Tegan Chronicles
Let it Rain 2
Daniel walked into Sam's lab to find her crying again. This time she was in front of her laptop trying to come up with some words that would do justice to her fallen comrade, her friend and departed hero. "There aren't any words that describe Tegan, they all seem to fall short."
"I know." Daniel nodded. "Jack said the same thing."
"How can I…" Her voice cracked and he wrapped his arms around her.
Two levels below her Janet sat in her office alone with her thoughts, she'd been asked to say a few words and still wasn't sure if she would. She wanted to, but she wasn't sure if her heart would allow her. Just thinking about all the things she'd like to say brought tears to her eyes. She let them fall.
"Sam?" Colonel O'Neill stuck his head in her quarters, the door had been cracked.
"Sir?"
"How are you holding up?"
She shook her head no, just when she didn't think she could cry anymore she did. "I can't do this. I have to do it, and I can't do it."
"How many times did she save my ass?" He leaned against the doorframe. "And Daniel's, and Teal'c, we knew one of these days she'd die a hero. We just didn't know when, or where, or how."
"I know, but why me?" She felt warm arms embracing her and another wave of tears began.
Jack held her until she quieted, and then he wasn't sure how or why but he kissed her. It wasn't a simple kiss, a chaste peck on the cheek. It was one of those make you weak in the knees kisses, full on the lips. At least it made him weak in the knees. He pulled away, and mumbled; "Sorry."
Sam shook her head a small grin on her face. "I need to get changed."
He looked down at his own uniform, nothing but full dress blues would do for this occasion. "Me too."
"Hero, what defines a hero?" Sam stood behind the podium they'd set up in the gate room for Tegan's service. "'Webster defined a hero as a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability; an illustrious warrior. A man' or a woman 'admired for his achievements and noble qualities. One that shows great courage' Major Tegan Kiser was all of these things and more.
"She defined hero in her everyday actions, both on base and off. I once watched her stop to help a squirrel that had been injured by a passing car. You could call her any time day or night and she would be ready for anything you threw at her, whether it was taking care of a sick friend or going off to save the world.
"On a side note the list of people she has saved is too many, we would be here until next week if I listed them all. There is a list hanging in the infirmary, if you have somehow been omitted from the list please add your name."
When Sam finished her thoughts it was time for Janet to make her way up to the podium sitting at the top of the ramp, the large Stargate looming appropriately as a back drop. "I don't know what I can add to Major Carter's words. Most of you have at one point or another witnessed Tegan and I butting heads, either over her own health or something that she thought was of greater importance. I can't tell you the number of times she would work through the night researching some plant or animal another SG team had brought back through the gate; Just so it wouldn't have to sit for a couple days while she went out with her own team. Although it was rare that her team was only gone for a few days, so maybe she was right in doing so."
Janet paused while the chuckles faded. "She spent hours on end working on her own work and then she would pop into the infirmary to see if there was anything she could do there. I never once heard her complain when I pulled her away from her work because I needed assistance. Because she needed to eat or rest, yes, but never to help someone else. She was the best doctor I've ever had the privilege to work with.
"Outside of work I watched her grow close to my daughter Cassandra, and to her team, as well as myself. We are all better people for having known her, and I for one will miss her greatly."
"I'm a man of few words." Jack stood at the podium to complete the comments. "Well, I'm going to be today. Major Kiser was one of the best. SG1 will never be the same without her, but then we were never the same with her. I'll miss her constantly saving my butt, and the rest of my team will have to make up for her absence. Major Tegan Kiser where ever you are resting, I salute you."
Taps was played and the flag folded, saluted by Colonel O'Neill and Sam before being placed in Janet's arms. Where it would go from there, no one really knew. It was custom to give it to family and since Tegan's only family was sitting in a jail cell rotting, and not worthy of even being told of her passing, it was handed to Janet because she was the person standing there.
"We're going to break a bit with tradition," Jack announced when the pomp and circumstance was over. He waved his hand to two airmen who quickly removed the podium from the ramp. Up in the control room coordinates for a tropical planet were being typed into the computer, and as soon as the Stargate engaged Jack spoke again. "We all know Tegan wasn't you're normal run of the mill woman, and we hope she finds this final tribute as fitting as we did."
Daniel and Teal'c picked up the flower arrangement that had been made in the shape of a full size surf board and had been displayed at the bottom of the ramp earlier. Together they slowly ascended the ramp, the speaker in the gate room playing a popular Beach Boys tune. As they sent the surf board through the gate in her memory.
Catch a wave and your sittin' on top of the world
So take a lesson from a top-notch surfer boy (catch a wave, catch a wave)
Get yourself a big board
But don't you treat it like a toy
Just get away from the shady turf
And baby go catch some rays on the sunny surf
And when you catch a wave you'll be sittin on top of the world
Catch a wave and you'll be sittin' on top of the world
(Way up high, up on top of the world)
Catch a wave and you'll be sittin' on top of the world
(Way up high, up on top of the world)
Catch a wave and you'll be sittin' on top of the world
After Tegan's ceremony there was a wake held at Jack's house. SG1 wasn't scheduled for any missions for at least another week, and General Hammond requested that Sam and Janet go through Tegan's things just in case there was anything classified there. Janet didn't understand why they had to do it so quickly. Why General Hammond insisted on getting her house on the market so soon. The market was in a slump, no one was really buying, what difference would it make? But he wanted closure for everyone involved. He knew prolonging it would only make it that much harder.
A week had passed since they had packed up all of Tegan's things. Refusing to get rid of them Janet put most of them in a storage unit, hoping one day to just be able to haul it off to Goodwill. Jack was holding onto the Porsche and Sam had the Ducati in her garage, once the will was read they would get rid of them.
It was the same thing every night. She would start to drift off, and then the dream would come, and she would awake only minutes later. Always the same dream, longing, memory, fantasy, had it ever been real? Had Tegan truly existed, had they all made her up? Janet rolled over, the thin film of perspiration from waking up to nothingness acted like a magnet, attracting her nightgown to her skin and holding it there. Even it suffocated her, but she was too tired to take it off, and instead cocooned herself in her covers warding off the chill around her. She wished the covers were armor, shielding her from all the things she now regretted. All the moments she let pass her by.
Sam lay on her back staring at the ceiling. Darkness, it was everywhere despite the streetlamps outside. It threatened to swallow her whole, engulf her in its cold un-forgivingness. It was part of being a soldier, part of combat, but that didn't make it alright. She wanted it to be her, at least then she didn't have to live with the guilt.
She couldn't breathe; she didn't want to do this. She couldn't just accept that Tegan was dead. Where was her body? Why didn't anyone know what had happened to her? Why had she jumped in to save her? The scientist in her wanted cold hard proof, but she couldn't forget those lifeless eyes staring blankly up at her.
She looked up as the doors to the infirmary swung open, it was no one, just one of the medics returning from break. She wanted it to be her. She'd give anything for just one more argument over something stupid, her weight, her recklessness on her bike. She just wanted to see her smile, that shock of red hair, those freckles that were barely there. To get lost in a sea of green, to tell her all the things she'd been afraid to tell her before.
"Dr. Fraiser?" Julie held out a chart. "Captain Galloway is ready for his pre-mission exam."
"Thank you."