He wanted desperately to hold her but knew that if he touched her anywhere but the hands he had given him, her panic would increase. So Elliot sat and massaged her hand in his, humming a lullaby that he sang to his kids when they were little as they made their way to the emergency room.

A sudden burst of fluorescent lights fragmented Olivia's blurred thoughts. She rolled her head on the gurney and flickered open her eyes. A flash of pain seared through her head as the light invaded her sight. There was so much noise. So many people yelling, trying talk to her. She couldn't understand why. Words like "fractured", "stay", and "lost" penetrated her consciousness. She caught images of machinery, people, rooms as they flew through the corridors. And then someone was tearing at her clothes or cutting at them. I didn't matter which. Lewis. She tried to kick, tried to scream, but her limbs were filled with lead. She closed her eyes against the harshness and tried to block out the noise. Her head rolled again and she succumbed to darkness once again.

The first thing Olivia noticed was the quiet. Even before she forced her eyes open, the stillness hit her, enveloped her, and scared her. The silence was so encompassing that it was if she had jumped into a pool of deep water. What little noise she perceived seemed far off and muffled. Olivia opened her eyes slowly, letting her eyes adjust to the dim light.

A hospital.

Did that mean she was safe? She couldn't remember. His eyes, though. Those, she remembered. She jumped as a machine in the corner beeped, signaling something to someone. Her eyes frantically searched the dimness for him. He was here, and if he wasn't now then he was coming back. She wasn't safe. She needed to get out. Olivia's blood pressure started to climb and her breathing became rapid and labored. She closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing but the pressure that had settled on her chest made that impossible. Her heart pounded in her ears as she tried desperately to calm herself down.

Suddenly, her anxiety turned to panic as people swarmed into her room. Olivia's eyes darted back and forth. She couldn't breathe. Someone stopped the beeping. Someone else fiddled with something on her arm. People were trying to talk to her but she couldn't understand what they were saying. She was swimming again, only this time there were things in the water, things she knew would hurt her. Her eyelids grew heavy and she slowly sank under the power of medication once again.

"Detective Benson…" A soft voice called, stirring at Olivia's consciousness.

She turned her head to the side in an effort to stay asleep.

"Olivia?"

Her eyes flickered open. The room was bright and very white. A woman she had never seen before was standing next to her bed.

"Welcome back, Detective." The older woman cooed. "You gave us a scare. How are you feeling?"

Olivia looked at her through half-opened eyes. How was she feeling? She didn't know. Olivia closed her eyes and began to take stock of her body. The first thing she noticed was a pain in her wrist. The second was a pain in her head. She opened her eyes again and tried to adjust her position but her ribs achingly protested. The nurse held her hand out to prevent Olivia from trying to move any further.

"Let me go and get the doctor for you. He'll want to see you now that you're awake."

And abruptly, she was gone and Olivia was alone again. Her ankle hurt too. What in the hell was going on? She looked down and saw through her still-fuzzy vision that her wrist had been bandaged. She figured her ankle had been as well though the blankets blocked her view. She was trying to sit up again when the doctor walked in.

"Whoa. Slow down, Ms. Benson."

"Detective." Olivia whispered reflexively.

The doctor and nurse both looked at her with surprise.

"Of course. How are you feeling, Detective Benson?" The doctor asked again with a small smile on his face.

He was an older man with kind eyes and floppy blond hair. He reminded Olivia of a golden retriever.

"Fine." She croaked, her throat sore and gritty from lack of use. She looked the doctor directly in the eyes, summoning every ounce of defiant energy that she could muster.

"Can you tell me why you're here?" He asked, sitting down on the bed, near her feet.

"Yes. But I would rather not." She answered, curtly.

"I understand. I am going to have a psychiatrist come to visit you today. You've had a series of panic attacks both consciously and unconsciously and I would like to get those under control."

Olivia nodded. What else could she do? He wasn't giving her an option.

"As far as physically, you were very lucky." The doctor continued. "You sustained a few fractured ribs, a broken wrist, a sprained ankle, and a concussion. Nothing you won't recover from 100% in a few weeks."

Olivia nodded, shutting her eyes once more.

"Olivia is there anyone you would like for me to bring into see you? You have quite a few worried people out there." The nurse asked kindly.

"Who?" Olivia rasped. She didn't want to see anyone.

"Your Captain, for one. He's very anxious to see that you're okay. He hasn't left the waiting room in four days."

