Okay so I'm kind of stealing the information on the disease from 'Secret Vampire', the first book in the Night World series by L.J. Smith. I'm just stealing the medical information, though... so don't sue me please. :)
I own nothing.
Magnus Bane stood in the hospital room of the love of his life, and watched him listen as the doctor explained exactly what type of cancer he had. Some part of Magnus listened as well to the doctor, and he got some vague information.
Alec had pancreatic cancer.
He would have to stay in the hospital for a while.
They didn't know how long.
And then the doctor asked to speak to Maryse in the hallway, and Magnus followed, giving Alec a small smile as he slipped out the door behind her. The doctor gave him a look, but Maryse clung to his arm, watching the doctor with wide eyes as he laid it out for her.
There was no cure for pancreatic cancer.
The best they could do was... experimental trials in places like California and Sweden. But even then... they weren't talking about cures. They were talking about palliative measures-making him as comfortable as they could... extending his life by maybe two weeks...
Magnus' world seemed to shatter again, and his knees buckled. The next thing he knew was that he was being held up. It was Jace-Maryse had called him before, and he had just arrived... in time to here the end.
Extending his life... for weeks.
Magnus was being lifted, and he looked into the gold eyes of the man he had... been jealous of, hated, endured... and now all he could think of was that it wasn't fair. That people like Jace got to live-people who should already be dead, people who shouldn't... and Alec... pure, beautiful, honest Alec.
Magnus pulled himself out of Jace's arms, taking a sustaining breath. He saw Robert and Isabelle Lightwood coming down the hall, and he took that as his cue to leave, letting Maryse be comforted by her husband... he needed to see Alec... needed to see that he was still alive...
He slipped through the door of Alec's room, shoving a fake and strained smile on his face.
"Hey Alec." he said in the cheeriest voice he could muster... he sounded depressed.
"Magnus... how bad is it?" Alec asked, propping himself up against the pillows. For a moment, all Magnus could do was look at him. How had he not noticed this before? Alec's sallow skin, bruise-like smudges under his eyes, so frail...
Magnus looked at the floor, eyes burning yet again with tears. He wanted to lie to Alec. He wanted to tell him that it was nothing, that it was easily curable... but he couldn't.
"It... it doesn't look too great. I-I'm going to do some research, though-both in mundane diseases and warlock magic. You will be fine, Alec." the last sentence was said with force, and Magnus looked Alec straight in the eyes.
"If... you say so." Alec smiled at him, but it was weak and it made Magnus silently sob. This wasn't Alec... this wasn't him. Alec... Alec was fearless, immune to every little other worry anyone should have. Didn't their relationship have enough to worry about without adding... cancer.
"I do." Magnus said, but added silently, If you die... then I will follow quickly after. Magnus couldn't imagine a world without Alec... he didn't even want to try.
~X~
Alec had fallen asleep soon after that, and Magnus had been joined with the rest of the Lightwood family. He'd told Isabelle to call him the moment Alec woke, and she'd nodded, looking numb.
Magnus sat in the hospital library, which, much to his surprise, looked like any other library. He had one file in front of him. He opened it slowly, and the first paragraph intensified the ball of dread building in his stomach.
'...rarely curable... poor response to chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation therapy... pain...'
Pain... the thought of Alec-his Alec-having to go through pain sickened him... Alec, who blushed when Magnus said something risque-even if they had just done something risque, who cuddled with him on their bed, and sometimes even called for Chairman Meow to cuddle with them... Alec, who had taken a Christmas card photo with him even though it was October. Who'd put on that green sweater with the reindeer, who held Chairman Meow still (that cat had hated those antlers!) and grinned wildly at the camera...
Magnus read on.
'...The overwhelming majority of patients will die, and die quickly... usually inoperable, rapid and debilitatingly painful... average survival three weeks to three months... overall survival rate less than three percent... less than one percent if the cancer has spread...'
Three... three months... Alec would live... three months... in horrible pain... and what could Magnus do? He would try-oh God, would he try... but he'd already heard stories of warlocks who nearly killed themselves trying to fight off diseases like this-diseases that seemed to thrive on the magic, on the work... but there was a difference between Magnus and those other warlocks. They'd stopped before they cured the people, too worried about themselves... but Magnus didn't care about himself. He didn't care if he died, as long as Alec was alright.
And if Alec wasn't... Magnus refused to think of that. He would cure Alec. He would have to. There was... simply no other option.
