So, the whole story is written. I will update one chapter a day (as far as possible.) I would love to get some reviews and hear what you are thinking!
I don't own Twilight.
Chapter 2 - Last Resort
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils
Bella stood in front of the little white house again. It might have been the next day, or maybe a week later. She lost track of time frequently now, when there was no reason to pay attention. It didn't matter, the wheel of time kept grinding forward, crushing her day by day as it propelled her to graduation and the end.
That was how it always felt, when she thought about it, it would be the end of everything. One way or another. She swallowed the familiar panic like a red glow as it rose in her throat, a reflex reaction to a familiar situation. She envisioned the red running down with the rain, taking the pain and loneliness with it. The rain left her cold and numb as it ran down her skin. She closed her eyes, preferring the feeling numb to the panic. She could maintain the numbness, but had to choose her thoughts very carefully.
She was waiting for her ride to come and pick her up, just like it did everyday. There was no escaping it, especially not since her beautiful old red truck had broken down for the very last time. She had her suspicions about that, but she kept them to herself. She kept a lot to herself. She felt so full of things she kept to herself that one day soon she knew that she would burst, a torrent of knowledge flowing forth. But no one would be there to catch it and it would all wash down the drain, dripping and gurgling like a river that had flooded it's banks.
As she stared into the falling rain, she watched absently as a black Mercedes pulled up. It was something she'd dreamed about so often that she didn't react when one of the doors opened and Alice Cullen got out. It was her imagination, grown restless with disuse, taking her heart's desire and playing it out for her to watch. She had envisioned this scene so often: she was losing her mind.
"Bella! Bella!" called Alice, running at an almost human speed across the road. Bella stood, unmoving as the image her mind had conjured ran towards her.
When Alice's cold, hard arms closed around her, Bella began to shake. "No, no..." she muttered, struggling to get away even as her eyes involuntarily watched the door of the Mercedes open and a beautiful boy with bronze hair stepped out into the rain.
"Bella, I'm sorry," whispered Alice hurriedly, as though afraid Bella would melt in her arms. "We never should have left, we never meant to hurt you like that, no matter what. Please, please don't do it!"
That startled Bella from her panic just long enough to ask, "What?"
Alice's eyes grew wide, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, releasing Bella. The boy stayed by the car, watching them intently. "I'm sorry," Alice said again. "I didn't realise... never mind."
Bella wasn't listening, the urge to run growing more powerful as the beautiful boy walked across the road. She began to back away, step by step, until the backs of her legs hit the front steps of the house and she sat down, hard.
"No, no, no, no," she muttered again. "Not now, it's too late now." Tears traced their way down her face. "No," she whimpered as Edward bent down in front of her. His heart had sunk into his shoes when Bella had begun to protest and only Alice's silent threats were holding him to his promises here. Obviously, Bella didn't want to see him.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I have to apologize for so many things," he said gently in the velvety voice Bella had been dying to hear. "But primarily I need to apologize for lying to you. In the forest that day, I told you that I didn't love you, but it was not the truth. The truth was that I loved you so much that I was terrified of something happening to you, terrified that it would be my fault if you were hurt, or worse, died. It was the darkest blasphemy what I said to you that day. I do love you, I always have loved you, and I always will love you. Forever."
"No, no, no," she chanted under her breath, her arms covering her body. "Not now, not now, it's too late," she said again, talking to herself.
"Bella," said Edward more forcefully, cutting though her mantra of negativity. "Bella, if you don't want me, I will leave. But it isn't too late, Alice saw and we got here in time."
Bella shook her head, gradually realizing that at some point recently her daydreams and vague thoughts of escape had solidified into enough of a suicide plan to spark Alice's vision. But it didn't matter.
She crossed her arms more firmly, sniffing loudly and dropping her eyes from Edward's penetrating stare. "No," she moaned again, still half-sure that this was a dream, and soon she would wake, alone again. "It's too late. You don't understand. You can't understand. I – I'm not good enough for you anymore, Edward." The last part came out soft and humiliated. It cost her much in pain to say his name, and she wasn't sure if she could say no if he begged.
She gathered her courage to look up at him again. The perfect pale skin, the tousled copper penny hair, the chiseled features that were so familiar to her heart... her spirits, temporarily buoyed by the seeming realization of all her hopes and dreams, sank. Tears flowed effortlessly down her cheeks. He was perfect. And she was... not.
"Bella," Edward pleaded, "I don't understand. You are perfect for me, and..."
"NO!" she burst out. "Maybe, just maybe, I was perfect for you. I'm not anymore. I can't be. I'm sorry."
Another car pulled up and Bella stood, wiped her face on her sleeve and ran.
She got into the car, leaving Edward and Alice to stare bewildered after her.
Chapter title and excerpt are from "Last Resort" by Papa Roach. Please review!