Chapter Two

'Skies are crying
I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance'

She had something to tell him, something that would make a difference. Or maybe not, he probably didn't even care anymore. Still she had been expecting an opportunity to tell him. Well, not exactly expecting. She might have grabbed her phone and dialed his number a couple of times, more or less. Okay, maybe more. But she had never had the courage to press the call button, she didn't want to go back with her word after four years. Kate felt like it wasn't fair, she felt like she didn't have the right to ask him for a second chance. Well, of course she didn't. And so she never called, but would that even matter now? He probably had a girlfriend by them. Or another wife. A wife. That thought gave Beckett a pang in her heart and she found herself checking his ring finger as he opened the coffee shop door to let her pass first.

Okay, no ring, but…still too late.

They sat on a table by the window, and, out of nowhere, Kate was hit by the memories of the last time they had seen each other.

"Can I take you home?" He was standing by her desk, his arm extended to her as an invitation.

It had been a tough day, another dead end on her mother's case. They were both exhausted after two chases and five interrogations leading nowhere. She hesitated for a moment, considering her options. In a matter of seconds numerous scenarios crossed her mind.

She could decline the offer and tomorrow everything would be exactly as it was today. She could say yes and have that tough talk she had been feeling she needed to have with him. Or, she could simply get up, grab his hand and let him guide her to his car. He would take her home, she would invite him up, and then he would ask her how she was holding on and she would allow herself to break down. She would let him hug her, comfort her for once. The next morning they would wake up and the sun would be shinning brighter in her life. Then, a few months later, maybe a week would be all it took, she would mess it up. And it would be a thousand times worse. At this thought, her eyelids squeezed shut for a second.

"Kate?" She raised her head to look at him. His beautiful blue eyes were trying to hide traces of grief behind pure concern. He didn't deserve this. Option two would have to do. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah." She murmured as she got up and picked up her jacket from the back of the chair. "A ride home would be great."

#

She barely looked at him in the car, let alone speaking. She just stared through the window, watching as people walked down the streets. She saw a couple holding hands, she saw the smile on the woman's face, a smile she recognized. She had smiled like that once, maybe twice. Unlike the woman, it hadn't been with her boyfriend. Oh no, she had smiled a lot with Will, with Josh…With all of them. But only one person had managed to make her smile like that woman. And that person was sitting right next to her, probably wearing his brain out trying to figurea way of cheering her up.

#

"Will you be okay?" Castle asked when they arrived.

He was standing at the door and she was already inside, her back turned to him though.

"I need you to do something." She turned her head to look over her shoulder, still without making any kind of eye contact.

"Sure. Anything." His words only made her heart ache more and she lowered her head before speaking.

"Go away, please."

"Yeah, sure, If you rather be alone."

"No. I'm not talking about now. I mean like…" Without knowing if it was good or bad for him to see the tears that were starting to make its way down her face, she didn't turn around.

"You mean like…?" He asked, confused.

She couldn't say the word, she just couldn't. But it had to be.

"Forever…" She whispered.

"You want me to go away…forever?" He asked, now in a deeper tone. He sounded shocked. "Kate, what are you doing?"

"Please, Rick."

"Turn around, Kate. Why are you doing this?"

"Because I…" Why was she doing that? As if he would ever understand. She was doing it because she wanted him to be happy. Because she wanted him to move on with his life. Because she had been chasing that bastard for years and she was tired of having hope. She just didn't think it was possible to find him anymore. Because she was going to carry that with her for the rest of her life and she didn't want to have anyone else suffering with it. Because that guy was dangerous and he had risked his life too many times. Because she knew he'd do anything for her, she knew if she told him that he would hold her and tell her he was willing to stand with her even if she never solved that shit, he'd tell her everything was going to be okay. But it wouldn't be. She would like to hear that, mostly, she would like to believe that. But she didn't, not anymore. That wall was never coming down and she couldn't bear to see that hope in his eyes every time he looked at her. She couldn't have him there. Getting hurt in her fight.

"Because you what?" He said, bringing her back from her thoughts.

"Because I can't…have…you…around anymore." The tears wouldn't stop and she couldn't even speak properly.

"Kate, turn around. Turn around and tell me in the eyes you want me to go away and I will."

Beckett lowered her head, then burying it in her hands for a moment she spoke again.

"Just go, Rick."

"Turn around." He insisted, obviously trying to keep his voice from shaking.

She wiped away her tears, even though she knew they would keep falling. Slowly, she turned around.

"Go." She said, her voice sounding a lot steadier than she would have expected. "Happy now?"

"You are…crying" Rick said, scrutinizing her eyes, probably looking for more signs of hesitation.

She took a step towards him without even realizing. For a moment all she wanted was to fall in his arms and lay her head against his solid chest. But she couldn't. Once you make a decision like this you can't go back, there's too much at stake.

"Please, Rick. Do it for me. I know what I'm doing. I know it doesn't seem easy right now, but believe me, it's the best for…" You, she hoped. " Both. It's the best for us both ."

"You're damn right it doesn't seem easy. Kate, stop it. I get it, it's that wall, isn't it? After today you think you'll never be able to bring it down."

She remained silent.

"That's it, isn't it? Oh, come on Kate, you're just saying that because it was a really rough day. Tomorrow it won't seem so bad, I promise." She didn't reply so he continued, desperate. "Or was it me? Did I do something?"

"Please close the door when you leave." She said as she walked towards the hallway.

"You don't wanna do this."

"Bye, Castle."

Kate entered her room, closing the door behind her. She then let herself lean back against it and slid to the floor.

Only a couple of minutes after she heard the door closing, and, as she did, she felt a really deep wound opening in her heart.

#

"Beckett?" Castle's voice, coming from across the table, invaded her thoughts and she blinked.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

A/N: Hii! Thank you all for the reviews and alerts, I honestly wasn't expecting that big response to such a small and chapter.

So, first of all, I usually update faster but something happened and I was feeling kinda upset. Remember me saying I had the next chapters written? Well yeah, I lost them. All of them. So I'll have to rewrite everything and...I'm not very pleased :/

As for this chapter, I hope you don't mind we're sticking to Kate's POV for now (?)

And also, no, I don't think Kate would do this, but this is fanfiction and the interesting part is what would happen if she did, right? :)

So, while I'm trying to reunite the courage to write everything again, you might want to check out my other fic,"Come and Find Me", if you haven't already. (Personally I think it's better than this one) And if you do, well ya know, leave a review? :)

Thank you all for reading and please, hit the review button right there, I could use some encouragement, now more than ever.

Clara