~X~
Magnus slipped back into Alec's room, sending a thankful smile Isabelle's way. She'd called the moment Alec started moving. Now Alec was awake, and staring pensively out the window. Robert and Maryse sat in chairs in one corner, speaking in low voices, Isabelle and Jace sat across from Alec's bed, silent. Magnus waved his hands next to Alec's bed, and a chair appeared there (Jace and Isabelle nearly fell out of their chairs, Maryse and Robert looked slightly surprised, but Alec was used to things just coming and going).
He sat next to Alec, reaching over and grabbing his hand. For a moment all was silent, but then Alec pulled on Magnus' hand, tugging him over to sit on the bed. Magnus gently pushed Alec's bangs out of his eyes, smiling faintly as he remembered the many times he offered to take Alec to a fancy salon to get his hair cut... and Alec simply let it grow longer and longer...
And now... now Alec's hair might fall out. And Alec might wither away and-
Magnus kissed Alec's forehead, refusing to let himself think any more of those depressing thoughts. He would spend the rest of the day with Alec, and when visiting hours were over, he would go home and research more about warlocks fighting cancer. There had to be something he could do...
And when it got late, he would go back to Alec-the nurses didn't need to know that he was there. He was a warlock, after all. Stupid mundane things like visiting hours shouldn't apply when... when he could lose someone so important to him. He should never have to leave...
Alec pulled Magnus down, and Magnus tenatively laid down beside him, extremely aware of the fact that Alec's parents were only a few feet away, no doubt watching them closely.
Magnus wound one arm around Alec, and they fit together perfectly, moving into the same form they did almost every night-Alec on the left side, head on Magnus' chest (although this time he was wearing a shirt), Magnus' arm around him, holding him close. If he closed his eyes... he could almost imagine that it was any other night... and they were going to drift off to sleep together...
Alec turned slightly, burrowing his face in Magnus' chest as he let out a soft sob. Magnus' other hand rubbed his back, as the warlock blinked back tears, but it was a lost cause, they slid down his cheeks. Maryse and Robert cried softly too, watching their son crying, being held, sobbing into his chest...
Watching him die.
~X~
Magnus left the hospital feeling like he'd been awake for weeks. He would return in two hours, slipping past the nurses. Until then, he'd go back to his apartment and pore over every book, every spell, looking for something... anything... that would help Alec. It would take more than two hours, he was sure, but he had a plan.
He would go home, feed Chairman Meow, and gather research materials. He would make sure that he had all of the materials together so that when he had more time, he could sit down and get right to it. The only hard part would be convincing himself not to spend every second with Alec. He would have to drag himself away sometimes... he decided that he would be there from 12-8, which were the weekly visiting hours (today had been a Sunday, so they'd ended at 7), and then from 11-6. That would give him nine hours a day for research. Even that seemed like much too much time.
Magnus made it to his apartment, barely noticing that he had mail-he had mail? What? He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn. People sent him fire-messages, not letters. There was a flyer for a party-printed on sea-green paper that would've immediately assured Magnus that he would go, if not for Alec. He trashed the flyer. There was a stark white envelope too, addressed to 'Magnus Bane the High Warlock'. He shoved it in his pocket, vaguely annoyed at whoever would send him mail.
Chairman Meow meowed mournfully at him as he passed, and Magnus made a face as he fed the tiny feline. As his cat daintily (HA!) ate his food, Magnus changed quickly, running a brush through his multicolored locks and pulling them back in a ponytail. Then, grabbing a carton of Chinese food from thin air (thank you, Dragon King on fifth), he started the arduous process of selecting books for research.
~X~
Alec Lightwood was glad he was alone. He missed Magnus, yes, but he needed some time alone. Ever since he got the diagnosis, he'd wished for nothing but solitude. Cancer. He had to think it over, he had to... analyze his options, weigh them and think about... what? It wasn't like he had any sort of choice. The fact that he was here, in a hospital, instead of the Institute, said it all. His mother wanted him here... just in case.
Just in case.
Just in case he died. Just in case his body decided it didn't want to be torn apart by this disease, and decided to just... let go.
His eyelids fluttered, but he struggled to stay awake. The doctors had immediately started off by giving him hardcore antibiotics, and they warned him that he would be exhausted, and to rest when he needed to, but... Cancer. He had cancer. He only had a few months to live (he'd watched quite a few episodes of ER and Grey's Anatomy, not that he'd ever admit that to anyone...), and he was not going to spend those months sleeping. He could sleep when he was dead. Well, not really, but... well, the point was: he was not going to sleep away the time he had left.
