That Murky Moral Quagmire Part Three

Part One by mlir is at ffnet

Disclaimer: none of the characters here (all two of them) are mine

G (I guess)

It took a while, but Buffy eventually managed to pull herself together again, with equal measures of consolement and "stop crying you silly bint!" from William and Spike.

"Look, Buffy, ….. its going to be okay. You're strong. Really strong. Far, far stronger than I was and I managed to get through this." The tears that had clouded the corners of Buffy's deep green eyes for what seemed to her like an age slowly started to clear, as she heard what Spike, or William, or whoever he was, was saying to her. More than that however she was listening to the tone that he said it in. It was soft, almost delicate, and filled with a compassion that so genuine it almost scared her because of the face that was saying it. That face, with its tight lips, deep eyes and shocking hair; that had so often been contorted out of any resemblance of a human face by the foul disease that infected the body, the lips drawn back wide, barely able to contain the teeth within, the lowered brow that gave the permanent impression of a scowl and always the lust for pain and death that was plain for all to see. But no matter what memories she had of this face and all the despicable thing that it had inflicted on people, the care in the voice was so deep, so comforting, that she couldn't help but feel safe, and at peace.

With a desperate effort to quell the tears she managed to stutter out the question that was on her mind,

"What? You had to do this too?" but as she heard herself say it she was soon surprised that he had even been given the chance. How on earth did a man like William, who had put so many people to a grisly death, not go straight to hell?

Wit this revelation, the tears stopped, and the fear returned. This time it was deeper than before. Before all she was scared of was Spike. Now in front of her stood something far worse. Vampires she could understand. They didn't have a soul. That's why they did what they did. But a human? That was too much. Buffy's resolve hardened, as did her hate for this vile being that stood before her. She stood up; tall and erect compared to the small stooped figure she had appeared. How could she have been so stupid, to fall for this creature's sick trick? She'd had enough of Spike toying with her in life. She didn't stand for it then and there was no way that she'd let a little thing like death get in the way of that now.

"Listen butt-face. You may have fooled me with the puppy-dog-routine back there, but its not going to work any more. So start talking, 'cause I'm jonesing for a fight and you're the only one I see here."

"What are you talking about?" Said William, more than a touch frightened by the sudden change that had come over her, and she could hear it in his voice. And she was getting really tired of it.

"Oh, give it up Spike! What, you think just because act all kind and comforting and call yourself William that I'm going to forget what you were? You were a killer a long time before Dru got her hands on you."

"What do you mean?! I never killed anyone! I'd never do a thing like that!"

"So all those people you drove railroad spikes through went on to live happy and peaceful lives?" tilting her head slightly to the side and raising her eyebrows to compliment the heavy sarcasm that was painfully obvious to him without the need of such visual aids.

"I never did that." The tone in his voice was different now though. Before he had thought she looked on him as Spike, but that illusion had been shattered. She seemed to honestly believe that he, William, was a killer. He simply couldn't fathom it.

The change in him caught Buffy by surprise. Instead of the scared, obviously lying maniac there was now a quiet and confused man, who sadly looked deep into her eyes as if trying to read her mind and figure out what could have made her think such things. She didn't know what to say, or believe. She remembered all of the terrible things that Giles had told her that spike had done before he had been turned, but that voice, and those eyes, their sincerity touched her, almost made her believe, made her want to believe. She was lost.

He saw her change of heart and the joy leapt up inside him. For he wanted desperately for her to believe in him, but wasn't entirely sure why he felt so strongly about it. He knew he had to speak now while he had the chance. Buffy could be quick to judge people, and he doubted that she would give him much of a chance, given all that Spike had done to her. He slowly, very slowly, walked towards her, and in a quiet voice he spoke the truth that he wanted her to know.

"Buffy," he started, excited by the fact he had a chance to convince her, terrified by the prospect that he might fail, "I never killed anyone. I never did anything to hurt anyone before I got turned. It's the truth. You've got to believe me." There. He'd done it. He'd given it his best shot and all he could do was pray that it was enough.

It was.

What little doubt that had remained in Buffy had been melted away by the sweet and gentle words from this lovingly spoken man before her. In her heart she now knew the truth. He hadn't been lying to her. Yet how come Giles had told her what he had. He didn't make it up, he was Giles, he wouldn't do that and also why would he want to? And how come William wasn't worthy to get into heaven? It didn't make sense; her head was telling her that he was lying to her, trying to trick her into trusting him for some dark reason. But still she believed him. She was certain.

"Why?" was all she could manage to say. Her voice was like a whisper that spoke of the vulnerability that she now felt, to be so torn between her head and her heart.