(Brief) Author's Note: In this chapter there are references to different Jewish traditions. Any tradition with a number beside it will be explained at the end of the story.
Numb
~Chapter Two: Brash Actions~
Kyle slowly knelt in front of his father's gravestone, his eyes taking in the freshness of the dirt underneath him and the gravestone's newly carved letters. He reached out and traced his father's name. He bit his lip to keep it from trembling. Tears began to fall down his cheeks as he continued to trace the letters. His mind felt numb as he stared with empty eyes where his father lay in eternal rest, while his body moved mechanically.
He pulled his hand back slowly and took out a small stone from his pocket. Placing it on top of the gravestone, he bowed his head and prayed. (1) He didn't know how long he stayed there until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He glanced over to see Stan standing beside him reassuringly.
He felt bad for asking Stan to come with him to visit his father's grave, but he didn't want to go alone. It had been a week and a half since he had heard the news but the pain of the loss still felt new. The burial had taken place soon after the announcement, and shiva had only just been finished. (2) Ike was at home now, and Kyle hadn't the heart to ask his brother to come with him here. Not when Kyle felt all this guilt. He blamed himself for taking away their father, for leading his father to drinking by straying into homosexuality. Now, he would never get the chance to make up with his father, and in turn he would never make up with his mother.
Kyle knew she blamed him by the way she looked at him. With that look on her face. The look nearing the one full of disgust from the day he announced his sexuality. Sometimes it was full of distaste for him, while other times it was just blank. She hadn't spoken to him except to tell him what needed to be done around the house so far. He knew it was only a matter of time before she finally told him exactly what she thought of him. But until that time, he would be ignored by her completely.
He touched the hand on his shoulder for comfort as he felt his chest tighten. He wiped the tears away from his cheeks with the sleeve of his jacket. He looked up to the sky to see it mocking him with its beauty. His father would never again see that sky…
Stan helped him up from the ground and placed his own stone on top of the gravestone as Kyle had. Kyle knew Stan didn't understand the reason for the stone, or even most of the customs that had taken place this past week, but he was grateful for him not asking questions about them. He could vaguely remember explaining different traditions to Stan at his Bar Mitzvah (3) and softly smiled at the memory.
Stan gave his shoulder a squeeze and started to walk away from the gravesite. Kyle took one more look at his father's grave and made a silent promise to come back again. He followed Stan to the car and got in the passenger's seat, buckling up automatically.
Kyle mentally made a list of all the things he needed to do now. He had just finished helping his cousins pack, and he was irritable from not having something else to do. They had come for the burial, and with them they had brought a rabbi from the synagogue they belonged to.
The rabbi had been a huge help in preparations and during shiva. He wasn't to leave until the day after his cousins left. Kyle thought about trying to talk to the rabbi about his problems, but he was nervous. He had never talked to a rabbi before, being that he lived in a place where he knew only Roman Catholics, and he wasn't sure how to approach the man.
Though, once he got the courage to go up to the man, he didn't know what he was going to say. Kyle wasn't used to talking about his feelings to someone he didn't know and he wasn't about to start anytime soon. Not to mention that he had his doubts about that the man would be able to tell him any decent advice that didn't come directly from the Torah.
Stan was always there, but Kyle was too nervous about how his friend would react to his news to go up to him. Kyle had briefly even thought about talking to Kenny, since the boy was friendly enough, but had shoved the idea aside quickly. Not that he didn't trust Kenny, he did, but because he didn't want to tell someone other than his best friend first. If Stan reacted badly, he might find out that Kenny knew and would be mad at the boy. But, if he reacted nicely then he would be upset that he wasn't the first person Kyle had went to for help.
Kyle shook his head. His thoughts were the reason for him wanting to be busy at all times. Either he was thinking about coming out or he was thinking about his dad. He did have the rare happy thought, but that was it. He bit his lip as he went out the front door. It was actually warm outside today, for which he was grateful. The weather had been cold all summer, especially at night, which made it impossible for Kyle to enjoy his summer in any way at all. He had to be the most cold-blooded person in South Park.