Alec couldn't help but wish that this had happened to someone else... he just... didn't want to die. It was the strangest thing... he'd never really had a strong desire not to die. I mean, he never wanted to die, but he always figured... that if he died, it would just happen. But now...
He bit his lip harshly to keep back tears. Now... he'd thought of his future. Of marrying Magnus, and living with him and Chairman Meow (was it strange that he really, actually, loved a cat? That he didn't own? And that, the first time he'd slept over at Magnus', had leapt on his back and clawed him? Well, he loved that little furry midget cat.), and growing old with... well, he'd thought up to a certain point. He wanted to marry Magnus, and he wanted to do so many things... stupid things like watching a full episode of America's Next Top Model and not hate it, and important things like kissing Magnus on top of the Eiffel Tower... He wanted things... and it wasn't fair that he'd never get to do them.
A nurse came in, harried but smiling, taking his BP and telling him to get sleep. Alec just gave her his best smile... but he could see it in her eyes... pity, for the young boy dying so quickly... grasping desperately to life, wishing for nothing but time...
When she left, Alec let himself go, and he cried.
~X~
Magnus left his apartment at 8:45, mind running through the books he'd picked out. There were a few scrolls he wanted to get, and he'd sent out a few requests for materials to some of his contacts... He had a few spells he could try, and in the ridiculously (magically) deep pockets of his cloak, he had a few pieces of paper with ideas on them. Things he could try tonight... to help ease Alec's pain...
He rushed down the street, brushing through the throng of people that were, of course, going in the opposite direction. After all, it was late, and he was leaving the residential streets-and, for that matter, he was leaving the nightclubs. Magnus shoved past a crowd of colorfully mohawked teenagers, and into the hospital.
Magnus had heard that people didn't like hospitals, that they made them feel sick, but... he'd always liked them. The hospital was never quiet, never dark... there was always someone doing something... there was always activity. And it wasn't like he'd ever really visited a loved one in the hospital... until now. Now he found himself glaring at the bright fluorescent lights and the nurses... not that they could see him. It was times like this that he was really, really glad that he had his magic.
He slipped into Alec's room, smiling at the sleeping boy. He looked so young here... so young, and so healthy. He looked free of all of the worldly problems... away in dreamland.
Magnus put a quick spell on the door that would alert him when someone approached it (with intention to come in), and dropped his glamour. He pulled the blankets off of Alec (his warmth would have to wait for a moment...) and sat down beside the boy, preparing for the first spell.
"Magnus?" Alec mumbled sleepily, one eye inching open. Magnus gave him a smile.
"Shhh, Alec, darling, go back to sleep." he whispered, stroking the boys cheek. Alec smiled faintly, turning his head to nuzzle the hand.
"I'm cold..." he whined in a sleep-slur voice, hands reaching for the blankets.
"Hold on a minute, okay?" Magnus said, his hands hovering over Alec's stomach as purple wisps of energy emerged from his fingertips and made their way into his body.
Alec arched off the bed, letting out a yell, "What are you doing?"
Magnus glanced at the door as he felt people coming closer, no doubt to check on Alec after his yell.
"I am... or I was... trying to heal you. But now..." Magnus stepped away from the bed, but realized, as the doorknob turned, he didn't have time to do the complicated blur-glamor he'd used to get in the first time. Instead he murmured a quick spell that, although not making him invisible, basically making him just seem uninteresting to anyone who came in. They would see him, but they wouldn't register him as being anything other than a piece of furniture.
Nurses ran in, but Alec quickly made an excuse about having a nightmare, and they left him with two sleeping pills and a promise to be back in two hours to check on him. The second they were gone, Magnus let the spell dissolve, and he sat next to Alec on the bed, smoothing the sheets down around him as Alec shoved the pills under the pillow.
"So... can warlocks really cure cancer?" Alec asked, fiddling with his hospital gown. He felt ridiculous wearing it-he felt like he was wearing a dress. He thought kindly of his grey sweater and black jeans... hell, he would even take those tight glittered jeans Magnus had brought him. Anything other than this dress.
"I... I don't know. But I'm hoping that I can at least... help." Magnus managed a strained smile, "I researched some..."