"Four days?" Olivia stared at the nurse.

"Yes, Detective. You've been in an out of consciousness for four days." The doctor answered. "With traumatic events, sometimes the psyche needs a little extra time to begin the recovery process."

Olivia nodded, a tear escaping down her cheek much to her frustration.

"Olivia, you must be feeling a lot right now. I would really like to bring in at least someone from the waiting room to see you. It may do you some good to see a familiar face." The nurse smiled at her kindly.

She nodded again. "Could you see if my Captain is still here?"

The nurse nodded at walked to the door as the doctor stood up. "Detective, I'm on call for the next few days so if you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask."

Olivia gave him a half-hearted smile and closed her eyes again. When she opened them after a few moments, Don Cragen was sitting at the foot of her bed, staring intently at her.

"Hey, Cap." She whispered.

"Hey, yourself." He smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly?"

"That'd be good." Cragen smiled wryly.

"Like shit."

Cragen chuckled. "That happens when you go through hell, Olivia."

"Yeah…"

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

"What do you remember, Liv?" Cragen asked tentatively after a few moments.

Olivia stared at him, a sadness creeping into her deep brown eyes.

"Everything." She whispered, looking down at her hands.

Cragen nodded. "I expected as much. The Department has your back, Liv. Whatever you need, all you need to do is ask."

Olivia looked up and met his gaze. "Thanks, Don." She muttered.

Cragen stood up and walked towards her. "Olivia, Elliot is here. He hasn't left since the ambulance brought you here, so he smells like shit but he would love to see you if you're up for another visitor."

Olivia shook her head. Elliot had already been through enough and she didn't think she could face him right now. Flashbacks of Gitano invaded her mind. She had been weak, off her guard, and Lewis had capitalized. No. Elliot couldn't see her like this and she couldn't bear his disappointment. I can't be looking over my shoulder to make sure you're okay. She knew his words had been in fear but they haunted her. He was right. She had needed someone to look out for her the day that Lewis was released on bail and no one had been there.

"Tell him to go home, Don. He has a family to take care of." Olivia said, quickly and harshly. She looked away from her Captain and let her gaze wander to the window.

"Olivia, he would really like to see you but if you're too tired, I'll let him know." Don said, sadness lacing his usually authoritative voice.

"I don't want to see him, Captain." Olivia muttered.

"And I'll believe that when pigs fly. But I'll tell him anyway." Cragen answered.

He bent down and kissed Olivia's forehead in a tender and protective way and then he was gone.

She was exhausted again and her emotions were far too close to the surface for her liking. Olivia closed her eyes and pushed her sadness down deep inside. She sighed, and settled back into her pillow and fell asleep.

Out in the waiting room, Elliot was pacing again. With the exception of a few catnaps, he had yet to get more than a few hours at a time. He was running on coffee, adrenaline, and fear. The Olivia that he encountered in that god awful house was a shell of his former partner, a shade of her usual bright and fiery self. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Cragen approach.

"How is she?" He sputtered.

"Tired. She looks like hell. She's sleeping again."

Elliot sighed and took the nearest seat. He ran his hands down his face in worry.

"Elliot, listen. She's going to be okay but right now, she needs to rest. You need to rest too. You're not going to be able to do her any good if you're a wreck when she needs you. Go home. Get some sleep, take a shower, spend some quality time with you children. Please? For Olivia?"

Elliot shook his head. "What if I'm not here and she asks for me?"

Cragen sat down and sighed. "Right now, she's in survival mode. You've seen it before and you know what that's like for her. Last time, she ran to Oregon. She can't do that right now. She can't run from this, and it's causing her to panic. I could see it in her eyes. Give her some time."

The mention of Oregon made Elliot cringe. She had just left, without saying a word. It had devastated him on a level he still didn't understand and when Dani Beck came into the picture, he was just trying to take things one day at a time.

"...Okay." He relented, sighing deeply. "I'll go home and sleep but I'm coming back tomorrow."

Cragen nodded. "I expected nothing less, Elliot."

Elliot grabbed his jacket and walked out of the room, leaving Cragen in his wake. Elliot was intense in everything he did but his sense of loyalty and protectiveness for Olivia was similar to a lion protecting his pride. Cragen said a silent prayer that Olivia would let Elliot see her tomorrow. He wasn't sure how much longer Elliot would last in this imposed limbo.