He walked aimlessly around the small town, letting his thoughts wonder. Over two hours had passed before he found himself back at his house. He knew immediately when he arrived that something was wrong. His mother was standing on the porch and his cousins' car was gone. He took a deep breath and proceeded to walk to the porch. His mother's eyes followed his movements and she motioned for him to follow her inside. He did so.
When they were in the living room, she stopped walking, Kyle followed suit. He glanced around the room and found the rabbi standing next to the stair landing. Kyle bit his lip. He quickly grew nervous by the silence, and had to say something. "So…" he began. His words made the room feel awkward.
Finally, he was saved from talking by the rabbi. "Your mother told me everything." he began gently. Kyle's face turned from nervous to scared in seconds. "She has stressed to me her feelings on the matter and I completely agree with her decision."
Kyle tried to look at his mother in confusion only to see her turn away from him. "Wh-what's going on?" he asked carefully.
"We only want the best for you Kyle, rest assured. We want to take you to a place that will take care of you sickness." the rabbi continued without missing a beat. "But there has been some concerned raised over the cost. I have agreed to pay for the cost for you with some donations for just this type of thing."
Kyle gulped, "Go wh-where exactly?" His voice trembled.
"The Hebrew Center for Misguided Teens." the rabbi stated. "They take in Jewish teenagers that have been well, misguided." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like paper.
Kyle's eyes widened, "What?" he asked quietly.
"It's for the best Kyle. Rabbi Joseph knows some people there that said they'll take you." his mother replied before the rabbi could. "You need to be with people that can teach you how to be normal." she added as if that summed up everything he needed to know.
Rabbi Joseph walked over to him and handed him the paper he had taken out earlier. Kyle gaped at the paper when he read it. It was a plane ticket to Canada. The rabbi then handed him another item, his passport.
Kyle wasn't sure how to reply, his voice wouldn't work even if he was sure. The lump in his throat was making it difficult to breathe. His breaths came out in quick spurts. "You, you want to get rid of me?" he managed weakly.
He didn't wait for an answer as his shock ran through his body. And suddenly, he wasn't just sad anymore. He was angry. After his father had died all his mother could think about was getting rid of her son. Kyle couldn't believe her actions. She hadn't even asked him about whether or not he wanted to go. If his father was here he would have…But he wasn't here, and Kyle had to shake himself away from those thoughts.
He felt his face burn with rage, "Do I have a choice in this?" he asked in a low tone. He couldn't keep his breathing in check and it was only a matter of time before he wasn't able to control his words.
"You're going." his mother declared. "Rabbi Joseph already got everything set up. You're to leave tomorrow." She paused in thought before continuing, "It's about time we got you cured. Just think, when you get better, you can come back here." she said this as if it was a reassurance. "But until you've lost all thoughts of those…perversions, then you are not welcome in my home." She just had to add the next part. Kyle duly noted his mother's true colors. Not that he wasn't used to them by now.
Kyle put a hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. It was beating harshly against his ribcage, which suddenly felt too small. His emotions suddenly crashed down on him, the rage, the nervousness, the frightened feelings, all crammed into his mind. His eyes began to fill with water. His mind was being too overworked by the strain of feelings. He couldn't just focus on his anger anymore. He had to focus on all of his emotions at once, and that was too stressful. He couldn't say anything more. He couldn't even think clearly. His body shook and he had to force himself to move. He focused his mind on one thought to keep himself moving. He had to talk to Stan. Tonight.
Here he stood, a shaking mess beside Stan's bedroom door, thinking about the past. He felt sick and focused on the memories to keep himself from emptying the contents of his stomach. Everything was happening too fast. His coming out to his parents, his dad's burial, and now his leaving South Park to go be with some strangers at a homophobic "center." His vision blurred as he raised a fist and knocked on Stan's door. He couldn't even hear the sound, not with how loud his heart was beating at the moment. The sound was so loud that his ears felt the pounding in each beat.
He rubbed his eyes roughly with his shirt sleeve, cursing his emotions. "Kyle?" Stan asked worriedly after opening his door. Kyle shook his head. He didn't trust himself to answer. He felt Stan's hand grab his. Before he knew what was happening, his friend was leading him onto the bed. Stan let go of his hand for a second to close the door and grab a box of tissues from his desk. He sat next to Kyle softly and handed his friend the box of tissues.
