I lay in bed under my covers. I wasn't going to move until I was dead. I had decided. I had planned. Maybe it would be form starvation, dehydration or even exhaustion (as if I could relax enough to sleep). But it was definite that no one would care. Yes my dad does come up to check on me every once in a while but after all the horrible things I've said to him, he'll be glad.
I have already planned my funeral out and the instructions are in between my mattress and bed frame. It's sticking out a bit so when they come to move my dead body I'm positive someone will see it and pull it out.
I hope heavens like what they said and all the lies are actually truth. I will see Derrick again and we can be together forever. Basked in eternity with riches and jewels, everything we could ever want. Life would just be a mere joke we would laugh about.
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. It was a rough tap, hard and repetitive. One which echoed around my room and in my ears so there's no way I could miss it. I knew who it was before they opened the door, it was my only visitor. My dad, again.
"Kerry, stop moping around and get out of bed. It's been three weeks since the funeral and you haven't even seen the town, or got out of bed" He muttered the last part quietly, but I still heard him.
Dad went and opened the curtains allowing light to filter in through the window and straight into my eyes. It illuminated the dust which covered my floor and my bed sheets which had patterns of cleanliness where footprints and handprints have touched them.
My reply to my father was merely burrowing further into my duvet. I didn't want to see the world and I didn't want the world to see me. I could already imagine the voices all of different pitches bitching about me behind my back. They wouldn't feel sorry for me because no one knows me here. I'd be the tramp, who mopes and barely speaks.
"Kerry, I'm warning you. If you don't get out of bed soon then I'll make you!"
How? How will he make me cause nothing could be worse than the pain which binded me and still binds me to this bed.
"Please…"
It was a plea, a beg but I couldn't get out this bed not even for my dad who had done so much for me. For me he had abandoned his job, his house, his friends and even his pets. He helped me move from my old home in San Francisco to La Push, well actually he did all the moving I did nothing. You could argue that all this stuff is his job as my dad and perhaps it is? But it's still pretty harsh, him giving up everything for me. Harsh and pointless.
"Look, I know how hard this is for you, when I lost your mother I wanted to lock myself in the cellar and become a mute, but I didn't. I pulled through for you and your brother and because of that I managed to move on!".
He doesn't understand. It was different for him, he had mum for thirty years I only had Derrik for three. Three years which could have been better spent if I knew.
"Right that's it. I did warn you"
Before I had chance to react he had one of my feet in each of his hands. The ceiling passed above me at a quick rate as my body hit the floor. I pulled myself up onto my feet and shot a glare at my dad before aiming to dive back under the bed covers. Before I had chance to even turn he had both hands on each of my arms.
"I tell you what I'll make a deal. There's a barbeque today and we've been invited. If you go then I promise you can come back here and mope all you want"
Dad was a man of logic and I knew he had a reason for making such a big promise, but then again it would be nice to lie down without his continuous attempts to drag me out of bed. A barbeque would be worth the peace.
"Fine" My voice came out all croaky and didn't sound like me.
"I'll get you a drink" Dad grinned at me before walking out of the room, he also didn't like to show his emotions so I didn't expect a hug and an 'I love you'.