A/N: Thank you for all the feedback to the last chapter. Just a reminder that this is a companion piece to Linked, meaning that Klaroline is the pairing, but it's not really a romantic story. This is really for my Kolthaline BroT3. ;)
Enjoy!
-Angie
The first part of this drabble takes place just before chapter seven.
Important Note: Do not mix ammonia and bleach. You will create chlorine gas and, unless you are immortal, you will die.
"Do I look like I do dishes?"
"Funny, I said the same thing once, except I was shallow, bitchy, and unhelpful."
"I am shallow, bitchy, and unhelpful," Katherine pointed out dryly. "And I'm not doing dishes."
"Well, that's unfortunate, since that's your chore for the rest of the week, along with cleaning the rest of the kitchen," Caroline said cheerfully, straightening their brand new Chore Wheel on the fridge.
"I'm with Princess, to be honest. I refuse to lower myself to cleaning the bathroom. This is what hybrids are for."
"Don't call me Princess," Katherine growled.
"Well, if you'd stop acting like one–"
"Guys. Shut up. You're doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, and you are cleaning the bathroom and taking out the trash, and that is final. Well, until next week when we switch."
"And what are you doing?"
"Vacuuming, dusting, and general picking up."
Kol narrowed his eyes. "Fine, then. I just have one question."
Caroline sighed. "What?"
"I haven't been alive for more than a few months since the 1800s. Please explain how to clean these things."
Caroline just groaned.
Two days later…
Caroline knew something was off as soon as she walked into the apartment and felt her lungs burning. Coughing, she slammed the door and sped out of the building, her breathing ragged.
What the fuck?
She walked to the back of the building and braced herself against the concrete before jumping to their porch and pulling open the glass balcony door, hearing the locks splinter from the inside.
The air was suffocating as it came out, and she felt her lungs constrict. The last thing she saw before she blacked out was Kol's dead body on the bathroom floor through the open doorway.
The next thing she knew, she was taking a large breath, her eyes snapping open, and she gingerly rolled on her side to see Kol already sitting against the doors of the bathroom counter, a bit pale.
Katherine was leaning against a wall, clearly worried, before obviously realizing that Caroline was conscious and masking the expression.
"What happened?" Caroline croaked, her voice scratchy.
"Genius here was trying to clean the bathroom floor. It didn't go well," Katherine said, jerking her head towards Kol. "I opened the windows to clear it out. Most of it was gone through the porch door by the time I got here.
Caroline narrowed her eyes at Kol, who glared back at her even more intensely. "I have just died five times in a row from mixing common household cleaning products. I am tired, I am hungry, and it would be in your best interests not to test me, my brother's mate or not."
"You mixed ammonia and bleach?" Caroline screeched.
Kol's eyes turned blood red and he zoomed towards her, snapping her neck.
One week later…
"Oh my god, Kol! What did you do?"
"The dishes," he said dryly, clearly fighting down a smile at Caroline's look of horror as she took in the suds covering the floor.
"Did you put liquid detergent in the dishwasher?"
"It said dish washing liquid," he said defensively.
"I showed you where the dry detergent was yesterday. Why didn't you use that?"
"This was closer."
"You have got to be kidding me. And feet off the table. We eat on that."
He just shrugged, keeping his feet propped up to keep the suds from touching his shoes.
"Kol."
He just gave her a challenging look. "I've never had to use a dishwasher before in my life."
"Well, neither has Katherine, and she seemed to do fine for herself."
"I've totally used a dishwasher," Katherine said irritably from the living room. "I very quickly discovered that Saint Elena actually helps people. Luckily I'm a quick learner."
"Whatever," Caroline huffed. "It's not hard. Clean this up. With salt, towels, and a mop, I mean. You're still banned from the chemical closet."
He huffed and pulled the box of salt down from the cupboard, curling his lip as his shoes were covered in sticky suds, and began to pour it around the room. "You know, I don't think this Chore Wheel business is agreeing with me. Perhaps you should invest in one of Nik's hybrids," he said casually.
"Don't disrespect the Chore Wheel," Caroline snapped before stomping out of the room.
Honestly. The man was a fucking Original. You'd think he'd be able to handle a dishwasher.
One week later…
"You have got to be kidding me."
"It wasn't my fault," Katherine said immediately, looking up from her magazine and pointing at Kol, who was clearly trying his best to look innocent.
An entire section of the floor was covered in dust. And lint. And hair. And tiny clumps of god-knows-what detritus.
"You broke my vacuum," Caroline wailed, zooming over to the powerful (and very, very expensive) appliance, sniffling when she saw that the plastic compartment that served as a bag had been cracked and was now completely empty.
"How did you even-you know what? I don't want to know. Clean this up."
"I can't."
"Why not?" Caroline growled.
"Err-We don't have a vacuum…?" Kol half-asked.
Later, Caroline would look back on the moment she had made a one thousand year old vampire cower in a corner with an immense amount of pride, but at the current moment, she was too angry to care.
She pinched the bridge of her nose, practicing her deep yoga breaths, before grabbing her phone out of her purse.
"Caroline, love–"
"I need a hybrid," she interrupted, gritting her teeth.
"Of course, love. Might I ask for what purpose?"
Caroline bit her lip, deciding that 'Cleaning my apartment' was probably not a valid enough reason.
"Because your gazillion-year-old brother can't do simple tasks that twelve year olds are able to accomplish with little interference."
"I resent that," Kol said from the corner, though he was wearing an evil smile.
"Please do elaborate," Klaus said, and she could hear the smile in his voice.
"No. You do not get to make fun of me for this, okay? I like it when my apartment is clean. It helps me concentrate and I feel much less anxious when everything's clean. Your brother is clearly incapable of picking up after himself, and worse, he doesn't want to learn. I need someone who will make up for it."
"I'll have someone come twice a week. Will that suffice?"
"Thank you," she said waspishly, making to hang up before pausing and lifting the phone back to her ear. "We're paying them, right?"
She heard Klaus chuckle softly on the other end of the line. "If that's what you wish, my love."
"Damn right," she mumbled as she hung up, turning back to Kol and Katherine, the former of whom had a shit-eating grin on his face.
"Kol, one. Chore Wheel, zero," Kol said gleefully.
Caroline and Katherine shared an exasperated look (which Caroline would later realize was their first real roommate bonding moment).
A/N: Thanks for reading! Did you like it? Which did you think was Kol's worst cleaning fail? :P Let me know!
Hugs!
-Angie