That did it. Kyle completely lost himself. He started to cry. He felt Stan's arms around him, patting him on the back comfortingly. Stan shushed him and said comforting words. It was clear that the boy thought he had a lapse of depression after remembering his father.
After a moment of being held so comfortingly after over two and a half months of being hated, Kyle had a complete breakdown. He started to feel his mouth begin to talk of its own accord. At first he was just stammering but after a few minutes, his speech came out with only a few stutters, hiccups, and sniffles interrupting him.
He told Stan everything. Starting from the time he started to think about men to the present. He included every detail he could. His dad's laugh, his mother's disgust, the fighting, even the day his dad had left home for the last time. He ended up talking about the center he was to go to, and was surprised to find that he could talk so monotone by this point. Stan never interrupted or asked a question in a pause. He was just listening intently, almost as if he knew how much his friend needed his silence.
He could feel Stan's shock, but he didn't stop to look his friend in the face. If he did, he would stop talking, and he couldn't risk that. He wanted to get it all out, needed to after all that his emotions had been through. After he told Stan everything he could possibly remember and then more, his mouth stopped working. He couldn't say anymore. His mind was blank and his body numb. He felt as if nothing could make him upset or angry or even happy at the moment. It was as if him talking to Stan had released all his emotions. And he supposed it did.
Kyle didn't know when he had fallen asleep, but he knew he had definitely passed out last night when he woke up in Stan's bed with Stan's pajamas on. He blushed when he looked to the side of the bed and found his friend lying on a self-made pallet, sleeping. Kyle let a small smile appear on his face when he realized that Stan had put him in pajamas and laid him on the bed to sleep.
He yawned and rubbed his eyes; stretching. His eyes hurt, making him think back to the night before. The smile he'd had on vanished and a frown took its place. He tried to keep his breathing steady when he remembered exactly what he had said to his friend. He began to question everything. Did Stan hate him? Would his friend wish him good riddance since he was going to leave today? Or would Stan understand? He placed a hand on his chest, reassuring himself by thinking about how Stan hadn't woken him up and forced him from his home after hearing everything.
He looked at the alarm clock and noted with a shock that it was 12:09 PM. He was surprised Sharon hadn't woken them up yet, then again she probably had work today, and Stan's father wouldn't have cared if he happened to be here (which was doubtful since he usually worked during the day). Hearing rustling next to him, he looked down at the boy sleeping in the pallet next to him.
Stan stretched and groaned, snuggling into the covers for a moment before popping out quickly. He sat up and looked at Kyle with wide eyes, remembering what had happened. Stan's face reddened slightly, "So, some night, huh?" he asked unsurely.
Kyle nodded, "Yeah, it was…weird." he stated. An awkward silence came over them.
"So, you, um, left your guitar here the other day," Stan said absentmindedly. Kyle thought back to the last time he'd been at Stan's. With a shock, he realized that he left it there the day before the news arrived.
Kyle looked at him for a moment before laughing. "I feel so stupid."
Stan quirked an eyebrow, "Why?"
Kyle hid his face with his hand, "I thought that after I told you all this then you'd hate me. That everything would have changed."
Stan smiled, "Well, I was really stressed out about it for hours after you'd fallen asleep. - You were out completely, by the way.- But I got to really thinking about it and I don't see a reason to not be friends with you after all we've been through. So what if you're gay? It doesn't change the fact that we've been friends since we were born!" Stan said, rubbing the back of his neck. "And as long as you never hit on me then we're cool." he added with a small smile, gauging Kyle's reaction to his last words. When a pillow hit him in the face, he laughed.
"Stop being so self-absorbed! I wouldn't hit on you if you were the last man on Earth!" Kyle declared before blushing at his words. This was the first time he had ever stated something like that. If Stan noticed his sudden apprehension, he didn't say anything about it. Said-boy continued to laugh.
"I'm only joking," Stan said defensively. "I'm hot though, right?" He wiggled his eyebrows. Soon, another pillow hit him in the face. He growled, "You're going to run out of ammo soon, y'know?"
Kyle stuck his tongue out at him, the effect of the childish display ruined by his blushing. "Just because I'm gay, doesn't mean I can't fight!"
Stan stuck up his hands, "Sorry, sorry!"