Magnus explained to Alec his plans for the days-when he would be at the hospital, and when he would be at home, researching. He didn't, however, tell him about what he had learned about pancreatic cancer. No, he wouldn't subject Alec to the gruesome details... Magnus knew that he would protect Alec to his last breath. Whether it be from demons, cancer, or details... he never wanted Alec to have to suffer... not even for a second.
But Alec wasn't an idiot, and he quickly discerned the deeper meaning from Magnus' words.
"It's bad." It wasn't a question, but his eyes asked not just this question, but a million others. Magnus wanted to lie, oh God how he wanted to lie... he wanted to tell Alec that of course it wasn't bad-Alec would be fine, he'd just have to stay in bed for a day or two, and he'd be fine.
But he couldn't lie. But he couldn't say the words. So Magnus nodded, tears sliding down his cheeks, and splashing on the bed, leaving little glittery water marks on the hospital gown and on the sheets. Alec wordlessly reached out for him, and they curled up together on the bed, clinging to each other as if they were each others salvation... as if they were drowning, and holding desperately to shore.
Because... this was all they had.
~X~
Magnus left the hospital the next morning at 6:57. He had woken up at 6 with Alec, dressed (he had magicked quite a few things from his apartment), and was ready to leave at 6:30, before the nurses came by for their seven-o-clock rounds. But Alec had held him back, with kisses and things he wanted Magnus to do. Actually, most of the things he wanted him to do had been things that were in Magnus' apartment.
Like: Feed Chairman Meow in the mornings too. Magnus told Alec all the time to feed Chairman Meow around noon and around 11. Magnus was never up in the mornings and, anyway, he didn't want his cat to get fat. But Alec had apparently been feeding him before he left at 7 every morning. Alec said that Meow was so tiny, he NEEDED the extra calories. Magnus had been surprised-Alec was oddly attached to his cat. Magnus had actually walked in on Alec cuddling Chairman Meow and baby-talking to him once. It had been very cute and only slightly disturbing.
The rest of the things were more normal: things like watering the plants and getting Alec some of the things he regularly left at Magnus' house. He probably had more things at Magnus' apartment than at the Institute. Not that Magnus was complaining-he loved walking into the bathroom and seeing Alec's (black) towels mixed in with his (pink, green, yellow and neon blue). He loved everything about having Alec always at his apartment.
Except the sadness that always followed after he left.
Magnus strode up the steps to his apartment, the door swinging open in front of him as he threw himself on the couch. He was tired-which shouldn't be the case, because he had slept for a while... but he was used to 10 hours a night, and he'd only gotten 5. He'd spent the rest of his time talking to Alec, or watching Alec, or healing him.
Speaking of healing him... so far nothing had helped. Well, they'd helped, but they hadn't cured. But Alec's pain wasn't as intense, and he'd seemed more awake. It hadn't healed him, though. It was a testament, Magnus thought, to the power of cancer, that not even a warlocks power could help him. Warlock power did everything. It was freaking AWESOME. Magnus had never had to worry about his health (although that was more from the whole 'immortal' thing than actual powers...) or the health of anyone he loved. Not that Magnus really loved many people.
Magnus fed Chairman Meow, who seemed slightly put out that Alec wasn't there to do it himself, but he just made a face at the cat and told him to be grateful he was being fed at all. Wow, he thought to himself, I am talking to a cat.
Magnus took a quick shower, not bothering with makeup or to do anything more than brush his hair and pull it back. He sat at his desk, pulling over a leather-bound book full of spells and historical documents. As he flipped through the pages, his mind returned to Alec... remembering how small he seemed as he laid in the hospital bed, one hand curled around the blanket, a big but weak smile gracing his features.
Magnus shoved the book away roughly, resting his head on the desk. Remembering Alec... the image is burned into his retinas, haunting and taunting him. How could he not have known? He just thought... Alec was always so tired... he thought that it was just from the demon hunting. Images of Alec swam before his eyes... Alec, waving goodbye from the hospital bed, Alec with dark bruises under his eyes, Alec whimpering in pain when he moved too quickly, Alec putting on a brave face as the nurses injected him with more medication... Alec, smiling at him from their bed, reaching out for him, laughing...
Just... Alec.
So how was it? I think the best way for me to write this is to not stop-the second I finished chapter one I started chapter 2. So I'm going to start chapter 3 as soon as I finish writing this note :).
Review!