell my mother when Sunday comes and I don't have an allergyless girl to introduce to the family.

It'll be just one more tick in the eternal boxes of how I'm failing her as a daughter.

"Do you come here often?" I hear and I sigh under my breath. I don't need this tonight. Or any other night for that matter. I arch my brow at the admitedly hot girl who just said that to me and then the cutest thing happens, she looks down and apologises for her lameness.

So I figure it's okay to offer her a seat.

She offers to buy us a drink. So nicely too. Like her buying my drink is me doing her a favour.

I'm still thinking of how cute this hot girl is when she leans down and a smell of vodka and lavender hits my nose. "I'm Bo by the way."

Everything in me stills. Einstein on a tricycle, what are the chances? I mean, she's Bo? The Shark? I could be wrong but, how many girls named Bo who're hot and gay and pick up random girls in clubs while (pretending to be) unaware of their hotness are there.

I think of all my troubles. Then I think of a perfect solution. Then I smile at her.

"I'm Lauren."

...

An; so now we're done with the prologues. Let the real fun begin.

Thanks for reading.