Kyle smiled at him. He couldn't believe it had all worked out so nicely between him and Stan. To think, he'd worried so much over this beforehand… "So, I'm supposed to leave today…" Kyle began.
Stan blinked, having shoved that thought to the back of his mind. They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before the sound of the doorbell ringing jolted them out of their thoughts. "I'll go get it." Stan said before heading out of the room.
Kyle sat stiffly as he strained his ears to listen to the conversation going on downstairs. When he failed at doing that, he got up from bed and started to get dressed to distract himself. When he was putting on his shoes, Stan entered the room. "Okay, we've got about fifteen to twenty minutes before someone comes up here to see if my story was true." he stated.
Kyle stopped tying his shoes and looked up at Stan in confusion. "What story?" he asked cautiously.
"The bullshit I made up about you not being here." Stan said, gathering some of his clothes around the room and grabbing a bag. "I'm sorry, but these clothes are the only ones I can give ya." he said.
Kyle quickly knotted his shoelace and got up from the bed, "Stan, what the hell are you talking about?"
Stan smiled at him as he pushed some more clothing into the bag. "Well, I can't very well let them take you to some center for misguided teens when you are most definitely not misguided." Stan said, as if what he said explained everything.
Kyle's eyes widened when he realized what Stan was talking about. "B-but your mom saw me last night when she opened the door for me."
Stan shook his head, "But she's not here right now, is she?" He winked and went through the drawers in his dresser, getting more stuff for the bag.
"You're giving me too much," he commented, pointing at the amount of items Stan was putting into the bag.
"You're going to need it!" Stan said, going to the bathroom across from his room and rifling through the drawers in there. "You remember that ticket that the rabbi gave you?"
Kyle reached into his pocket and found the ticket there. Crinkled, yes, but still useable. "Yeah, it's right here."
"Trade it in for another ticket," Stan said, bringing some toiletries into the room. Noticing Kyle's look at the toothbrush, he rolled his eyes. "We just bought some new ones, this one has never been used." he assured.
Kyle smiled widely at him. "Don't you think this is too brash?"
"Brash?" Stan questioned, laughing. "Since when has brashness not been apart of life in South Park?" he asked.
Kyle laughed, suddenly feeling elated. "How am I to get to the airport?"
Stan looked at him with his eyebrow raised, "You know I have a car, right?" Stan clicked his tongue, then dropped down to the floor and looked under his bed for something. He came out with a small shoebox.
Kyle's eyes widened at the sight of it, "Stan, no, you've given me so much already! Clothes and help and a ride…"
Stan held up his hand, "Those won't help you when you're in a new country, Kyle." He opened the shoebox to reveal his life savings. Kyle bit his lip. He felt so bad that he was taking so much away from his friend.
"Thanks so much, Stan," Kyle said quietly, unused to getting so much at once.
Stan took out all the money, much to Kyle's dismay. "There's more than enough in here to last you a couple months." he said with a grin.
Kyle blinked at him, "Are you sure yo-"
"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't be doing this," Stan interrupted, wagging his finger at him..
Kyle smiled, then looked at the clock, "How much time do we have left?" Kyle asked. The doorbell rang for the second time that day.
"About a minute max," Stan answered with a smirk. "We're going out by window."
Kyle nodded and grabbed the full bag from Stan's hands as Stan opened the window. He threw the bag out and it landed on the ground with a soft thud. He began to climb out by the pole when he suddenly had a thought, "Hand me my guitar," he stated.
Stan went back into his room and quickly grabbed the guitar, he handed it off to Kyle. Kyle put the strap on as fast as he could and hurried down the pole. The sounds of running up the stairs urging him on. Stan quickly followed, grabbing his coat on the way out.
When they both were down on the ground, they got their bearings and ran to the car, which was parked next to the house. Kyle ducked so the car hid him from view and Stan followed. They could make out the rabbi at the front door of the house. So, Sheila must have been the one going up the stairs. Kyle opened the car door and placed the bag and guitar inside carefully. He then slid inside into the passenger's seat and ducked down. The rabbi went inside after hearing a scream from the second floor. Kyle's mom must have un-doubtfully noticed the almost bare but messy room and the open window and put two-and-two together.
Kyle breathed a sigh of relief as Stan joined him in the car. Stan reached into his coat pocket and got out the car keys. They closed the doors quietly and Stan started the car. Kyle's mom and the rabbi both could be seen in the front window looking out. Kyle smiled as Stan pulled out and got onto the road.
On the way to the airport, Kyle thought about his actions. "You know, I'm so confused by all this stuff right now."
"What stuff exactly?" Stan asked, "You gotta be more specific, especially since we're on the run and stuff could mean a lot of things."
"Well…About being gay. I'm Jewish, Stan, I'm not supposed to be gay of all things…"
Stan licked his lips, "Maybe this is God's way of giving you a message?" he guessed.
"And what kind of message would that be?" Kyle asked doubtfully.
"To follow your heart for once instead of blindly listening to what your mother and father tell you is right and wrong." Stan replied after a pause. Kyle blinked and looked out the car window, wondering about what Stan just said.
Once at the airport, the boys got out of the car. Kyle laughed at his friend's state of dress. "You know that you're still in your PJs, right?"
"I think I look damn fine in them!" Stan argued with a smirk on his lips.
They entered the airport and scanned the area. Once they found the desk, Kyle straightened out the ticket. "Here goes nothing," he said. He walked up to the woman behind the counter, "Uh, do you do ticket exchanges here?"
The woman shrugged indifferently, "Depends, I guess."
Kyle could just tell how much the woman loved her job, "How about this ticket," he began, giving her the ticket, "For a ticket on the next flight out of here?"
The woman studied the ticket then typed something on her computer. "'Kay, looks like you're in luck today. The next flight out is only a $100 difference."
"Where to and when does it go out?" Stan interrupted.
She studied his outfit for a moment before shrugging, "Paris and in ten minutes."
Kyle bit his lip as Stan smiled, "You have your passport, right?"
Kyle nodded, "It was given to me with the ticket." When Stan gave him a questioning look he added, "When I went to visit Ike in Canada during fall break I was required to have one. We still had it, and they handed it to me with the ticket."
Stan smiled, "It's like it was meant to be." Kyle handed the woman the required amount of money and took the ticket from her.
"Eight minutes," she reminded.
Kyle nodded before pulling Stan with him to the flight doors that were stated on the ticket. "I can't believe I'm about to leave and go to Paris!"
"I know right? Just remember to send me a postcard, oh and call me!" Stan said excitedly. "Oh," Stan added, "Don't forget to exchange you American money for the French money!"
"Euros?" Kyle questioned jokingly.
"Yeah, those!" Stan replied.
Kyle smiled at him as he handed his ticket and passport to the guard. He gave away his luggage, including his guitar, to the required person. As they checked his stuff, he hugged Stan, "Thanks so much Stan, for everything, you don't even know how much I love you for this!"
"Don't be thanking me yet! You have to learn French, and fast!" Stan said.
Kyle was going to remind him that having a brother that went to college in Canada, where some speak French, had it's perks, when the intercom came on for a last-minute warning for passengers on his flight number. He and Stan said their final goodbyes as he quickly made his way to the flight, dealing with the guards and luggage holders along the way. When he finally got onto the plane, he handed his ticket (which the guard had given back, along with his passport) to the flight attendant. She directed him to his seat and he gratefully made his way to it. Only when he sat down and the flight attendant began to give a safety speech, did it all finally hit him.
He was going to Paris!
References:
1) In the Jewish religion, rocks are placed in front of graves instead of flowers. "God is stronger than death and his love is unending, so placing a stone on a grave is symbolic of God's infinite strength, love and memory."
2) Jewish religion requires prompt burial. After the burial, they have what is called "shiva." Shiva (or seven) is a period where the family stays home and mourns. Condolences are made during this time. Rules are strict for what happens during this period. Mirrors are covered, no leather shoes may be worn, no shaving/cutting hair, and no pleasure is allowed during this time to show grievance for a person that is no longer able to do or look at these things.
3) A Bar Mitzvah is hosted when a person in Judaism turns thirteen years of age. It is hosted to symbolize a boy turning into a man. (A girl also has a "party" for her coming of age at thirteen: a Bat Mitzvah.)
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! Review more? Please?
~Dedicated to my dear Occulta~
